Scarred Roots
by nursie91
Summary: An AU story set in a world with no magic. James and Lily were killed by Peter's deceit; Sirius imprisoned, Remus tortured for a long painful year. Now, they raise Harry. Sirius dates every girl that crosses his path and Remus concentrates on surviving one day to the next. It all changes when a red-headed cop trips into their lives. Will Remus see her love before it's too late?
1. Yellow Zinnia

_Oh, look! A new fic! I blame this one entirely on **unique .normalit**y __who is my co-writer, editor, and my sounding board for any idea that crosses my mind! It was totally her idea that she told me and got stuck in my mind! It is a little different to my others. Only a little. It's set in a 'normal' world with no magic. In London, in a fairly modern time period (aka totally undecided!) _

_It IS rated M. I will be dealing with different issues as we go (naturally, it wouldn't be me if I didn't inflict pain on Remus) and they will be a definite M. So if you aren't over 15 or 16 or whatever it is, PLEASE read with caution. There will be warnings at the tops of the chapters when I post them._

_I have not given up my others! In fact I will be updating A Life More Ordinary shortly._

_So enjoy! And pleasssseeee review! I like reviews! :D_

Remus Lupin walked towards the park, his head bent, eyes fixed on the cracked sidewalks of London streets. A satchel was slung over his shoulder, his hands shoved deep in his pockets. He walked with a slightly uneven lope, long legs covering distance quickly as he avoided commuters that hurried around him. The sun was shining for the seventh day in a row and he basked in the warmth of the rare occurrence. He was tall, his hair, sandy brown sprinkled liberally with grey, was trimmed neatly. He paused, impatiently, at the traffic lights. He could hear soft whispers around him and tried to ignore them. A child's voice rang out clearly above the noise of city traffic.

"Mummy, why is that man funny looking?"

From the corner of his eye he could see the child being hushed hurriedly. His grip on his satchel tightened. _Damn you, Sirius Black. Damn you to hell. _Finally, the lights flashed and he moved quickly, striding out ahead of the other pedestrians, making his way to a place where he could be alone. The botanical gardens: a retreat from the world that Remus had discovered twelve years ago. A place where he could hide in broad daylight. The path to his hiding spot was one he knew well, isolated and overgrown it was like this corner of the gardens had been left to show how wild nature could truly be. It was his sanctuary. Remus' steps slowed to a normal pace as he crossed the expanse of green lawns, passing the brilliant tropical gardens that were filled with school children chasing one another. He lifted his head and glanced warily around, there were no people within close distance of him. His tense shoulders relaxed and he ducked under a low hanging bough of a tree. The terrain grew rougher in his corner of the garden yet he still moved with a grace that showed that climbing over rocks meant nothing to him. He could hear the faint echoes of traffic, children laughing, noises that faded into the background as he approached the wild section he had grown to love. He settled onto the dew covered grass and leaned back against the smooth trunk of a birch tree. His eyes trailed over the brook that bubbled over moss covered rocks, clover swayed softly in the breeze and wildflowers danced together around him. Sirius had asked the managers of the gardens once why this corner was so isolated. They had told him that one part of the garden was to resemble just how beautiful nature was. Few people came here, there were no paths, only broken rocks and grass and this fact suited Remus just fine. He breathed out slowly. A mother duck with five ducklings in tow waddled towards him. He pulled a crust of bread from his satchel and occupied himself by throwing bits of bread to the birds. There were black circles under his eyes. It had been another sleepless night. Another in a list of fourteen years of sleepless nights.

His head dropped back against the tree and he breathed out a long, shuddering breath. Sirius had practically thrown him out of the house as he had left to go to work. He could see the worry in the black eyes and Remus hated it.

The duck quacked loudly and he glanced towards it. "You need to find your own food." He spoke very softly so he didn't frighten her. His voice was gentle, edged with weariness, but kind. He watched her waddle away and led her babies into the stream. He breathed in deeply. Clean, fresh scents. Freshly cut grass, flowers. Normality. Pulling out a sheaf of papers from his satchel he sighed. He needed to work. To finish the article that was due tomorrow but all he wanted was sleep. A night of sleep untouched by the dreams that woke him again and again.

He read what he had written, planned the next paragraphs and occupied himself for perhaps two hours before the trembling in his hands became too much for him to ignore. "Damn." He flung the papers aside and glared at his hands. A week of barely sleeping was catching up to him. Rising stiffly Remus stretched out the ache in his back from sitting in one position for too long. He moved slowly towards the stream and stood above it, staring moodily at the running water. It was so peaceful here. So very peaceful. The tension that had drained from him seemed to build up again, the clenched jaw, hunched shoulders. He wanted to forget, yet instead, even in his sanctuary, he remembered. Remembered hell, remembered the anguish that would follow him every day for the rest of his life. A shuddered rippled through him. He wanted to forget

* * *

He paced up and down for a long time, attempting to burn off the restless energy, before a twinge in his knee reminded him that he still needed to walk home before it was dark, before his idiot friend began to worry. Remus smiled wryly as he settled himself back against the tree. Who was he kidding? Sirius wouldn't be home until well after dark, no doubt on another date with another nameless woman. His smile faded as he reached for the papers he had discarded. There was only one reason that Sirius had never settled with one woman, why his need to date the entire female population of London consumed him. Coffee brown eyes stared at the scars on his arms. One reason why three lives had been shattered and pieces glued back together. One reason. One moment that had broken them.

"Uncle Remus!" A tall boy, dressed in school uniform, clambered awkwardly over the rocks and approached his uncle with a grin on his young face.

Remus looked up from his work and his face softened. "What are you doing here, Harry?"

"Excursion. I told them my guardian was waiting here for me and they let me go." Harry Potter grinned, shrugged off his blazer and settled himself on the ground beside his uncle.

"Ah. So it was your group I saw earlier?"

"Yup, Ron and I saw you. I figured you would still be here when we were done looking at plant life." The fourteen year old rolled his eyes. "Get much done?" His bright green eyes were worried behind the black rimmed glasses.

"I just have to read it once more. How was your day?"

Harry recognised the question for what it was a change of subject. Rolling over, the boy snagged his uncle's satchel as a pillow. "Boring. The girls kept trying to get us boys to give them flowers and were all stupid. Why are girls so stupid?"

Remus felt a smile pulling at his lips. "You will have to ask Sirius that one. It's out of my depth of knowledge."

Harry laughed. "Have you finished for the day?"

"If someone wasn't lying on my satchel I would have put these away."

Harry tipped his head backwards to look to his uncle. "I'm comfortable."

"I see." Remus shifted slightly.

They were quiet for a long time. Remus' hand moved idly to Harry's thick hair and he gently tugged at the unruly black mess.

"Penny for them?"

"What?"

"You are awfully quiet."

"Are you sure you are ok? It's just you have been so quiet these past few weeks…" His voice trailed away and Harry found himself regretting his words as Remus' hand fell away.

"I'm sorry!" He sat up, his face twisting with uncertainty and regret.

"Why are you sorry?"

"Because I know you hate talking about that…"

"And you know how much I value honesty. I am fine, Harry. Don't worry about me."

Harry bit the inside of his cheek, glancing awkwardly at the mother duck as she made her round again. He opened his mouth to speak but his stomach beat him to it as it grumbled loudly.

Remus raised an eyebrow at the teen. "We should get home. Sirius won't be in till late."

"Chinese?" Harry asked, looking hopeful and relieved of the subject change.

"Why would we order take out?"

"Because Uncle Sirius isn't home!"

"If we did that then we would never eat a home cooked meal." Remus pulled his nephew to his feet.

Harry grinned. "What a brilliant idea!"

Remus shook his head. "You worry me some days, young man."

"Only some days? I was hoping for all the time."

Remus ignored the teasing words as he scooped up Harry's discarded blazer and shook it out.

"So, take out?" Harry smiled innocently.

"Why do I suspect an ulterior motive here?"

Harry fell into step beside his uncle. "Me? Ulterior motive? How could you think that of me?"

"I have known you since you were born. That's how."

"Fine. I have this assignment. Uncle Sirius said you might be able to help me with it."

Remus ducked his head as they approached a group of tourists. "Sirius can't?" His voice was soft, the less attention he drew to himself the better.

Harry snorted. "Are you kidding? It's an English assignment. Please?"

Remus glanced sideways at the boy. He sighed softly. "Of course I will help you."

"If you are busy…"

"No. It's just me being foolish."

Harry nodded. They were quiet now as they left the gardens and re-entered the busy city. Remus hated crowds, always had, always would and it was a battle to make it through them some days. The boy who had grown up with uncles torn apart by war and betrayal knew that today was one of those days.

"You can keep talking." Remus spoke suddenly as they crossed a road.

"I was thinking," Harry defended.

A soft, tired chuckle broke from the older man and he glanced sideways at the youth.

"Don't start. I think. It's Uncle Sirius that doesn't." Harry grinned.

"Don't tell him that."

"I won't. Take out?"

"Fine! You are more persistent than your parents! Together!"

"Eh, I am a mix of them; I inherited both sets of persistent genes." Harry unlocked the door to the apartment building once they reached it, the path home familiar. "And with you and Uncle Sirius raising me, I got a quadruple dose of stubbornness."

Remus' lips twitched. "Is that right. Well, get a start on your homework and then dinner."

"That is so unfair."

Remus ignored the grumblings as they entered the apartment. He relaxed for the first time since leaving the gardens. It didn't matter here; there were no looks of pity or revulsion, no shame. He was home, safe, loved.

* * *

Sirius Black paused and half smiled. Harry and Remus were sitting side by side, heads bent over a piece of homework that Harry had given up on. He cleared his throat, Remus knew he was there, of course, but he was giving him a moment to compose himself before Harry realised.

"How was your date?"

"Dreadful." Sirius nodded gravely. "Girls have germs. You should stay away from them."

Harry rolled his eyes. "Right."

"How's the homework?"

"Sucks."

"Is it finished?"

Harry looked desperately at Remus. "Can we stop? Please?"

"When is it due?"

"Next week."

"Remus is rubbing off on you. Who starts assignments a week before they are due?"

"You call yourself a good example?" Remus rose and headed to the kitchen. "Leave it for tonight, Laddie."

"I'm not meant to be the good example." Sirius responded. "That's your job. Make us tea."

Remus refused to rise to the bait, but when he excited the kitchen there were two mugs in his hands. One went straight to Harry, the other he sipped slowly.

"I hate you." Sirius grumbled as Harry smirked behind his mug.

"How was school?" Sirius kicked off his shoes and set his feet onto the coffee table.

"Good." There was a slight hesitation in Harry's voice was noticed immediately by both men.

"Good hmm?" Sirius moved his feet back to the floor and leaned forward. His black hair was untidy, the hair gel he wore giving it a highly glossy look under the lights.

Harry squirmed.

"What does 'good' entail?"

"Why would it entail anything?"

"Your voice gave you away." Sirius grinned lazily.

"Not fair."

"Special forces." Sirius responded.

Harry flushed and looked away. Concerned looks were exchanged.

"Harry." Remus moved from where he had been seated beside the window to settle beside his nephew. "What is going on?" He rested his hand on Harry's shoulder.

"We had someone from the army come in last week." Harry wished he hadn't spoken as Remus' hand tightened desperately over his shoulder and Sirius inhaled sharply.

"I'm sorry!"

"Why are you sorry?" Remus forced himself to meet the green eyes, his hand dropped to his lap.

"You hate talking about it. It reminds you of… Of what happened."

"Harry, I remember each and every day." Remus' voice was gentle. "Sirius and I both do. Every time I look in a mirror, every time we look at you and see what you lost, we remember. We won't forget what happened, Harry."

"You want to join the army?" Sirius spoke cautiously. He watched Remus' hands clench tightly.

"I can't." Harry shrugged. "My eyes wouldn't be good enough."

"Thank God." Remus whispered.

"But you wanted to join them?" Sirius pushed gently.

Harry looked up; his eyes were filled with an undefined emotion. "I want you to be proud of me! You and my dad were all friends, you fought together, and you would have died for each other!"

"Harry, we _are_ proud of you! We always have been and nothing will make that change. You don't have to join the army to make us proud." Remus spoke swiftly his voice firm. "You have to be you and that is what we want, Laddie."

"Remus is right. We are _very_ proud of you. As long as you become a lawyer. Or doctor. Or engineer."

Harry laughed and the tension eased away.

"Bed, Laddie." Remus mussed the untidy black hair affectionately. "We can finish you assignment tomorrow."

Harry nodded. "Good night." He was about to leave when Remus stopped him. The man's eyes were gentle. "We are very proud of you. Don't ever doubt that." He hugged his nephew tightly before watching him leave.

Oh God." Sirius slumped back into his chair as soon as Harry's bedroom door closed behind him. "Oh, God."

Remus sank onto the lounge and rested his head in his hands. "Thank God his eyes are worse than Jamie's."

Sirius shook his head. "Why would he want to join the army?"

"His father was Special Forces, we were both Special Forces. He idolises you, Sirius. He wants to grow up to be just like you and his father and he thinks the way to do that is by joining the army."

"But it never did us any good!" Remus began to pace and Sirius' brow contracted into a deep frown.

"No." He agreed cautiously. "It didn't. But we were friends and that friendship only deepened when we were in special ops."

Remus was silent as he continued to pace. His knee rebelled again and he grunted softly before sinking, defeated, into a nearby chair.

"What's going on? You haven't been sleeping again."

"Nothing."

"Liar. The nightmares are getting bad again, you aren't sleeping. You look like death didn't want you so spat you back out. What's going on?"

Remus glanced towards Harry's door before he spoke softly. "Tell me about your date."

Sirius' eyes narrowed. "Tit for Tat." He agreed. "She is 20 and an arts student."

"She is very young."

"That's not even the worst part."

Remus waited.

"She was a psychology major. Psychology." Sirius laughed bitterly. "Want to know what she told me? That I had unresolved issues which is why I am a serial dater. That I had probably had some trauma in my past and that meant I have trust issues. Fancy that, I have trauma in my past."

Remus' eyes were pained. "Sirius…"

"Thing is, I know she is right. But really, some kid at university can tell me that it will be ok, that I am fixable and that whatever happened probably isn't that bad. Know what she said. 'Things are never as bad as they seem. Take a step back, re-evaluate your life and goals and you will be fine. You probably think you were hard done by and that accentuated the trauma in your mind'."

"Sirius, no… It wasn't a 'minor' trauma. You know that. It was hell."

"She's right. I never moved past it."

"Your best friend was killed by a person you trusted! You were in prison for a year! You went through things that no one could imagine and you expect to be unscarred by that?"

Sirius' lips twisted into a pained smile. "You don't go through multiple girlfriends in a week."

"I don't do _anything_ with girls, Sirius. She was wrong. You have never exaggerated what happened out there. She is young, fresh with ideas from lectures and probably untouched by trauma from how she talks. Do not take what she said to heart."

Sirius managed a more normal smile. "This is why I keep you around." He nodded decisively. "Thanks. I needed to stop sulking."

Remus smiled. "She is naïve. Do not take her words to heart."

Sirius walked back to the kitchen and reappeared a few minutes later with two new cups of tea. "Your turn."

"It's the normal thing." Remus sipped the hot drink slowly. "Nothing changes. I see James being blown up. Hear them telling me that it was Peter. Feel them…" A violent shudder rippled through him and his tea sloshed onto his hands.

Sirius removed the cup from his friend's hands and set it on the table.

"Remus. Look at me."

Their eyes met and looked. Sirius' eyes steady and calm, Remus' filled with tortured pain.

"You are safe. I swear, it will never happen again."

"I know." Remus laughed weakly, shakily. "Harry noticed this time." He rubbed his eyes.

"You normally go back to sleep after the nightmares." Sirius spoke softly. "Are they getting worse?"

"It's just a bad time of year."

Sirius nodded slowly. "Ok. Keep your door unlocked."

"No." Remus lurched to his feet. "No."

"Remus." Sirius stood, shoulder to shoulder, with his friend. "Relax. Going to bed like this won't help you sleep."

"I will be fine."

"You have to tell me one day." Sirius spoke carefully. "I know some things. From court."

"Please. Sirius. Not tonight. Please."

"Ok. If I hear you scream I am knocking the door down." His words were serious but they both knew they rang false. Remus would not leave his door unlocked. Sirius would not breech his friend's privacy.

"Wake me up." Sirius griped the slighter man's shoulder tightly for a moment. Remus nodded once and vanished into his room. His cup of tea abandoned. Sirius had pushed too far.


	2. Oleander

_Fifteen Years Previous_

Sirius Black ducked as he entered the tent where the rest of the team sat huddled over a table with maps strewn across it. "It's bloody hot out there." He griped as he settled onto an old oil drum that had been turned into a makeshift chair.

"Smart one isn't he, Rem? Realising that the desert is hot?" James Potter grinned at his best friend. "Had a letter from Lily while you were tracking around trying to get a five minute conversation with Mary—"

"Susan." Sirius corrected.

James rolled his brown eyes. "And there are photos of Harry."

Sirius brightened at the mention of his godson. "Are you saying Remus and Peter saw them before me?"

Peter Pettigrew grinned. "Course we did. Serves you right for hogging the phone. Hand it over."

"Who are you calling?" Sirius demanded as he eyed the shorter man curiously. "Don't tell me! You have a girlfriend."

Peter flushed, ignored the catcalls that broke out from the three men had had known for what seemed like forever, snatched the phone from Sirius and stormed outside.

"Petey has a girlfriend. How sweet. Where are the photos of the Sprog?"

"I should have made you godfather." James muttered to Remus Lupin who was frowning over the latest intelligence he had received from their CO. Remus glanced up and half smiled.

"I could have told you that." He responded lightly. "What are you doing, Sirius?"

"I want to sneak out and see who Pete's girlfriend is." Sirius grimaced. "Why do you have to be so damned good?"

This time, a proper smile broke across Remus' face. "We are on this team because we are good. If I missed your not so stealthy trek then we might have issues. Come here and make yourself useful." He rubbed a hand across his eyes. "Something isn't adding up."

Sirius and James exchanged brief, worried looks. If Remus said 'something' wasn't right then he was generally right.

* * *

"Do you know it's been thirteen years since we met?" Sirius sounded surprised. It was dark, the desert had finally cooled down and the camp was filled with sounds of men talking and dogs barking.

James looked up from the photos in his lap. "Really?" He grinned. "Remember how cross you looked Sirius! Your toffy parents being all aloof and cold."

"Typical Black." Sirius grumbled. "You nearly cried from memory, Jamie boy! And Remus looked like a breeze would knock him over."

"Shut up." Was the affable comment from behind a book.

"And Pete looked ready to wet himself!"

"Because you were always so confident." Peter spat out suddenly.

Sirius frowned and Remus' book lowered. "He was joking Peter." Remus murmured. "We should get some sleep. We need to be awake at two to leave here without being noticed." His voice lowered. "We want to get as far into enemy territory as we can tomorrow. There is a cave about thirty miles in. If we push hard enough we will get there before dawn. We set up there, sleep during the day and go out at night."

"Go out where?" Peter asked.

Remus frowned. "We will discuss it tomorrow. Night." He rolled over and James sighed.

"You know better than to breach that rule, Pete. Come on, Brainy one here is right. What a way to spend Halloween! Trekking through the desert in pitch black with you fellows. Last year was much better."

"Think of it as your last Huzzah, Jamie boy." Sirius mumbled sleepily. "Last mission on Halloween. Pity the professor won't let us play pranks."

"Pity the professor wants to keep you alive." Came the amused mumble from Remus' bunk. James chuckled before kissing the photo of his gorgeous red haired wife. "Night Lily Flower." He whispered. "Three weeks and I am home for good."

Two am came too early for any of the men and they crept out noiselessly under the cover of darkness. They were good. Remus had joined the army first, straight out of school, he had still been seventeen and his three best friends had quickly followed him. Together they had rocketed through training and been deployed once, come home again to England, the bonds of friendship stronger than ever. They had been in the military only eighteen months when they had been approached by Special Forces. They had a unique bond, they didn't need to speak to know what the other was thinking, and complex hand signals that had been developed in school and a deep reliance on one another had meant that they had captured the attention of the elite early. They were younger than most of their counterparts. Only 22 and their careers, though consuming, did not mean their lives were over. James married Lily Evans, the pretty girl who had been tormented through all their years of high school by the four boys that had been inseparable, he was a father now. Little Harry Potter being eighteen months old and the most spoiled baby alive. Sirius had finally settled down with Susan, though James still insisted on teasing him about the fact that he had been a notorious womaniser at school, and they had been 'going steady' for nearly two years. Remus had finally found a girl, Jessica, and had proposed before the latest mission. They were going to be married in January. Peter, it seemed, had taken a leaf from Sirius' school days and was constantly dating one girl or another, and, much the amusement of his friend's, he never seemed willing for them to meet his latest date.

They were quiet as they marched, quickly, through the unforgiving terrain, scaling sand dunes and avoiding cactus. It was James' last deployment; they were to go home in three weeks. This would be his last mission. He would be on holidays for the rest of the year, next year it was to be a desk job, away from danger to satisfy his Lily's worry. Remus glanced at the starry sky. He wished he was as lucky as James. There had never been any doubt to what he would do. He would join the military. It was only his mother's dying wish that had seen him educated at the boarding school, with a scholarship he had worked hard to maintain. His father, himself in the military since 17, saw no need for Remus' education to be well rounded. His son would not dishonour the family name. He glanced behind him to where Sirius strode along, mentally singing loudly, he wouldn't dare whistle for fear of receiving the 'professors' wrath. Pete brought up the rear. He seemed an odd choice for being assigned to special ops, but it had never seemed possible to break up the 'four amigos' as Sirius had named them. They had always done everything together. They would probably always do everything together.

Sirius loved walking in the dark, long legs striding across the country that was so different to his native England. He was the strategist of their group. Remus would give him information; he would put plans into action. James was a little ahead of him, they always walked single file and Remus had taken the lead. He was the most exposed yet he insisted on it. Sirius had offered and, like always, been refused. He was fond of his friends, in a purely brotherly way; the three men who walked in the darkness with him were closer than his own, estranged family. He had been best man at James' wedding, godfather to his son. He had spent the night before Remus had proposed to Jessica calming the man's nerves, amused that the calm strength that Remus possessed fled in the face of the monuments decision. He was there when Pete showed up to talk 'girl problems' and in turn they were there. James' family had offered him a home when his parents kicked him out at sixteen. Remus had always been a listening ear, a dependable shoulder, someone who never revealed secrets. Pete had always been willing to get drunk with him. They were brothers.

Peter lagged behind slightly. His eyes flickered nervously, side to side. The others thought he was having problems with girls. There was only one reason this was happening. Well, perhaps two. The three, tall, perfect specimens before him who had been so close for thirteen years. He was included of course, but he was always on the outer of these men. Remus should have understood. But he didn't he didn't care that James and Sirius were closer to one another than any of their group. He didn't care and that was why he would suffer. James had never known a moment of worry. He had been born into money, his parents had loved him; he had married a gorgeous woman. He had a baby. Sirius, the best looking of the group, never had a moment's grief at school; the girl's all loved him. His family were powerful people; it had been his idiocy to cast them off. He needed to know pain. And then there was Peter. Father sent him to boarding school yet never had a moment for his son, his nervous loving mother…. She would be well looked after in her old age. She would understand… There was the money. The millions promised to him for the information his friends had.

His lips twisted bitterly. They would get what was coming to them.


	3. Cedar

_Death. The smell of death hung heavily in the air. Vultures circled the air above the small tent that was under guard twenty-four hours a day. The dirt in the tent was stained with blood. A man lay there, his ragged breathing loud in the stillness of the desert. There was blood on corner of his mouth from where he had coughed it up after the latest round of kicking to his ribs. He had no doubt half of them were already broken. He couldn't summon enough energy to care. One eye was swollen shut. There was sand in the four, new, raw, cruel scars that sliced across his face. One for James. One for Lily. One for Sirius. One for Peter. The traitor. He could felt the pain, knew the sand kept them raw, open; weeping foul smelling pus that mingled with the smell of death._

_Every muscle in his breathe screamed at him, every join ached. Bones were broken. His right leg throbbed with an unrelenting pain that seemed to quadruple to a searing agony every time he moved. His captors found it amusing to hear him scream by exerting no energy and simply nudging it. Everything hurt._

_The tent flap opened and bright sunlight burnt onto the man's face. He closed his eyes tightly. The pain was about to begin again. _

"_Tell us what you know." The man's accent was heavy._

"_About what?" They may be able to break his body, to torture him to death but they would never break his spirit, they would never discover the secrets he knew. _

"_Do not mock me!" The man sounded angry. "You mock me! My friends. We will kill you."_

"_Feel free." The man refused to open his eyes. He didn't want to know what was about to happen. _

"_We will kill the boy." The hiss was very close to his ear. His eyes flew open. Panic._

"_Ah. A reaction. We will kill him."_

"_I don't—" He coughed. "I don't believe you."_

_The man pulled back. "Get me the pliers." His voice was calm. "And the cigarette lighter. You will tell me what we want to know. You will know only pain until you tell us."_

_He remained silent. Bracing, hoping, praying that he would black out. That he would lose consciousness._

Remus jerked awake with a ragged gasp. His breathing was rasping as he struggled to draw enough air into his lung. Panic clawed at him, his pulse thundered in his head. He was shaking. Violent shudders that rippled through him. His stomach churned.

Throwing the blankets back, Remus settled onto the edge of the bed. He struggled to relax, to control the terror that the nightmare had brought. He cradled his right hand to his chest as nerves shot pain through his fingers and he struggled to draw logic back into his shuddering body. He glanced at the clock and bit back a weary sight. Oh four hundred hours. Five pitiful hours since he had said goodnight to Sirius. Four since he had fallen asleep. Four hours. His heart had finally begun to slow. The tremors still ran through his body. Uncontrolled shaking. He rose stiffly, catching at the footboard of his bed as his knee twisted. He swore softly as he straightened.

The darkness was his friend, he had always had good eyesight, even as a child. And now, as he crept through the dark apartment he was unbelievably grateful. He paused outside Harry's bedroom door; he could hear the boy snoring. His tense shoulders relaxed a little. He moved slowly, the apartment was spotless. He and Sirius both had made too many late night treks in the dark hoping to not wake the other.

He flicked the switch on the kettle and moved methodically as he measured the tea leaves into the plunger. His hands were still shaking and he frequently flexed the fingers on his right hand, the hand that had needles of pain racing through it.

A slight noise caught his attention and he spun around, eyes narrowed only to slump against the bench. "Harry!" He frowned at the sleepy looking boy. "You know better than to sneak up on me. Especially at night."

"Sorry." The boy looked worried as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes.

Remus turned back to what he was doing. "Did I wake you?"

"I thought I heard someone in the kitchen."

"Ah. You should go back to bed." He glanced at Harry who had come to stand beside him.

"Can I ask you something?"

Remus turned to study the young face that was half hidden in shadows. "Get me the milk out of the fridge." He reached for another cup. "Tea?"

"Yes, please." His green eyes flickered to his uncle's trembling hands. He knew better than to offer to take over the task.

Remus poured the tea into the cups and allowed Harry to add milk. "Come into the lounge room." He whispered. He had no desire to wake Sirius up. He was grateful; tonight he had been able to drag himself out of the nightmare before his cries had woken his friend.

Harry followed his uncle quietly from the kitchen. He shivered and Remus glanced sharply at him. "Cold?"

"No." Harry denied too quickly.

Remus' face softened. He paused beside the heating system and increased the temperature. "Get yourself a blanket, Laddie."

"Want one?"

"No." Remus eased himself into the comfortable couch. "Bring me a footstool back." He ordered but his words were gentle. The dim light from a lamp cast shadows over the room as Harry returned and positioned to footstool in front of his uncle. He took the cup of tea from Remus who glanced briefly at Harry before using his hand to support his right knee and stretch his leg out onto the footstool.

"Thank you." He took the cup back from the young man using his left hand.

Harry frowned curiously and Remus was reminded sharply of James. James used to look at him like that.

They were quiet; Remus was staring at his right hand, willing the pain to leave the damaged nerves. Harry reached out and cautiously touched a long curved scar on the back of his hand. His eyes flickered to Remus'.

"A knife. Thought they would get more information out of me."

"Did they do that before or after…?"

"Before they cut my fingers off." He glanced at his middle and pointer fingers, two stubs that had been removed between his knuckle and second joint, the fingers that had no nails on them.

Harry swallowed. "It's unfair," he muttered.

"Life tends to be. What was keeping you up, Laddie?"

Harry looked down and began to pick nervously at the blanket he had wrapped himself in. "Is it my fault the nightmares happened tonight?"

"Your fault?" Remus tipped Harry's chin until the boy was forced to look at his uncle. Remus was frowning. "How would it be your fault?" There was genuine confusion in Remus brown eyes.

Harry bit his lip as he struggled to find the words to express his feelings. He could feel Remus' fingers on his chin. He was desperate not to make his uncle angry, or worse, cause him any distress.

"I upset you today."

Remus' hand dropped away and Harry's shoulders slumped. He was about to leave when Remus spoke very gently. "Come here, Laddie." Harry's head snapped up and he hesitated before letting Remus pull him against his side. He didn't care that he was fifteen; he just needed the reassurance tonight. And, in the early morning, when even London seemed to doze, it was perfectly normal for Harry to accept the affection Remus offered him.

"Do you know, that you were and still are most days, the only reason I am still alive."

Harry stiffened. "You don't mean…?"

Remus ignored the question. "When I was found I was… in a bad way. I had only survived for one reason. I gave them my report, gave a statement to clear Sirius and get him out of prison, a statement to condemn Peter, and then I planned to die."

Harry's fingers clutched at Remus' cotton pyjama shirt. His uncle's arm tightened around him. "Of course, I planned all this without Sirius being involved. I don't remember much before waking up in a hospital in England. I just told the nurses and doctors that I was to have no visitors. They had grand plans to keep me alive. In their opinion I was a hero." His voice was bitter. "I was so tired. Of course, I felt that once the staff knew I was serious that I would be left alone. They did various procedures. Re-broke my leg so it could be set, attempted to clean some of the wounds. I was told I would be in hospital for at least twelve months before I would leave." Remus glanced down at the dark head pressed against his shoulder. He decided to skip over the worst parts. "I decided all of this without thinking of how hard your godfather would fight. I had been in that hospital for a week. I was still too weak to feed myself when all of a sudden the door was flung open and there was Sirius, glaring at me."

"Why was he glaring?" Harry asked curiously. Remus _never_ talked about this.

"He called me all sorts of horrid names. Said I had no business in the idea of dying alone and that I was a fool. That… That you needed me in your life. He visited me every day for a month and then he told me that he had gotten custody of you and that I didn't look quite so frightening and ghost like so he was bringing you in. I was terrified, Harry."

"Why?"

"You were so small. Sirius told me what they had done to you." Remus cleared his throat. Harry's year long stay with the Dursley's was something neither he nor Sirius liked to think about.

"I was still in a bad way. You were a child. I had seen how adults reacted to me."

Harry shifted slightly. He had seen how people reacted to his uncle and he hated it.

"You know, when he brought you in, you were so little still. Your hair was sticking up all over the place and Sirius was carrying you so carefully like he thought you might crack and…" Remus' voice broke. "He said to you. 'This is Uncle Remus. Do you want to say hello?' It was like you remembered me. You reached your arms out to me and Sirius handed you over. It was then I decided I was going to live. I wanted to see you grow up. I wanted a part in your growing up. So, in answer to your question, no, you didn't make my nightmares worse. I doubt that they will ever go away. But you make living through them possible."

Harry spoke very softly. "I'm glad you didn't die."

"Me too." Remus laughed weakly.

"I remember when we first moved in." Harry pulled back so he could look at Remus' face. He was frowning. "You still weren't well were you?"

"No. I left hospital about eight months before they wanted me too." Remus sighed. "I couldn't bear the sounds and smells and the people. There were too many people. So I convinced Sirius to sign me out." He watched Harry for a moment. "His tactic to keep me still and not overdo anything was to put you on my lap."

"I remember!" Harry's eyes brightened suddenly. "He used to tell me I had to look after you."

"Yes. He did."

"Uncle Remus?" Harry's voice sounded young suddenly, and frightened.

"What is it?"

"Promise you… promise you won't leave."

"Oh, Harry." Remus opened his arms to his nephew and held him tightly. "I promise, I will never willingly leave you."

"Good." Harry pulled back and grinned sheepishly. "I'm being a girl."

"Speaking of girls," Remus started, feeling a smile begin on his face as Harry shot up from the couch. "Go to bed, Harry."

"You aren't?" The teenager looked unsure whether he should go or stay, despite the change of subject his uncle had introduced.

"Maybe later. Sleep well, Laddie." Remus watched Harry retreat before breathing in shakily. He had never revealed so much to his nephew before but seeing the expression on Harry's face when he realised exactly how much he was loved was worth it.

"You ok?" Sirius soft deep rumble made Remus flinch. "Sorry." The dark haired man collapsed onto the end of the couch opposite to Remus.

"Did I wake you?"

"Nah, Harry is terrible at whispering."

"He is, isn't he."

"You ok?"

"I'm fine. How much did you hear?"

"The part where he is the reason you are alive."

"Ah. Well, to make you feel better, I owe a fair bit of my life to you."

"Shut up." Sirius mumbled. "You got me out of prison. Leg aching?"

"Bad night."

"Mmm."

"So be nice to the cripple and don't kick him out of the house today."

Sirius smothered his laughter. "Go back to bed you self-pitying fool." He stretched, his eyes were keen. "You are staying up aren't you?"

"I'll read." Remus said simply.

"Ok. Don't forget Harry's soccer game on Sunday."

"I won't." Remus whispered. He would do anything for that child even if it meant virtual hell every single week.


	4. Black Poplar

_So my brilliant co-writer **unique .normality** __ has had a HUGE role in this chapter! I send it to her whenever I get stuck (A lot) and she fixes it for me. _

_I hope people are enjoying! Please, please review! We like reviews! And I want to know if people like it or not! To the people who HAVE reviewed! Thank you so much! Your support is brilliant and truly appreciated! _

"I can't find my shoes!" Harry's panicked voice rang out loudly through the apartment and his uncles, both sitting silent, drinking tea, looked at one another for a moment.

"Can't half tell he's Jamie's?" Sirius muttered. He yawned loudly before standing up. "Have you tried the laundry?"

Thundering footsteps were heard and a triumphant cry was heard. Harry appeared in the sitting room. "Thanks."

"Any time, kid. You got everything else?"

"Yup."

"Change of clothes?"

Harry rolled his eyes. "Yes. Don't worry; I won't get your pristine car muddy. It would be awful fun, though. Can you imagine how wild he would be?" He grinned at Remus who smiled back but even Harry could see the strain behind the smile. The boy hesitated. "You don't—"

Sirius cleared his throat loudly. "Remus left breakfast for you on the bench. You have ten minutes to eat. Go!"

"You should have been coach." Hurry grumbled. He dropped his bag in the middle of the floor and vanished into the kitchen. He could hear Sirius voice, lowered enough to not be able to make out the words and then Remus soft answer of: "it's fine, Sirius."

Sirius joined him a minute later and Harry watched Remus slip past the kitchen to his room.

"I am an idiot." Harry moaned.

"No, you aren't. You care about him. He wouldn't give up watching you play for anything."

Harry nodded slowly. "But he hates crowds."

"He loves you more than he hates crowds." Remus' dry voice made Harry jump and a guilty flush spread through the boy's face.

"Are you two ready? Sirius, please put something other than boxer shorts on, at least one of us has to look respectable."

"Still don't see why you can't be the respectable one. You are taller."

Harry grinned at the familiar exchange.

"By half a centimetre. Clothes! Now, Sirius Black."

"He was like this when he was your age, Harry. A bloated capitalist is what he is."

"Being a capitalist would infer that I own you. So, Slave, go and put some clothes on and hurry up or you will make Harry late."

"I hate you." Sirius retorted loudly. "You and your educated stuffiness. Bloody unfair is what it is."

Remus ignored him. "Got everything?"

"Yup. We are going to smash them!" The boy grinned and Remus mock shuddered.

"I am glad I never had to play such a determined young man like you."

Harry rolled his eyes again. "Uncle Sirius said you were one of the best players 'cause you could run so bloody fast."

"Don't swear."

"Uncle Sirius does."

Remus raised an eyebrow.

"Fine. I won't swear."

"Ready? Take your bag to the car, Harry."

Harry snatched the keys eagerly, swung his bag onto his shoulder and bolted from the apartment. The door slammed behind him.

"Ready to go be a bad example of parenting?" Sirius looked tired.

"Always." Remus gripped his friend's shoulder tightly. Their eyes locked. They both had smiles on their faces when they met an impatient Harry in the car.

* * *

"Good luck, kid." Sirius grinned boyishly at his godson. "Go break some bones."

"Please don't!" Remus spoke hastily. "Have fun."

Harry grinned, waved, and raced off to join his best friend, Ron Weasley, who was waiting for him impatiently. The two lanky boys vanished towards the rest of the team, leaving the two adults to sit in the car.

Sirius glanced at Remus. "Rem?"

"Give me a minute." He breathed in deeply. "Fourteen years." He whispered. "And facing a crowd still terrifies me."

Sirius stepped out of the car and crossed the Remus' side. He pulled his best friend out and looked him in the eye. "You have every right to hate crowds." He spoke firmly. "Never think that it makes you weak."

"Especially this crowd?" Remus managed a twisted smile.

Sirius grimaced. "Let's go cheer our kid on," he said before giving a shudder. "The thrills of pushy parents all hating everyone else."

"I don't know what would be worse," Remus muttered as they inched their way to the very end of the seats and climbed their way to the top corner so no one could sit behind them. "The looks they give me now or the looks they gave us when they thought we were partners."

Sirius hastily coughed to cover his laugh. "At least the mums didn't keep winking at me in the food lines when they thought I was a shirt lifter."

"I'd gladly take the winks," Remus muttered under his breath as he attempted to blend into the metal behind him. He garnered less stares than he used to but he doubted he would ever be able to sneak by unnoticed anywhere.

"Jump higher! You lot need to at least look impressive while doing warm-ups!"

"Looks like the schools trying to get some decent shots of the team that aren't taken with a Polaroid," Sirius commented, hoping he could keep Remus' attention on the green instead of on the stands. He nodded his head towards the back of a woman with a camera that was standing on the sidelines, her bright hair highly visible from their seat as she kicked up clods of dirt in her heavy boots, much to the referee's dismay. "Wonder how much they are paying her to ruin the field? Are you breathing?"

"You are about to get an elbow in your ribs. "

Sirius grinned. "Harry should get a scholarship to keep playing once he finishes school."

They were quiet a moment as the game began and Sirius glanced at Remus. There was a tiny smile on the man's face. No matter how much he hated these events, to see Harry play was something he would always relish.

"He looks like James." Sirius huffed a small laugh.

"He does." Remus whispered. A haunted look crept into his eyes.  
"No." Sirius glanced around quickly. "Not here. We will talk later." His eyes narrowed. "You will not blame yourself."

"Ron is playing well today."

"He is. We should invite them over for dinner soon."

"The Weasley's?"

"Yep. The twins are a riot. Besides it's fun to watch Harry decide who to talk to, Ginny or Ron. When are school holidays?"

Remus, used to Sirius constant chatter and grateful for it, shrugged. "Three weeks?"

"Good. We should take the kid away somewhere. We haven't had a holiday for…" He frowned. "We have never had a holiday. Let's take him to America! Or Spain! Or… we should probably ask him."

"Probably." Remus sounded almost amused.

"Sirius Black!" The feminine voice rang out loudly over the crowds' cheers and talking.

Sirius' head snapped towards the voice and his eyes widened in delight. "Nymphie?"

The girl who had been taking photos began to climb up the stands, her heavy boots stomping loudly on each metal stair, much to the chagrin of the surrounding mothers.

"You brought a girl! To Harry's game!" Remus' eyes flashed dangerously and his lips thinned.

"No! She's my cousin." Sirius hastily defended. "I had no idea she would be coming! I swear." He turned as she stumbled and struck her shin against the metal. People were turning to look at them. He could feel Remus tensing beside him, heard the slightly ragged breaths.

"Still as clumsy as ever?" He grinned. He wanted people to stop staring at them.

"Yes. Give me some sympathy." Her green eyes sparkled and she flung her arms around her cousin. "It's so good to see you!"

"You too! You grew!"

"Well, it has been eight years." There was reproof in the girl's heart-shaped face.

"Yes." Sirius scowled. "It has. Anyhow. Nymphie—"

"Tonks." She corrected firmly. "I would change my abominable name but it would break mother's heart." She settled onto the bench beside Sirius.

Sirius grinned. He had forgotten how much he liked his cousin's spunky daughter. "Fine. _Tonks_, this is Remus, my best mate. Rem, this is Andy's girl."

Leaning across her cousin, Tonks held out her hand with a friendly grin, her face showing no surprise over the appearance of the man. "Nice to meet you!"

Panic flared into Remus' eyes.

"See that lad out there." Sirius leaned forward pushing Tonks' arm down and blocking her view of Remus. "Number 7, black hair."

"Is that Harry?" Her eyes widened, she was distracted. "I remember the photos you showed mum! He is so big now!"

"Isn't he. Regular David Beckhem that one. Brilliant lad."

"How old is he now?"

"Fifteen."

"Regular heartbreaker then? List of girlfriends a mile long. Speaking of which." Her eyes danced with mischief. "No ring?"

"Nah, too fussy. And I can't marry you, too closely related."

"It's ok." She comforted. "I wouldn't want you anyway."

Sirius dared to look at Remus as the young woman stood to use the height of the stands to her advantage, the click of the shutter filling up the silent pause.

His friends face was strained.

"I'm sorry." He whispered.

Remus shook his head. "Not your fault. I'll be fine."

"So what are you doing with your life?" Sirius distracted her again as he felt her curious glance slice past him while she slid back to her seat.

"I'm a police officer."

Sirius promptly choked on the mouthful of water he had just taken. "You're a cop? You?"

"Oh come on. It's not that hard to believe! You were special forces."

Sirius glanced away swiftly.

"Dammit. Sensitive subject. I'm sorry. I am such an idiot."

A soft chuckle broke from the dark haired man. "Don't worry about it, kid. So, a cop. I'm impressed. How long?"

"Since I got out of school. I wanted to make a difference and the military was off limits."

Sirius nodded. "So the photography thing?"

"Just a 'for fun' activity." She stood up and took another shot of the field. "I don't even know how football works properly."

Sirius groaned loudly. "You shouldn't say things like that. I'll explain."

"Please don't!" Tonks laughed. "Dad has tried to get it through to me for at least twenty years and has had no luck. Tell me about you?"

"What about me?"

"Where do you work?"

"I work in a little mechanics shop and have a side business of designing motorbikes."

"Seriously?"

"Siriusly." He winked. "Ow! What was that for?" He turned to glare at Remus and Tonks laughed.

"You are way too old to be making that joke! Clearly I am not the only one to think so."

"You are both horrible to me. Run! Harry! Run!" He was on his feet cheering his godson and Tonks glanced to where Remus sat, motionless, eyes riveted to the playing field.

She could clearly see long slashing scars that swiped across the left side of his face. A dull flush was creeping up his neck; evidently he was aware of her gaze.

Sirius settled back down, cutting off her view of Remus. "He is brilliant."

"Biased." Tonks laughed. "He is pretty cute though."

"Don't let him hear you say that. Run Harry! Get 'em!"

Tonks was laughing. "Who is the red head that keeps blocking others from him?"

"Ron Weasley."

"Charlie's kid brother?"

Sirius looked surprised. "You know Charlie?"

"Yeah we went to school together."

"Now I feel old. Charlie is a good kid."

"How do you know the Weasley's?"

"School, Harry and Ron were in preschool together and Molly pretty much adopted all of us."

Tonks grinned. "I can imagine."

Conversation came easy. Sirius and Tonks talked about anything. It was comfortable, you could hardly tell the fact that they hadn't seen in other in eight years.

"I'm hungry. Do you guys want food? The game is almost over, if I go now I can be back before the whistle blows."

"Sausage roll." Tonks ordered. "And a lemonade." She dug for her purse.

"Put that away. Rem?"

"I'm fine."

Sirius frowned but nodded. "I'll get you a drink." He rose. "Be back." His long legs covered the distance quickly as he hurried down the stand.

Tonks immediately took notice of the awkward silence as she glanced at her cousin's friend out of the corner of her eye. She attempted to let him be as she hummed slightly, bringing the camera back to her face in an attempt to get a better picture of Harry as he ran with the ball towards an angry-looking blond kid on the opposite team.

"... that Lupin isn't at the children's game, I'm sure they would have been terrified!"

Tonks kept the camera to her face but glanced to her left and immediately saw two fathers conversing, neither attempting to keep their voices down.

"I am glad my son transferred schools, he used to come home from games as a child crying because that Lupin was there," a man with light hair spouted with a scoff. "I wonder how that Potter boy turned out so well. I can only imagine what his treatment is at home."

A frown appeared on Tonks' face as she, appalled, turned to look at the subject of their conversation. While his scars were very obvious, one only had to look past them to see a man in his early thirties who, while no Adonis, was relatively pleasant to look at.

Tonks could only guess what this man had gone through knowing some of her cousin's own history. She had come across somewhat similar cases in a few co-workers of hers, including her mentor.

"So Sirius fiddles with bikes, what do you do?" Tonks asked abruptly and loudly as soon as she noticed Remus' clamped jaw, pale face, and clenched fist. She suddenly remembered that she had not shaken his hand, that Sirius had distracted her and that it was firmly shoved in his jacket pocket.

Remus swallowed before glancing at her from the corner of his eye. "I…. I write." His words were soft, pained.

"Really? You do? What sort of things do you write? I wish I was creative enough. My mother says I don't have a jot of creativity and that's why I went into the police and took up photography. Of course, in her opinion, photography isn't even an art form." She rolled her eyes. "It's not true of course. Photography can catch things at their most beautiful, raw and powerful. I love it. Harry is a brilliant player! He is quick and he and Ron make a good team." She stood up and began to take more photos. "Do they get awarded anything at the end of this game? Or is it just a leader board system? I can imagine any team with a Weasley on it would be at a definite advantage. Charlie could run faster than anyone else at school. Pity he became a lion handler. Though working at the Zoo does suit him. Oh! Did Harry's team win?" She turned quickly to Remus and was startled to see the small smile on his lips as he stared down at the field.

He glanced at her. "Yes." There was pride in the single word.

"Totally unfair! Of course, they cheated." It was the blond man whose comments had made her so angry. "It would be like that Potter boy to cheat. And look at those inbred redheads."

Tonks opened her mouth to make a sharp retort when a tall, black haired boy flung himself past her as he sprang up the stairs. "Did you see?" The lanky boy was grinning as Remus unfolded himself and gripped Harry's shoulder tightly.

"I did. Well done. You played brilliantly, Laddie!" Remus' face has changed from stern lines to gentle, affectionate. She could see the love he had for the young man clear on his face.

"We smashed them! I used that trick that you and Uncle Sirius taught me! It was brilliant!"

"Did we do it right, Mr Lupin?" A red haired boy, evidently Ron Weasley, shifted impatiently behind Harry.

"You did."

"Harry!" Sirius pushed through the crowd like a salmon fighting an upstream current. "Well done!" He pounded his godson on his back and Tonk was amused to see the skinny boy make a grab for Remus shoulder to steady himself. "You played beautifully! Your dad would have been proud! I loved your feints! Brilliant!"

Harry was grinning as he and Sirius recounted play by play his moves. Tonks glanced at Remus whose face had been softened by a smile as he watched Harry's excitement. She glanced over her shoulder at the men whose remarks had been so pointed only minutes before. The expression on their faces were poisonous. There were others, whispers, averted eyes and glances that were not as subtle as they were meant to be and Tonk realised suddenly they were all slanted towards the tall man who stood listening to the boy he had helped raise. She frowned. No one approached them, no one smiled, just stares and moving away hastily.

A red haired girl bounded up the stands, flashed Harry a shy smile, grinned at Sirius before moving to Remus and giving him a hug. To Tonks' astonishment, the hug was reciprocated.

"Hi, Mr Lupin." She smiled up at him and Tonks watched Remus smile back, a kind of sincere smile that only Harry had received since she had been watching him. "Can I steal Harry away?"

"Of course you can, Ginny. As long as you return him in one piece."

Ginny Weasley laughed. "Of course I will! Mum said if you don't feel like staying any longer we can bring him home."

"Thanks, Gin." Sirius winked at her. "Where is my hug then?"

The girl rolled her brown eyes. "You don't get one." She was grinning. "Not special enough. Want to get some pizza before my game, Harry?"

The boy was grinning. "Yeah, I'd like that."

"Oh great. Just great." Ron moaned as he followed his best friend and sister away. "This is so unfair!"

Tonks watched Remus' smile vanish with the retreating children.

"Speaking of food," Tonks started, hoping to keep Remus' mind off the other parents. She raised an eyebrow at Sirius expectantly.

"The line was crazy long, sorry, Nymphie," Sirius grinned before he suddenly looked horrified just as Tonks glared at him for the name. "We didn't introduce you to Harry! I am sorry, Ny— Tonks!" He winked at her. "Why don't you come for dinner sometime this week? We can catch up properly, you can meet Harry, and I'll feed you!"

"Are you sure?"

"Tuesday night?" Remus' soft voice entered the conversation and she found herself smiling at him while Sirius stared at his friend, shocked.

"Tuesday night is brilliant. Can I bring anything?"

"Erm. No." Sirius was looking bemused. He hadn't heard Remus voluntarily speak to a stranger who he was not being forced to interact with for fourteen years.

"If I were the Weasley parents I would keep my daughter well away from that boy!" The woman's voice was clear in the sudden stillness.

Sirius stiffened visibly and his head snapped to the husband and wife who were making their way down the stands, oblivious or uncaring that their words were being heard by 'that boy's' guardians.

"The issues he will have from his childhood and how he has been raised are horrific! It would not surprise me in the least if he turned out to have abusive relationship after abusive relationship."

"Sirius!" Remus was gripping his friend's shoulder. There was a strange look on his face, something fierce and angry that had been absent when the insults had been directed at himself.

"Remus!"

"No! For Harry, you know what will happen! They will use whatever they can to kick him off the team."

Tonks couldn't help but notice that it was the most he had spoken in the ninety minutes since they had met.

Sirius wrenched his arm free and glared at Remus for a long moment, the other man didn't waver.

"Let's go." Remus's voice was low, soft again. "Please."

The bluster died away from Sirius in an instant and his shoulders slumped. "Sorry, Tonks." He shook his head. "Not a great place for a reunion. Here." He handed her a piece of paper that was scrawled with a number and address. "Our phone number. If you have any issues, call. Six thirty Tuesday?"

"Sure." She wanted to say something but what could you say when years of raising a child were thrown in your face, when that child was mocked and ridiculed.

"It was good to see you again, Sirius." She hugged him tightly and he smiled.

"You too, kid. Can't wait to hear the horror stories."

She laughed. "Nice meeting you." She smiled at Remus. The scars were more noticeable when he faced her yet she didn't care. Not expecting a response she was startled when he spoke.

"You too." She watched them leave, Sirius moving slowly, heavily, anger still apparent in his stance and Remus took every step slowly, cautiously and as they stepped onto the grass and fell into step beside one another his slightly uneven gait became apparent. Her heart ached as she was reminded of the cruel words of the other parents. It wasn't fair.

Tonks let out a huge breath, suddenly glad she had lacked the listening skills to be on such a team as a kid. Who knows what the other parents would have said about her or her parents, especially after her mother's slight fall from grace that had made the local papers.

She made her way down the stands that were fairly empty now and glanced around to see if there was anything to capture as she needed to waste the last few frames of her film. She had just finished guiltily sneaking a picture of Sirius' friend getting into the car when a sudden clap on the back caused her to stumble forward.

"What are you, a private detective now?" A deep, booming voice laughed.

"Charlie!" Tonks spun around with a grin on her face to see the thick form of her childhood friend. "I didn't know you were here!"

"I was watching over with Gin but she seems to have found someone else to occupy her time," Charlie said carefully as a brotherly frown marred his face, his glance going towards his sister as she sat down with Harry.

"I just saw her but I don't think she saw me, she was-"

"Saying hi to Mr. Lupin," Charlie finished with a knowing look.

"Yes," Tonks nodded, biting the inside of her cheek as she glanced back at their previous spot on the stands. "I just met him myself, actually."

"He's a good man." Charlie sounded almost defensive.

Tonks looked amused. "I know that. Well, I guessed it. What's his story?"

"He was hurt at the same time James Potter was killed and Pettigrew set Mr Black up to take the fall."

"He's very… quiet..."

Charlie grinned. "He still barely says two words to us and we are probably the people he is most comfortable with outside of Mr Black and Harry."

"Really?"

"We grew up with Mr Lupin but I think we played war one too many times in front of him. Kids are idiots sometimes."

They began to walk slowly to where the rest of the Weasley's sat.

"Ginny seems very fond of him."

"She is and it's reciprocated. She always liked him but she was too shy to do much more than smile at him and hide behind Mum. But when she was in her first year of school she was bullied really badly. Wouldn't talk to anyone, pretty much just shut down. Mr. Lupin was always pretty withdrawn when he came over. Used to listen, talk occasionally but was always pretty quiet. One day he was sitting outside and she went and sat beside him. I don't exactly know what happened but at the end of about three visits she was crying in his arms and he was furious. Mum and Dad pulled her out of the school that term."

"She ran up and gave him a hug; I can't see many people doing that." Tonks sighed.

"It's not just because he is quiet." Charlie hesitated slightly. "He isn't good with people touching him. He will shake all our hands now, but a stranger... won't happen. Ginny being allowed to hug him is a big thing."

"Why don't they sit with you if you get on well?"

Charlie half smiled. "We sit at the front, with a crowd behind us. Neither of them can stand it, they sit in a back corner, they can see what's approaching them."

Tonks glanced over her shoulder even though they were long gone. "Even Sirius?"

"More so Mr. Lupin, but it doesn't sit well with Mr. Black either. Just... go easy ok, Tonks? He is a good man but he went through hell."

"I grew up hearing about how brave my cousin was," Tonks said as she absent-mindedly rewound her film. "But I suppose I never put too much thought into what caused the bravery..."

"I think they show enough bravery just showing up here every other weekend," Charlie sighed, stuffing his hands in his pockets as they shuffled along. "I'm glad Mum stays with us at the front. I've heard what some people say and they're lucky she hasn't, she's pretty protective of that whole clan. Practically adopted them all, she did."

Tonks shook her head as she clenched her teeth. "What they were saying... right in front of them! I know people say horrid things behind people's backs, but to do it so obviously? They're the ugly ones, not poor Remus!"

"From what I know, they'll let people talk about them until they're blue in the face... but if anyone talks badly about that kid... You'd think people would be more careful around ex-army chaps. No sense, really."

"Well I might make a few arrests next time I'm here," Tonks muttered with her arms crossed firmly. "I just hope Sirius knows I'm on his side. I'm going to their place for dinner; I'll make sure they know then."

"Their apartment? Really?" Charlie asked quickly, surprise evident on his face.

"Yeah, why? Have you not been?"

"No way! I think my mum's been once or twice. Ron and Ginny and their friend Hermione are more regulars, but I wouldn't be surprised if they're the only ones that have ever stepped foot in that place since the three of them moved in," Charlie stated.

"Oh. Well. I suppose I'll try my best not to be banned, then," Tonks said, realizing that she was walking into unknown territory with her cousin's makeshift family. But she found herself more curious than horrified. She wanted to get to know them as best she could. Until she stuffed her foot into her mouth and was never allowed back, that is.


	5. Ivy

_Nine reviews! Let's get it to at least 15 before the next chapter goes up! Thank you to all the wonderful people who are giving this slightly different fic a chance and especially to the ones who review and make me happy! _

_So my brilliant co-writer __ and I hope you continue to enjoy! Like she said when she suggested the idea to me there are not too many Non-Magical AU's out there for Remus and Tonks so we have a distinctive story going on here! _

_Enjoy!_

"Uncle Remus?" Harry shouted for his uncle as soon as the apartment door closed.

"Kitchen."

Loud footsteps were heard, a thud as Harry's football bag was dropped onto the ground.

"What are you making?" Harry, clothes streaked with mud, picked up a stick of carrot and began munching.

"Roast chicken, potatoes, honey carrots, and mint peas."

"Favourite uncle."

"Until Sirius shows you something 'cool'."

Harry grinned. Pushing the pans out of the way he pulled himself up so he was sitting on the bench beside where Remus was cutting up onions.

"Uncle Sirius has left already?"

Remus' knife froze mid-air. "An emergency at work." He murmured softly. "And he is going out with someone tonight. He said to tell you that you played brilliantly."

Harry rolled his eyes. "You made all that up. I heard that girl that was sitting with you talking to Charlie; she said that she didn't understand why people were so awful."

"We don't care, Harry. We wouldn't miss your games for the world. I am sorry that we didn't stay longer."

Harry shrugged. "Ginny didn't mind. Can I ask you something?"

"Of course. Let me put this in the oven, Laddie, and we can go and sit down."

Harry nodded. He watched his uncle closely as he moved around the kitchen. He realised suddenly that he had never seen his uncle in anything other than long sleeve buttoned shirts or in jerseys. Even if he had woken at night, Remus was still in his customary long sleeves. There were, of course, times he rolled the sleeves up when he was at home but even then never above his elbows.

"Harry?"

The boy jumped and met the concerned eyes. "I was thinking."

"I see. Well, seeing you have been staring at me for the last five minutes while I have cleaned up then perhaps we should go into the sitting room?"

Harry blushed guilty as he slid onto the floor to go into the living room.

"Do I want to know what you were thinking?"

"Probably not." Harry mumbled. He folded himself, cross legged on one end of the lounge. "It's… it's about… How do you know when a girl likes you?"

Remus managed a wry smile. "Wouldn't this be a better question for Sirius?"

"I don't want him to tease me."

"I see. Well, then, I think that every girl is different." Remus spoke slowly. "And you have to make sure that you like the girl rather than just having the novelty of liking someone. Make sense?"

"Don't be in love with love? Hermione says that all the time."

"She is a smart girl. If you like a girl, Harry, and then you will want to spend your time with her. You will want to tell her everything and you will be yourself in front of her. She will feel the same, she won't want you to change, she will be happy with whom you are." Remus shook his head. "I am no good at this, Laddie."

"But don't you want to date someone someday?" Harry looked curious.

"The last time I went on a date your mother was still pregnant with you."

Harry's eyes widened with surprise. "Not since you came home?"

"No. And I am afraid I will always be the old bachelor uncle."

"Why?" Harry demanded.

Remus gave him a long look. "Because I am. Now, who is this girl?"

Harry moaned and slithered down the lounge into a slump. "Do I have to tell you this part?"

"I promise I won't tell Sirius."

Harry grimaced. "Promise?"

"Promise." Remus carefully concealed the amusement in his voice.

"Ginny. But you knew that!" Harry accused as Remus' smile broadened.

Remus laughed. "I suspected. She is a sweet girl, Harry. Be careful, you don't want to ruin any friendships."

Harry nodded awkwardly as he pushed his glasses back into place. "You... you er... approve of her, yeah?"

Remus chuckled as he ruffled Harry's hair, causing him to duck from his reach. "What kind of question is that? There's no other girl I'd rather see you with, really. She understands our situation while, at the same time, doesn't take any of Sirius'... cheek, if you will."

Harry laughed as he stood up. "Thanks."

"Anytime, Laddie, you know Sirius and I are always here if you need to talk about girls or anything."

"I know. I am going to shower."

Remus smiled faintly. Fifteen and matters of the heart, he was impressed that his nephew had brought the subject up. His eyes flickered to his right hand and he felt his stomach tightened. Why had he relaxed around the girl at the game? Her kindness in attempting to distract him from the cruel words of other parents had disarmed him but what would she expect? Politeness deemed it necessary to shake her hand. To talk to her. She was coming to their _home_. His sanctuary. He cradled his head in his hands. What had he done?

* * *

"Any weekend plans, Mad-Eye?" Tonks asked her peculiar looking mentor as she sat down across from him with two sandwiches during their Monday afternoon break. "Perhaps a dinner date? And a movie? There's a new rom-com that came out last week, perhaps you'd enjoy that, eh?"

Alastor Moody merely grunted as he pulled one wrapped sandwich towards him. Opening the package, he opened the sandwich in order to inspect each piece of meat, cheese, and lettuce. Upon deeming it worthy, he took a large bite.

"No? Well I happen to be going to a bloke's house for dinner tomorrow. But don't get all protective," Tonks said quickly and mockingly, holding her hands up as if to ward off his movements. "It's only my cousin. And, despite common assumptions, my mother raised me to look outside the family tree for a potential suitor."

"Cousin?" Mad-Eye asked abruptly, halting his typical silence as he let Tonks prattle on about whatever she wanted to. "Your mother's sister's boy?"

"Not bloody likely!" Tonks snorted as she began picking the lettuce and tomatoes off her lunch. "Nah, he's actually my mum's cousin. That makes us second cousins, right? Three times removed, probably."

Mad-Eye stopped chewing as he stared at the girl before him, both his real and glass eye boring into her. "Black? You've seen 'im?"

Tonks looked up at his serious and firm tone, a tone that was not to be confused with his usual curt manner of speaking. "Sunday. I went to take pictures at that school footie game and he was there. His godson, I guess he is, was playing. Harry Potter? Sirius and his mate were there watching the kid and I went to say hi. Got invited to his place for dinner tonight so we could catch up properly."

Her mentor sat up straighter as he abandoned his sub on the table. "Well I'll be damned," he sighed.

"Do you know him, Mad-Eye?" Tonks asked curiously, using the nickname he was given years ago that she found amusing.

"Ay. He was part of a group of I trained for the special-ops. It was right before _it_ all happened that I left. Since it was all confidential and top secret, no one would ever tell me what went on," he said gruffly. "I 'eard he got out of jail and that's it. He's well, is he?"

"He looks pretty good actually," Tonks confessed, knowing how delicate a subject the army was for Moody. "He's been taking care of Harry, I think his friend Remus lives with them too. Mum and I were never told much the last time we spoke and that was years ago."

"Remus? Lupin?" Mad-Eye whispered, his jaw dropped.

Tonks looked rather surprised at the expression on Moody's face. "Lupin, yeah. He was at the game too. He... he looks a bit worse off than Sirius did. He wasn't... too fond of the crowds, really. But... he seemed alright when Harry came up. I expect he and Sirius are mad about the boy."

Mad-Eye shook his head as he ran a hand over the stubble on his chin. "I haven't heard anything about Lupin, at all. There were obviously a few articles about the Potters and their deaths, but... there was a leaked article about Lupin's capture. And that's it. I... I thought the lad had died, truthfully. I'm happy to hear he didn't."

Tonks remained silent for a moment as she looked at her half eaten sandwich. She knew she hadn't heard from Sirius in years but her mum's family was a bit off, especially since both her and Sirius' disownings. She had no idea that, for the most part and to most of the world, Sirius and his friends had all but disappeared. And that seemed to be how they liked it.

But where did that put her?

"Tell 'em... tell 'em I said hello, will you? And... Constant vigilance," Mad-Eye said decisively before standing up abruptly. "Time's up. Crime doesn't stop for a lunch break, does it?"

* * *

"You are drunk." Remus sounded resigned as Sirius stumbled in at oh-two hundred hours.

"Yes I am." Sirius agreed cheerily. "Why are you awake?"

"Your attempts to get into the door woke me." He draped Sirius' arm over his shoulder and guided the intoxicated man towards the bedroom. "Do you want a shower?"

"Only if you let me drown myself." Collapsing onto his bed Sirius squinted up at his friend. "Can I?"

Remus ignored him and grimly began to unbutton the beer covered shirt. He was silent as he worked, half ignoring Sirius' tuneless humming. Pulling the shirt off the broad shouldered man he yanked Sirius back to his feet. "Go in there and do what you need to. Lose the pants. I'll leave pyjamas on your bed and will get some water and aspirin."

"Come on, Remmie, give a man a hand."

"You are not an invalid." Remus snapped. His voice softened. "And keep it down, Harry is asleep and has school in the morning."

Sirius' shoulders slumped. He shuffled into his en-suite and shut the door with exaggerated care. Remus sighed, left clean clothes on the bed and headed to the kitchen. He had been enjoying an uninterrupted sleep when Sirius had woken him, now he could only hope that he hadn't disturbed Harry. The lad didn't need to see Sirius like that.

Sirius had replaced his jeans with flannelette pants by the time Remus returned and was staring at the shirt as if it was too complex for him to manage.

"Drink this." Remus pushed the glass into Sirius' hands. He shook his head. "How much?"

"I don't know."

"Were you on your own or with someone?"

"A girl." Sirius frowned. "I don't know her name. You are a good friend."

Remus didn't reply as he removed the now empty glass from Sirius' hand and placed it on the bedside table. He pulled the blankets back and guided the drunken man to sit on the edge of the bed. Reaching for the shirt he pulled it over Sirius' arms and head.

"Get some sleep. I'll leave a fresh glass of water and aspirin beside your bed."

"Remus?" Sirius' voice was surprisingly clear. "You are a good mate you know. Most people would have left me to fend for myself."

"Surprisingly understandable for a drunken man." Remus mumbled. "You looked after me when I needed it, Sirius. It's only fair that I help look after you when you need it. Now, sleep. I will wake you for work tomorrow."

"Rem?" Sirius' head was on the pillow, eyes closed, words a sleepy slur.

"Yes, Sirius?"

"You are my brother, you know that."

Remus smiled. "And you are mine. Sleep." He flicked the light off and closed the door. Sirius wouldn't remember the exchange in the morning, but the words still rang true.

* * *

"Sirius!" Remus shook the man awake. "You need to get up. Harry just left for school and you will be late for work."

"Not going."

"Yes, you are." Remus' eyes were stern. "What sort of image will you be providing for Harry?"

Sirius sat up, bleary eyed, angry now. "Why would you care?" He snapped. "The image you provide is—" He cut himself off. "Dammit."

Remus turned. "Breakfast is on the bench."

"Remus! You know I didn't mean it." Sirius flung back the blankets and winced as his world spun.

"I know. Go to work." Remus rapid footsteps were heard and then the door to the apartment closed.

Sirius moaned. Of all the things he had said that was probably the worst. Remus had looked after him the night before, softly spoken words as Sirius fell asleep, swam in his head and then he had gone and thrown it in the reticent man's face. He moaned again. He had serious backpedalling to do now.

* * *

Remus sat on the soft grass. His eyes were closed and his hands rested lightly in his lap. When James had been alive he had always been able to deal with Sirius' unexpected outbursts, particularly after the man had been drinking. Since James had died, since Sirius had been released and realised that the world had kept on turning even if his had stopped, the outbursts, though infrequent, cut like a knife and Remus tended to be the recipient.

He knew Sirius hadn't meant the words. He had seen the guilt and horror across the man's face before he had walked out of the room but it didn't stop the sting. The sting that was prodding deeply because the words were the truth. He inhaled deeply and breathed out slowly. The agony that had clawed at him had driven him to the gardens. He needed the solitude more than ever.

Harry had been quiet before school, he had heard Sirius come in yet neither he nor Remus were willing to admit the truth. Remus struggled to slow his breathing as the sting changed to panic. He had seen the way Harry was looking at him just the night before. Curiosity. What if curiosity changed to something else? Burying his head in his hands Remus was not aware that there was someone present until a familiar voice spoke close beside him.

"Remus?" Sirius' voice was cautious as he alerted his friend before cautiously reaching out to place a tentative hand on the bent shoulder.

"Sirius!" Remus' head snapped up and shock crossed his face.

"Is this because of what I said?" Sirius was frowning.

Remus laughed shakily. "No. It is me having a moment."

"I thought only girls were allowed 'moment'?" Sirius teased gently.

"And damaged fools it would appear."

Sirius winced.

"What are you doing here?" Remus couldn't be angry; Sirius had dragged him from a thought trail he had no desire to follow.

"I come bearing peace offerings." He held out a paper wrapped package. "Chips."  
"Work?"

"Sent me home. They were dead quiet." Sirius swallowed. "I… I am so sorry."

"Shut up and give me the chips." Remus' easy dismissal made Sirius relax.

"You aren't angry?"

"Of course not. I know you didn't mean it."

Dark brown eyes narrowed. "So why won't you look at me?" Sirius folded his arms. He had fourteen years of getting Remus to talk, fourteen years of experience in knowing when something was very wrong.

Remus looked up to the leafy canopy above him. "Have you heard from your cousin?"

"No. And we are talking about that in a moment. What is wrong, Remus? Is it what I said?"

Remus' tight lips relaxed a fraction. "Not everything is about you."

Sirius ignored the half-hearted attempt to divert the subject and waited patiently.

"Harry is getting curious." Remus' voice was barely above a whisper.

Comprehension dawned and Sirius hesitated before speaking slowly. "Harry adores you." He said finally. "Nothing will ever change that. He is fifteen, he is curious about what happened to you but in the end he will respect your need for silence on the matter and will continue to adore you. Maybe not quite as openly as when he was small but he does things to make you proud. He studies hard to get good grades because he loves seeing that pride on your face. It's the same expression on mine when he plays a brilliant game of football but his grades, they are for you. He looks up to you and knowing that you can't let him in on the scars won't change that."

"What if he hates me?" Remus slumped forward. "What if you are wrong? What if he thinks I am—?"

Sirius clamped a hand over Remus' mouth and glared at him. "Finished?"

Remus nodded curtly and Sirius' hand dropped away. "That kid loves you, Prat. Knowing or not knowing the truth about your scars won't change anything. You are a hero in his opinion and he had right to have that opinion. Hell, I have that opinion! I doubt I would have held out like you did. Now. Eat the chips. I am sick of arguing."

Remus's lips curled into a small smile. "Can't have soggy chips."  
"Exactly." Sirius spread out the paper and watched Remus from the corner of his eye. He was satisfied, the hunted look had dropped away and Remus had relaxed a little. He was as comfortable as he ever could be around people. As tranquil as only Harry and Sirius ever saw.

"So. Tonks."

"Your cousin?"

"Yes. You seemed awfully chummy with her."

Remus was silent.

"You actually actively invited her to the house."

"No. You invited her. I merely set a time."

"Did you mind me inviting her?"

Remus sighed. "Of course I didn't. I am sorry that—"

"Shut up." Sirius grumbled. "You are a fool some days. You…" He struggled to find the words that would not offend his friend.

"She talked. When you went to get food she talked so I couldn't hear what others said." Remus shook his head slightly. "She reminds me of you like that. I saw the way people looked at her and she ignored them. She... she was different."

Sirius nodded once. "All right."

"No more questions?"

"Nah." Sirius grinned. "I am happy to eat the chips now."

* * *

"So... who is this that's invading our man-cave?"

Remus looked up from his chopping to raise an eyebrow at Harry. "I like to think I keep this house clean enough so as to not get it called a cave."

"But a woman is infiltrating our domain!" Harry cried mockingly.

"Stop mimicking Sirius. And don't let Ginny or Hermione hear you say that, I think they believe themselves to be women as well," Remus scolded as he scooped the carrots into a pan to let them cook. "And this is Sirius' cousin. Well... his cousin's daughter. Let's try and make her like us, shall we?"

"I suppose Uncle Sirius might like to get back in touch with his family. At least the ones that are willing," Harry shrugged as he opened the fridge. His hand reached for a soft drink but diverted to the bottled water when he heard Remus' pointed cough behind him.

"Yes, and that's why she's encroaching on our isolated island." Remus turned back to the dinner he was making. It wasn't anything special but he put in some effort, not wanting to scare the poor girl off with one of his rare experimental dinners.

"If you want her out of here, just ask," Sirius' voice came from around the corner before he walked into view. He had shaved and put on one of his nicer shirts. No bands or bikes embellished the front. "I'm serious, Remus." He winked at Harry but turned to his friend, his face firm.

"We will not kick her out of our home. I'll be fine," Remus insisted without turning to look. His shoulders were stiff.

Harry remained silent as he studied the back of Remus, taking in his godfather's comment. Sirius was worried and that made Harry worry. He opened his mouth but was interrupted by the doorbell ringing. The bell was followed by a rhythmic knocking.

Sirius' face lit up as he jumped away from the kitchen doorway to the front door. Harry followed, leaving Remus alone in the kitchen. He leaned against the counter and struggled to relax, to erase the panic, to slow his heart that thudded loudly in his chest. He inhaled deeply and breathed out shakily. He wasn't ready for this.

"Wotcher!"

"Nymphie!" Sirius exclaimed, roughly pulling her into a hug and into the house. "You've grown since the last time I saw you!"

"You saw me two days ago, you nutter, so that's an insult," Tonks rolled her eyes with a grin as he let her go. She moved her gaze from Sirius to the teenager who was awkwardly standing behind him, attempting to flatten his hair. "And you're Harry!"

Harry's eyes widened a bit, like a deer, at the sudden attention. "Er... yeah. I mean, yes, I'm Harry. Nice to meet you," he stammered

"Tonks," she introduced since Sirius seemed too amused at his godson's awkwardness to do so. She stumbled forward and practically grabbed his hand to shake it. "Great game, by the way. I know nothing about football but knew you were great."

This caused both Harry and Sirius to grin widely.

"Oh, I have something for you!" Tonks pulled her large tote bag off her shoulder and pulled it open. She took out a folder and handed it to Harry. "I thought you all might like it. Put it on the mantle or something. I was kind of hoping you had your own frames, sorry."

Sirius moved to stand behind Harry as he opened the folder to find a large eight by ten photographic print. In crisp black and white, Harry was captured in mid-air while kicking the ball. It was a perfect shot that showed the teenager's talent and intensity. Harry himself looked up from the print in awe.

"This is brilliant!"

"You took this?" Sirius asked, clearly impressed.

"Well... yeah. It was one of the better shots from the game and I thought I'd give you guys one," Tonks shrugged with a slight blush. She again reached into her bag and pulled out a bottle of white wine. "And er... I snagged this from my parent's stash, I thought it would be nice to bring something. I know nothing about it so blame my mum if it tastes like the feet that made it."

Tonks left her bag on the floor near the front door and walked away from the distracted duo that were fawning over the picture. She stepped into the kitchen and jumped slightly, not having realized anyone was in there. Remus' back was to her and she hear the rhythmic noises of a knife cutting through something and hitting the chopping board. She could hear Mad Eye's voice in her head. '_He was captured. I thought he was dead'_.

She stepped back a few paces and made sure her steps were audible as she approached the kitchen.

"Hi." She spoke brightly and moved to stand beside him. Tonks glanced down at his suddenly frozen hands and she caught her breath. She understood suddenly why he had refused to shake her hand at the football game.

Remus slowly laid aside the knife and rolled down his sleeves. He fastened the buttons, awkward with his right hand.

"How are you?" His voice was strained.

Tonks swallowed. "Good." Her voice was bright. "I brought wine. Like I told Sirius I don't even know if it tastes good. And should I put it in the fridge?"

"Yes, you do." Sirius' voice was behind them as he answered and Tonks was aware that his eyes rested on his friend's clenched hands. "Come have a tour of the house."

"Sure." She smiled at Remus and saw the flicker of surprise in his eyes. "Dinner smells amazing."

She followed Sirius from the kitchen and watched Harry slide past her into the room.

"Can I help?" The boy's voice was quiet and Remus answer was a soft murmur as Sirius began to chat easily.

"So, that was the kitchen, obviously, and you are lucky Remus is cooking because I can't cook to save myself. Then dining room, we are actually eating at the table tonight, feel special. Lounge room, where we essentially live. Then bathroom through there and bedrooms. And that is our humble abode."

"It's lovely." Tonks looked around curiously. "How long have you lived here?"

"Er, thirteen years I think? Got this place about three months after I got out of prison." He grimaced.

"Right. One of the topics I had decided to avoid." Her eyes sparkled.

"You are a smart one. Finished?"

Remus and Harry walked through to the lounge room and Harry nodded. "It's in the oven."

"What is for dinner?" Tonks settled into her seat. "I would have offered to help, Remus, but the last time I was in a kitchen I nearly cut my hand off."

"Whole hand huh?" Sirius looked amused. "Most people stick to fingers."

"Shut up. Point is, me and kitchens don't mix."

Remus shrugged. "Sounds like Sirius."

"Hey! Not fair."

"You are a horrible cook!" Harry interjected and Tonks laughed. "He tried to poison me once…" The boy frowned suddenly. "Er, what do I call you?"

"Tonks. Just Tonks." She spoke firmly.

"Miss Tonks is nice?" Sirius was grinning broadly.

"Harry, if you call me Miss Tonks I will be forced to… arrest you. And jail isn't for cute boys like you."

Harry laughed. "It's ok. Tonks works. How do you know Charlie?"

"We went to school together. He said that you and Ron are good friends."

"We met when we were kids."

"Cause you are so grown up now." Sirius grumbled.

Tonks winked at Harry. "You are just old, Siri."

"_Don't _call me that!"

Tonks laughed. "But I used to call you that!"

"It was cute when you were five."

Harry was trying not to laugh. "Uncle Siri. It has a nice ring to it."

"Call me that and I will make sure you don't play football for a month." Sirius threatened.

"You wouldn't last that long." Remus pointed out.

Tonks laughed. "He has a point, I think you had more fun at the game than Harry did!"

"I am offended." Sirius grumbled. "Is dinner nearly ready so we can change the subject?"

"Fifteen minutes."

Tonks bit her lip. She could tell she was making Remus decidedly uncomfortable. He avoided her eye, was nervous, and kept his right hand hidden out of her sight. She wished she had known to expect the damaged limb. But then, nothing could have prepared her for the scars that he had hidden with his shirt. Her eyes flickered to him as she listened to the good natured bickering between Harry and Sirius. _Captured._ His scars took on a new meaning.

Their eyes met and she blushed. "How do you put up with him?" She spoke quickly and was again struck by the surprise that her normalcy caused him.

Remus breathed in deeply before he forced a reply to his lips. "You get used to it."

"Hey! You are meant to say that I am a brilliant housemate."

"But you taught me not to lie so Uncle Remus can't." Harry grinned and yelped as Sirius sprang up.

Tonks was laughing as she watched the black-headed boy dive to mock-cower on the floor beside Remus. Sirius scowled. "That is cheating."

"Oh Sirius, bested by a fifteen year old!" Tonks' was shaking her head.

"You are meant to be on my side. Where are you going?" His eyes narrowed as Remus rose silently and began to move away.

Remus froze and hesitated. Tonks' eyes flickered between Sirius and Remus and she saw a slight grimace cross her cousin's face.

"Dinner is probably ready. You should show… Tonks where to wash up." He fled to the kitchen.

"He doesn't like me does he?" Her voice was soft as Sirius stood behind her at the bathroom basin.

His eyes met hers in the mirror. "What do you mean?" He looked bewildered.

"He is so uncomfortable and he hesitated on my name."

She watched Sirius' smile spread across his face. "Oh, Kid." His voice was affectionate. "Remus does like you. He isn't good with people and he is old fashioned. Calling a woman by her last name is downright bizarre."

"Oh." She blinked and Sirius draped an arm around her and guided her out of the room.

"Give him time. He is just nervy around new people. If he didn't like you then you wouldn't be here. Rem, that smells divine!" His voice was loud and Remus gave him a suspicious look as he handed over the knife to carve the lamb.

Ten minutes later there were plates filled with food, roast lamb, roasted vegetables and minted peas.

"This is divine." Tonks saluted Remus with her fork. "I wish I could cook like this."

She watched a tiny flicker of a smile cross Remus' face and Sirius caught her eye.  
"Told you."

Remus sent him another suspicious frown.

"What's being a police officer like?" Harry spoke around a mouthful of potato.

"Harry!" Remus' voice was stern and the boy swallowed quickly.

"Sorry." He mumbled.

Tonks grinned. "Well, I think it is brilliant. We have heaps of fun and manage to do some super cool things like arrest idiots."

Harry laughed. "What else?"

"Erm. Well, one time we had to arrest two brothers who were stealing girls and... This is so not appropriate for you."

Harry's eyes were wide. "Did you get the girls back?"

"We did. All safely reunited with their families. What do you plan to do once you finish school?"

"No idea." Harry frowned. "Maybe become a cop?" His green eyes sparkled.

"Why can't you become something safe?" Sirius muttered. "Work with good people, Tonks?"

"Yes." She put her fork down. "I... I err actually met someone you guys know. Knew."

"Who?" Sirius frowned. "We don't know any cops."

"Well, he used to train people for special ops. He moved to the police force about fifteen years ago. I don't know if you will remember him. Alastor Moody."

Two forks both hit the table.

"So, Moody moved to law enforcement." Sirius chuckled. "Knew he wouldn't stay retired."

"I mentioned that I saw you." Her voice was hesitant and she turned to Remus. "I mentioned meeting you. He thought you were dead."

"They never told him?" Sirius spoke harshly. "They didn't tell him Remus was alive?"

Remus' face was pale. "Sirius." His voice was dull.

Sirius nodded. "How is he?"

"He is interesting."

"Always was."

"He told me to tell you hello and…" she hesitated and glanced at Remus who was frowning at his plate. "And 'constant vigilance'."

Remus glanced up at her. "Would you tell him it was not his fault?"

"Of course." She frowned. "He seemed very fond of you."

"We were the last of his recruits. He hated us." Sirius grinned broadly. "We were trouble makers apparently."

"Who was he?" Harry demanded.

"Someone who trained only the elite." Remus sighed. "He was paranoid and brilliant."

"Oh then he hasn't changed a bit!" Tonks grinned at Remus.

"Does he still glare at everyone and take his glass eye out?" The softly spoken words were amused and Tonks shouted with laughter.

"Yes! He did that years ago, it's revolting!"

"Can I meet him?" Harry was grinning.

"No!" Sirius shook his head. "He knows way too much about us!"

"Why not?" Harry protested. "If he's an old friend and all. I'm sure he wouldn't say anything that you wouldn't want me to know."

"That's true," Tonks said, not wanting to get in between the two. She glanced at them all as she bit into a carrot. "Although, he might scare you off whatever idea of being a cop you've got. Nearly did for me but... but I was determined to do good. Actual good. Not like whatever mum's family pretends to do." She looked down at her plate before looking up at Sirius, understanding passing between the two of them.

"We'll discuss it once the term is over," Remus said firmly, obviously the decision maker. He wanted to encourage Harry in his career aspirations but hoped maybe the urge to put himself in danger would fade in the next few weeks.

Tonks kept her eyes on Remus for a few moments as she chewed her food. While obviously lacking structure and control in unstable and unfamiliar environments, such as the football game, he seemed to command plenty of respect in his household. _Almost like Charlie's mum_, she thought with a smile, _he definitely keeps his boys in line_.

"Well, Remus, I hope you won't mind my mum knocking your door down after I see her this week. When she finds out your lamb is better than hers, she will _not_ be pleased," Tonks teased, hoping she wasn't crossing any lines.

"I'll be sure to use the deadbolt then," Remus said softly but with a small smile as he actually looked her in the eye.

"Maybe she'll be placated if I tell her that your veggies were a bit mushy," Tonks wondered out loud, throwing a wink at Harry.

"Well that is most certainly a lie! We do not condone liars in this house, do we Harry?" Remus' slightly raised voice and mockingly affronted tone surprised the table. But it brought a larger smile to Tonks' face. Maybe she would be able to make friends with this disjointed family.


	6. Willow

_So my brilliant co-writer ****__ and I hope you continue to enjoy!_

The noise of the TV drowned out the clack of the typewriter keys at the kitchen table where Remus worked. His eyes flickered up occasionally to where Sirius sat watching a football game, cheering loudly or yelling in disgust when the referees made seemingly 'stupid' decisions. Harry, his homework spread out, sat at the opposite end of the table, his attention torn between mathematics and the game on TV.

It had been a week since Tonks had come and Sirius could talk of nothing else. The photograph she had given them sat on the mantle and Sirius was often boasting about what a brilliant player Harry was. Remus, amused, had always agreed. He flexed his right hand; the hard keys were brutal on his nail-less fingers.

"We should get a computer." Sirius had twisted on the lounge and was surveying his friend.

"Nonsense. Far too much money when we only need it for my work and a typewriter works brilliantly." Remus gathered the papers and slid them into an envelope. "Can you mail these for me in the morning?"

Sirius sighed. "Of course. When do you need to see Michael again?"

Michael Farqueson, Remus' editor and the owner of the magazine he wrote books reviews and articles for, had always been surprisingly understanding about Remus' need to work that clashed with his deep rooted fear of people. Each week a new request, a new book would be sent to him. And each week Remus would work steadily until his work was completed, hand the yellow envelope to Sirius who would post it. For ten years the routine had been the same.

"Rem?" He prompted. He hated pushing the issue, hated how Remus' hands stilled. The prospect of walking through London to the offices of his employer, of walking through the building where people stared and whispered, of having to sit in an office with walls made of glass, his back to hundreds of people... it was a prospect that would never cease to terrify one Remus Lupin.

"Three weeks."

"Can I come?" Harry asked suddenly. "I'll be on holidays! And I haven't seen that place in years and Mr Farqueson always was nice to me."

Remus managed a smile. "He gave you lollies; don't you think you are getting too old for that?"

Harry grinned. "Never. So can I come? We could find somewhere for lunch afterwards? Or get pizza and come home?"

Remus was quiet a moment before nodding. "I will enjoy the company."

"Good." Harry shoved his books aside. "I hate school."

"It will be over soon and you can pursue a career." Sirius consoled. "As a football player." He winked.

Harry laughed. "Not likely! I think being a cop would be awesome."

Remus rose. "You can think about this during your holidays." His tone indicated that this subject was well and truly closed until then.

"Not at all would be better." Sirius grumbled as he turned to face his game.

"No fair." Harry grumbled. He wandered to the bookshelves and collapsed in front of them. The game had ended and Sirius was idly flicking through channels. Remus was in the kitchen making tea and Harry slowly reached for photo albums that were his only memories of his parents. He pulled one out and frowned. Lying on his stomach he looked into the gap the missing album had made.

Sirius looked over at him and raised an amused eyebrow before turning back to the TV. More albums and cookbooks followed the first and finally Harry pulled out an aging book that had captured his interest.

"What is he doing?" Remus had joined Sirius in the lounge room and handed over the hot mug of tea. His right leg was stretched in front of him.

"I have no idea. We should probably ask."

"Perhaps."

"But he does look rather captivated by it. Ah, triumph by the looks of it."

Harry looked up. "I can hear you two, you know."

"Heavens, he isn't deaf."

Remus' lips twitched. "Leave him alone, Sirius."

"Least I have one uncle who defends me." Harry mumbled. He flipped open the book, conscious of the cracked, yellowing plastic that covered it, and frowned. There were pictures of Sirius with his arm around a pretty brunette. They were laughing at each other. They looked happy. He turned another page and his eyes widened. It was Remus, of long ago, before he had been hurt. Harry had seen the photos of his uncle with his parents but this was different. The smile on Remus' face was unlike any that Harry had ever seen, and there was a girl. A slender, dark haired girl who was laughing and holding up her hand. The hand with a ring on it. She was nestled against Remus. They were happy.  
He stood up and walked to his uncles. Placing the book on the coffee table he turned to the men who had raised him. "Who are they?" He demanded. His voice was harsher than he had intended and he regretted his words as colour drained from two faces and silent, horrified looks were exchanged.

"Where was this?" Sirius demanded hoarsely. His eyes were riveted on his image.

"The bookshelf. Who are they?"

"The woman with Sirius... her name was Susan." Remus' voice was grim. His eyes were on his friend's face. "They were together for about a year before that last deployment. When he was framed she refused to listen to him, told him cruel and horrible things, and turned away from him when he needed her."

Harry looked unhappy. "She didn't believe you? But you were Dad's best friend!"

"So was… Pettigrew." Sirius spat the name out. "It was a long time ago, Harry. I haven't seen a photo of her since. I had no idea we even had that."

"Did you ever hear from her after…?"

"She wrote me a letter once. I would have destroyed it. Remus read it. She apologised apparently. I didn't want to see her."

Harry nodded. He didn't blame Sirius for this reaction. "What about her?" He looked at Remus and was horrified to see the haggard, pained look in the man's face.

"That is Jessica." Sirius spoke very softly. His eyes were on Harry's face. "She was Remus' fiancée."

_He could feel pain claw at him every time he breathed. They told him that at least seven of his ribs had been broken. The news had not surprised him. He was lying in bed, his right leg plaster from his hip to ankle, re-broken, re-set, new joints. It was agony. There were bandages covering most of his body, the wounds inflicted on him cleaned and wrapped. It had been four weeks, four weeks in a blur. Sirius had broken his refusal to see everyone. Sirius and Harry, his lifeline to sanity. There was one person he was desperate to see, one person who had not yet appeared. One person who he loved and dreamed of in those long, horror filled days. He would send her away, of course, but to see her one last time would be heaven._

_A soft knock made his eyes flicker open and focus on the beautiful young woman who was standing three feet away from his bed, tears swimming in her blue eyes. _

"_Jessica?" Remus whispered._

"_Oh God. They ruined you." _

_The words stabbed his heart. "Jess?"_

"_I… I came to tell you I found someone else. I couldn't wait. You were gone a whole year. And it's better this way. You know it is, Remus. I could never be married to you. Not now. Now with you like….that. I couldn't do it. It wouldn't be fair of you to ask me to. You know I can't stand broken things and I can't help you, Remus. You frighten me looking like that." She refused to look at him. "I can't love a monster, Remus, and that will be what you are. They told me about your nightmares... and the scars..."_

"_Enough!" A voice filled with fury interrupted her words._

_Remus' face, already pale, was grey; his eyes were dull and seemed to be focused on nothing. His chest heaved as he struggled to draw in air._

_Sirius stood in the doorway. His face a mask of anger. "Get out you selfish bitch! Get out!"_

"_Sirius! I met—"_

"_Out!" He shoved past her. "Don't you listen to her! Remus?"_

"Remus? Remus!" Sirius was shaking his friend's shoulder and Remus gasped. A shudder rippled through him. Their eyes locked and Sirius knew the memory that had gripped his friend with unrelenting cruelty in an instant.

Remus struggled to breathe normally. "Harry?"

"Here." The boy's face appeared. He looked worried, miserable.

"Forgive your old uncle." Remus smoothed the dark hair gently. "I have some bad memories associated with her."

"I'm sorry."

"Rubbish." Sirius spoke firmly. "Remus and I didn't expect to see the photos or talk about those women ever again. You just shocked us is all."

Harry looked uncertain.

"Sirius is right. Shall you attempt to beat me at chess?" Remus smiled and Harry looked relieved. He hurried for the chess board.

"Rem…"  
"Not now. Harry already is on edge. Not now." Remus pleaded softly.

Sirius waited until Harry was in bed, two chess matches had spanned two hours and finally the boy had admitted defeat. "You are meant to let me win occasionally." He had grumbled. Remus had laughed and sent him to bed.

"Whiskey." Sirius handed the tumbler to his friend.

Remus frowned at the amber liquid before swallowing it in a mouthful. "Thanks."

"Do you still love her?"

Remus thought over the words for a long time. "No." He said finally. "I stopped loving her a long time ago."

"Good." Sirius looked relieved. "I thought that maybe…"

"No. I was just shocked. I haven't thought about her in a long time. I liked to keep it that way." He touched a scar on his cheek lightly and frowned. "I wonder now if she truly loved me as much as I loved her. After all, she was with someone by the time I was brought home."

"Selfish bitch." Sirius snarled.

"Please don't say that in front of Harry. I am tired. Enjoy work tomorrow." Remus slipped into his bedroom and Sirius sighed. He stared at the photo album grimly. Poor Harry, he had opened another can of worms without realising it. His eyes dwelt on Susan's face and his hands clenched. The book would be taken with him tomorrow and destroyed, and he would have fun doing it.

* * *

"You probably thought you'd get rid of me with one dinner but you aren't that lucky!" A voice called, the accompanying body stumbling through the door labelled "EMPLOYEES ONLY."

"Tonks? What're you doing here?" Sirius stood from his chair, the large back room he was in filled with bits and pieces of bikes. The clock struck twelve, signalling lunchtime while explaining the absence of all the other employees.

"I guess I was lucky in stopping by today, it seems all your other co-workers opted for the pub down the way. I just thought I'd bring you some of my mum's leftover roast beef sandwiches and say wotcher since it's my day off," Tonks said cheerfully, dropping a paper bag full of food on Sirius' desk and sitting down in the closest available chair. Her hair looked redder than ever and contrasted with her neon-coloured outfit of choice.

"Feel free to bring me food anytime. Day or night. Rain or shine." Sirius grinned as he began to dig through the bag of goodies. He pulled out the wrapped sandwiches and a few cookies, practically salivating at the mouth like a dog.

Sirius began to raise one of the cookies to his mouth before he suddenly dropped it, his hand shooting out to slam down on the cover of the photo album Tonks had begun to slyly open. She jumped, her eyes wide as she looked at him, her shock fading to curiosity as Sirius picked up the album and threw it into the rubbish bin.

"Well, what was that, then?"

"Just a bit of the past that does _not_ need reliving," Sirius said with a frown, kicking the can for good measure. "I might take the blow torch to it in a moment."

"Blacks and their pyrotechnics," Tonks quipped as she grabbed her own sandwich, choosing her battles and deciding not to delve into whatever was in the album. Even if she really wanted to know. Really, _really_ wanted to know.

"Did you tell Moody you saw us last week?" Sirius asked through a mouthful of beef, his speech surprisingly eloquent.

"I did. He ended up telling me a few horror stories of you lot during training," Tonks smirked. "I'm surprised he didn't throw you all out from the shite he told."

"Oh, he came close," Sirius grinned, leaning back in his chair as if to reminisce. "He was tough but... we all made it through together..." His smile fell slightly as he thought about what kind of jumbled mess they made it out as in the very end.

"That's why I do the photography thing," Tonks said abruptly, her hand fidgeting with a few of her bracelets. "I see a lot of bad stuff at work and taking picture helps me focus on the good. I try and find as much beauty to capture as I can. From flowers to football players. She's never said but I think mum did the same thing with her painting."

"Harry," Sirius said, his voice soft after they sat in silence for a few moments. "Harry is our photography. Remus and I focus on his beauty, his life. But don't tell anyone I said that or they'll really think I'm gay. And I just reversed that assumption."

Tonks burst out laughing, pleased as a smile appeared on her cousin's face as well. She snuck a grape out of the bag her mum packed and threw it at him, huffing when he simply caught it in his mouth with Black-like ease.

"Speaking of flowers, you should try the Botanical Gardens a few blocks from my place. Large area, plenty of that poncy beauty nonsense," Sirius winked. He had no idea if she would actually go but assumed she'd be working during most of the hours Remus spent there and doubted they would run into each other.

"Actually," Tonks sat up, her attention caught. "I've been trying to find a place like that. It's hard to find nice flowers in the city."

"Are you into all the sculptured English rose garden thing? Or the more wild, wildflowers."

"Are you sure you aren't gay?" Tonks teased.

"Shut up. Remus draws and sometimes he needs open space where there are no people."

"Ah, of course." She frowned. "I like natural, the more natural the better."

"There are some places at the back of the gardens. More natural."

"I shall look sometime this week. Work is killing me."

Sirius leaned forward and propped his elbows on his desk. "You ever need to talk about any of it you come over, ok, Kid? Even if I am not home Remus will let you in."

She looked at him for a moment. "I might." Her voice was soft. "Mum and Dad don't really get it."

"Well, we haven't done the cop thing but I am a pretty good listener and so is Remus."

She nodded briskly. "Thanks." Jumping up she grinned at him. "I should go an attempt to clean the bomb site that is my flat. I'll bring you lunch again soon."

"Sounds good, Tonksie."

"Shut. Up." Her voice was grim. "Bye!" She ducked past a large tattooed man who entered the room and glanced at her in surprise. She could hear his mumbled enquiry of who she was as she vanished out of the shop that smelled of oil and grease.

* * *

Sirius had been right, the garden were beautiful. She glanced around at the people who milled around in groups and people who walked alone; it was a surprisingly busy place. She wandered slowly, delighting in the blooming roses, the irises, and the trees that shaded the luscious green grass. She trekked steadily away from the groups of people, ducking under low hanging branches until she found a trickling stream. A duck with five ducklings was splashing in the shallow water and she smiled, delighted, as her camera caught images of the innocent birds. She moved forward, stumbling over the uneven ground and as she rounded the bend she twisted her ankle on a loose stone.

"Ouch! Bloody hell!" She glared at the offending rock.

"Tonks?" The quiet voice made her head snap up.

"Remus!" Colour filled her cheeks and she looked down. "Bugger, I totally ruined your peace and quiet." She glanced back at him.

Remus swallowed, reminded himself to breathe, and then spoke again. Tonks could hear the undercurrent of strain in his voice. "You ok?" He was seated at the base of a tree, leaning against it, eyes wary.

"Yeah, this is a common occurrence for me." Her laugh held a hint of misery.

"Maybe you should sit down?" He sounded compassionate, kind.

Hobbling over she dropped down near to where he sat, a stone throw, her back to the garden, facing him.

"Show me." He ordered.

"No. It's fine, honestly. I do this all the time. And I am really sorry to disturb you."

Remus shrugged. She saw him swallow again and his glance flickered away. "It's fine." His voice was a soft whisper.  
"I should go."

"You should rest that ankle." Remus corrected.

They were quiet for a moment before she spoke, desperate to fill the silence. To put the man who sat near her at ease. She could see the unsettled, haunted look in the way he held himself and her heart broke. Until she had intruded he had been at peace. Well, looking at the black circles under his eyes, maybe he hadn't been. "I saw Sirius today. I went past his work and fed him."

Remus looked at her and the hard lines of his face softened. "He must have liked that."

Tonks laughed. "He did. He mentioned that the garden was a good place to take photos. He even managed to sound knowledgeable about where the best places were. He told me there was a secluded spot to the back of the garden. I had no idea it was this beautiful." She looked around her.

"Mmm."

She looked at him, he was frowning. "And I just got Sirius into trouble didn't I?"

"He doesn't tell many people." Remus murmured.

"Ah. No. He told me because…" she bit her lip. "I take photos to remind myself that there are beautiful things in life not just the ugly that I see so much in my work. He told me that this place was beautiful and that it's easy to remember good here. He also said that Harry was your garden. Well, his and yours, that you both focus on the good things in his life to remember the world is not all bad." She grinned. "He sounded incredibly gay."

This time a flicker of a smile softened Remus' lips. "Tell me about your work." He encouraged.

"Well, I pretty much got into it as soon as I was out of school; they were recruiting and I fit them well. Dunno why seeing as I am the clutziest person in the universe. I trained hard, had no life during my first two years, and then just worked as hard as I could to make sure that they didn't just think I was an idiot. Girls in the police force are looked down on." She was picking at the grass around them. "There are days where I don't know why I do it. Sometimes it's not worth it. The guys treat you like crap and you need to work twice as hard to prove that you are every bit as tough and strong as them. They are all chauvinistic prats. I had been working for a year when I met Moody. It's been better since then, he took me under his wing and made me stronger. Pushes me like there is no tomorrow. I think "blood, sweat, and tears" should be his motto. The beatings I have copped from him... But everything he does makes me stronger. It's utterly brilliant when you can bring down a co-worker who is an absolute bastard and twice the size of me! He told me some stories about you guys. Said you were the most irresponsible group of fools he had ever met. He also said that they called you 'professor'."

Remus' slight smile softened his face. "I haven't heard that for years."

"So it's true?"

"Yes."

"Why?" She probed.

"I was the... brains of the group, so to speak," Remus murmured, his back relaxing against the tree. "It only meant I thought before I leapt, unlike James and Sirius."

"Moody had to kick that out of me," Tonks shook her head as she took her messenger bag and put it under her leg for support. "I suppose I inherited the 'leaping' gene from Sirius... and, as a cop, you can't do that. You have to leap quickly, but not blindly."

"You must be more Tonks than Black because Moody tried to do the same for Sirius," Remus said, the corner of his mouth twitching slightly in amusement.

"He probably only took me under his wing to see if he could change at least one member of the Black family," Tonks laughed. They sat in silence for a few moments, letting the sounds of the water and birds flow over them. She leaned back and lay fully down upon the ground, finding a patch of warm sunlight to bask in. Tonks hoped the silence wasn't uncomfortable for him because she didn't mind it at all. She was about to just ask when she felt something land beside her.

Tonks lifted her head and saw Remus give her a slightly shy smile before he nodded his head towards her. "For a pillow," he muttered, causing her to look to her left to see his own bag.

She flashed him a bright smile before taking his gift silently and shoving it under her head, letting herself relax again on the soft grass.

"Tell me about Harry," Tonks said suddenly. "What was he like as a toddler, say? He must have been adorable."

"He was." Remus lifted his pencil and she heard the noise of pencil against paper. "He would have been utterly spoilt."

"You and Sirius seem to have done an awful good job."

A soft huff of what she presumed was laughter broke from him.

"How old was he when he came to live with you?"

Remus paused, he had to admire her delicacy. "He was three when I was released from hospital."

"Ah, they are adorable at that age. Was he cheeky?"

"No. He was a quiet little lad. Well behaved. As he got to know us he changed. He played more."

"He didn't play? Who looked after him while… Umm…"

"Lily's sister and her husband." There was deep bitterness in Remus' voice. "They kept him in a cupboard."

"What!" Tonks sat upright suddenly and was startled by the mask of anger of Remus' face. "But why?"

"They didn't want him. Never wanted him. So they treated him abominably."

Her eyes searched his face. "Does he remember?"

"Flashes." Remus rubbed a hand across his face. "Poor lad still isn't fond of dark spaces."

"What's their address?" Her eyes narrowed. "I am sure Mad Eye wouldn't object too much if I went and arrested them! Harry seems so happy and open now, you and Sirius have done a marvellous job with him! I think he is very well adjusted if that was his early years. Was he very stand-offish when you first got him?"

"No. Clingy." A small smile touched his face as memories flooded through him.

She sensed his withdrawal, as if he felt he had spoken too much, his quota of words used up. Settling herself back on the grass, her head pillowed on his soft leather satchel she began to talk. "I always wanted a little brother or sister but my parents said one hell raiser was enough. I think Harry is lucky, he had two uncles which meant he got spoilt twice as much. Of course, after seeing you all in your home I am guessing that you are the disciplinarian?"

"Sirius can't say no." Remus agreed. He placed his pencil aside. "Why did you become a cop?"

"Good question." She laughed ruefully. "I wanted to make a difference. I heard stories about Mum's family all the time, about how she, Sirius, and Uncle Al were the only decent ones for the past five generations. I wanted to stop people being hurt. I— Ow!" Her shriek made his fingers tighten over her lower leg.

"Hold still." His voice was firm and she could see why he held Sirius' respect. Propping herself up on her elbows she glared at him. "You could have warned me!"

Remus ignored her and carefully eased her shoe off.

She pushed herself into a proper sitting position and watched as he gently probed her ankle. "Have you got something I could use as a makeshift bandage?" He looked up and their eyes locked. "It's starting swell."

"Erm, hang on." She pulled her bag closer and rummaged through it. Pulling out a plastic wrapped bandage she smiled sheepishly. "I do this a lot."

"I can tell." Remus took the bandage. She watched his hands as he worked carefully wrapping the bandage perfectly. She had only seen nurses and doctors with this skill. She found herself staring at his right hand now that she had an excuse to and she winced at the jagged scars over the knuckles of his missing fingers. She saw the fingerless nails and wondered exactly what had brought their removal from. She had jammed her nail once and that had been painful, having it ripped from the nail bed must have been agony. She shivered and he looked up, dark eyes questioning.

"You are awfully good at that." She diverted his attention.

"We all knew first aid. And having a teenage boy in the house keeps me practiced."

She grinned. "Does he often injure himself?"

"Not often enough to carry around bandages."

She blinked. "Remus Lupin! Are you teasing me?"

"Never." His voice was grave but she caught the slight upturn of his lips.

Snagging his sketchbook she pulled it towards her. "What is this?"

"A protea. It is a South African flower. It stands for courage."

She looked up as she flicked through the pages: flowers, the scene that lay behind them, and other brilliant drawings. "Do all flowers have meaning?"

"Most of them." Remus looked embarrassed.

"Oh!" She found a sketch of Harry with Ron and a girl she didn't recognise. They were sitting around the kitchen table heads bent over what she presumed was homework. The look on Ron's face was one that had mirrored Charlie's many times. "This is brilliant."

She saw the flush creeping up the man's face.

"The boys look like they are thoroughly disgusted with the homework. A look I remember being thoroughly familiar with."

"They were." Remus murmured, his eyes flitting over her face as she stared down at his work. Sirius and Harry had seen them and admired them before, but this was the first time another artist had looked and appreciated his hobby.

"Uncle Remus?" Harry's voice made her twist around and her lips twitched. The incredulous look on the boy's face was laughable. He approached warily, as if not sure if he was wanted.

"Harry." Remus eyes lit up. "What are you doing here?"

"Hi Tonks." Harry grinned at her before settling down on the opposite side of his uncle. "I thought you might be here." He couldn't quite meet his uncle's eyes.

"Ah."

Tonks watched curiously.

Remus lifted Harry's chin and waited until the green eyes met his. "I am glad for the company."

She watched the grin on Harry's face widen. He turned back to her. "What are you doing here?"

"I was wandering around looking for spots to take some photos and tried to break my ankle. Your uncle took pity on me and fixed me." She pointed to the bandage.

Harry stifled a laugh. "Did you get any good photos?"

"A few! Then I proceeded to annoy Remus. All in all it was an afternoon well spent." She pulled her bag to her. "I think I might vanish. Tell Sirius him informing me about this place gave me an injury!"

Harry jumped up and he offered his hand to her.

"What a gentleman." She let him pull her to her feet and gingerly rested her weight on her ankle. "This is brilliant! Hardly hurts at all!" She grinned down at Remus. "Thank you, good sir."

"Tonks." Remus looked up at her. "Why don't you walk back with us?" His eyes flickered to Harry. "At least to the edge of the gardens?"

She blinked. "Er, I… are you sure?"

"Perfectly." Remus pushed himself awkwardly to his feet. She watched as Harry grabbed Remus' bag before the older man could bend to retrieve it.

"What were you drawing?"

"Nothing much." Remus pushed the sketchbook into the worn satchel. They moved slowly, both men conscious of Tonks' injured ankle.

"Do you draw, Harry?"

"Lord, no! I can't draw to save my life." Harry laughed. "I leave that to Uncle Remus, he is the creative one of the family!"

"What do you do for hobbies then, Harry?"

"Football. Reading."

"Ah, a reader! A Remus influence, not Sirius I am guessing."

Harry grinned. "Exactly. I sometimes go down to the workshop with Uncle Sirius and help with the bikes."

"Enjoy it?"

Harry nodded. "Do you have hobbies?"

"Photos." She motioned to her camera bag. "And that is about it. I collected coins once, but Charlie told me it was a silly hobby."

Harry snickered.

They were at the edge of the gardens now and she paused.

"Thank you." Holding her hand out she smiled brightly. "You provided me with an excellent afternoon and fixed my ankle. I will be forever in your debt."

A small flicker of a smile crossed Remus face and he slowly reached out his hand. "Pleasure is all mine."

She squeezed his hand gently before turning to leave.

"Tonks." He called her back. "Bring your photos around one day."

She smiled at him. "I will." She turned with a wave and a crowd of tourists tumbling out of the gardens swept her away.

Harry glanced at his uncle and grinned cheekily. "So. A whole afternoon, huh?"

"You be quiet." Remus mumbled. Harry moved closer so their shoulders brushed as they walked. There were more people in the streets today .

"Well, I can't wait to tell Uncle Sirius you spent a whole afternoon with a girl!" Harry teased.

"Incorrigible." Remus sent a half amused, half exasperated glance at the young man. "Shall I inform Uncle Sirius about a certain Ginny Weasley inviting you to a movie that she conveniently forgot to mention to her brother?"

Harry's eyes widened as he stumbled on an uneven piece of pavement, Remus caught his arm, steadying him, as he chuckled softly. "That's what I thought."

"You are a horrible uncle." Harry grumbled. He mock glared at his uncle who merely smiled slightly in response before ducking his head as people swelled around them.


	7. Geranium

_So my brilliant co-writer** Unique . normality** and I want to know something. A. Who wants a prequel? B. Do people want us to skip forward a little, only a few weeks/months and continue with the story or go more slowly? We will still have blissful and wonderful interactions for everyone's favourite families! If anyone has any ideas they would like to see PM me and we can see if we can include them! _

_For all my readers of A Life More Ordinary, I promise I will update soon! I promise! I am just feeling very un-enthusiastic about it right now! _

"Hey!" Tonks entered the house and found her mother in her studio.

Andromeda Tonks looked up and smiled as her vivacious daughter tripped over an easel.

"How are you, Darling?" She kissed the girl's smooth cheek. "Have you put more dye through your hair?" The woman arched a dark eyebrow and Tonks grinned.

Shaking her bright red curls she nodded. "Like it?"

"It's very you." Andromeda smiled indulgently. "Cup of tea? We haven't seen you for a while."

"It's been a week, Mum. I have been busy with work."

"And?" Andromeda looked at her sharply. "What aren't you telling me young lady?" She busied herself at the bench.

"I might have run into someone a few weeks ago."

"Oh?"

"Sirius." She said very meekly.

"You saw Sirius?" Andromeda set the teapot on the table with a loud thud. "How is he?"

"He is good. So are Remus and Harry."

"They are all together still then?"

"They are a perfect family." She propped her chin on her hand. "Why did you guys stop talking? You never really did tell me."

Sighing softly Andromeda led her daughter back towards the studio. "Sheer Black stubbornness." She mused. "It was eight years ago now. Harry was at school. I suppose I was a little wary of Remus, I always said that Sirius would need to watch him around Harry. That having him around after being so emotionally and physically damaged could be bad for the boy growing up. I am not entirely sure what happened, but Remus had become more withdrawn more edgy. Sirius came over one day and that's when we had a horrible row."

"_What happened to your face?" Andromeda turned Sirius' head so she could inspect the ugly bruise that blossomed over his cheek and jaw. _

"_It's nothing." Sirius pulled away and managed a grim smile. "How are the paintings?"_

"_Fine. Sirius, what happened to your face? Did you get in a fight?! You know things like that could affect your custody of Harry!"_

"_It wasn't a fight, Andy. It's nothing."_

"_Sirius Black! Tell me what happened now!" Andromeda folded her arms and glared at her cousin. _

_Sirius sighed and hung his head. "Remus had a bad dream last night. It took me longer than usual to wake him. He fought out."_

"_Remus _hit_ you?" She looked horrified. "Sirius! He did damage! This was only last night and you are already bruised this badly! Did you see a doctor?"_

"_No. It's not that bad. Superficial and it wasn't his fault, Andy, he didn't know it was me and when he realised…" Sirius' voice trailed off as he remembered the horror and grief etched in his friend's face. _

"_Sirius, you can't keep doing this! He is emotionally unstable. Think about Harry."_

_Sirius scowled. "He would never hurt Harry. Come on, Andy. Stop being so hard on him! He knows you don't like him."_

_She sighed, exasperated. "It's not that I don't like him, Sirius. I just think he is bad for Harry. He is emotionally unstable." _

"_Emotionally unstable! God, Andromeda, listen to yourself! You sound like our mothers! He was_ tortured_ for twelve months!"_

"_I know! And I think he is a brave man, but Sirius, think of Harry! Remus didn't mean to hurt you but he did! What if he hit Harry? Or worse!"_

"_What do you mean 'worse'?" _

"_I have heard stories, Sirius, what if he injures Harry somehow."_

_Anger made Sirius flush deeply. "He would never hurt Harry!"_

"_But he might! Remus is unstable; he is emotional and clearly has violent outbursts. You think that growing up walking on eggshells is good for Harry?"_

"_Remus loves him!"_

"_Which will make such a difference when he hits him." Her voice was sharp._

"_How dare you!" Sirius was furious._

"_I am thinking like a mother, Sirius! A parent! Which you are not! You are not a parent!"_

_Sirius stepped back, his face was pale. "No." His voice was like ice. "I am not a parent. My godson's parents are dead and my best friend and I are raising their son as best we can. I am sorry you seem to think that we are unfit for that job. You have never stepped into danger in your life. Yes, maybe Remus is damaged but he loves that kid and Harry worships the ground he walks on. You have no idea of how we live you don't deserve to."_

"And he left, slammed the door behind him and we haven't spoken since."

Tonks swallowed. "That was pretty harsh." She said softly.

Andromeda sighed. "Perhaps it was, but I was worried for Harry. Remus was so emotionally fragile. He was withdrawn, barely spoke to anyone other than Sirius or Harry and he seemed so cold and aloof. I didn't think it was a good thing for a child to grow up around someone so… stilted. Perhaps I was wrong. Would you… would you tell Sirius I would like to see him again? He always was my favourite cousin."

Tonks nodded as she swivelled herself around on one of her mum's stools, thinking. She understood that her mum was just thinking like a mother but she had seen Remus around Harry. She knew it would kill him if he were to harm one messy hair on that boy's head.

"I'll tell him," Tonks said, knowing it would be good for both of them to make amends. "I'm sure he'd like that. Maybe bring him some food; he sure did like the leftovers I took him the other day without telling you." Tonks grinned as her mother rolled her eyes.

"So you say they're alright? How's Harry?" Andromeda asked as she set down her mug before sitting before her painting once more and critiquing the new addition to the top corner.

"Brilliant. He's one of the nicest teenagers I've met in a long time," Tonks snorted, thinking of all the rascals she had to deal with at work. "Great football player, too. Much to Sirius' entertainment. Thinks the boy is the next Beckham."

"He always did love his sports," Andromeda shook her head, reaching over for the paintbrush so she could fix a few spots. "Have you seen Remus at all?"

"Sure," Tonks said as she stilled herself on the chair long enough to take a sip of tea. "Ended up hanging out with him the other afternoon, actually. He's obviously a little shy but super nice. You should see his sketches, you'd like them. He's supposed to be a writer, too, so he must be a talented fellow."

Andromeda silently painted for a moment before turning around to look at her daughter. "You've spent time with him?" She asked, surprise coloured her voice.

"I know he has some problems with people but it doesn't seem too bad around just one person," Tonks surmised with a shrug as she continued to spin in the chair.

"Or maybe it's just you," Andromeda said lightly, raising a thin eyebrow while her daughter's brow furrowed.

"What do you mean?"

"You are the most non-judgemental person I have ever met, sweetheart. Remus probably feels comfortable with you because of that."

"I guess." She took a mouthful of tea. "I am going over tonight." She pointed to her bag. "Remus asked to see some of my photos."

"Did he?" Andromeda smiled. "Well, just be careful, I know you think me harsh but Remus went through a lot, he is emotionally damaged."

"And Sirius isn't?" Tonks sighed. "They ground each other, Mum. I don't think I have ever seen two friends that are closer. It makes some of my friends and I look superficial."

"Are they…?"

Tonks' laugh rang out loudly. "Lord, no! Both as straight as arrows! I think Sirius will have to know that you asked."

Andromeda shook her head. "Don't you dare!"

* * *

Tonks glanced at her bulky black wristwatch. It was early, much earlier than she had anticipated coming but her mother had an appointment and she hadn't felt like staying at her childhood home and thinking of the rift that had separated her mother from her cousin. The more she thought about it, the more she brooded. Glancing at the watch again she lifted her hand and rapped on the door. There, it was done. She couldn't go hide down in the lobby of the apartment building until it was later in the afternoon. She leaned against the doorframe, sure that she would hear any noise before it swung open and was deep in thought about how to broach the subject of her mother to Sirius when the door opened and she stumbled.

Remus reached out an automatic, steadying hand and stopped short of actually touching her as she righted herself.

"Well, I always know how to make an entrance around you." She grinned at him and was pleased to see the amusement in his eyes. "I am early, so feel free to tell me to run away for a few hours if you are busy."

"Rubbish." Remus beckoned her inside and shut the door behind her. "You arriving means I can stop working."

"Oh!" She frowned, slightly dismayed, as she stared at the dining table that was covered in papers. "I did interrupt you."

Remus shook his head. His eyes flickered to the clock. "Harry will be home soon. I would have stopped then anyhow. Tea?"

"Would be lovely. Ta. Want any help?"

Remus' eyes flickered up and he frowned slightly. "No." His words were shorter than he had intended and her head snapped up, eyes widening in surprise.

He cleared his throat. "Why don't you sit?"

Nodding she settled into an armchair and looked around. "How do you keep this place so immaculate? Sirius doesn't strike me as the 'put things where they belong' type."

She watched as he placed the loose papers into a draw on the cabinet and turned back to her. "He isn't." His voice was softer, the momentary harshness banished. "If you were to open his bedroom door then you would find that all the things he leaves here get thrown into that room."

Tonks laughed. "Sounds like what my mother used to do! I think she was very relieved when I became reasonably tidy after moving into my own apartment."

"You moved out even though your mother lives nearby?"

Tonks huffed a laugh as she accepted the tea from Remus. "My mother didn't entirely approve of my choice of career. She thought I should do something tame, go to university, get an arts degree. When I went into the Police force I suppose she was worried that something would go wrong." She glanced at him from under her eyelashes.

"And you would turn into Sirius."

She nodded, relieved at his understanding. "By then they weren't talking. So I guess she was scared that it could happen all over again. Stupid really, it was entirely different."

"She is still a mother." Remus pointed out gently.

"Maybe."

The front door was suddenly flung open and Harry's voice, slightly hysterical, rang out.

"Uncle Remus!" Four children suddenly spilled into the sitting room and Remus was on his feet. His eyes flickered over all four of them in an instant and he frowned.

"Ginny, what is it?" He moved around the lounge and gathered the girl into his arm.

Ginny's bag dropped to the floor and she flung her arms around his neck. "I hate school." She said and burst into tears.

"Shh, Love. It's all right." He rubbed her back soothingly. "What happened?" His eyes met Harry's.

"They were saying things to her at school. Calling her names!" Harry's face was flushed with anger.

"She ignored them for ages, Mr Lupin." A girl who Tonks didn't recognise spoke quickly. "We didn't find out until school was over. We could've done something!"

"I see. Ginny, look at me. That's a good girl. Now, what did they say to you?"

Tears spilled down the girl's white cheeks, they weren't tears of pity but of anger and hurt. She mumbled something under her breath before hiding her face against his shoulder.

Harry and Ron shifted with all the male discomfort of feminine tears.

"Boys, go and start on your homework in Harry's room, Hermione would you turn the kettle on for me and then go join the boys."

Three children instantly scattered and Remus guided Ginny to the lounge until they sat side by side. He tilted her chin so she was forced to look him in the eye.

"You know it's not true?"

She nodded miserably. "I ignored all day, I promise! It was when I saw the others that they started getting meaner and I just got so angry! It was stupid."

"It was not stupid, Ginevra Weasley." His voice was firm. "Never think that."

She nodded and smiled weakly. "Yes, sir."

"Good girl. Tea?"

She laughed now and nodded. Waiting until Remus left she turned to Tonks who had been sitting in her chair, rather shocked at the sudden events and unsure about where she should move to.

"I am sorry to interrupt, Tonks..." She sounded utterly miserable, ignoring any surprise she may have had at Tonks' presence in the house.

"Rubbish," Tonks waved her off, trying to sound extra cheery now that she was involved. "We weren't discussing anything important. Are you ok?"

Ginny nodded and slipped her shoes off, tucking her feet under her she sighed. "Mr Lupin will remind me that I am special and wonderful and that I can ignore what they say because I am better than they are."

Tonks handed the girl a tissue from her purse. "Has this happened before, Ginny?"

The girl nodded, drawing her knees to her chest and resting her chin on them. "You and Charlie used to be so confident, everyone in my family was really. And then there was me. When I was little, only about seven I suppose, I was bullied at school. I stopped talking, stopped eating much food, and just withdrew into myself. We had known Harry for about a year by then. Mr Lupin would come over when Harry and Mr Black came to the house but he was always silent, barely said two words and I was too shy to talk to him. When I went silent everyone was worried. They used to come over once a week, every Sunday. I would sneak outside and just sit on an old log for hours. Mr Lupin came outside one day and just sat beside me. We didn't talk for hours. That happened every week." Ginny sniffed and began to pick at the hem of her school dress. "Finally after about a month he turned, looked at me, and told me that I was the prettiest girl he had ever seen. I promptly burst into tears and he held me so tightly. I have never forgotten that."

Tonks glanced towards the kitchen. She knew Remus was giving the girl a moment with her to compose herself, to distract herself.

"He seems very fond of you."

Ginny smiled brightly. "It's quite a mutual feeling. He is so easy to talk to." She looked up and smiled as Remus entered again and handed her and Tonks a cup of tea.

"Finished?" He asked rather dryly.

"Uh huh. Thank you." She sighed. "Sorry for ruining your shirt.

"Hush." Remus frowned at her. "You can talk to me whenever you want, you know that, Ginny. You are not to listen to a word they say. Do you know what I see when I look at you?"

"A tear-stained fourteen year old?"

Tonks was astonished to see the smile flicker across Remus' face. He clearly was fond of this girl. "No, I see a young woman who can still smile even when she is hurting, who is strong and courageous, and who doesn't flinch from things that others do."

Ginny flung a pillow at him and Remus effortlessly tucked it behind him.

"You are a strong girl."

"And school is only for another few years." She sighed. "I know." She stood, stooped and kissed Remus' cheek. "Thank you. I am going to wash up."

Remus watched her leave and Tonks watched his hand tighten.

"Will she be ok?"

"She is stronger than she credits herself." Remus mused. "And she has good friends and family."

Harry appeared suddenly. "Hi Tonks." He grinned. He had changed out of his uniform. "Is she ok?" He looked worried.

"She will be fine." Remus reassured. He glanced behind Harry as the other young people joined them. "Staying for dinner?"

"No." Ron shook his head. "But can you help me with homework? Hermione refuses."

A soft chuckle escaped Remus. "Go and get it."

Tonks blinked. In the space of half an hour she had seen him comfort a crying girl, accept teasing from Harry's friends, and _laugh_.

Ron whooped and bolted.

"Tonks, this is Hermione Granger, she and Harry are close friends. This is Sirius' cousin, Tonks."

Hermione smiled a little shyly. "It's nice to meet you. Harry mentioned that you had met." Her shyness faded as Ron handed Remus his homework. "You can't help him, Mr Lupin!" She exclaimed indignantly. "He will never learn!"

Remus flicked through the papers before handing them back to Ron. "Re-read the instructions and break them down into steps." He was evidently ignoring the girl's indignant huff. "Once you have done that you will have the answer."

"Really?" Ron looked delighted.

"Really." Remus confirmed.

"Thanks!" Ron winked at Hermione. "See, he didn't tell me the whole answer."

"Are you making Mr Lupin help you with your homework?" Ginny had reappeared, face miraculously free of all traces of tears.

"He is!" Hermione looked so righteously indignant that Tonks had to hide her amusement behind her hand.

"Sirius is coming home early." Remus interrupted what could have potentially been a rather explosive argument that had probably been repeated more than once in his home.

"Really?" Harry looked surprised. "How come?"

"Because he wants to see his brilliant, charming cousin." Tonks grinned.

Harry laughed at her. "But of course he does. Did you bring your photos?"

"I did indeed."

"Cool, can I see them after dinner?"

Tonks nodded.

"Harry, we should do some homework before we have to go." Hermione shifted. "We have exams next week."

"Are you sleeping, Hermione?" Remus asked suddenly.

Hermione's cheeks flushed bright red. She mumbled something unintelligible.

"Hmm. You need sleep. If you study before you go home promise me no studying tonight."

She looked torn before nodded. "I promise."

"Excellent." Remus' eyes met Harry's and the boy nodded slightly.

* * *

"Aha, my favourite godson returns. And before dark, just as well, Remus was getting ready to pace." Sirius' loud voice greeted Harry as he entered the lounge room. Tonks smothered a laugh at the look Remus shot his friend.

"Everyone home ok?" Remus asked.

"Yup, and I told Mr and Mrs Granger that Hermione promised not to study tonight." Harry flung himself on the thick carpet. "She looked like she was about to punch me!"

"Are she and Ron dating yet?" Sirius inquired.

"No. They are still being stupid." Harry rolled his eyes.

"Course they are." Sirius shook his head. The phone rang and Sirius rose instantly. "Hello?" He rolled his eyes dramatically. "Give me a minute." Covering the phone he spoke quickly. "I have to take this. Sorry, Tonks. Don't look at me like that, Rem." He vanished into his room.

"I have to start on dinner. Will you be ok if Harry entertains you for a while?"

"Of course! I have been dying to talk to Harry about his elusive uncles."

Harry sat up, he was grinning. "Ask away!"

Remus shook his head and limped into the kitchen.

"Where to start?" Tonks made sure her voice carried. "Tell me, how do they make sure you are so nice about them? Threaten you with no dessert?"

"Lock me in my room." Harry was laughing. "With no pudding. It's been a hard childhood."

"I can tell." She smiled. "Tell me about Remus? Sirius is easy to know."

Harry shrugged. "What do you want to know?"

"You are fond of him?"

"Yeah." Harry hesitated. "I guess Uncle Sirius is the fun one, we do stupid things together. Play football. But Uncle Remus is the one who doesn't care if I have a problem at midnight and who always knows that to say. He wrote a book for me when I was a kid you know."

"Did he?"

"Yeah." Harry jumped up and began to search the shelves.

He returned with a wide, thin childrens book. On the cover was a lush forest surrounding a large, knotted tree. Beneath the tree sat a black dog, a stag, a wolf, and a plump rat. Entitled "The Marauders," the book said it was written by R. L. John with illustrations by Andromeda Tonks.

"Oh! I remember this!" Tonks exclaimed as she flipped the book open and saw the adventures of the animal friends play out page by page. "I remember my mum drawing for this. Remus wrote it?"

"Yup! He used to make them up on the spot when I wouldn't go to bed. He eventually wrote them down for me to read when he was teaching me and I think Uncle Sirius sent them to a publisher behind his back after getting your mum to draw for them." Harry grinned, remembering begging for more Marauder stories as a kid, promising exemplary behaviour in exchange for just one more story. "Uncle Remus was furious."

"So he's always been there for you," Tonks murmured, looking down at the book in her hand. There was a difference between reading a child a book and writing one personally for him. She thought it was incredibly sweet.

"He taught me how to read as soon as I could. I stayed with him was little while Sirius worked. He used to apologise for not going out to zoos and stuff like that but I always had a great time," Harry shrugged from beside her, completely relaxed. He didn't mind telling Tonks all about his Uncle Remus; it was good to see him make a friend. "He always made things fun for me no matter what he was going through."

"He's lucky that you weren't a bratty kid," Tonks teased despite the truth. Harry was a good kid and, despite his apologies, Remus seemed to have done a great job.

There was a soft thump in the kitchen and a sigh, causing Harry to snicker softly. He was about to stand but Tonks shook her head.

"I'll go see if he needs any help. Why don't you go see what is taking Sirius so long, his room can't be so messy that he's gotten himself lost, can it?" Tonks stood before laughing at the incredulous look on the teenager's face.

She left Harry in the living room and walked to the kitchen, keeping her laughter in check as she saw Remus bending over to pick up some pieces of carrot he dropped.

"At least I know you won't just put those back in the pan like Sirius would," Tonks quipped, crossing her arms with a smirk.

Remus looked over at her with a sheepish smile. "Well, now that you've caught me," he said slyly, tossing the pieces into the bin. "And please don't you believe everything Harry tells you about me. Sirius has programmed him to ignore all my faults... and there are many." His voice was cynical.

Tonks was about to open her mouth to respond when the air in her lungs left in one single breath. She had been fascinated by his selflessness and bravery, exemplified by his mere presence here. He went through and survived God knows what yet none of that mattered if Harry asked him of anything. Since she met him she had found his shy and self-deprecating manner rather endearing as it contrasted the typical personality of most people she spent time with. Yet, his secret dry wit kept him from being boring and definitely explained his ability to deal with her cousin.

But what Tonks didn't realize, what she did not see until just now as she walked into the kitchen and found herself struck dumb, embarrassingly, by how young and attractive he was behind his scars when he smiled, was that she had somehow developed a rather girlish crush on the man in the short time she had known him. A man who had no piercings, no tattoos (that she knew of, but that was for another conversation), no weird coloured hair, and not even a beard (yet, she noticed, he seemed to have a bit of stubble that caused a few butterflies to form). He wasn't in a rock band, he wasn't some starving artist, and he didn't seem the type to frequent nightclubs. He was the furthest from Tonks' type that a man could get, yet she found herself blushing as he looked back over his shoulder at her, raising an eyebrow.

"I hope you aren't waiting for me to drop something else. I promise there is no need to arrest me for breaking the five second rule." Remus smiled at her again, oblivious to the way that smile and her sudden epiphany made her a bit light-headed, and turned back to the dinner he was making (_which is bound to be as delicious as the last_, she thought with a sigh).

"No," Tonks blurted out as soon as she realized he was probably waiting for her to say something. "I just... er wanted to uh... help. You. If you needed it."

"Thank you, Tonks," Remus said genuinely. "But I'm actually almost finished. Maybe next time?"

Tonks just nodded quickly, attempting to make a quick escape when he called her name again.

"Yes?" She squeaked.

Remus looked at her for a moment, searching her for a reason for her slightly off behaviour. Not wanting to find the answer in himself, he quickly asked, "Your name... does everyone call you Tonks? It seems rather..."

"Harsh? That was kind of the point," Tonks said, shifting on her feet. "At school I would get teased for my first name so I got people to call me something less... fluffy. And it works for my job, too. I need people to see me as tough, not as a _Nymphadora_." She said the name with distaste.

"Well... I think it's quite pretty," Remus said before clearing his throat. "But I understand your need for something different for the workplace."

Tonks shrugged. "To answer your other question, my mum doesn't call me that, obviously. She insists on calling me by what she named me. But my dad calls me Dora, which I don't mind."

"Dora," Remus almost whispered, testing it out without a purpose as he stood there, not having noticed he had taken a few steps towards her.

"You... you can call me that if you prefer," Tonks found herself saying, kicking herself internally for sounding so breathless and hopeful. "I- I mean... you and the er... gang." She flippantly waved her hand to the living room where she assumed Harry was with Sirius.

Remus blinked at her for a moment before giving her his shy, yet genuine, smile. "I'd like that, thank you," he said before jumping slightly when the oven signalled it was preheated.

Tonks waved awkwardly as she watched him turn around to put the casserole dish in the oven, making her escape back to the living room where she could breathe easier.


	8. Peruvian Lily

_So my brilliant co-writer unique . normality  and I hope you continue to enjoy! We would like to thank all of the people who have taken the time to review! Your feedback is brilliant! _

Tonks scrambled up the metal stairs to where Sirius and Remus sat looking down at the field where Harry's game had already started.

"Sorry I'm late." She sounded slightly breathless. "I slept through my alarm."

"Slack." Sirius jeered. He glanced at the colours she wore, red and gold, Harry's team colours. "I like it."

"Thanks. And for your information, I was on nightshift. Which sucks just so you know."

"Poor baby." Sirius winked.

"Is he always this annoying?" She leaned forward to smile at Remus and her heart squeezed in sympathy.

Remus' face was grey, he looked utterly miserable. He glanced sideways to her and managed a weak smile. "Generally worse."

Tonks could barely hear his thin voice over the chatter of the crowd. He hadn't looked this bad the first time she had met him, or if he had she had forgotten. She had seen him when he was comfortable; he had relaxed enough around her to smile at her, so to see him now…

She leaned back and elbowed her cousin. "Who's winning?"

"The other team. Our kids will come good though!"

Tonks laughed at him and Sirius looked at her. "Is he ok?" She mouthed the words.

Sirius shook his head once. "Bad night." He muttered.

"Right." Her voice was soft. More proof of how much he adored the 'nephew' that he would do anything for.

"So, coming back to our place for lunch today?"

"Nope. I am going back to bed! I promised Harry, Ron, and Ginny that I would watch their games but sleep trumps food for now."

"So we are deprived of your company then?" Sirius asked dramatically.

"Yes, you are. Now sit still so I can use you as a pillow!"

Sirius looked insulted. "You can't fall asleep during the game! Yes! Run, Ron!" He was on his feet and Tonks rolled her eyes.

"You clearly haven't done night shift."

"Not in the past fourteen years I haven't." Sirius grinned and Tonks groaned.

"I forgot."

"Course you did. Hey, it's Harry's birthday in a few weeks. Want to come and celebrate with us? We are having a small party at the Weasley's, just them, us and the Grangers, Hermione's family, and one or two of Harry's other school friends."

"I'd love to! Are you sure he won't mind?"

"Not at all. He likes you. Just so you know, Harry's team is winning."

"Excellent." She hid a yawn.

"Did you drive?"

"In London? Of course not, I don't even own a car!"

"Tragic." Sirius sighed dramatically. "Maybe we should get you a motorbike."

"My mum would love that." She said sarcastically. "And speaking of my mother, she wants to see you, I forgot to mention that."

"Does she now." Sirius glanced at her.

"I think she is sorry."

"Is that so."

"Sirius." Remus' voice from the other side of his friend was snappish.

Sirius scowled and Tonks was absurdly reminded of a stubborn teenager.

"Who is winning now?" She spoke quickly, wanting to distract him. The seed was planted now, she could only hope Black stubbornness would crumble.

* * *

A woman swooped on Sirius, Remus, and Tonks as soon as they had descended from the stands. She was tall, slim, and blonde and wore clothes two sizes too small.

"You must be young Harry's guardians." She gushed. "My son just started playing on the team, his name is Stewart." She pointed to where a teenage boy was talking to Ron and Harry. "I have heard so much about you." She smiled flirtily at Sirius and Tonks grinned. The grin faded quickly as she turned to Remus' silent presence. "Stewie says Harry is so fond of you." The woman placed a well-manicured hand on Remus' arm. Tonks' eyes narrowed suddenly as jealousy surged through her. The jealousy died quickly as she watched Remus stiffen visibly.

"He told me that Harry has gotten into fights with the others if they insulted you." She leaned close and Remus stepped back. His head was bent to the ground, his shoulders rose and fell rapidly. She followed him, pressing herself against him. Trapping him. "I think you must have been so brave," she coo-ed up at him. Her hand was still on his arm, her body pressed against his, her free hand moved to his face. She touched the scars on his cheek.

A terrified, anguished murmur escaped him. Remus wrenched himself free and fled before Sirius could react. His steps were stumbling as he took flight. Sirius was moving swiftly after his friend in an instant. The woman looked insulted. "How rude!" She exclaimed.

"Rude is what you are, madam!" Molly Weasley suddenly descended, full redheaded fury high as she rose in defence of one of her own.

Tonks followed Remus and Sirius quickly, silently. Molly would deal with the woman. She needed to find Remus.

"Remus." Sirius approached cautiously.

Remus stood, one hand on a tree, leaning against the worn bark, breathing short, anguished gasps as shudders raced through him.

"Rem." Sirius touched his friend's shoulder and Remus sprang back.

"No!" His eyes were glazed. "No. No." His was shaking wildly.

"Rem." Sirius held his hands out in front of him. "Rem, it's me. It's ok. It's me. You are safe. In England. It's over. It's me."

"Sirius?" Remus looked like he was seeing his friend for the first time.

"Yes." Sirius approached slowly. His hands rested on his friend's shoulders. "You are safe. It's ok."

"Oh, God." Remus whispered. His knees buckled and Sirius caught him. "Sirius." He whispered brokenly.

"Shh. I have you. It's ok. Just breathe." He held Remus tightly. "It's ok." He looked up and caught sight of Tonks. He could see the tears in her eyes and he frowned as suspicion grew.

Tonks stood a few feet away, looking unsure as she kept her distance. She felt sick to her stomach as she watched Remus struggling. She wanted to help but didn't think her presence would be appreciated. She felt a tad useless, wanting to make him feel better as a friend should... but she knew and understood she couldn't replace Sirius in that respect.

Biting her lip, she spied the concession stand on the other side of a group of trees and started for it. After acquiring a cup of water with ice, Tonks slowly made her way closer to Sirius, being wary of the way his grip on his friend was still tight. She made no sound, waiting for Sirius to notice her instead of interrupting.

Her cousin helped Remus to sit down against the tree, hoping the feel of the rough bark would be comforting, and stood to face Tonks.

"Water?" Tonks asked softly, moving her eyes from the hunched over Remus to Sirius, the look in them hopeful and completely changing the original Black colouring with their acceptance and innocence.

Sirius opened his mouth to thank her before narrowing his eyes. Not sure if it was wise, he stepped away from Remus and nodded his head towards him: an invitation.

Tonks looked confused but did not hesitate to do as he suggested. Her steps were slow but purposeful. She stood above Remus for a moment, allowing him to feel she was there, before squatting down.

She was about to set the cup of water down when she lost her balance on her heels and fell the few inches back on her butt, some water spilling over her shirt with a too-loud curse.

Remus jumped slightly at the sound but looked up nonetheless and found himself facing a grumbling Tonks as she tried to wipe some of the liquid off herself, shaking her head. When she looked up, she was surprised to see Remus looking at her but instantly smiled.

"I thought you might like some water... what's left of it," Tonks shrugged, a slight blush on her cheeks as she set the cup down beside him.

Sirius expected a nod from him, if he acknowledged her at all, but was very shocked when he nodded _and_ croaked, "Thank you. Go sleep, Dora."

Tonks blinked at him before her smile brightened slightly. "Feel better, Remus," she whispered. Without thinking, she placed her hand on his knee as she stood, not seeing his non-reaction when she waved at Sirius before beginning her march to the nearby bus stop. She glanced over her shoulder as she walked away, Sirius was crouched beside Remus, the haggard man had lifted the cup and Sirius was steadying the wildly shaking hand as he helped Remus guide it to his lips. She sighed and looked away, her heart aching.

* * *

Harry carefully shut the door with a gentle click. He had heard Mrs Weasley's tearful voice telling Mr Weasley what had happened while at the Burrow. And he knew, even now, hours after, Remus would be on edge, jumpy and bitterly ashamed.

Sirius looked up as he entered the lounge room and he smiled warmly at his godson.

"Have a good afternoon?"

"Yeah." Harry's eyes flickered around the room. "Where is Uncle Remus?"

Sirius leaned back. "In his room." His brown eyes were sharp. "Why?"

Harry glanced towards Remus' closed door. "I overheard Mrs Weasley talking to Mr Weasley. Is he ok?"

Sirius sighed. "No. You had best leave him tonight, kiddo."

Harry bit his lip. His eyes flickered to the closed bedroom door.

"Harry." Sirius called the boy's attention to himself. "He is hurting."

"But… can I go in? Just for a minute?" His green eyes were pleading and Sirius sighed.

"A minute. Take him a cup of tea. He just needs some time to regroup."

Harry nodded. He ducked into the kitchen. He could still hear Mrs Weasley's sombre voice as she described Remus' terror to her husband. How he had fled after that woman had touched him. The boy bit his lip. He knew crowds terrified his uncle but Remus had always pushed the fear aside so he could watch his nephew play. Harry felt his stomach twist; had one person shattered his uncle again? He could remember things from when he was small, how Remus never left the apartment unless he had to. How his whole world had revolved around the small black haired boy and making fun for him. Harry poured the milk into his uncle's cup and headed for Remus' bedroom. He knocked softly. There was no answer and Harry glanced back at Sirius. The older man raised an eyebrow and shook his head. Ignoring him, Harry twisted the handle and pushed the door open.

"Uncle Remus?"

"Harry?" The tired voice that issued from the dark bedroom made the boy step inside. He closed the door behind him and waited for his eyes to adjust to the darkness.

He crossed the room slowly to where Remus sat beside the window in a comfortable chair. The older man looked up at his nephew. Harry held out the cup of tea and Remus took it.

"Thank you, Laddie." He whispered. His voice was strained, hoarse. Harry stood, awkwardly by the chair for a moment before he reached a decision. He folded himself onto the floor beside his uncle and leaned against the older man. It was a position that had not been assumed for a long time, a position that had once been common for the boy and man. Remus set the mug on the windowsill and ran his fingers gently through Harry's hair.

"What is it, cub?"

Harry rested his head on his uncle's knee, embarrassingly pleased at being called the childhood nickname he gained after spending many afternoons pretending to be a tiny wolf in his blanket cave. "Are you ok?"

Remus' hand stilled for an instant before he continued, slow rhythmic movements through the boy's hair that was soothing to both of them.

"I am so sorry, Harry." His voice was broken. "So sorry."

"Why?" Harry twisted a little and peered into the older man's face, his eyes had adjusted enough to the darkness to see the haggard, grey cast to Remus' face. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine. How did you find out?" Remus' eyes couldn't meet his nephew's and Harry could see the shame that filled the other man's face.

"I erm... might have been eavesdropping." He smiled uncertainly.

"I see."

"Uncle Remus?"

There was expectant silence.

"I… I…"

"You shouldn't be worrying about me, Harry." Remus sounded guilty. "It's my job to worry about you."

"But we have to worry about the people we love. And…" he hesitated with all the awkwardness of being fifteen. "And I love you so therefore I can worry."

Remus cupped the boy's cheek in his hand and searched the green eyes for a long moment. "You are so precious." He said finally. "Forgive me, Laddie, for being such a fool."

"Shut up." Harry snapped firmly and Remus was reminded suddenly of Lily. "You aren't a fool." He didn't continue. Remus hated being told he was a hero, he had never believed it, and he never would. Harry's vehement defence was enough, the weight of the child he had loved and raised against his leg was enough to ground him, to remind him that he was loved.

Knowing nothing else needed to be said, Harry turned back to face the room, letting his head fall back against the arm of the chair. The feeling of Remus' hand on his head let him know his presence was needed, so he stayed. He closed his eyes, finding appreciation for the quiet room after a long day out in the sun playing football. When Sirius came into the room to bring Remus a light dinner, he found his friend staring at the few pictures that resided on his wall with a teenage boy asleep at the foot of the chair his head resting against Remus' leg.

"Like old times, eh?" Sirius whispered, setting a plate down on the windowsill before leaving him alone once more.

_Sirius' steps quickened as he saw the road block. His heart was in his throat, the road that led straight to the apartment was blocked off. Lifting Harry into his arms he ignored the grumbles of the three year old who had insisted on walking all the way home from the library. He hurried to a nearby police officer._

"_What happened?" His voice was harsh. _

"_Several shots were fired, the person responsible was apprehended so there is no danger but we have blocked off the street until we analyse exactly what happened."_

"_I need to get in there!" _

"_You can't, sir."_

"_No. You don't understand." Sirius' grip on his godson was tight. "I live in that apartment block. My friend, he had PTSD, badly. Please. I need to go and make sure he is ok."_

"_Sir, protocol."_

"_Hang protocol!" Sirius snarled. "He was tortured he…" he didn't finish the sentence. _

_The cop wavered before nodding. "Go."_

_Sirius ran to the door and flung it open. "Remus!"_

_Harry, the fear radiating off Sirius transferring to him, began to cry. _

"_Shh, it's ok, Harry. Remus! Where are you?"_

_His eyes flickered around the lounge room. Nothing. Entering the kitchen, he winced at the sight of the shattered mug on the floor, the tea that spilled across the tiles. There was blood on the floor. The crutch that Remus used to hobble around the apartment was discarded on the floor. _

"_Rem?" He knocked on his friend's door. Pressing his ear against it he could hear Remus' ragged breathing and soft, pain filled noises. He swallowed. "Rem, open the door. It's ok. It's ok." _

"_Un'le Eemus!" Harry was crying in full force and Sirius felt overwhelming helplessness crash in on him. Six months since Remus had escaped from hospital and he had come so far, and now… _

"_Remus, I am coming in." The door was unlocked to his surprise and he pushed it open. His heart tore apart at the sight of his friend, crumpled on the floor, violent shudders ripping through him. _

"_Un'le Eemus!" Harry's cry was filled with distress. _

"_Harry, go into you room." Sirius put his godson on the floor. "Uncle Remus will be ok. Just go into your room." He wasn't surprised when the little boy ignored him and ran at Remus. _

"_Un'le Eemus!"_

"_Harry!" Sirius stepped forward but Harry had already flung himself against his uncle. _

_Sirius watched as Remus, still shaking wildly, pushed himself into a sitting position. Harry's arms were a choke hold around his neck. _

"_It's ok, Harry." His voice broke on every syllable. _

_There were tear stains of Remus' grey face and Sirius crouched beside him _

"_Remus." He spoke softly. "Rem, do you know where you are?"_

"_Sirius… For a moment," his eyes were filled with pain. "I… I thought…"_

"_I know." Sirius stood and pried Harry off Remus; he ignored, for a moment, the distressed murmur that broke from both man and child. _

"_Wait on Uncle Remus' bed for a moment." He ordered firmly. "Right. Let's get you back up." Sirius eyes were gentle, he knew it would be excruciating for Remus to stand again but he also knew his friend had probably fallen in his haste to escape the terror that had surged through him. He gripped Remus wrist and used his other hand to hold his best friend's arm. _

"_Ready?" Their eyes locked. _

"_I am so sorry." Remus' voice had taken on the dull distant tones of nine months ago when Remus had broken into his hospital room. _

"_Don't even think about starting. You have nothing to be sorry for. Are you ready?" He pulled his friend to his feet and half carried him to the chair beside the window. _

"_The man who fired the gun was caught. It's ok. You are safe."_

_Remus refused to meet his friend's eyes. _

"_Go to Un'le Eemus now?" Harry demanded from where he waited._

_Sirius hesitated but Harry's voice seemed to stir something in his whey faced friend. "H-Harry?"_

_The little boy tumbled to his side and Remus pulled the child onto his lap. His arms tightened around the little boy and Sirius quietly slipped away. Harry could do more for his friend right now than he could._

_Harry's arms were tight around Remus' neck, he didn't like seeing his uncle upset, his uncle who always made things fun for him. Pulling back a little the green eyed boy stared at his uncle. _

"_Un'le Eemus, are you sad?"_

"_Frightened." Remus admitted softly. "But you are here now so I'm not scared anymore." _

"_Why are you scared?" Harry was frowning. He associated fear with nightmares and Remus always woke him up from those, nightmares and Aunt Petunia. _

_Remus sighed, such innocence, this child was the only reason he was still alive. "Because I heard something that frightened me and you weren't here to not make me scared." He was aware of Sirius hovering in the doorway. _

_Small fingers gently patted Remus' face. "You don' have to be scared anymore." He reassured. "I is here and I love you."_

_Remus crushed Harry against his chest. He would do anything for this boy. Harry squirmed a little and Remus flinched as the boy hit a tender spot on his leg. "Gentle, Harry." He whispered. _

_Harry fisted his hands in Remus' shirt and rested his head against his uncle's chest. He yawned. Remus shifted slightly and began to run his hand through Harry's untidy hair. He could feel the tension easing away. Safety, freedom: two of the things he would never take for granted. _

* * *

A week and one cancelled appointment date later, Remus walked slowly and carefully down a London street. He made sure to make his new appointment with his editor for mid-morning, so people were already at work and the streets were less crowded. Harry walked beside him, keeping close but watching the people and places around him as if he had never walked this route before.

Remus repeatedly caught the boy glancing over at him now and again, and finally had to ask. "If there's some leftover breakfast on my face, please tell me now." His tone was dry.

"What?" Harry jumped.

"You keep looking at me. What is it?"

Harry ducked his head a bit at being caught, letting his shoes scuff the sidewalk. "Just making sure you're ok," he muttered.

Remus' hand came up to squeeze the boy's shoulder. "I'm fine," he said firmly but fondness for this child was clear in his tone. "Now. Start looking for a place to eat for lunch, we're almost there."

"There's a curry place over there." Harry pointed almost immediately to a brick building that was across from a police station.

Remus nodded. "It's been awhile since we've had a good curry. Sirius will be jealous."

"Exactly," Harry smirked, still annoyed at the fact that Sirius went to the new chips place without him the day before.

Remus rolled his eyes affectionately knowing exactly what his nephew was thinking before turning the corner and heading towards the entrance of his editor's building. He hesitated at the rotating door, allowing himself a moment to take a deep breath before taking the plunge. Harry's shoulders brushed against his as they entered the building and a tall man approached.

"Well, young Harry, you have grown considerably since I last saw you!" Michael Farqueson offered his hand to Harry before he turned to Remus. "How are you?" His eyes were keen.

"Well, and yourself?" Michael was one of the very few people who was allowed to shake Remus' hand.

"Excellent. Shall we go to my office?" Michael led them out of the busy foyer, he always met Remus downstairs, always ensured that that man's journey to his office was as swift and painless as possible.

"I might have some lollipops lying around for you, Harry, not too old I hope."

Harry grinned. "No, sir. I told Uncle Remus you would ensure I was provided with sweets."

"Do you mind if we take it home, Harry?" Remus spoke very softly as they approached the curry shop that Harry had spotted earlier. It was lunchtime, the streets were more crowded now.

"Course not." Harry said cheerfully. "I want to ask you about something anyhow."

Remus frowned. "Should I be worried."

Harry shook his head. "Nope, it's just about girls and school and what I want to do."

"Now I am worried." Remus spoke lightly. He held the door for his nephew and motioned Harry inside with a tip of his head. His eyes flitted around nervously. He was looking for all exits, every way out needed to be assessed.

"Uncle Remus," Harry's voice was soft. "What do you want to eat?"

Remus glanced at the menu. "Red curry with chicken. What do you want?"

"Butter chicken! And Naan bread. And samosas!"

"You really are mad at Sirius." Remus remarked. He approached the counter.

"Can I help you?" The girl behind the counter looked bored.

"Can we have a red curry with chicken, butter chicken, four Naan breads, and eight samosas to go please."

"Sure." The girl glanced curiously at Remus' scarred face. Harry stepped forward and took the wallet Remus slipped into his hand. He knew he uncle hated paying people, hated the fact that his damaged hand was on display to the world.

"How much?" Harry demanded. He felt Remus stiffen behind him suddenly and a soft intake of breath. He glanced over his shoulder, Remus was looking at the ground, an odd look on his face. Harry's eyes looked around the restaurant and then he saw Tonks.

She was seated with a tall, dark, well-muscled man. She had looked up and seen them, a hesitant look crossed her face to replace surprise, and Harry scowled. He turned back to paying the girl and when he looked back at his uncle she was approaching.

"Hey." Her eyes were on Remus. "How are you?"

"Fine. Yourself?"

"Good. How are you, Harry? Great game the other week."

Harry folded his arms, there was a protective look on his face. "You haven't been around for a while."

She sighed. "No. I have had almost constant night shift since I last saw you and…" she glanced at Remus and flushed. "I wasn't sure if I would be welcome."

Remus head snapped up and he looked at her, a strange expression on his face. "You are always welcome."

Her eyes searched his face. "Are you sure?" She whispered.

"Yes." Remus spoke firmly. "Always."

"Good." Her bright, sunny smile flashed across her face. "Then I expect a dinner invite!"

Remus smiled faintly. "Tomorrow night?"

"Sounds good. I will even be rid of the black circles under my eyes. Kingsley, my partner, made me get out of bed for lunch. It was really unfair. He's my work partner, not boyfriend partner. I mean, he would make a good boyfriend, but just not mine." She was blushing. "So just work, purely work. I mean, he's a friend. Oh, I am just going to shut up."

Harry was laughing, he had evidently decided not to be mad with her. "Sure you don't like him?"

She sighed ruefully. "Perfectly sure. So will I be allowed into the house, Mr Potter?"

Harry ducked his head. "Sure." He looked chagrined.

Tonks shrugged, ruffling his hair affectionately. "Don't worry about it." Her eyes flitted to Remus again. "You look very spiffy in a suit."

He flushed. "Meeting with my editor." He explained quickly.

"Are you writing more books?"

"How..?" He frowned. "Harry."

The boy grinned. "Yup."

"No. I write articles for his newspapers."

"Ah. A talented man." She nodded to where their order was being placed on the counter. "I'll let you go. See you tomorrow. What time?"

"Whenever you like, just come in," Remus murmured. He half smiled at her again. "Good bye, Dora."

"She was awfully defensive about her partner not being her partner," Harry observed as Tonks walked back to her table, narrowly missing a collision with a bus boy.

"Harry James."

"Yes?" The innocent laughter in the boy's face made it impossible to be even annoyed with him, and Remus just rolled his eyes.

* * *

"Evening Blacks, Lupins, and Potters!" Tonks knocked only once before opening the unlocked door, inwardly pleased that she had moved up the guest ladder to no longer need to be let in.

She closed the door behind her and walked into the main part of the flat. "Hello?"

"Dora?" Sirius walked out of his room, looking surprised but pleased to see her, and pulled her into a hug. "Good thing you're here, I was on the verge of getting bored!"

"Heavens no, that would have been a disaster," Tonks smirked, looking around the empty apartment. "Where is Remus... and Harry?"

Sirius raised an eyebrow before vaulting over the back of the couch to sit down. "They ran to the store to get a few ingredients for dinner. Normally Harry would just go, but last time he was told to get chicken he got the frozen stuff so now Remus doesn't trust him."

Tonks laughed as she moved to sit beside him, relaxing into the comfortable cushions. "Sorry I haven't been around this week," she mumbled.

"No worries," Sirius ruffled her hair a bit before she could dodge him. "We get that you have a life too."

"Well... I saw Harry and Remus yesterday and Harry seemed a bit mad at me," Tonks shrugged, not wanting the kid to dislike her. She liked him very much... and knew how much Remus cared for him.

"Harry is protective of Remus. You don't need to keep coming here if you don't want to. Harry's a mature kid, he doesn't need to get everything he wants... although we haven't done well in that department," Sirius snorted, shaking his head.

Smiling, Tonks shook her head as well. "No, I like being here. I enjoy the company."

Sirius glanced at her, a calculating look in his Black eyes. He looked as if he were about to say something but Tonks beat him to it.

"Can I ask you a question?" She blurted, looking a bit unsure.

"Knock yourself out." Sirius put his arms behind his head, expecting a tease-worthy conversation.

"Can I ask about Harry's mother?" Tonks asked in a near whisper, biting her lip. She quickly added, "I... I know the story, vaguely, about what happened to you. About the betrayal and Harry's father being caught and... and Remus... But I don't understand what happened to Harry's mum. Wasn't she here?"

The slight smirk on Sirius' face fell quickly as he sat up straighter. He did not answer for a few moments, causing Tonks to doubt herself.

"You don't have to answer, I was just curious. I'm sorry," she shook her head quickly. "I know it's a tough subject, forget it."

"No... no." Sirius took a deep breath, letting his head fall back against the couch. "You deserve to know, you're family and you're hanging around here a bunch... it's fine." He was quiet for a moment. "Where to start... You know that we were a team of four that were specifically trained for special ops. Lily worked in the department as a civilian, she was only there a few days a week. They knew there was a leak, but we thought it came from chain of command." A bitter looked crossed Sirius' face. "For one idiotic week I suspected Remus. Lily was looking into it, James didn't want her to, and things had been quiet so we thought that perhaps it had settled. And then we were attacked. James died in my arms, I saw Remus dragged into an old Humvee and he was gone, I watched Peter be hoisted into a truck and I knew in that moment who betrayed us." Sirius voice was filled with hard anger. "I knew they would suspect me, it was one of Pettigrew's _only_ sensible moments. Set it up to look like my fault. I was found three days after the attack, they didn't believe me. When I was sent back to England I found out about Lily." He breathed deeply. "She had found out the truth, she was to meet with our commanding officer that day, she was on her way to lunch."

Neither of them was aware of the door opening, of Remus and Harry entering, of the older man quietly sending his nephew into the kitchen while he stood back.

"She was shot. A sniper. She would never have seen it coming. Killer her instantly. They burned the car, and with it all the knowledge she had on that bastard's betrayal. If I had gone to the right sources I might have saved her!" The desperate anguish in Sirius' voice made Tonks wish she hadn't asked and as she was about to reach out a comforting hand to Sirius, Remus appeared. He nodded in her direction, acknowledging her, before resting both hands on Sirius' heaving shoulders.

"Sirius Black." His voice was gentle but firm. "Look at me."

Sirius refused and Remus shook his gently. "Look at me." He ordered again in a tone that was not to be ignored. Slowly Sirius lifted tormented eyes.

"It was not your fault," Remus spoke urgently. "There is _nothing_ you could have done to change that day. She died within hours of James, there is no way you could have saved her. She died knowing who betrayed us and hoping that one of us would survive to raise Harry, and you did survive! You got him away from the Dursley's. You did that, Sirius, and just because you could not save her life does not mean you didn't save her, you saved her child and that would have been enough for Lily. It was not your fault. You need to stop blaming yourself for it."

Sirius looked like he was about to argue but he closed his mouth. He nodded slightly.

"It wasn't your fault." Remus repeated gently. He straightened and squeezed Sirius' shoulders.

"Dora, will you come help me in the kitchen?" He turned to her with a small smile and she scrambled to her feet. As they entered the room Harry was packing the last of the groceries away.

"Hi." The boy smiled at her.

"Hey." Tonks stared at him, he had known so much loss in his young life.

"Harry." Remus called the boy's attention to him. "Go amuse Sirius for me."

"Sure." Harry was out of the room in an instant.

"I am so sorry!" Tonks whispered as soon as Harry was gone. "I—"

"No. Don't be sorry." Remus spoke firmly. "You had a right to know. You are Sirius' family. He blames himself for Lily's death even though he could have done nothing to stop it." Remus looked at her for a long moment. "He rarely speaks about that day, the fact he told you what he did shows how much he cares for you."

"I had no idea." Tonks spoke softly, trying to blink away a few tears. "I am so sorry."

Remus had busied himself pulling vegetables out of the fridge in preparation for dinner. "You apologise to me a great deal." There was gentle humour in his voice. He turned back to face her. "Would you start peeling potatoes for me?"

"Of course. And I do not apologise that much. Do I?"

"At least once every time I see you. Generally more."

"I'm—" She laughed suddenly. "Point taken. I will try very hard not to apologise to you again."

"Appreciated. Have you finished your night shifts now?"

"I have indeed. Thank goodness. They are brutal." Her eyes flickered to his hands as he deftly shaved skin of the carrots before he began to carefully cut them into long, thin straws.

"I suppose you would have been used to working at night." She was attempting to make conversation so her watching him was not noticeable.

"Once. I doubt I could do it now." Remus glanced sideways at her, he was painfully aware of her gaze on him and he wished he could hide the scarred, maimed hands. He scraped the carrots onto a plate before inadvertently reaching for a potato the same time she did.

Their hands grazed. At the sudden contact, Tonks immediately pulled away while blushing, yet Remus did not.

"Sor-" Tonks stopped, pressing her lips together before smiling sheepishly up at him. Refraining to say anything lest she end up apologising, she simply held her hand out for the potato. Instead of dropping it in her hand as she expected, Remus placed it in her palm, letting their hands graze for what felt, to her, like a life time.

Surprised but very much pleased, Tonks just beamed up at him before turning to the cutting board he had placed before her and attempting to peel her vegetable.

She never seemed to notice the scars on his face; the long, cruel scars that showed a lifetime of pain, Remus couldn't help but note. He knew she had been staring at his hands. He could feel her curiosity and he felt regret. Would her curiosity turn to disgust? She was so sweet and gentle while being so bright and confident. She was the only person, other than Sirius and Harry that he felt truly comfortable with. Harry's school friends were different, they were children and to the Weasley's he was simply an extended part of their family. But she was different. From the time they had met she was bright and bubbly she looked past his flaws. Even after he had broken down she had still spoken to him, her heart had been in her eyes that day and he'd seen the pain that she felt for him. It had been obvious yet that made her only more of a mystery to him. Why would she care so much?

They remained silent for a few minutes, working together at their task while creating a rhythm. But Tonks knew their harmony was too good to be true once she found herself sneaking looks at him from behind her fringe. Losing her concentration, she had her eyes on the slight stubble that graced Remus' jaw when she felt a sudden sting that caused her to drop both potato and peeler.

Tonks looked down at her hands as she heard the thump of a potato hitting the ground to find her finger bleeding freely. "Shit," she muttered, knowing she couldn't do such a simple task without screwing it up somehow.

She mumbled a few more curses as she twisted around, looking for the sink she had failed to take notice of before. But her fumbling was cut off at once when two large hands found hers and gently tugged her over to the basin beside the fridge.

"Sorry," she heard herself say pitifully. Tonks glanced up at Remus as he turned the water on, gently prying her hands apart so he could place her wounded appendage under the stream. But instead of feeling silly or shameful, his kind smile banished all her negative feeling and she allowed him to inspect the damage.

"See, just a scratch. You won't look like me, don't you worry."

Tonks' head snapped up to look at him, shocked at his joke. Remus reached to the top of the fridge to pull a bandage from a box. He did not look at her until her finger was wrapped up, his face blank before he smirked slightly, causing her to let out a laugh.

"I appreciate your help, Dr Lupin," Tonks grinned. They stood there, rather close together with her hand still in his.

"Are you gonna use that potato or should we just leave it on the ground?"

Tonks jumped away from Remus, her face blushing to match her hair. She glared at the quirked eyebrow on Sirius' face before glancing at Remus to find him back at the cutting board as if there had been no interruption. She followed his lead dutifully, her thoughts in a whirlwind. His missing fingers hadn't seemed to slow him down while he had gently tended to her sliced finger. His hands had enveloped hers completely, they were gentle, warm. They were soft hands that had not been used to hard labour for a long time, but their softness did not belie their strength. She had seen the multitude of scars on the backs of his hands and she found herself wondering what Remus' body looked like. Was it covered in the same, cruel scars that represented the year that had broken him?

"Can I help with dinner?" Sirius looked like he wasn't about to leave anytime soon and Remus glanced up.

He raised an eyebrow. "Is that quite safe? Harry always complained about you attempting to poison him whenever I didn't cook."

"Are you letting Uncle Sirius into the kitchen?" Harry entered and Tonks found the kitchen rather crowded. She didn't mind though, it was family and it was brilliant.

"I am deciding." Remus spoke lightly.

"Please don't." Harry begged. He clutched Remus' sleeve dramatically. "Have mercy on me, Uncle Remus! Have mercy!"

Tonks laughed. "He can't be that bad can he?"

Two horrified looks were sent her way from both Harry and Remus.

"Worse." Harry said gravely. "I was seven before he actually had to cook for me. Uncle Remus was sick and Uncle Sirius said he didn't want germs on the food."

"That and Remus had pneumonia so couldn't actually leave his bed." Sirius sounded defensive.

"Anyhow." Harry grinned. "He tried to make an omelette. I still don't know _how_ you ruin an omelette but he did. I nearly vomited, Uncle Remus rescued me by dragging himself out of bed and making a new omelette for me. It was much tastier."

"You are never going to let me forget that, are you?" Sirius sounded aggrieved.

"No." Remus sounded amused.

"If you had pneumonia why weren't you in hospital?" Tonks demanded suddenly.

Remus glanced at her briefly. "I have an aversion to hospitals. I only go into them if it is absolutely necessary."

"Ah." She flushed somehow, she realised, that this was sensitive territory.

"After that Uncle Remus always made sure that there was frozen meals in the freezer so I never would have to starve."

"It's good to know that someone cared about your nourishment." Tonks was laughing. "I think not being able to cook is a Black trait. I can boil potatoes. Though, apparently I can't peel them." She held her hand aloft.

"When I was little Uncle Remus used to let me 'help' him in here. He's used to fixing all sorts of cuts and scrapes."

Tonks watched the three men move around each other. They meant everything to one another. The phone rang and Sirius bolted out of the room. Harry grinned mischievously and followed his uncle.

"Dad. Dad. Dad. Dad!" He began to cry, knowing what kind of phone call would cause Sirius to run that fast.

Tonks giggled. "He is brilliant."

"He really is." The warmth and love for the boy was so clear in Remus' voice.

"Thank you." She rested her hand on his arm carefully, wanting him to know she was sincere. "For helping me."

His eyes flickered to her hand and she realised what she had done. She pulled back quickly. "No." He swallowed. "It's all right. I won't lose it like the other week."

She opened her mouth, wanting to reassure him, but he turned away, sliding the tray of potatoes into the oven to join the lamb that had been placed in the moment he had arrived home.

Deciding not to draw any unwanted attention to her silly school girl crush by arguing with his harsh assessment of himself. Tonks slid to the refrigerator and opened the freezer door. "You have ice cream. I can't make much but I can make a mean ice cream sundae for dessert," she smiled, only teasing a little yet wanting him to know she could do something useful in the kitchen.

"Chocolate or vanilla," Remus asked suddenly, a very serious look on his face.

"Strawberry," Tonks countered, crossing her arms firmly while raising an eyebrow.

Remus just looked at her in assessment before nodding and turning back to his work area, missing the silly girl's silly smile.


	9. Sunflower

_My co-writer** unique normality** I would like to thank all the people who took the time to review! You guys really make our days! I shall reply to your reviews soon! It's been a busy week for me with work and life! So I apologise for the delay! Enjoy!_

Sirius shifted slightly and looked longingly back towards the street. He could run now and no one would know. Well, that wasn't true. _Andy would tell Dora, Dora would tell Remus, and Remus would lecture me about building bridges and family being important, especially for Harry_. Sirius sighed heavily. Harry was always the trump card that either of them used to win an argument.

He swallowed and was about to lift his hand to the knocker when the door was flung open and Tonks stood there, arms folded, eyes twinkling.

"Wotcher."

"Tonks!" Sirius' eye widened. "What are you doing here?"

"Well, as this is my childhood home, I used to live here." Her eyes danced with mischief. "And," she leaned forward to stage whisper, "Remus, Harry, and I were plotting against you last night; they may have mentioned the distinct possibility of your running away."

"Why does that not surprise me," Sirius grumbled. He followed her into the house. "I knew you three were up to something last night! Harry had to keep hiding his face against Remus' shoulder so I wouldn't know he was laughing."

Tonks rolled her eyes. They had entered the room her mother was nervously waiting in and Sirius' words had held a touch of defiance.

"Yes. Between the two of them I was well warned what to expect." An eyebrow rose pointedly and Sirius scowled.

"Sirius." Andromeda's voice was soft. "You look well." She had risen and stood nervously watching her cousin for a long moment.

"So do you, Andy," he smiled crookedly before stepping forward and hugging her.

Andromeda's arms tightened around her young cousin. "It has been too long." She pushed him back and scrutinised him closely. "How are you?"

"Good!" Sirius smiled as she led him to a chair and pushed him into it. "How about you? Congratulations on getting the awards for your paintings."

She looked up, surprised. "You know about them?"

"Remus told me." Sirius spoke slowly.

"Oh." She busied herself making tea. "How is Harry?" She was searching desperately for safe topics of conversation. Sirius' face brightened.

"He is brilliant. Dora tell you that he plays football?"

"She said he was quite the player."

"He is. Best kid on the field," Sirius boasted. "And he is rather good at school too, though I can't really take any credit for that."

Tonks laughed. "You mean you didn't sit down with him and help him with homework? How shocking."

"Oh shut up," Sirius grinned good naturedly. "Your daughter has far too much, cheek, Andy. And no, come to think of it, I don't think I ever helped with homework."

"Probably safer for Harry's grades."

"Nymphadora!" Andromeda looked horrified but Sirius laughed.

"No, don't scold her. She hit the nail on the head, I taught Harry how to play football and cricket, and Remus was the scholar."

"He does well at school?"

"Brilliantly. He pushes himself, he is a much better student than his father and I were. Makes me question his paternity, really." Sirius smirked, causing Tonks to laugh.

"Why didn't you send him to Hogwarts Grammar? It is one of the best schools in England and he would have been accepted seeing his parents both went there."

"We thought about it." Sirius admitted. "But neither Remus nor I was willing to give him up. It was different for us, I was sent there to be gotten rid of, Remus was a scholarship student and a damned brilliant one, and James... Jamie was family tradition, but the idea of Harry being away most of the year…" Sirius shrugged. "None of us wanted that. We asked him when he was old enough if he wanted to go and he refused. He has friends at the school he is at and they have a very good reputation."

Andromeda nodded.

"How have you been? And Ted?"

"Good. He is still enjoying his job, thinks being a news reader is the most fascinating thing in the universe," she rolled her eyes affectionately. "He apologises for not being here today, but he was called into work early to work on something. I keep telling him that he should retire but he insists that the day Dora has a baby is the day he will retire."

"Mum!" Dora's shriek made Sirius grin. Her cheeks were bright red and she looked decidedly uncomfortable.

"What? It's the truth isn't it?"

"Sirius will never let me forget this," she moaned.

"Don't forget when I go home I'll tell Remus and Harry," Sirius chuckled. "Harry will never let you forget it."

"I hate you." Dora glared at her cousin. "So much."

Andromeda watched wistfully.

"So, ignoring your kid, how are the paintings? Are you still doing artwork for books?"

"Occasionally, I rather thought that Remus might write something again maybe?"

"Nope, didn't trust me after I published that first one of his, he refused to write anything down after that."

Andromeda frowned. "But it was brilliant."

A wistful expression crossed Sirius' face. "Yes. It was."

"Mum has been commissioned for another series in the art gallery; they want her to display all her portraits!"

"Andy that is brilliant! When is the showing?"

"Not until January, I still have a lot of work to do; I need another three portraits before it can go ahead." She looked speculatively at her cousin. "I don't suppose I could paint you?"

"Me?" Sirius looked startled. "Why?"

"I thought the vain peacock would have liked that," Dora's eyes were twinkling.

Sirius reached over and covered her mouth with a calloused hand. "Why me?"

"Because you are in interesting person. You have triumphed over sorrow, you had a terrible childhood yet you have raised Harry brilliantly. I think that all that complexity would make a brilliant portrait."

Sirius frowned. "Can I think about it and let you know?"

"Of course! I can do it here or at your house, whatever you are more comfortable with."

Sirius pulled his hand away from Dora's mouth suddenly. "Did you just _lick_ me?"

"Yes." She looked indignant. "Fancy doing that to a lady!"

"Are you a lady?"

Tonks simply huffed at him.

Andromeda smiled. "When Dora told me that she found you at that football game I was very happy to hear that you were well."

Sirius nodded slightly. "The feeling was mutual."

She sighed softly. "How is Remus?"

Sirius' jaw clenched and a stubborn look entered his eyes. The elephant in the room was finally being addressed. "He is fine."

"Sirius." Dora's voice was soft; she reached out until her hand rested on his arm.

Andromeda sighed, so in this her daughter sided with her cousin. "I am sorry, Sirius, for the things I said that day. I was worried about you but I did not mean to hurt you or insult your friend."

"You never liked Remus, Andromeda, we all knew that. And after he came home you liked him even less. _He_ knew that. When you said those things you were insulting my best friend, a man who was braver than you could ever imagine. You had no idea; you glimpsed into our lives and you saw only that he had reacted badly after a _nightmare_." Sirius swallowed. He looked away.

"I know." Andromeda leaned forward, her voice pleading. "And I am sorry, truly sorry for what I said that day, Sirius. I will not take back the sentiment for that was real, I was worried about you and I was worried about Harry, but I was wrong to say those things. Please, forgive me."

"Why did you never come to me and apologise before?" Sirius wasn't going to make this easy.

"You never apologised for telling me that I had no business meddling in your life. You never replied to the messages I left on your answering machine. And I'm as much a stubborn Black as you are, Sirius."

Sirius nodded curtly. "I won't forget what you said," he warned. "But I will forgive you." He relaxed a little, relenting. "I know you only meant good, Andy, but _never _say anything like that about Remus ever again."

"I won't," she promised.

Sirius glanced at the table for a moment before he looked up, a crooked smile on his face. "Now, it's my turn. Forgive me for being such a prat before and… and now too. I promised I would be nice and I haven't really stayed true to that. I should have returned your calls long before they stopped and I should have been a little nicer when you asked my forgiveness."

Andromeda's eyes widened. "Of course I forgive you," her eyes twinkled. "Fancy that, Sirius Black apologising, I never thought I would see the day."

Sirius laughed and Dora relaxed visibly. "It's what comes of having to raise a kid," he admitted.

"I'll walk you home." Sirius offered as he and Dora left the Tonks house.

The young woman glanced up at her cousin and smiled. "Thanks, but you don't have to."

"Nonsense, Remus would have my head if he knew I let you walk home alone."

Dora blushed. "I highly doubt that but thanks, I will enjoy the company."

Sirius was quiet for a moment before he spoke gravely. "Thank you for coming today, Dora. I know Remus and Harry asked you to. But you didn't have to."

"She loves you but she's a Black, as she said," Tonks said, raising her eyebrow pointedly at him.

"I should have called her back all those years ago."

Dora shrugged. "I don't blame you." Her honesty surprised him. "She told me what she said that day about Remus and I don't blame you. I probably would have done the same, Harry would definitely do the same, and from what I have heard about James and Lily they would have done the same. She had no idea, _has_ no idea, and so she said things that she shouldn't have."

Sirius looked down at her averted face. "I'm guessing that she doesn't understand why you do what you do?"

Dora shook her head.

"Remember that day I told you that if you ever need to talk our door is always open to you?"

Another silent nod.

"Well, I meant it. Remus and I may not have been cops but we still get it and both of us are always willing to listen, ok?"

"Thanks." She smiled shakily.

They were quiet for a long time as she walked through London streets. "Want to come in?" She pointed to the small flat above a shop space. "It's not much but I can make you tea."

"Ta. I need to talk to you."

"Oh dear." She grinned, her usual sunny smile back in place. "What have I done now?"

Sirius grinned. "Get upstairs."

She busied herself in her tiny, closet-sized kitchen. "Can I get you anything to eat? I have chocolate biscuits."

"Sounds brilliant." Sirius looked around the photographs on the wall. "These yours?"

"Yup." She emerged balancing a plate of biscuits on one of the mugs she was carrying. "Help."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Is that safe seeing you are the biggest klutz I know?"

"Shut up." She sighed, relieved, when he took both the plate and a mug off her. "Right, what is this serious conversation I feel like we are about to have. If you want to tell me about babies then you are about ten years too late."

A vaguely horrified expression crossed Sirius' face and Tonks giggled.

"No. Not babies, I was hoping your mum had that talk with you."

"She did. You are safe." Tonks folded her feet underneath her and waited expectantly.

"It's about Remus." Sirius spoke gravely.

"What about him?" She wished she could control the hot flush that worked its way up her neck into her cheeks. Dammit, she had to stop blushing every time she heard his name.

"You fancy him, don't you?" Sirius was blunt.

"Well, you certainly don't beat around the bush," she grumbled. "What makes you think that?"

"Dora, you are as red as a tomato, you hang on his every word, and I have seen the way you look at him."

She moaned and buried her face in her hands. "Does he know?"

"Totally oblivious as far as I can tell."

"Thank god."

"Dora, Remus… Remus is fragile." Sirius was struggling to find the right words. "If this thing you feel is just a passing fancy because he is a tragic hero figure then please, please don't act on it. Remus doesn't love often but when he does it is with his whole being... and it is fierce. He has been hurt so badly in his life, hurt by people he has loved and trusted, and I don't think he could survive being torn apart again."

"Sirius—"

"No. Hear me out. If you do want to make something of it then please make sure you mean it first. Don't let him know that you fancy him and then pull back because you find someone else, someone who is easier to love. He has been through hell, Dora. And he is terrified of being hurt again. I don't need two hands to count the people he has ever trusted properly, and two of them are dead, one betrayed them, and the others are… out of the picture. If you do decide you care about him enough to make it work please be gentle. I can't see him hurt again." Sirius' eyes were dark.

"I would never hurt him, Sirius," Tonks whispered, trying to convey her sincerity.

He shook his head. "You wouldn't mean to. But if you made him care and then walked away because he is… Remus; then it would break him. He has baggage, Dora, things that I can't and won't tell you. He won't be easy to love; he won't make it easy to love him when he knows but…"

"When he loves it is fierce," she repeated his words and he nodded. "I can stay away?"

"Do you want to?"

"No."

"Do you think that you could love him completely? All of him?"

She was quiet for a long time as she thought about his words and slowly she nodded. Tonks, for most her life, was rarely decisive and sure about things. But when she was, she meant it. "I think I could."

Sirius smiled. "Then I fully support you. But, if you break his heart then I will never forgive you. I have seen him broken I don't think I could bear to see that again."

"Sirius… I… what if I'm not strong enough?"

"You need to decide that before he realises that he cares for you." He rose. "I have to go or else they will think I bolted to France. See you on the weekend?"

She nodded numbly and watched him leave. His words rolled over in her head. _He loves rarely, but he loves fiercely. Don't break him...again. Before he realises that he cares for you._

Tonks buried her face in her hands. What was she going to do?

* * *

"Forget about the paperwork, Lass," Mad-Eye Moody said gruffly, shaking his head as he stopped Dora from getting to her desk. "Head on home. Take a few days. You did well."

"But... we didn't..." Dora started but couldn't finish. After days, this certain case was over, but it did not end in the way they had wanted. She had black bruises under her eyes and she couldn't remember the last time she washed her limp hair. But her weariness hadn't hit her until just now and she swayed.

"You did well." Moody's tone left no room for argument as he clapped a hand on her shoulder. "Head on out, Tonks. I don't want to see you until Monday."

She just nodded and grabbed her bag from her chair, haphazardly swinging it over her shoulder as she passed a few other officers in similar states as she.

Dora walked out into the street and half expected it to be completely dark outside, or raining. But it was the middle of the afternoon and the sun was, oddly, shining brightly, making it the complete antithesis of her current mood.

She knew, as a police officer, that her job was to deal with the unsavoury, and sometimes evil. But it did not stop her from feeling the effects of a "mission" gone wrong. Dora's guilt and sorrow even overshadowed the emotional stressing she had brought upon herself since her talk with Sirius about her feelings for Remus. But she had to push that aside, for her sanity, in order to deal with the whirlwind in her mind currently.

Dora kept walking, somehow managing to stay upright and out of people's way as she stumbled along. After a while, she blinked and looked around, unsure of where her feet had taken her. But she let out a breath when she recognized the building before her. Knowing it was where she needed to be now, she walked in as she had many times before.

Without remembering the journey, she found herself in front of the door. She lifted her arm and knocked on the wood as she felt all the stressful emotions begin to break the dam, not helped by her fatigue and hunger. She heard the doorknob turn as tears began to form.

Tonks realized she had brought herself here to talk to Sirius as she wanted the comfort of family without dealing with her mother's lack of understanding. She realized who she had been expecting when he wasn't the one that opened the door. Her heart skipped a beat when she saw Remus standing there, his eyes widening slightly, but she tried to push away those feelings for now.

"Dora?" Remus' wary expression was transformed into a deep frown, finding the person before him the complete opposite of his friend's usual state. She looked upset, obviously, but also tired and worn out. Her hair lacked its usual vibrancy, as did her face with its lack of smile. Without knowing the reason behind her current appearance, Remus found himself with the inner need to punch someone for the first time in years. Yet he stood frozen at the door, shocked.

"C- can I come in?" Tonks choked out, knowing she probably looked at least ten years younger with her current expression of sheer misery.

She shuffled in as soon as Remus stepped back, barely feeling the hand he put on her arm to help guide her to the couch. She dropped her bag and kicked off her shoes before curling up on their comfortable sofa, drawing her knees to her chest. Dora was almost disappointed in the fact that the apartment was too quiet for Sirius to be available, she needed her cousin's loud voiced distraction, but she was glad she wasn't completely alone.

Tonks started violently when she felt Remus sit beside her a few minutes later and found him holding out a mug adorned with Harry's team colours.

"We don't have anything stronger, unfortunately, but I always thought chocolate helped sooth things," Remus said, his voice gentle as he watched her take the mug of hot chocolate.

She murmured a thank you before taking a sip, allowing herself to let out a deep breath and relax a little as the warm liquid slid down her throat.

"Sirius is at work, I'm afraid," Remus started, assuming she was here for him but he fell silent with the pitiful look she bestowed on him.

"Could I... just... stay here for a bit?" Dora asked, afraid she might start crying again if he refused her.

Remus looked almost horrified before, very hesitantly, placing a hand on her arm once more. He felt as if he were comforting Ginny... but it was different.

"I don't think I'd let you leave if you wanted to," Remus assured her with a careful smile, watching as she sniffled a bit before giving him a watery attempt at a smile in return.

Remus tried to relax on the couch, keeping watch of Tonks out of the corner of his eye as he sipped from his own mug. He knew she had to be here to talk but wanted her to begin on her own time, especially if whatever happened made her this upset. He found himself more than a little worried about her, almost scared to hear about something that may have hurt her. He stretched his hand and what was left of his fingers as a sharp stabbing pain reminded him that he was holding the ceramic mug too tightly. He glanced over at Dora once more and winced as she let out a sob.

"We almost had him," she gasped, her trembling hands shaking her drink. She knew she shouldn't really talk about case details but she also knew Remus would understand more than anyone. "We've been after him for d- days and we almost had him! We had him practically cornered and we were so sure we'd be able to take him down before he h- hurt his hostage. B- but we were too l- late... She was only seven a-and he... before he..." Tonks trailed off as she let out another sob, the stress and the guilt pushing her to the breaking point. "We were too late! We should have known! We should have stopped him!" She was crying in earnest now, deep, anguished sobs that shook her slight frame.

Remus pulled the cup from her hand and it joined his on the floor, she didn't see him hesitate before pulling her into his arms. He held her tightly, rubbing her back gently. He didn't speak, didn't offer empty platitudes.

Her weeping slowly eased. And she pulled back. He handed her a tissue and waited for a moment.

"Do you want to start at the beginning?" He spoke warily.

"I probably shouldn't leave another patch of tears on your shirt," She whispered.

Remus' eyes were riveted on her face and she found that she was unable to look away from his compassionate brown eyes that read to her soul. "I think my shirt will manage."

Tonks nodded. She shifted so her back was against the arm of the chair and she was facing him. "Two months ago a woman in her fifties was kidnapped, her family received a ransom phone call and then a week later she was found dead on her doorstep. Two weeks later, a woman in her forties went missing. We were so close. We were about to go on a raid, he had killed four women, one of them was eighteen. The raid was set up, we had all the evidence we needed when he vanished. The house was empty there was no trace of where he had gone. Three hours later we got a call." Her eyes were closed and she was twisting her hands desperately. Remus sat motionless, watching her. He didn't touch her, he knew from experience that touch would not be welcome, but he longed to wipe away the pain. Dora was sweet, innocent and bubbly; she should not have to endure this hurt.

"There was a girl, Tatiana, who was missing." Her voice caught and her eyes fluttered open. "She was seven."

Remus face twisted with sudden grief. He shoved his own memories down, the memories that her words had sparked; she needed him to be strong. He wished Sirius was here, Sirius would know what to say, how to make his cousin laugh again.

"It was the same as the others. Ransom call. We looked everywhere; he knew he was close to being caught. He knew and he was careful but we found him. Oh god, Remus, we were so excited. We were going to get this little girl back! It hadn't been a week yet and we knew we would find him. We surrounded the building, it was a perfect raid. King and I were some of the first there… And…" She hunched forward and Remus reached out his good hand slowly to her. She caught it and clung to his strong fingers. She wondered, distractedly, that his hands were so big compared to hers. "There he was, sitting in a chair. He was _waiting_ for us and he began to laugh." A violent shudder ripped through her. "I will never forget his laugh. There was blood." Her voice was a broken whisper.

"Dora." Remus' voice called her to him; his face was pale, strained. He gently disentangled her hand and held his arms open to her.

She went to him, burying her face against his shoulder.

"Keep going." He whispered. He knew that she needed to finish.

"So much blood and she was lying there. Remus she was still warm! Still warm!" Her tears began. "He killed her _fifteen_ minutes before we got there! It was brutal! He—" She broke off suddenly as she remember who she was talking to. A man who had been imprisoned and tortured for a cruel, cruel year. "We were too late."

"I am so, sorry, Dora." Remus' voice was so gentle and the tears which were slowly leaking from Tonks' eyes began to flow faster. "I am so, so sorry you had to endure that."

"We had to tell her family. King and I went after we had changed our clothes. I told them that it was instant, that she was not hurt badly."

"But you lied." It was not a question. "You did a good thing, Dora. A brave thing."

"She was so small. We failed. I failed her! If—"

"No. You do not get to blame yourself for this. It is not your fault. You look as if you haven't slept for days; you and your colleagues did all that you could. You do not get to blame yourself!" He pushed her back a little so he could see her face. "You do not get to blame yourself." He repeated more gently this time.

Tonks found herself closer to Remus than she had ever been. If she had been in a better state of mind, she might have been flustered over how close their faces were. But, now, she just relished in the comfort he was giving her. Most people, if given the opportunity to be this close to such a mysterious man, would probably take a closer look at the scars on his face, or even the questionable marks that were on his neck. But Tonks found herself almost mesmerized by his light eyes; eyes that held so much compassion.

Hating to break their contact, but knowing she needed to if she were to stop herself from doing anything stupid, she nodded and looked down at her hands.

"I know," she sniffled, wiping her face as she felt him shift away. "It's his fault for doing this. It's just... hard."

"But he won't hurt anyone again," Remus whispered firmly, causing Tonks to look up and meet his eyes once more.

She stared at him for a moment before giving him a slightly less watery smile than before.

Now that she had gotten her story off her chest, she felt a bit better. Reaching down, she found a mug still relatively warm and picked it up. Hoping it would lift her up a bit, Tonks chugged the whole cup of hot (or, by now, warm) chocolate.

"Oh!" Tonks looked down into her mug and then at the outside, finding a publisher's logo. "I think I drank yours, I'm sorry."

Remus looked at her in surprise as she reached down to pick up her mug in order to hand it to him. Most were afraid to get near him, he had discovered during the years after his return. Very few were willing to touch him. Yet this girl... woman had just drank from his mug without a second though. He knew he had no diseases, but that didn't stop others from acting like he did just because of his scars, the damaged hand and his uneven step. But Tonks only apologized for taking what was his by accident. He felt the usual curl of fear unfurl inside him as he realised just how close she had been to him, the fact he had held her tightly trying to comfort her, he breathed in shakily, he wanted to escape, there had only been three people who had ever gotten this close to him since his return. Sirius, Harry and Ginny, and now, this young woman who never seemed to care that he was frightened of noises, of people touching him, of people in general, had somehow set him so at ease that he was able to offer her comfort.

Tonks interrupted his thoughts when she seemed to curl up into herself on the couch and lean her head on the back.

"Can... can we maybe talk about other things?" Tonks asked hopefully, still looking tired but her eyes had brightened somewhat.

Remus blinked at her before taking a small sip from her mug. "What would you like to talk about?" He asked, trying not to over think his actions towards her; he didn't understand them, he wasn't sure he wanted to.

"Do you know any good stories?" Tonks asked, half teasing yet half serious. She just wanted to sit and listen to him talk; his voice was soothing.

Remus cleared his throat and shifted slightly. "I don't suppose you would want to sit through childish nonsense, would you?"

"I'm all for nonsense, Remus," Tonks assured him with a smile, still looking rather small as she curled deeper into the lounge.

"Perhaps some stories from school?" He suggested, surprised once more at the way her eyes lit up at the suggestion.

"Please! I would love to hear about what you were like." Colour flew into her cheeks suddenly. "And Sirius, he must have been a dreadful scamp!"

Remus' smile took on a distant edge. "Yes. He was. He and James were always into mischief."

The phone rang suddenly and Dora's eyes flitted to Remus' face. His whole body tensed and he remained motionless as it continued to ring. Finally the answering machine picked it up.

"Rem! It's me!" Sirius' voice was loud and bright. "If you are home pick up! Cause I want to ask you something."

Dora watched Remus rise and limp across the room. "Yes?"

The conversation was one sided for a long moment.

"Sounds fine," Remus finally replied. "Sirius, Dora is here. You need to come home as soon as you can."

She could hear her cousin's voice rise sharply.

"She is fine," Remus reassured hastily. "Bad day at work. Just… please."

A moment later Remus hung up the phone. "He told me you need to have a shower and I was to find something that would fit you."

Dora snorted. She allowed her eyes to sweep him up and down. "You are a good foot taller than me, and so is Sirius, not to mention that you are both twice as wide as I am, in a perfectly acceptable way of course."

Remus half smiled. "He is right about you needing to change, if I give you a towel you can jump in the shower while I find you some clothes?"

"I should go home."

Remus glanced at her sharply. "If you think for one instant I am letting you go home to an empty apartment you are sadly mistaken. Sirius would never forgive me."

"It's exactly what either of you would do!" She argued. As soon as the words left her mouth she regretted them. Remus paled. He turned away and moved to a cupboard that she had never noticed before.

"Go shower," he handed her a towel.

"Remus, I—"

"No. You are right, it is what Sirius and I would do but that doesn't make it healthy." His face was expressionless. "Take as long as you need, make sure you use whatever you find in the bathroom."

She watched him vanish into Sirius' bedroom and slowly dragged herself into the bathroom. She let out a sigh, rather disappointed that their connection had been broken.

It was twenty minutes later when she emerged in a shirt that belonged to Sirius and sat mid-thigh on her with football shorts of Harry's that were rolled up several times, and her hair, finally washed, dripped water down her back. Tonks tried not to blush as she found herself wishing the shirt was Remus' instead.

Remus looked up. "Better?"

"Yes," she wanted to apologise again.

"Good," he motioned for her to sit again. "What did you want to hear about?"

She stared at him blankly.

"Sirius will be home in half an hour, until then, I have been ordered to distract you, and you wanted to hear stories about when we were at school."

"Oh, of course," she was astonished; she had half expected him to have locked himself in his room. "Erm, anything?"

Remus took a deep breath as he leaned against the couch, clasping his hands together in his lap. He took on a serious expression before looking at his guest.

"Animal, vegetable, or mineral?"

Tonks just stared at him for a solid minute before some colour returned to her cheeks. She pressed her lips together before allowing a smile to take over her face.

"You're taking the mickey," she accused before watching him shake his head, his expression still borderline grave with a sparkle in his eyes.

"I solemnly swear that I am not," Remus assured, holding up his right hand as if taking an oath. "I am rather ashamed at the type of antics I begrudgingly participated in" (Remus ignored Tonks' doubtful snort) "yet the variety is large. So, you must pick."

Tonks just smiled at him, curling up in the corner of the couch once more. She found herself immensely grateful for his company, and his friendship. Very few of her friends outside work understood what she went through. Few would take this much time out of their day to comfort her. She knew Remus probably just felt bad for her but was still thankful all the same.

"Animal," she finally said, just allowing herself to look at him with a small smile on her face.

Remus cleared his throat, trying not to flush at the way she was looking at him. Her eyes were warm, affectionate. He reached behind him to the table and handed her a chunk of his best chocolate before he straightened back up.

"Animal. Right. I'm going to take the liberty of choosing a story that will be more embarrassing for another member of this household, is that alright?" Remus asked before nodding at the grin on Tonks' face.

"_If we get expelled for this, you're explaining to my mother that it was your fault."_

"_Don't be such a downer, Lupin," Sirius scoffed as they slowly and silently made their way to a large group of bushes outside the Main Hall, having made it there from their dorms relatively unscathed. _

"_I would like to live to see sixteen, thank you," Remus muttered as they crouched behind the prickly bushes, feeling rather silly wearing all black. _

"_And I would like to live to see a date with Evans. We all have high expectations out of life, Remus, but we can't back out of this," James stage whispered, only to be elbowed by Sirius to quiet down while ignoring the incredulous look on Remus' face. _

"_Once Peter gets here, we know what to do, yeah?"_

_Remus sighed. "As if you haven't drilled the plan into our heads in the last week." He rolled his eyes. "You have the English hall, Sirius. James will take Maths. We'll leave the Science hall alone since Lily spends so much time there, per your request, James. Peter covers History while I, for some reason, take the Head's office."_

"_Oh good, you didn't start without me," Peter gasped, obviously out of breath as he turned the corner and found his friends kneeling in the dirt. He carefully set down four heavy plastic bags, one for each boy. _

"_Pete, you have the stuff. There was no way _to_ start without you." James shook his head before pushing his glasses back up his nose. "Alright, lads, are we ready?"_

_The four teenagers adopted firm expressions as they looked at each other in turn before nodding once. They each grabbed a bag and silently crawled away from the bushes and towards the school. _

_It was dark and their way was anything but smooth, but the four troublemakers were adept at sneaking around, much to the chagrin of both parents and teachers alike. They walked, hunched, quickly and deftly until they were able to make it to a back door that was easily opened after Sirius worked some magic. _

_Once inside, they let their eyes adjust to the dimness within; security lights remained on every few meters, luckily, so they could somewhat see. Sirius gave the others a thumbs up before doing a somersault on the ground past a doorway. He then pressed himself against the lockers dramatically and slid against them to his destination. _

_Remus rolled his eyes and casually walked, with some urgency, the opposite way. He heard Peter whispering frantically to James before he let out a squeak. _

"_Just go," James urged after giving him a shove. The bespectacled boy pulled a hat out of his pocket, pulled it on his head, and started towards his portion of the school with his bag, all the while looking this way and that, as if for an enemy. _

_Remus turned around, waved his hand at Peter, and took the stairs to the front offices. He made sure his feet didn't make a sound as he lithely found his way to their Head's office. Shaking his head at himself, he pulled the key Sirius had nicked out of his pocket and opened the door. _

_The room looked fairly plain: the desk with folders and papers, the walls adorned with a few diplomas and a picture of a young girl, and a potted plant overtaking the corner. He expected more but he figured the less furniture, the better. Getting to work, Remus allowed himself to appreciate the feeling of adrenaline coursing through his veins as a smirk developed on his young face. _

_Glancing at his watch, Remus realized he had taken longer than planned. Knowing the other three were most likely finished and waiting out by the bushes, Remus exited the office and locked the door behind him. He threw the key into another potted plant outside the door and made his way to the hallway, his arms empty of his previous supplies. He was halfway to the exit when the hall lights were turned on and footsteps were heard. Before he could make a move, he heard a voice at the other end of the hall. _

"_Freeze! Don't you move, kiddo," a voice called. _

_Remus slowly pulled thick glasses out of his pocket and put them on. He then turned around and saw the grumpy janitor making his way down the empty hall, snarling. _

"_What's your name, boy? You'll be sorry when I report you, you hear? Whatever it is you've done..." The old, miserable janitor continued to hobble along, glaring at Remus. _

"_My name?" Remus asked nonchalantly, casually stuffing his hands in his pockets and cooly raising an eyebrow. _

"_Yes, your name! What is it? And don't make up some nonsense, either!"_

"_Oh, I am as anti-nonsense as they come, Mr. Filch. Don't you worry," Remus assured him, wondering if his mock-serious tone was too over the top. _

"_NAME!" Filch the janitor demanded once he was a few meters away. _

"_Why, I thought you'd recognize me. I'm only the best looking bloke in school. Or so they say," Remus sighed, letting his fringe fall into his face. "They call me Black. Sirius Black."_

_Filch looked triumphant as he dropped the mop he had carried all the way down the hall onto the floor. He took out a notepad from his pocket in order to write down the culprit's name. But just as he began to search, he looked up at the boy who had begun sniffing. _

"_Do you smell something... fishy?" Remus asked slowly, pointing to the Maths classroom across the hall. _

_Filch pointed at him before shuffling towards the room. Just as he opened the door and turned on the light, Remus bolted; unfortunately missing Filch's string of clever curses at the sight that beheld him. _

Remus finished his story, casually breaking off a piece of his chocolate and putting it in his mouth. He looked at Tonks and found her sitting there, open mouthed, as if in shock.

"Y- you... you gave him Sirius' name?" Tonks gasped.

Remus shrugged. "I wasn't going to take the fall for his stupid idea," he said. "But I knew what I was doing. Old Filch couldn't get any more details out of me since I ran. And when he went to one of the administrators, his description of me didn't fit Sirius'. And we left a few hints that led to many different culprits, of course. So they couldn't pin it on us."

Tonks continued to stare at him, looking very impressed and a little bit surprised. Despite herself, she felt her crush on him expand while her previous worries diminished a tad.

"So... what did you all exactly do?" Tonks asked slowly, almost afraid to find out but still very eager.

Remus coughed into his fist, a light blush developing on his cheeks. "It's a bit silly now but..."

"We used to get fed fish at least twice a week there, it was revolting so we stole the fish from the kitchens and proceeded to decorate the faculty members offices and classrooms with them.

Tonks spun around laughing, and saw Sirius leaning against the wall, obviously having slipped in unannounced. He assessed her from a distance before walking into the living room.

"Alright?" He asked, squatting beside her.

Tonks nodded, gladly accepting the hug he offered.

"Please continue, Lupin," Sirius said with a mock glare as he pulled back. "I'd love to her more biased stories."

"Where is Harry?" Remus was frowning.

"Out the front, don't worry I didn't abandon him. Now, more of your lies!"

"I speak nothing but the truth," Remus said with a raised eyebrow. "But Dora is our audience, let's see what she wants to hear next... if she isn't bored."

"No, I like this," Dora said quickly, smiling lightly at Remus. "But I do have a request."

"Do tell, m'lady," Sirius said, standing and throwing himself into his armchair.

"You said that James acted as if dating... Evans was as improbable as you living past sixteen," Dora said, laughing lightly. "Tell me about that."

"You already know the end of that story," Sirius scoffed as he slumped in his seat like a teenager.

"What?"

"Evans is Lily Evans. Harry's mum," Remus explained.

"So Harry's obviously the end but I want to know the beginning," Dora urged. "How did they get to Harry if a date was laughable?"

Remus shared a chuckle with Sirius. "James had a crush on Lily since he was ten, at least. She was a bright girl, even then, and was not impressed by the class clown... er clowns, really. He was a typical boy. He tugged on her pigtails and teased her. But she gave it all right back. As we all grew up, he stopped tugging on her hair but continued to tease and play jokes; all were interruptions to Lily's schooling, something she did not appreciate. James... well, all of us were rather mean to a friend of hers as well but Lily eventually stopped speaking with him after he said a few nasty things to her..."

"Lily hated how he could goof around yet still make such good grades. But he came around when he ended up getting on the student government team with her, or whatever it's called. That and football deflated his head a bit, eventually. So they got to be friends," Sirius said with a wistful smile. "But they didn't get together until the beginning of our last year. When pigs took to the sky..."

Remus opened his mouth to add to Sirius' words but was interrupted by the front door opening.

"I met the delivery guy out front," Harry said loudly, dropping his backpack by the front door and walking into the living room with two pizzas in hand. "So someone owes me twenty pounds- are you okay?"

Dora looked up to see Harry looking at her, worried. She smiled at him, touched by the sentiment, and nodded. "Just a bad day. Going to share that or do growing boys need two whole pizzas to themselves?"

"I might have to fight you for it, we never get pizza," Harry said, putting the boxes on the table and sitting on the ground. He then stood back up when Remus gave him a look, going into the kitchen to get plates.

"I called in on my way home, I thought we could enjoy some unhealthy, fat filled carbs," Sirius shrugged.

"Thanks," Dora said sincerely, giving both him and Remus a smile. "I mean it, I feel loads better."

"Come to us anytime," Remus said firmly, ignoring the look on Sirius' face.

"Yeah, anytime. We get pizza!" Harry grinned.

Dora laughed at him. "So, why the no pizza rule?"

"Uncle Remus is a health nut," Harry was struggling to keep a straight face.

"Rubbish," Remus replied. He rose and vanished into the kitchen to return a few minutes later with a stack of glasses and ice cold water. He settled himself into a chair in the corner of the room, the shadows of the room obscuring his features. Dora felt a pang, she wanted him to sit beside her on the couch. Sirius was quick to fill Remus' spot.

"Rem insists if Harry wants pizza we make it ourselves. He is probably the healthiest of all of us," Sirius winked in his friend's direction.

"Doesn't strike me as hard when there is you and a teenage boy."

"Hey! That's harsh!" Sirius was grinning. "I'll drive you home by the way."

"Nonsense, I don't want to put you out."

"Dora, it's not putting me out, it gives me a chance to make sure you are really ok."

She smiled at him. "You two are both teddy bears."

* * *

It was nearly midnight by the time that Sirius walked down to the garage where the car and his motorbike was kept. Her sides ached from laughing; Sirius and Harry had competed to see who could make her laugh the most and both had declared victory. Remus had barely said another word. He would speak when called upon but he had spent the night hidden in the shadows, observing but not participating.

"Did I make Remus angry?" Tonks' voice was small as she buckled her seatbelt.

Sirius glanced at her quickly. "Why would you say that?" He sounded surprised.

"He was so silent."

Sirius was quiet for a few minutes before replying slowly. "He was really worried about you, Kid. He said you were a mess."

"When did he say that?"

"I called him back when you were in the shower."

"Oh. But why did he just… I don't know."

"Remus doesn't trust many people. He comforted you and told you stories to distract you, that's the most I have ever heard him talk with someone who isn't Harry or me. He probably scared himself."

"But… I…"

"You have a little bit more than a crush for him, don't you?" Sirius' voice was understanding. "He has been through hell, Dora, and what happened to you today…" He swallowed. "There are memories that your story brought back, for both Remus and me. He… Like I said, he hasn't spoken that much to anyone outside the family for fourteen years. Not even the Weasley's. You have worked your way into his heart, even if it's only as a friend and he is now trying to determine whether it is safe to trust himself or not."

"It's more than what he went through isn't it?" Her voice was soft.

Sirius' hands tightened over the wheel. "Much more." There was hardness in his voice that caused Tonks to go silent with a frown. She wanted to know what had caused his mistrust, but she was so afraid of what it could mean for her.


	10. Pomegranate

_HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY LOVELY CO-WRITER (__**unique . normality)! **__I hope you have a brilliant day! _

_Next, thank you to all our wonderful reviews! They are hoarded like gold and we are a littler miserly when we re-read them!_

_A big mention to **UnknownSide **for being the first to notice that the chapters are flower names! We are working from the language of flowers, if people would like I can put the meaning of each flower in brackets with the chapter title? But excellent word on noticing! _

_And I have been on nightshift again, so the next chapter might be a little slower in coming out, and if this is rambl-y blame a lack of sleep!_

_Please Review! And enjoy!_

Tonks slid out of the car, stretching her back and reaching for her large purse. She had borrowed her dad's old Volkswagen for the drive, knowing it would be impossible to get a bus all the way out here at decent times, and knowing she'd need to take herself if she planned on spending the time to make herself look presentable. She knew no one would care how she dressed but felt, for some reason, like she should make some sort of effort. Unnaturally, Tonks found herself wearing a dress. It was bright, garish, and beyond tacky, but it was her favourite and she loved it. So as not to scare anyone with her unusual attire, Tonks had donned her usual boots, making her ensemble truly unique.

Grabbing her small present and closing the door, Tonks turned to the house before her and smiled. The Burrow had always been a favourite of hers ever since her days tearing around the odd abode with Charlie. She was glad to make it back here, especially for what was to be a rather fun occasion. Hearing the music and chatter from behind the house, Tonks began the trek to the backyard; she was suddenly grateful it had not rained in a week and that the yard was free of mud.

Grinning, Tonks found herself faced with a brightly decorated garden, relatively filled with people all carrying paper plates loaded with Molly Weasley's goodies. She saw most of the familiar redheads, the brown haired girl, Hermione, along with a few players she recognized from Harry's football team, and several other teenagers she assumed were from school. A few parents milled about while Mrs Weasley fluttered around, making sure her guests were happy.

She saw two, long trestle tables that brought back memories of long hours spent outside in the garden, one covered with presents of various shapes and sizes at which she dropped her own, clumsily wrapped gift, while the other seemed to groan under all the food. She eyed the cake that had been moulded to look like a football, complete with candles that labelled this as a 16-year-old's party.

She found herself rather impressed. It was a reasonable affair but everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves, including the parents (which almost never happened at teenage birthday parties). Tonks looked around to see if she could find anyone she knew properly but was interrupted by a large outbreak of laughter. Snatching a cookie and turning around, Tonks smirked through her mouthful as she saw her cousin entertaining Harry, Ron, the twins, and a few unknown teens with what she could assume was a story not meant for a mother's ears. Once the story ended, Sirius looked up and spotted her, causing him to grin.

"Dora!"

Sirius made his way over to her, pulling his cousin to him for a hug. He looked in his element, surrounded by people and making sure his godson was having fun. Harry followed and she laughed at his blush after she hugged him, ruffling his already messy hair.

"Happy birthday, Harry! You've really grown." Tonks pretended to wipe away a tear as Harry rolled his eyes playfully.

"But you, lovely Tonks, have not changed a bit!" One of the Weasley twins shoved past his younger brother, throwing an arm around Tonks.

The other twin followed suit, causing Tonks to laugh as she found herself trapped in between the two terrors.

"Be warned, you monsters," Tonks said, trying to appear stern while trying not to smile. "I'm a cop now, so if you try any of those tricks on me, you'll be handcuffed before you can say 'uncle.'"

"Is that a promise?" George, or Fred, asked with an almost evil grin, causing the group to laugh as she shoved them away chuckling.

"Go on, both of you," she laughed, shaking her head at them. Tonks watched the group of teens rough house a bit as they made their way over to where Harry's friend Hermione and Ginny were.

"Some boys never change," Tonks snorted, raising her eyebrow pointedly at Sirius when he laughed.

"Don't know what you are talking about! Always good for a laugh, those Weasley's," Sirius chuckled, throwing his arm around her shoulder. "Now, my dear Dora, is there a particular reason you look so spiffy?"

"Believe it or not, I'm a girl, and I can look nice if I want," Tonks said indignantly, standing a bit taller as she crossed her arms. She hoped her reddening cheeks didn't betray her, but he laughed all the same.

"Nice and eye-catching," Sirius grinned, teasingly tugging at the strap of her bright dress.

"My goal is to keep it relatively clean... until the cake is served, at least," Tonks shrugged.

"I wish you all the luck in the world," Sirius mocked, pushing his hair out of his face. "Grab some food, there's enough to feed the world, speaking of. Molly made it all, so no need to be picky. We tried to stop her but she insisted."

"We?"

"Well, Remus. He wanted to at least make a few things but she... well she's Molly, she gets what she wants. Lucky for Harry, I think Ginny managed to get that trait as well."

Tonks looked over to see Ginny standing a bit closer than needed to the birthday boy, and smirked. "Speaking of," she turned back to look at Sirius, trying to appear nonchalant. "Where is Remus?"

Sirius' grin faded rather quickly into a frown. He sighed, jerking his head towards the corner of the house. "Hiding," he muttered. "It's not a huge crowd, just most of Harry's buddies. But he's trying to stay out of the way while Harry is too busy to notice."

Tonks frowned as well. She had hoped everyone would be happy today, but she could only imagine how difficult this must be for him. She opened her mouth but didn't say anything once she saw Sirius walk away from her. He returned a moment later with two plates full of food. Without a word, he handed them both to her and turned to go speak with the eldest Weasley who she had not noticed before.

Taking the hint, Tonks carefully wound her way through the small crowd until she left the music and the chatter to turn the corner. She found a large log positioned near the edge of the family's pond with Remus sitting atop it. She hated to see him look so lost but she had a niggling suspicion that he probably looked better now that he was out of the line of fire, so to speak.

Hoping her company was welcome, Tonks made sure to step on a few twigs as she walked towards him, her approach loud, managing to keep all the food, save one chip, on the plate.

"Wotcher! I hope you're more than a bit peckish, I've brought nourishment," Tonks said with a smile, all but shoving a plate into his lap. He looked surprised.

"Thank you," he was staring at the plate of food.

"You have to pick something up with your hand, put it in your mouth, and chew."

Remus looked up this time and his lips twitched. "Thank you for the lesson."

She grinned. "So, this the famous log where Ginny decided you were the best thing since sliced bread?"

"Something like that."

She touched his arm, her eyes worried. "Are you ok?"

Remus looked down into her dark brown eyes. "I… I am not good with crowds."

"Even if you know them?" She wanted to understand.

Remus dipped his head in a shallow nod. "Especially if I know them," He murmured.

She looked at him patiently.

"They asking questions."

"Questions?"

"About… what… happened." Each work was painfully forced out.

"Oh, Remus," her voice caught.

"Some of Harry's school friends were getting curious. They are teenage boys, I don't blame them. But…"

"Was it very bad?"

Remus was quiet for a long time. "They wanted to know what happened, how I survived."

Tonks bent and set her paper plate on the ground. She scooted closer to Remus. "I think that they admire you but, being teenage boys, they don't really know how to express that." Her comfort was feeble but somehow she thought that the questions that had been asked were probably a great deal worse than he was letting on.

"Perhaps," Remus mumbled.

"How many of Harry's friends are here?"

"The Weasleys and Hermione. There are a few from school and then his football team. About two dozen I would guess."

"Do you know any of them?"

Remus shook his head. "Not his football team, but a few of the boys from school."

"So, sixteen, you must have a parent's horror seeing him growing up so fast. When did you first meet him?" Tonks asked, deciding to turn the conversation onto the safest topic: Harry.

"Harry was an hour old," a tiny smile touched his face. "He was so little."

"Why was Sirius picked over you for godfather?"

Remus picked at the sausage roll on his plate. "Sirius was like Jamie's brother, Lily wanted me but it would have broken Sirius' heart."

"You were very close with Lily then?"

"She was like my sister."

"Life sucks."

Remus glanced at her and his lips twitched into a sad smile. "How is work?"  
"I thought it was a girl thing to change the subject," she shook her head. "Work is lovely. Catching the bad guys and locking them in jail. Best job in the universe."

Remus raised an eyebrow. She could only see one of the long slashing scars that decorated his face from where she sat. "Sarcasm?"

"A little. We had a lot of paperwork lately, court cases. I hate being in court."

"How come?"

"How come this conversation went from me trying to make you feel better to you making me talk about work?"

Remus smiled faintly.

She rolled her eyes and picked up her plate of food again. "I suppose I always wonder if it's possible that we are making the wrong decision."

"Like Sirius."

"Yeah. I mean, it was handled by the military wasn't it?"

"Yes," he said tersely.

She winced. "Sorry, it appears I am no good at small talk."

"You aren't going to insult Sirius or me by asking questions, Dora."

"You are hiding." She pointed out gently.

"You are different. You aren't a sixteen year old who thinks my scars are 'cool'."

Tonks grimaced slightly. "Well, they're not uncool... But those boys don't really understand what caused them. Not really."

Remus nodded. They were quiet for a long time as they picked at the foods on their plates.

"I have never seen you in a dress."

Colour flew into the young woman's face. He paid attention to what she wore? "Do you think it's a little bright?"

Remus smiled properly. "Never noticed."

She laughed suddenly and a pigeon flew up, startled, from the nearby bushes. "No, the bright yellow coloured dress with birds of paradises all over it not at all noticeable."

"Coupled with the combat boots."

"I had to keep some of my normal attire."

"The dress suits you."

"Thank you," she said, giving him a slightly shy smile before keeping up their game of subject changes. "Sirius said that you were a scholarship student to Hogwarts? How did someone so smart join the military?"

"My father was… is military. When my mother died that was all he talked about: when, not if, I was joining. He would have made me leave Hogwart's early but thankfully my mother's dying wish was for me to finish school."

"How old were you when she…?"

"Fourteen. She had cancer."

"I am so sorry."

Remus shrugged. "I was luckier than Sirius. I had one parent who loved me."

"So your father? What happened to him?"

"Last I saw him he was still in the military." He could sense her curiosity. "And that was fourteen years ago."

Tonks frowned. "So just after you got home?"

Remus nodded. "He made it very clear of what he thought of the fact I had never attempted to escape."

"He sounds like a total asshole," she said with indignation.

Remus huffed a faint laugh. "You sound so much like Sirius."

"Erm, I will take that as a compliment? So, brothers or sisters?"

"No. What school did you go to?" Remus asked, causing Tonks to smile at their new game of twenty-questions.

"Just a normal boring one for the entire population. Mum wanted me to go to art school despite my talent of drawing is stick figures."

"You make up for that with your skill with a camera."

She smiled. "Thank you. So what other hobbies do you have? You can't work all the time."

Remus glanced at her curiously. "You could go and catch up with the Weasley's," his voice was soft, a strange, reluctant note seeping into his deep tones. "You don't have to sit here with me."

She looked surprised. "But I like sitting here with you. I can go if I am bothering you..."

Remus shook his head quickly. "No. It's…" he looked away, awkward. "You don't have to feel obliged to keep a shattered fool like me company."

"Why do you say that?" Her eyes had darkened. "Do you truly think so little of yourself?"

Remus seemed to hunch in on himself a little. "You have seen how I am," his voice was flat. "I can't even put on a brave face for Harry's birthday party, I have to come and hide because there are too many people, too much noise. I lost it at his football game, walking through London City paralyses me with terror. I cannot bear to be touched. So no, I am not asking for pity with my words. I mean them."

Tonks swallowed. "You aren't a coward, or a fool, or pathetic," she spoke in a soft, gentle tone. He was trembling. "You are a brave man, Remus Lupin. Even if you don't see it. So don't tell me that you are a fool because I can only image how Sirius would react, or Harry, if they heard you."

Remus was staring straight ahead.

"It must have been hard raising Harry with Sirius when you both had such poor fathering figures in your life. Harry told me that you used to look after him when Sirius was at work. He said you made things, ordinary things, fun for him. I remember my dad used to take me up to the attic and we would spend hours crashing around up there. Mum used to get mad because we were always covered in dust but it was some of the best memories of my childhood. That and Mum used to take me out for ice cream once a week. It was always Friday, after school. We would go down the road to Diagon Alley and then we would sit and have ice cream, she would tell me stories about growing up. When Sirius came home he used to come along sometimes after he finished at the mechanics. I suppose Harry must have been very small since I was still at school," she was running out of things to say.

"He used to bring ice cream back for Harry and I."

"Did he? I don't remember that but I'm sure I was too busy stuffing my face." She managed a shaky smile. Her heart ached; never in a million years would she have guessed that he meant every disparaging word he spoke about himself. "They love you, you know."

"Sirius and Harry?"

Tonks nodded.

"I know. I love them, they are the only reason I am still alive." There was no doubting the sincerity in his tired voice.

"Hey." Sirius' deep voice intruded on the conversation. He was carrying another two plates heaped with sweets that he handed to his cousin "You ok?"

"Why wouldn't I be?" Remus asked calmly.

"I heard Dean asking you if your fingers were cut off with pliers or a knife, I think that is a pretty good reason not to be ok."  
Tonks sucked in her breath.

"I. Am. Fine."

Sirius' hand settled onto Remus' shoulder and he squeezed it gently. "Ok. Harry was looking for you earlier."

"Why?" There was a strain of panic that Sirius picked up on.

"He doesn't know," Sirius reassured hastily. "He was just wanting to show you something; I told him you were giving Dora the tour."

"Thank you." Remus set the plate of food aside. Sirius frowned and glanced at Tonks.

"We are cutting the cake in five minutes. I thought I would let you know, Harry will want you there."

"Of course!" Remus rose swiftly.

Tonks followed his example and Sirius wrapped his arm around her shoulders. "Is he ok?"

"I think I made things worse."

"She was pulling me out of my self-pity," Remus spoke suddenly and the two conspirators jumped guiltily.

"You, self-pitying? Banish the thought."

Remus punched his friend gently.

"He wasn't being self-pitying," Tonks shook her bright red hair at Remus. They had begun to make their way across the lawn. "He was just…"

"It's ok, kid. I know him well," Sirius smiled. "So what else did you two talk about?"

"Your miserable childhoods," Tonks grinned wickedly. "And he told me how horrible you were at school."

"He didn't! Remus?"

"Of course I did," his brown eyes met Tonks' grey ones and he smiled. They rounded the corner and Remus inhaled sharply. Tonks watched, astonished, as he drew into himself. His shoulders straightened, his head dipped and he kept his gaze riveted on the ground.

"For queen and country," Sirius spoke calmly.

"For wives and children," Remus answered, long looks were exchanged and Tonks glanced away. She didn't know how these two men had survived the hell that they had lived through.

There was so much noise, children laughing, adults talking. Music. So much noise.

"Mr Lupin!" Ginny detached herself from a group of children and ran across the lawn. Tonks watched as the girl hesitated a little before she slipped her arm through Remus'. "Harry was looking for you."

Remus smiled at the girl. "Sirius mentioned that. Where is he?" His eyes scanned the groups rapidly.

"He and Ron vanished," her brow wrinkled. "They are up to something."

"When are they not up to something, love?" Remus inquired.

Ginny giggled. "True. Where did you get that dress, Tonks? I love it!"

Tonks grinned. "Maybe I will take you shopping one day, Ginny? We can get you some clothes that will terrify your mother."

"Sounds delightful!" Ginny's eyes sparkled. "Harry said he really liked your dress."

Remus chuckled suddenly. "When you see him, tell him I have come out of hiding won't you?"

Ginny was blushing brightly. "Uh huh," she kissed his cheek hastily and bolted.

"What was that about then?" Sirius demanded.

Remus shrugged. "No idea."

"She is very fond of you," Dora observed.

"Remus is practically a second father to her, or an extra brother depending how you look at it." Arthur Weasley smiled at Tonks once their small group joined the edge of the crowd. "Good to see you again, Tonks."

"You too, Mr Weasley."

"It's been too long. Charlie was looking for you earlier, something about you owing him fifty pounds?"

She laughed. "I might have known he wouldn't forget that. Tell him I escaped early in fear of him."

The older man laughed. "Of course I will. Molly was just getting the candles organised for the cake. And she said to tell you that you are all invited for dinner next week. That includes you too, of course, Tonks."

"Ooo, Tonksie coming for dinner!" A pair of arms engulfed her and she squeaked.

"Put me down, Charlie!"

"Nah, you are still small enough to sling around. Hey, Mr Black, can you give me a hand with my bike later?"

"Put me down!" Tonks demanded, attempting to kick him with her boots but missing.

"Sure, what is wrong with it?"

They were walked towards strategically placed benches under leafy foliage. Tonks was flung over Charlie's shoulder and the men around her seemed to be enjoying ignoring her.

"Charlie! Sirius! Make him put me down!"

"I have no idea, Bill and I took it apart but it still isn't working."

"Remus? Will you help me?" Tonks sounded plaintive.

Remus raised an eyebrow. "Why?"

"Because you are a gentleman!"

"No he isn't." Sirius scoffed. "He is a Marauder first."

"A what?" Charlie spun around and Tonks shrieked.

"Put me down!"

"A Marauder, that's what we called ourselves at school. Most detentions in the history of that school."

"You really shouldn't sound so proud about that," Tonks grumbled.

"For a cop, you give up fast."

Tonks ignored him. Her eyes met Remus' and he nodded slightly. He had retrieved a plastic cup of ice cold water from the table and he stealthily handed it to her. Sirius grinned but continued to chat easily about motorbikes.

"Charlie, please put me down?"

"Nah, I'm enjoying the view."

She huffed, then calmly poured the icy water down her school friend's back.

His shout rang out loudly and she found herself deposited on the grass. Sirius was convulsed with laughter and Remus' smile was broad, the haunted shadows fleeing his eyes.

"I hate you." Charlie shook his head. "That was mean."

"Get changed, Charlie, and don't mess with little cops ever again!" She had picked herself up off the grass and smiled sweetly with her hands on her hips.

"Yes, ma'am," he saluted dramatically and proceeded to march off with as much dignity as he could muster.

"You and Charlie would make a cute couple," Sirius spoke casually.

Her head snapped up, betrayal was written in her face as she stared at her cousin. But there was something in his face that made her answer carefully.

"Charlie and I are only friends, we would never be able to date, it would be like… like… Like me dating you!"

Sirius laughed at her. "Yes, madam, and forgive the insult that I apparently caused you."

"Yeah, Meany."

Remus was watching closely and Tonks saw him glance away as their eyes met. Suddenly she understood. Her cousin was ensuring that Remus had no doubt about the fact she was single. She caught her cousin's eye and gave a grateful smile.

"You may find me covered in cooties and therefore updatable, but please send any of your friends over," Sirius grinned, a lecherous look on his eye that caused Tonks to laugh and wrinkle her nose at the same time.

"I wouldn't send my worst enemy your way," Tonks said, crossing her arms as she shared a grin with Remus who seemed to relax around his loud, cheerful friend.

Sirius pretended to stagger as if wounded. "Ouch, Nymphie," he teased before truly staggering as she kicked him in the shin.

"Steel-toed?" Remus asked, surprising Tonks slightly with how close he was behind her, his voice was a bit gruff.

"I wish," she snickered, looking up at him and enjoying the way his eyes seemed lighter. "Just normal for when I am not at work."

"Aren't cops supposed to be able to fend off attackers?" Charlie asked as he came up to them in another shirt that was slightly too small.

Tonks raised an eyebrow at him, causing Sirius to laugh at how Black she looked. "Want me to show you how it's done, Weasley?"

Charlie quickly shook his head and silently thanked his mother as she interrupted everyone's conversations.

"Gather around, everyone!" Molly Weasley called, deftly getting the attention of all the guests. She pulled the birthday boy from the crowd where he had appeared once more, and forced him to stand in front of the cake.

Tonks smiled at the sheepish look on his face but did as the Weasley matriarch told him. She watched him glance up and look straight past her to Remus, his smile growing as he saw his uncle there. Tonks felt Remus shift unconsciously so he was standing behind her more, but he stayed in view of Harry. Her heart skipped a beat, he felt comfortable enough around her to use her as a buffer to the crowd.

"I see he takes after you in that respect," Tonks said in a hushed voice as she turned her head to look up at Remus. At his questioning look, she smiled. "He doesn't like being the centre of attention. Which is obviously not a Sirius Black trait."

Remus gave a huff of laughter before watching her glance around. She then reached under the nearest table and pulled out the purse she had stuffed under there upon her arrival. Giving him a cheeky smile, she pulled out her camera before handing the bag to Remus to hold without asking.

She ignored the look on his face and turned back around to take pictures of Harry as Molly began the singing of "Happy Birthday," a song the twins quickly took control of and added personalized lyrics to. Tonks snuck a few more pictures of a few choice faces in the crowd: mostly smiling Weasley's, a proud Sirius, and more of Harry that she knew she'd give to Sirius and Remus.

Once the singing was done and everyone got a piece of cake, the crowd dispersed into smaller groups once more. Tonks let her camera hang around her neck as she took a huge bite of cake, attempting a smile at Remus as he raised another eyebrow at her.

"Don't choke," he muttered, causing her to have to quickly swallow her bite in order to laugh. She set down her empty plate and stepped away for a moment to capture more pictures. He could feel curious eyes on him from the few other parents that had agreed to come and help supervise the teenagers, he could feel the eyes of Harry's friends on him. He knew they thought him strange; pity radiated from the mothers of school children, curiosity from their offspring. He knew that they whispered about how strange he was, how Harry must have had a difficult time with an adult he needed to watch over. He could feel the panic that had receded with Dora's soft voice, with Sirius and Charlie's normality, begin to claw its way through him again. He breathed in deeply, hating himself, struggling to relax. A single mantra repeating itself in his head. _Harry, for Harry, always for Harry. Anything for Harry._

"It's a miracle those kids have such a good metabolism," Tonks snorted, shaking her head at the new piece of cake in her hand. "That Molly is a saint in the kitchen." She appeared beside him and he felt some of the panic ease. Human company who was not repulsed by him.

"That she is. If I were a lesser man, I'd be jealous," Remus muttered.

"I would say you're a saint in the kitchen too, Remus, but you're a mere mortal compared to Molly," Tonks grinned as she teased. She glanced around, wondering if she had taken enough pictures of the occasion. She then suddenly gasped and pulled her camera to her face, quickly snapping one, two, three shots before putting the cap on her lense, her lips were curved into an amused smile.

"What was that?" Remus asked as she grabbed her bag from him and put her camera back in it.

"Capturing history," she said loftily before jerking her head towards the trees behind him. Remus turned and his eyes widened as he saw two people under the shade of a large tree, mostly obscured, but still visible to some.

"He should learn to hide better if he's going down that route," Tonks laughed as Harry and Ginny pulled apart. She could almost imagine both their faces turning bright red as they blushed at each other.

"I'm too old for this," Remus sighed but was smiling all the same as he shook his head. "Far too old."

"Oh! I probably should have asked you this earlier, but I forgot. My present for Harry—"

"You didn't have to get him anything..."

"It's his birthday, of course I did. But... I kinda made him a voucher for a free ride in the squad car. I thought... if he wants to get into the force, he should see that it's not all fun and games. It's dangerous but it can also be boring too. I hope that's alright," Tonks said hopefully, biting her lip as she awaited his approval.

Remus frowned slightly as he glanced at the present table, almost as if he were looking for hers. He didn't say anything for a moment before sighing. "I suppose he should see how it is. You won't let him out of the car, will you?" He asked quickly the fear in his voice was clear, and he visibly relaxed as she shook her head. "Good. I'll ask Sirius but I suppose it's a good idea. He'll love it, that's for sure."

Tonks nodded, jumping a bit as Molly appeared beside them and handed them both another piece of cake before hurrying off to the next person.

"Remus?" Tonks asked after taking a few silent bites.

"Yes, Dora?" He asked, once again giving her his full attention, something that always seemed to surprise her. Most people would listen while looking at their surroundings, Remus would turn, face her, his attention would be on her and her alone.

"Would you let me take a picture of you, Sirius, and Harry? You may have some of all three of you elsewhere, probably in an album, but I only really see ones of Harry by himself, or his parents, or him and Sirius around the flat. I think it might be nice for you all to have a family picture, especially since he'll be off to Uni soon," Tonks practically mumbled, shifting on the grass and hoping she wasn't asking too much.

"I am not too fond of photos," Remus admitted softly.

"It's fine, I just-"

"No. You are right. He is growing up so fast," Remus placed the uneaten cake aside. "I shall go try to find them."

"I saw them both out the back, want to wait here and I can grab them? I think Sirius might have caught him with Ginny, he might be pleased with being saved."

Remus nodded gratefully. He watched her run off and slumped against the tree. There were very few photos of him in the past fourteen years. Pictures that Sirius had taken while he was unaware, most of him playing with Harry or with Harry sprawled, asleep, on his chest when he had been out of hospital only a few months. He hated photos, hated the fact that his scars would be on display for eternity. But she was right, Harry would appreciate it.

"I hear you are giving Harry a rather unusual birthday present," Sirius spoke calmly as he walked up to his old friend. His eyes took in the strain in Remus' jaw.

"He was pestering me about it last week."

"It will mean a lot to him."

"I know."

* * *

Once Tonks found Harry, she took them out by the pond, and away from the crowd, to take the picture. She knew Remus didn't like it but he visibly relaxed when he saw the grin on Harry's face, the excitement of the boy who stood, proud, between the two men who had raised him. She only took a few shots before letting them go, allowing Harry to run off with only one comment about Ginny that left him blushing.

She spent the rest of the party eating too much with Remus and occasionally Sirius. She had known she would have fun at this soiree but found herself slightly surprised at how much she enjoyed herself without becoming the centre of attention like usual.

"Hey! Tonks!" Charlie ran up to her as she helped carry the last of Harry's presents to the car. Sirius, Remus, Harry, and Hermione were all at the car, mostly teasing Harry.

"You again," she groaned. "I thought I had lost you, Weasley."

"No chance. Stay for tea? We can catch up. Mum said you have to 'cause we have a mountain of food. And Bill is staying, so it will be like old times."

"Promise to be super nice to me?"

"He doesn't know how to be nice, Tonksie," Bill Weasley scoffed, ruffling his brother's hair before turning to the last of the guests. "Mum said you guys are invited too."

Sirius shook his head. "Tell her thanks, but we should get home, I have to make sure the shop didn't call. Hermione, do you want a lift?"  
The brown haired girl hesitated before nodding. "Will Ginny fit? She is staying at my place tonight."

Harry blushed at the mere mention of the girl's name, his blush deepening as the girl herself appeared beside Hermione.

"Sure she will, we will drop all this gear at home first then I can chauffeur you girls around."

"Thanks!"

Charlie looped an arm around Harry's shoulder. "Walk with me a moment, Potter."

"Next time," Remus stepped forward and rescued his nephew. "Right now, we need to get home."

Charlie grinned. "Such a spoilsport, Mr Lupin. Come on, Tonksie, say goodbye to your favourite… cousin," He winked at her.

Sirius chuckled. "Oh what a _fun_ day this has been. Come visit whenever, Dora. Ready, girls? Harry? Let's roll!"

Tonks shook her head at her cousin with a smile, waving at Harry. "Let me know when you'd like to cash in your voucher, Harry," Tonks said, her smile brightening at the grin on his face.

"Definitely! Thanks again!" Harry got into the car beside Ginny, his own smile widening as Ginny said something to him. Before they drove off, Tonks caught Remus' eye through the windshield and her smile widened.

Charlie waited until the car slid away and he wrapped an arm around Dora's shoulders. "So. Rather chummy with them, aren't you?"

Bill walked on the other side of her and she rolled her eyes at the tall red-heads. "Sirius is my cousin and Harry is a sweet kid."

"Yeah, he is," Bill agreed innocently.

"But, we all couldn't help but notice that, well, you seem to greatly enjoy Remus' company."

"He is kind and very interesting."

Bill glanced at Charlie. "I will keep the twins busy," he assured before walking away, making Tonks groan inwardly.

"You know, he never talks that much. Not even to Ginny, and he is fond of her."

"She ran up to him earlier, it was almost like she was making sure he was ok."

"She was. Gin said she told you what he did for her. Mr Lupin always is willing to listen to her. She is pretty fond of him too. And, speaking of being fond of him… You went looking for him, didn't you?"

She turned to the young man who had been her best friend through school. "Yes," she said, slightly defiantly, as if challenging him to say anything negative.

Charlie nodded. "How was he? I kinda heard some of the kids asking about the scars on his face," he shook his head, frustrated. "None of us would dare to do that! I saw his eyes…"

"He was hurting. Not that he would admit it."

"No, he wouldn't. You know, the fact that he let you stay… I… He likes you."

"Only as a friend."

"Maybe. For now anyhow. He… We never paid too much attention to him I guess, he was always so quiet. But Mr Black used to be able to make him smile with one word. You can do that. I saw a total different side to him today, a side that only Ron and Ginny have seen when they are at the apartment. You like him."

"I think it's a little bit more than like." Tonks slumped onto the grass at the edge of the house as they stopped. "Do you really mean all that?"

"Yep. I never really got why he was so withdrawn and wary but… Well, I suppose as I got older, as I saw how people reacted, it was easier to see why. He is a good man, Tonks."

"I know all this. I… he is so sweet, and gentle yet he thinks so little of himself, Charlie! It's heartbreaking. But when he smiles… I feel like I am sixteen again, he makes my heart stop. And he had such a wicked sense of humour!" Tonks blurted.

Charlie laughed. "Oh, girlie, you are head over heels. Now, let's plot to get you your shy, miserable, silent hero."

"Oh, shut up." She was smiling, her oldest friend was on her side, it was only a matter of time before Remus caved.

* * *

Sirius looked frustrated. He glared at the answering machine. "I can just leave it. They can live without me."

Harry rolled his eyes. "I'm tired, I don't mind. Besides, they will get mad if you don't go and fix the bike that tried to set the shop on fire."

Remus stepped out of the kitchen. "He is right. It's for work. I can have Hermione's parents come and pick the girls up?"

"No, I can drop them off on the way to the garage," Sirius frowned. He had wanted to talk to Remus tonight, he knew if he didn't force his best friend to talk about what the boys had said tonight then it would be firmly shoved to the side never to be mentioned again.

"A word?"

Remus jerked his head to the kitchen, they could hear the chatter of the children.

"Are you ok?"

"I am fine, Sirius."

"Rem. Please."

Remus swallowed. "It's ok. I swear, I am ok."

Sirius nodded. "Ok. Can we talk later?"

"If I am awake," Remus spoke lightly.

"You call yourself my friend," Sirius grinned. "Right, let's go girls. Make sure you and Remus eat something for dinner, Harry, you are a growing boy, never too much food."

Harry laughed and walked them to the door of the apartment. He grinned shyly as Ginny waved to him before Hermione pulled her along. As soon as it was shut he scurried back to the lounge room.

Remus had settled onto the lounge, his eyes were closed and his head tipped back against the soft backing. Harry couldn't help but notice how the scars seemed to stand out against Remus' pale skin.

Without speaking the boy walked steadily to the couch and suddenly flung his arms around his uncle's neck.

"Oh!" Remus jumped. His arms wrapped around the boy. "What is it, Harry?"

The boy pressed his face against Remus' neck.

"Hermione overheard what Dean asked you," he muttered, looking desperately ashamed of his friends' actions.

"Did he really ask you if…?" He pulled back so he could look at his uncle.

"It doesn't matter, Harry," Remus couldn't meet the boy's eyes.

"Yes it does! You always say it doesn't but you obviously care," Harry blurted, his eyes burning slightly; his mother's eyes. "It's not fair. You are a hero! But people always stare at you...

I—"

"Shhh." Remus put an arm around the teen's shoulders. "Hush now, Harry, its ok."

"I'm sorry," the boy mumbled.

"Why are you sorry, my dearest boy?"

"Because if I hadn't wanted you to come…"

"Harry, are you ashamed of me?"

"No! Why would you think that?"

"Shh, let me finish. Do you know how proud I am of you? I don't care if I have to have people stare at me, or have your friends ask me question that break my heart, because I will be there for you, for every milestone and football game. You mean everything to me, everything and I would walk through hell for you, Harry."

Harry was quiet for a long moment before he twisted out from Remus' arm. He stood, found a footstool and kicked it across to his uncle.

"I am proud of you," Harry said firmly. "You are always going to be my hero."

"Harry…"

"Shut up." The boy spoke firmly. "It's my turn. Now, make yourself comfortable."

Remus chuckled softly, Harry sounded like Sirius when he was getting ready to lecture them about motorbikes. Remus shifted so his aching leg was propped up by the footstool, he watched Harry with veiled eyes. He hated the fact the boy had found out what his school friend had said. His eyes dropped to his maimed hand. _Knife or pliers._ He shuddered.

The couch dipped and Harry tugged at his arm, he flung a pillow against Remus' leg and settled with his head on the cushion. Remus' fingers lightly combed through the boy's dark hair.

"Harry—"

"Still my turn." The boy was staring up at Remus with a stern look in his eyes. He took Remus' right hand in his own and carefully touched the remnants of his fingers. "Does it still hurt?"

"A little."

"I am going to pummel Dean and Sean. They are jealous that I have you as an uncle, a real hero. When I was little you used to walk me to school and meet me at the gate when Uncle Sirius couldn't. I remember being so excited on those days because it was like a special treat you picking me up. You would hold my hand so tight as if you were afraid I would be snatched away."

"You had terrible depth perception which was deadly around cars," Remus said dryly.

Harry grinned suddenly. "But I always felt special. I always know that when there is something wrong you will help me. And… you give the best hugs," he was blushing. "It's weird to hug Uncle Sirius but it's different with you. I like being able to hug you."

"Are you calling me feminine?" Remus sounded insulted but there was a gentleness in his eyes that Harry saw.

The boy laughed. "No! But I don't feel silly. I…"

"Do you know that your hugs mean the world to me? They always make me feel better. Always. No matter how miserable I feel, or what has happened."

"Like what Dean did."

"Yes. He isn't the first, Harry, and I doubt he will be the last, most people are just too polite to ask questions like that."

"Uncle Remus?"

"Mmm?"

"I'm glad you survived."

"Me too," Remus ruffled the untidy black hair. They were quiet for a long time, Harry slowly inspecting every inch of Remus' injured hand.

"Harry?"

"Yeah?" Green eyes lifted instantly to Remus' tired brown ones.

"You know how much I love you, don't you?"

Harry frowned but he nodded slowly.

"I am sorry I can't tell you… I… I am sorry… I…."

"Uncle Remus? You know how much I love you, don't you?"

A tiny smiled appeared on Remus' face and he nodded.

"Well, you don't have to be sorry. If you want to tell me that's cool, but if you don't then it's ok."

Remus shook his head. "You are much smarter than your father was at your age."

"Mmm, better looking too."

Remus laughed, knowing the teenager had spent too much time around Sirius. He shifted and settled into the couch more, enjoying this end to the day. "I'm sure Ginny thinks so," he teased as he attempted to hide his smile.

Harry's face lit up in a blush as he groaned, sitting up immediately and burying his face in the pillow on the other side of the couch.

Remus laughed and gently patted the boy's back. "A word of advice, Harry boy, if you don't want the entire world to know you probably should be a little more subtle."

"I don't know what you mean," Harry mumbled as he sat up and faced his uncle.

"Dora has, I believe, photographic evidence."

Harry moaned again, his head falling to the back of the couch, and Remus' laughter filled the flat. "Poor Potter," he chuckled.

"Uncle Remus?"

Remus looked at his nephew expectantly.

"What does love feel like?"

Remus sighed deeply, wondering if it was possible to feel any older, and Harry settled back with his head on the pillow. Remus' fingers lightly smoothed the untidy hair.

"Your father would have been brilliant at answering this. Love is… When you can't bear to be away from someone, when you miss them every moment you are not with them. It is wanting to make them happy no matter what sacrifices that means for you. It is being able to make them smile no matter how miserable you, it is about them making you smile when you are miserable. It's about your whole world revolving around one person. It… It is impossible to explain."

Harry was quiet for a moment. "Sometimes, I wish I was still little and that things like this didn't worry me."

"Me too... But she is a sweet girl, Harry."

"Yeah, she is." The smile that lingered on his lips said more than a hundred words ever could.

Remus let his eyes close as he tried not to think about this boy, who was running around in the mud just a few years ago it seemed, being in that kind of relationship. His thoughts drifted from Harry to Ginny... and then slowly began to linger on the bright spot on his memory, the colourful patch of light that stood out from all the years of darkness; light that joined such few others.


	11. Acacia

"I can't believe you shot a guy!"

Tonks quickly twisted around in her seat to look at the ecstatic teenager in the back, a sight one rarely saw in a police car. "I did not shoot him. I shot_ at _him in order to show him we meant business. But... best not tell your uncles about it either way, all right?"

Harry grinned and nodded, looking quite pleased with himself as he sat in the back (another rare police car image).

The trio drove in silence for a few more minutes, the driver, Kingsley, smirking slightly at the fidgety teen. As they made their way back to the precinct, Tonks found herself rather pleased, if not proud, of Harry for coming along with them and acting maturely during the unexpected stressful moment.

"You know why I brought you on this ride, right, Harry?" Tonks swivelled around again to look at him, giving him a firmer look.

Harry began to nod but realised suddenly he probably did not wholly understand. He found himself sitting a bit straighter at the sight of what he dubbed 'Professional Tonks.'

"I know you want to become an officer. But I wanted to show you that it's not all fun and games. It can be dangerous, but it can also be dead boring. There won't be car chases every other day, yet if there is something that happens, you need to be careful of people's lives. Yours, your partner's, bystanders', and even the suspect's. Sirius might bring you around the office to show you some of the paperwork we have to do, yeah? I want you to know that this is no footie game."

Harry just nodded once, his eyes focused on nothing as he took on her words and the images of his future. He barely registered Tonks facing the front again and Kingsley's silent nod of approval (not that the large man had said much all night (which had quite successfully intimidated Harry).

But Harry started slightly when Tonks spoke up, this time staying in her seat.

"Harry?"

"Yes?" He looked up to meet her eyes in the rear-view mirror. They were shockingly like Sirius', something he hadn't noticed before.

"Can I ask why you want to join the force? I understand wanting to follow in your uncles' footsteps and whatnot, they are quite respectable steps..."

"Well, yeah, that's part of it. Uncle Sirius and Uncle Remus and my parents... but it's more _for_ them than _like_ them," Harry muttered, taking a deep breath as he shifted in his seat. He hadn't verbalised the _why _to anyone before. "You see... all my life it's been good guys versus bad guys. My parents were good guys. The people who killed them were bad guys. I know the world isn't so... clear cut, but I feel it's more than others think. I want to stop bad guys from hurting good guys. I want to stop people from killing parents, from killing kids. I want to stop bad guys from hurting people like they did Uncle Remus. I want to even stop putting good guys in jail, like they did to Uncle Sirius. I want to stop bad guys from pretending to be good guys... like Pettigrew. I want the good guys to get... the good in life. I don't want them to be hurt, or scarred, or... to be scared. But I want the bad guys to be caught before they do those things... or at least get justice for the good guys when we fail to stop the bad guys _before_."

The car was even more quiet than before, the only sound being a few beeps from the equipment up front, and the sound of the road beneath them.

No one said anything until Tonks slowly turned around in her seat once more, the look on her face something akin to pride mixed with the realization of impending adulthood. She opened her mouth to speak but was cut off by a deeper voice.

"That's our goal, kid," Officer Shacklebolt said from the driver's seat. "We don't want anyone getting hurt, and our goal is to stop it when we can."

Tonks nodded before looking straight at Harry, seeing a hard determination in his bright eyes.

"You may not have seen bad things, personally, in life, Harry," Tonks said, her voice a bit softer but no less purposeful. "But you've seen the aftermath, and sometimes that's much more potent. You want to stop that aftermath from even happening. And that's a noble mission." She smiled at him, yet this smile wasn't as bright and bubbly as it usually was. But it was twice as sincere.

Harry gave her a slightly sheepish smile in return as he picked at a loose thread on his jeans.

"Okay then. I think we'll drop you off at your place, I still have some paperwork to do, and I told your uncles I'd have you home fifteen minutes ago."

"Well, it's just Uncle Remus at the moment. Uncle Sirius had to run to Paris to talk to a buyer... or dealer, or whatever. He'll just be done a day or two, but you should see how worried he gets. When he'd go when I was a kid, which wasn't very often, he'd call the house about five times a day to check up on us."

"And now?" Tonks asked with a laugh.

"Only three," Harry smirked.

"My cousin, the worrying mother hen," Tonks mocked, winking at Harry through the mirror. "Got any plans for the rest of the day, then?"

"Not really, I think I'll ride my bike over to the Burrow for lunch," Harry shrugged, a slight blush on his cheeks. "I was planning on going to see Ginny... and, er, Ron, of course."

Tonks snickered at him but left it alone. "Be safe, Potter," she said as they stopped in front of his building. "I'll try and stop by for dinner tomorrow, if that's alright."

"Of course!" Harry said as he hopped out of the car. "Thanks again, Dora, I loved it! Nice to meet you, Mr. Kingsley!" The teen waved with enthusiasm before bounding off towards the door of their apartment building, making Tonks wonder what stories he'd concoct to terrify his guardian.

They were quiet as Kingsley spun the car around. "Good kid," he said finally.

"He really is. Sirius and Remus have done a brilliant job with him."

"Who was the one that day in the Indian shop?"

"Remus. He… he spent a year being tortured for information, Sirius said it's a miracle he survived what they put him through."

"I'll have to meet this cousin of yours one day, think I would like him."

* * *

The door was flung open.

"It was so cool!" Harry exploded as soon as he caught sight of Remus who was reading over his latest article. "I have never had so much fun! I can't wait to finish school! We even got to chase after a car!" He wisely decided to leave the near shooting out.

Remus studied the excited face closely and sighed softly. "I take it you quite enjoyed yourself then?"

"Yeah! Dora was the best, and her partner Kingsley is really smart and kind of scary, I wouldn't want to do something wrong around him. He has been a cop for ages! He said I can get Dora to call him if I ever have questions!" Harry's face was alive with excitement and Remus smiled.

"So, a young police officer in the making? Your father would have been proud."

Harry smiled and flung himself into the seat beside Remus. "What are you doing?"

"Paperwork, utterly dull. So, do I get to hear more about this wonderful adventure of yours?"

Harry frowned. "I know you don't want me to join."

Remus lifted his hand to silence the boy. "I want you to be _safe,_ Harry, which is entirely different to not wanting you to follow your dreams. If this is truly what you want then I will be extraordinarily proud of you." He grinned at his nephew. "All the while being worried to death."

Harry laughed and his face cleared. "I'm going to the Burrow; I'll tell you everything tonight?"

"Very well. Do you want me to drive you?"

Harry shook his head quickly. "No, I will ride."

Remus glanced nervously at the clock. "Make sure you are home well before dark and if you lose track of time let me know and I will come and pick you up."

Harry nodded. Remus hated driving, he had never really understood why, but Sirius had always driven. "I'll be home." He frowned suddenly. "You'll be ok on your own?"

Gentle amusement lit the lined face of the man before him. "Harry, I am on my own almost every day. Stop worrying about me for no good reason. And I'll remind you that I'm not Sirius. I can be alone without burning anything down."

Harry grinned sheepishly. "Sorry. I'll see you for dinner."

"Have fun." Remus watched his nephew snatch up his backpack and helmet, grin at his uncle and vanish from the flat. He had hoped desperately that Harry would have been bored; it was too good to be true, of course. Sighed heavily he turned back to his work, ready to wait a few more hours before Harry returned and Sirius would call.

* * *

It would be an hour before nightfall, getting him home with fifteen minutes to spare. Harry rode steadily, he had only been allowed to make this ride in the past year, and even then it had taken weeks of pleading with his uncles and it had been Remus who had surprised him by suddenly siding with him. Sirius had been furious and there had been a frosty air to their house for an entire two days before Sirius suddenly realised that Remus caving on this would mean that it was only a matter of time before Harry was allowed on a motorbike.

He grinned at the memory. He had gone over every detail of his trip with Ron and Ginny, and Ron had joined him in the excitement that only boys can have over guns while Ginny had grumbled about being sworn to secrecy about it. He had had a brilliant day.

Traffic was slow and he was enjoying his ride when everything changed and Harry learnt the true meaning of pain. The screeching of tires made him look up in alarm, a black car was hurtling towards him and he swerved desperately before the car collided violently with the bike and Harry was flung into the air, all he remembered before he hit the ground with a sickening thud and lapsed into immediate unconsciousness was a bright pink number plate with _BELLA_ in black letters.

* * *

Tonks slammed on the brakes, barely noticing the car stopping half on the sidewalk, and jumped out without turning off the engine or the sirens. She had no idea how she had so much energy after her twelve hour shift was over but assumed it was a mix of adrenaline and fear. She raced up the stairs, taking two at a time, down the hallway, and was in front of the door without really remembering the journey.

"REMUS!" Tonks screamed, banging on the door upon finding it locked. She didn't want to do this. Panic clawed at her. How could she do this? She knew she had to be the one to inform him and take him, but she truly did not want to upset him like this. She had to. He needed someone he could rely on.

The door swung open and Remus stood there eyes dark with worry.

Tonks stood there, gasping for air, dreading the words as they came tumbling out of her mouth. "Harry," she choked out. "He was hit, Remus... on his bike. Hit and run. He's at the hospital. We need to go. I don't know how bad…"

She had never seen someone's face lose blood so quickly. She had never seen such a look of pure terror. She had never felt her heart break from the pain of another. Remus caught himself against the door before turning and snatching his coat.

She had never seen a man run so fast as he fled down the stairs with her right behind him. Kingsley was waiting in the car and Tonks settled into the back seat with Remus. She gripped his hand as the car lurched away from the curb and it's sirens sent people scattering out of the way. She saw the fear in Remus' eyes.

"Kill the noise, keep the lights," she barked at Kingsley. Remus shook his head.

"No. It doesn't matter. I… Harry…" he trailed off helplessly.

Kingsley's eyes met hers in the mirror and he could see the fear written on her face.

Remus' hand convulsed around hers suddenly. "Sirius," he whispered.

"I'll call him when we know more," Tonks soothed. "You know where he is staying?"

Remus nodded numbly. They were approaching the hospital. Kingsley sped straight the parking space set aside for police cars and pulled the keys out of the ignition. Remus was out of the car quickly and was striding swiftly across the tarred surface, his face grim and hard while the two cops struggled to keep pace with him.

"His leg'll pay hell for that," Kingsley muttered and Tonks only nodded.

"We are here to see Harry Potter." Kinsley could look very intimidating when he wanted, and at that moment he wanted to very, very much.

The receptionist at the desk pointed them to the side. "Please wait." She sounded bored.

Remus was ashen, the scars standing out in stark contrast to his skin. "I am his guardian." The words were short, clipped, authoritative and Tonks blinked. Was this same shy, self-deprecating Remus she knew?

"And you are?" She still looked bored.

Remus straightened and his eyes narrowed. "Remus Lupin and if you do not let me in to see my nephew there will be _hell_ to pay."

The woman blinked and opened her mouth to argue, suddenly angry, when a smooth voice cut her off.

"You will let Major Lupin and the police officers through." A doctor in a white coat and scrubs stood behind her. "Sir, I am Mr Potter's doctor, could I have a word?"

Remus nodded curtly and Kinsley led the way into the triage rooms.

"Major?" Tonks hissed.

"Honorary. After I was found."

"I am Dr Anderson, I saw young Harry come in and I thought he must have been James' boy." Remus was clearly not in the mood to play catch up. "How bad?" His voice was sharp, demanding answers, the only sign of his terror, his hands, clenched into tight fists.

The man sighed softly. "Not as bad as it could have been. Come, I will take you to him." He led the way through the maze of beds and equipment. "He lost consciousness for about ten minutes but is perfectly alert and orientated, so it doesn't appear there was any head injury besides a few marks. He has had a CAT scan so as soon as I know the results I will inform you. Some nasty scrapes to his hands and arms but nothing broken there. Bad bruising to his ribs. It's the leg I am worried about, he broke his left femur."

Remus caught his breath and Tonks frowned. "That's bad?"

"There are some major arteries in there. We will have to operate soon as young Harry seems to have done a bit of damage to it, his leg is swelling quite quickly. They are preparing the theatre now, he will be in there within the hour."

They were approaching a closed door now and a sudden cry could be heard.

"I want my uncle!" The sound was young, vulnerable. "I want Uncle Remus!"

Remus' steps increased rapidly and he flung the door open. A nurse's head snapped up and she frowned reflexively only for her patient to relax suddenly.

"I'm scared."

Tonks felt her heart clench, the boy looked terrified. And there was blood.

Remus swallowed convulsively and limped to Harry's side. "It's all right, I am here now," he soothed gently. "I am here."

Harry reached up an arm that was unattached from the IV tube and Remus bent to hold the child as much as he was able. "Poor, Lad."

"It hurts," Harry clung to Remus' shirt.

"I know." Pain had twisted Remus' features. "It is going to be all right. You will go and have surgery and then in a few weeks it will be good as new." His eyes sought the doctor's as he said this and the man nodded slightly.

Harry shivered. "Promise?" His eyes fluttered closed.

Remus looked at the nurse in alarm and she smiled quickly. "He has had morphine for the pain, he will just be exhausted."

Remus pulled back a little in an attempt to straighten but Harry's fingers tightened. "Don't leave me."

Remus shifted his weight to his good leg and smiled as Harry's green eyes opened. "Of course I won't leave you. Goodness, if this is what happens when you are allowed out alone I think we will put all restrictions on you like you are eight."

Harry grinned sluggishly. "Uncle Remus?"

"Yes, my boy?"

"I'm glad you are here. I was scared, the doctors were all frowning, but you are here now. It's safe."

Remus closed his eyes briefly. "I will always protect you," he whispered gently, one arm was cradling the boys' head the other hand smoothing bloodied hair from Harry's white face. "Why is there so much blood?" His voice was thin with fear.

"Scalp laceration." Dr Anderson's voice was kind.

"He keeps looking at me funny, Uncle Remus." Harry mumbled and Remus smiled involuntarily.

"He knew your father."

"Really?" Harry's bleary green eyes opened and looked at the man through morphine induced haze.

"He was a good man. He would have been proud of you." Dr Anderson reassured. He took the chart from the nurse and frowned. "We are going to take you into surgery, Harry. Do you understand?"

"Will I limp like Uncle Remus?"

Remus' face greyed suddenly and he lifted terrified eyes to the doctor. Harry, barely aware of what he was saying, continued. "Cause I don't mind, really. Being like Uncle Remus. But Uncle Sirius won't like me not being able to play football."

Dr Anderson chuckled. "You won't limp, Harry. I am very good, and in three months you will be out playing football again so Sirius won't have to worry."

Remus' shoulders slumped with relief.

"We are going to take you up now, Harry."

The boy's eyes snapped open and there was perfect clarity in them again. "I want Uncle Remus!" His voice was frightened again. "Don't leave me! Please!"

"Shhh, Harry, I will walk with you as far as I can." Remus promised. He whispered the words gently in Harry's ear. "And then I will be there when you wake up."

"Promise?" Harry's green eyes locked on his uncle. "Promise you will be there when I wake up?"

"Yes." Remus smiled. "I swear to you, I will not leave your side for as long as you want me once you wake up."

Harry grinned suddenly. "I have a slave," he told Dr Anderson proudly.

The doctor laughed. "Yes, he is certainly James Potter's son."

Tonks followed them silently down the hall. Remus keeping pace with the bed, Harry's hand clinging to his. The boy was quiet now, the morphine had made him drowsy but his clear had returned. They paused outside the doors where Remus would be forced to leave his bed.

"Promise?" Harry whispered.

Remus bent forward and gently kissed Harry's forehead. "I swear to you, I will be there when you wake up. You promise to make sure you wake up before too long or Sirius will have my head."

Harry grinned weakly. "Love you." His words were a shy whisper.

Remus' hand tightened over Harry's. "I love you too." He stood frozen as Harry was wheeled out of sight and then his knees buckled. Tonks caught him.  
"Remus! Remus!"

He stared at her blindly. He was shaking uncontrollably.

"Come on. Outside." Wrapping her arm around him she half dragged him down the steps, she had seen his face when he had been in the elevator with Harry, and out to the gardens at the back of the hospital. Remus broke away from her suddenly and vomited into a garden bed. His whole body shook as he retched, until finally his back heaved and there was nothing left to bring up.

"Oh, Remus." Tonks gently took his hand and coaxed him to a chair. She pulled out a handkerchief and ran it under the water fountain attached to the wall. Gently she wiped it across his forehead and his lips. His eyes stared bleakly into nothing.

"Remus?"

"I could have lost him."

She winced.

"It's my fault. I should have driven him over! I should have insisted, I should never have allowed him to ride there in the first place! This is all my fault, and if he dies, it will be my fault!"

"No!" Tonks wrapped her arms around his shuddering frame. "It is not your fault! You are not allowed to say that. It's not your fault. It is a horrible, horrible accident that can only be blamed on the driver."

Tears ran unchecked down his face. "Dora… he… he…"

"Is going to be fine!" She spoke sternly. "You heard the doctor, playing football again in three months. He will be fine, Remus."

"I could have lost him."

Tonks swallowed, the idea of Harry dying, of what it would have done to Remus and Sirius was unimaginable. "But he didn't. And he won't."

They were quiet a moment before a sudden noise made Remus wrench himself from her arms and spring to his feet. She wished Sirius was here to calm Remus. Kingsley held his hands up as soon as he rounded the corner. "Sorry, hadn't realised."

Remus moved backwards until he felt a concrete pole against his back. Tonks recognised the terror now, not just for Harry but… She winced suddenly. Hospitals, Remus hated hospitals. Sirius had said that he refused to step foot in one after he had been released and now, now he had stormed through the doors and promised Harry he would be waiting inside. She really wished Sirius was here.

Approaching slowly she mimicked the way her cousin had moved towards him that horrible day, hands held out, non-threatening.

"Remus? This is Kingsley, he is my partner. Harry met him today."

"He said." Remus face crumpled again. Only a few hours ago Harry was bouncing with excitement at the car ride.

"We should call Sirius." She slid her hand into his and squeezed it. His hand engulfed hers, sheltered it and she felt a thrill run through her which was firmly squashed. Now was _not_ the time.

"He will hate me."

"He will not," she responded firmly. She reached out her free hand and Kingsley placed the chunky mobile into it.

"Moody will kill you, it's for emergencies only."

She smiled grimly. "Believe me, King, this will pass as an emergency for Mad-Eye." She pulled Remus to the bench and forced him to sit. He was shaking. Eyes hollow, frightened, breaths coming in heaving, shuddering, and uneven gasps. She coaxed the name of the motel Sirius was staying at out of him before he fell silent once more.

It took a heinously long time to find the person she wanted and, when she did, she felt the knots in her stomach tighten.

"Sirius, it's Dora."

"What is it? What's wrong?" Her cousin's voice was loud suddenly and Remus flinched.

"There was an accident. Harry was hurt but he is going to be ok! He is in surgery now, he broke his leg."

There was heavy silence. "How? Is there anything else? You are sure he is ok?"

"Yes. Head injury that looks minor, and just a broken leg. He will be fine. The doctor said he will be playing football in three months."

"What bone did he break?"

"Erm, his femur."

Sirius swore loudly. "I am getting to the airport! Dammit! Dammit! Where is Remus? Is he ok? Was he…?"

"No. Harry was riding home from the Weasley's. Remus is…" She glanced at the man who had huddled into himself. "He is…"

"Dammit." Sirius' voice cracked. "Dammit, you stay with him, you hear me, Dora?!"

"I will. He is being strong, Sirius, for Harry. He will be ok."

"I want to talk to him."

Remus' head shot up and he shook it wildly.

Dora ignored him and thrust the phone at him.  
"Rem?"

"I am so sorry. So sorry. It's my fault—"

"Shut up. It isn't your fault. I will be home as soon as I can, ok? You hang in there. We have this. Harry is going to be ok."

"I…"

"It isn't your fault." Sirius' voice was shaking. "Just… Remus… don't do anything stupid."

Remus cleared his throat. "Can't. Harry made me promise to be there when he woke up."

A soft chuckle broke from the boy's terrified godfather. "Good lad. I will call you when I land. I will be there as soon as I can get a bleeding flight."

"Be careful," Remus whispered.

"You too."

Tonks took the phone back and tucked it inside one of her pockets. She looked at the man beside her for a long minute before she scooted closer and wrapped her arms around his. Her head rested on his shoulder and he relaxed just a little, enough to know her touch was welcomed.

"He will be ok. You raised a fighter."

"He… he looked so young and…"

"Like his dad?"

"Yes." Remus' voice came out as a sob.

Her arms tightened and they were quiet for a long time.

"Dora?"  
"Mmhmm?"

"Thank you."

She smiled up at him. "Hey, this is what friends do."

He pulled his arm away and her eyes dropped... until he wrapped it around her, holding her close, clinging to her like a rock in a storm. She could feel the shudders that ran through him, the too fast breathing and the rapid thudding of his heart. He was still terrified; terrified for his beloved nephew, terrified that he had to face one of his largest fears without his best friend whom he had relied on for so long. But he had her, this girl who held him together with her tiny arms that were so strong. Remus stared down at her and felt something inside shift; a sudden realisation. He had known... _known_ when she had come towards him, her arms open, eyes not pitying... but filled with love, with compassion. And the knowledge filled him with astonishment, terror, self-loathing, and a sudden relief like water on a hot day.

He loved her.

He _loved_ this beautiful, tiny woman who was whispering words of comfort to him while he clung to her like a drowning man. He loved her. And he couldn't discern the cause of the new flood of fear that pulsed through him. Fear for Harry or fear of... this.

Tonks felt a little worried over the onslaught of emotion that she saw develop in his eyes as she looked up at him. But she also felt a slightly strange sense of belonging.

She had always been somewhat of an outsider but had grown accustomed to it. The weird girl with the weird clothes as a kid, the Tonks in a sea of Blacks, the tiny girl among all the macho male officers. But here, with this man, helping him and his family, she felt like this was her place. This was where she was meant to be.

Tonks looked up at Remus and gave him what she hoped to be a reassuring smile. She wished Sirius was here, knowing that was who Remus needed, but liked to think she was doing a good enough job of it despite Sirius' absence. She continued to lean against him as she held his hand firmly, not once noticing whether it was his injured hand or not. She had no idea how long Harry would be in the operating room, but hoped it wasn't too long; just as she hoped Sirius got here before he was out.

After what could have been hours, or days for all they knew, Tonks decided they needed to go back inside. If the doctor needed to speak to them, they needed to fill out some papers, or if Sirius showed up, they needed to be inside.

"Maybe we should head inside," Tonks suggested slowly, pulling back to look at Remus' face. "It's dark... and I'm sure you could use some tea, yeah?"

Remus took a deep breath through his nose and nodded, attempting to shove any and all emotional revelations out of his mind. He had enough to deal with without trying to understand what sort of monstrosity his heart decided to come up with. _Seriously, when was the last time I even thought about holding a woman's hand_, he thought darkly before shaking his head to clear such mental conversations.

"I- I'm sure... there is paperwork," he croaked before clearing his throat.

"Mountains," Tonks agreed with another careful smile. "I'll help you. But let's get inside."

Tonks stood and held out a hand, allowing Remus to grip it tightly once more as he stood shakily. Letting him compose himself, she wound her arm around his, keeping a hold on him without treating him like another patient.

Carefully, they walked back into the building, leaving Remus' vomit behind, and made their way back towards Harry's empty room. Remus sat down outside of it heavily, letting his head fall against the wall with a thud as he began to take deep even breaths.

"Milk, half a sugar?"

Remus opened the eyes he didn't realize had closed and looked up at the bright-haired officer in uniform and swallowed roughly.

Had Jessica ever gotten his tea correct? He couldn't remember.

"Yes. Please." Remus attempted to give her a smile but knew he failed miserably. His eyes closed again as he ignored the urge to vomit again from the pure _hospital _smell. He only sat up and regained some alertness when the smell of antiseptic was replaced with tea and chocolate.

Tonks sat beside him and placed two cups of tea, both dulled to a tan colour with milk, on the thick armrests. She placed a handful of candy bars beside them before bringing her legs up into the seat and crossing them.

"Nourishment and lots of blank spaces," she announced, uncapping a pen and gesturing to the clipboard in her lap. She was silently proud of herself for bringing such a haul to its final resting place without dropping anything.

"Thank you," Remus whispered, the sincerity in his voice making her blush slightly.

She shook her head, trying to explain that it was really no problem. That she was happy to be there (so to speak). But she couldn't put it into words.

"Now, I have the talent of filling these things out in my sleep. I was a clumsy child," Tonks added. "But I'll need some help since they're not mine."

Remus moved as if to take the papers from her but she snatched them away with surprising speed and shook her head.

"I've got it. You just drink your tea and answer," she ordered, wanting to keep him talking for as long as possible, the idea of him retreating into silence too terrible to contemplate.

Obeying, Remus listed off Harry's middle name, date of birth, parents' names, and all the other minute details requested from the hospital. When Tonks inquired about any previous hospital visits, Remus said there were none.

"He went to the paediatrician for colds and whatnot," Remus murmured. "But he never did enough damage where we couldn't handle it ourselves. I think the last time he was in the hospital was... when he visited me..."

_Remus stared dully at the breakfast tray he had shoved away from him as far as possible. The smell made him nauseous. He was sick of nurses and doctors telling him he needed to eat or he would have the tube inserted into his stomach again. They didn't understand, he _couldn't_ eat; the idea made him want to throw up. His eyes flickered to the clock and he felt a swell of panic. He should have argued, should never have allowed Sirius to carry out his harebrained plan. He thought about calling in one of the nurses and telling her that he didn't want to see anyone. He sighed wearily; as if 'no' had worked on Sirius Black before. _

_Two months of being free and he still expected to wake up and find this all a cruel dream. He glanced down at the heavy cast on his left leg and the traction at the end of the bed. It was the second cast, the first operation had been a 'success' according to the doctors, and then more pins had been put in his leg, more weight to the traction, and another heavy plaster cast to ensure he didn't move it. As if he could. Every time the nurses helped him move positions, pain radiated through his entire body from that bloody leg. _

_A soft knock on the door made him flinch. He wasn't ready for this! _

_Sirius entered, holding a little boy tightly in his arms. Remus' eyes dropped before lifting and greedily taking in the child's small bespectacled face. If the toddler hadn't been the spitting image of his father (Oh, _Jamie_...), he would have wondered if this was the right kid. He had been so much smaller the last time Remus saw him. Yet... he knew the boy should be even bigger._

"_How are you feeling?" Sirius smiled as he approached the bed._

"_Fine," Remus' voice was still a hoarse whisper and Sirius was forced to wonder if it wasn't dehydration and pain that caused it... or if it was fear._

"_Harry, do you remember me telling you about Uncle Remus?" Sirius spoke very gently to the too-small boy who was looking at Remus with large, curious (familiar) green eyes behind glasses that Sirius said had been picked up only the day before. A month with Sirius and still the boy was too thin, too quiet._

_Harry nodded slowly. "We must be very gentle with Uncle Remus because he has been hurt and is very sick." Sirius' eyes had found the still full breakfast tray and he frowned. "So we need to look after him, don't we?"_

_Harry nodded again. _

_Remus felt frozen with terror as he stared up at the child who had once reached for him with wide eyed innocence. Despite all he'd been through, he felt a twinge of fear at the fact that James and Lily Potter's son was so quiet, so introverted._

"_Hello, Harry. You have grown since I last saw you," Remus croaked, almost gasping for air in panic at the boy's possible reactions._

_The two year old stared at Remus for a long time before a tiny, but very timid, smile peaked on his face. Remus felt a lump shift inside him. _

_Sirius slowly eased himself onto the edge of the bed, watching Remus' reaction closely. It has only been a week since he had been able to touch his friend without Remus flinching, only a month since his touch had not reduced his friend to pleas to be left alone. The nurses had told him that whenever they needed to move him or change dressings on his horrific, ulcerated wounds they had had to sedate him. The simplest touch left him shaking, cries of fear erupting from him._

"_Not eating?"_

"_I can't. The smell makes me ill."_

_Sirius glanced at the tray with the ugly white lump that resembled an egg and the congealed porridge. "Mm, would make me ill too. How about some toast? Just toast, with no butter or jam?"_

_Remus shrugged. _

"_You need to eat."_

_Remus glanced away wearily. "Don't."_

"_They said if you don't, you have to have the feeding tube back in again and it will be even longer before you are released and you won't heal."_

_Remus felt his chest tighten in panic. "I won't heal anymore anyhow," he mumbled, his voice broken. _

"_Rubbish. You need to eat to heal up those horrible wounds on your back and legs. And once your leg is out of that plaster you will be able to walk around."_

_Remus' hands twisted the sheets, causing the ends of what was left of his fingers to burn and throb. Why couldn't Sirius just leave him alone?_

"_Stop!" Harry's small voice made both men jump and stare at him in surprise._

"_Stop what, Harry?"_

"_You…" he struggled to find the words he wanted to use. "Un'le Eemus sad!" He was glaring at Sirius who was trying very hard not to grin._

"_A champion in under five minutes, there we go. Would you like to give Uncle Remus a hug?"_

_Harry hesitated now but as he looked shyly up at the pale faced man with the funny marks on his face, he watched a tear slide down his cheek. Harry frowned and scrambled out of Sirius' arms._

"_Careful!" Sirius warned hastily before Harry could go sprawling on top of Remus. "We have to be very gentle with Uncle Remus."_

_Harry looked frightened now. "Huwt you?"_

"_It's ok." Remus opened his arms to the small boy. "It's ok, Harry, you won't hurt me."_

_Sirius made sure that Harry wouldn't place pressure on any one of Remus' numerous broken ribs as the boy crawled into the awaiting embrace. Remus cradled the boy tightly against him. Harry's small hands came up and gently patted Remus' tears away. "No sad," he pleaded, which only succeeded in making the tears fall faster._

_Sirius smiled faintly. Remus had finally broken, now he just needed to be convinced that they needed him to make their family complete and somehow he thought Harry might be best of all at that._

"_Huwt face?" Harry's fingers had found the ugly red scars on the side of Remus' face. Sirius stiffened and he stared at his friend in horror. _

_Remus was quiet for a moment. "Yes, my face was hurt." _

_Harry frowned at this. "Huwt eveywhere?"_

_Remus nodded mutely. _

"_We wook af'er you," Harry declared suddenly._

"_Yes, Harry, we most certainly will look after him." Sirius grinned. "_Now_ try running away."_

"_I won't," Remus whispered, staring down at the little boy, the realisation hitting him suddenly; he was wanted, needed. "No more running."_

"_Harry, are you hungry?" Sirius asked the boy, his hand carefully coming up to move some of the fringe out of his face. _

_Remus found himself relaxing slightly against the pillows the nurses had shoved behind his back as Harry rested his head on Remus' chest. Remus looked a bit worried as Harry remained silent, looking a bit scared at being asked such a question. Remus raised his eyes to Sirius, questioning the behaviour. _

_Sirius sighed, giving Harry a gentle smile before giving Remus a meaningful look. _

"_Remember, Harry, when you're hungry, you tell me, yeah? I will get you food whenever you ask for it. Even at night," Sirius said carefully and slowly, making sure the boy understood. _

_Remus took as deep a breath as he could with his ribs being in such a state. He realized what was going on immediately and felt anger making its way through all the fear and pain that had been all he had experienced for so long. _

"_Toast," Remus announced suddenly, his voice more firm than before. "B- bring... bring some jams. And a... sausage. Harry and I can share. What do you think, Harry?"_

_The tiny boy shifted his head to look up at his Uncle Remus, looking a bit surprised but happy with the proposition. He remained silent but nodded, his glasses going askew. _

_Sirius, on the other hand, looked very much surprised but undoubtedly happy. He grinned and made for the door before either one of the healing boys could change their minds. _

"I... I would take a bite and then give Harry one," Remus murmured, his voice soft but less strained than before. "It's how he would eat for a month, at least when he was visiting me, which somehow became every meal. It helped us both put on the weight we needed."

"Yet you're still both string beans," Tonks observed with a smile, mimicking Molly Weasley's phrase of choice. She was sitting in the chair beside Remus, her knees drawn up to her chest, making her look like a girl playing dress up. She very much enjoyed listening to Remus tell stories. His voice was soothing and, depending on the topic at hand, he would often relax visibly. She was glad for the nurse coming to pick up the papers, leaving them to talk and keep their minds off things.

"That boy takes after his father. James could eat a whole horse and never gain an inch anywhere except in height." Remus smiled wistfully, letting his head fall back against the wall. He had finished his tea so he reached for one of the chocolate bars. He had always had a sweet tooth as a kid, and chocolate had helped him somewhat after his escape. It made him feel a tiny bit more human.

"You were there for each other then, and you are now," Tonks said, carefully resting her hand on Remus' forearm. "And... this is just... physical healing, this time."

Remus' eyes rose from the hand on his arm to her face, understanding what she meant. She knew that pain went from the outside in. She knew how relieved he was that Harry's pain stopped on the outside. His nephew, his child, dealt with enough inner pain in the time spent with the Dursley's. And his had always been his goal to make sure that remained the only time his Harry was scarred on the inside.

"More tea?" Tonks asked, standing up abruptly and snatching up their empty cups. She patiently waited for him to nod before she bent and kissed his cheek so quickly he wasn't quite sure if it really happened. And then she was off down the hall, trash in hand, making him wonder what he would have done if she hadn't been the one to knock on his door.

"I just passed by a nurse and she said Harry is just about finished up in the operating room. And I saw this and got it but didn't have enough hands for more tea. Sorry," Tonks said, making a face as she set a potted plant onto an empty chair. It had the hospital logo on the pot, obviously from the gift shop, and held a bright flower. "I recognized it from your corner of the botanical garden, I thought Harry might like it. I also called the Weasley's to let them know what happened, I hope you don't mind. I said it would probably be best to wait to visit until Harry is released."

"Thank you, Dora," Remus said, touched by her thoughtfulness, before springing out of his seat at the sight of Harry being wheeled down the hallway.

"Everything went smoothly, Major Lupin," the doctor assured as he stopped to talk, letting the orderlies push Harry into his room. "He's still a bit drugged up, so he'll sleep for a while longer. But the rest will be good for him. It was more of a clean break than I would have expected, Mr. Potter will be just fine."

Remus tore his eyes away from the door and looked at the doctor as he took a deep breath. "Th- that's good. Very good. Thank you. I-"

Dr. Anderson shook his head, cutting him off. "Just fulfilling my duty. You know that," he said with a nod towards Remus. "I'll be back to check on him in a few hours but he should rest for a while. We normally keep patients in recovery till they wake but I thought these were special circumstances, the nurses will be in and out. Feel free to have me paged."

Remus nodded, swallowing roughly as he watched the doctor walk down the hall. He then jerked slightly when a few nurses walked out from Harry's room.

"You may go in now, Mr. Lupin. Be careful of the IVs. We set up a chair for you," one nurse said, holding the door open for him. "We will be in every fifteen minutes just to check his obs, he should wake up properly in the next fifteen to twenty minutes."

Tonks noticed Remus' hands begin to shake before he curled them into tight fists, his knuckles going white. As the nurse walked away, Tonks slid next to him and put her hand on his arm once more.

"He's just fine, Remus. He'll be a bit out of it but he'll just need some rest. Just like you do," Tonks said softly as she reached forward to open the door. She knew he needed to sit again and the best place for him would be beside Harry.

The room was fairly standard and rather bare. Tonks set the plant on the wide windowsill, a splash of colour, as Remus all but collapsed into the chair next to Harry's bed. The teen looked rather peaceful as he slept, the steady rhythm of his heartbeat on the monitor rather soothing to their frayed nerves. He looked so much younger asleep and without his glasses which were on the table beside him.

Remus, wary of the tubes, grasped the boy's hand, looking as if he would not let go for some time. His eyes were locked on the child's face and he silently assessed the catalogue of injuries. His eyes flickered and Remus leaned forward.

"Harry?"

Tonks was concerned with how brittle Remus' voice sounded.

Harry moaned softly and wrinkled his nose against the oxygen tubing that rested in his nostrils. His green eyes fluttered open and he looked around blearily. "Uncle Remus?"

"I am here." Remus soothed. "You are just fine, Uncle Sirius will be here soon. Are you in any pain?"

"No." Harry moistened his lips.

A nurse entered and smiled. "Hello, Harry, awake already? I am just going to check your blood pressure."

Harry nodded sleepily.

Remus was silent while the nurse was there, his eyes had dropped to the bed and he would have pulled away from Harry had not the boy's hand tightened slightly at the movement.

"My head feels funny, Uncle Remus."

"It's the aesthetic. It wears off."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

"Did you stay all the time?"

Remus disentangled his hand to place Harry's glasses on his face. "Better?"

"Mmm. Did you?"

The nurse hid her smile. "You are very lucid for just coming out of anaesthetic," she observed. "You call me if there are any issues, Major Lupin." The nurse glanced at Tonks, almost as if to question her presence, but did not say anything before leaving the room.

Remus had settled back into the seat and took Harry's hand in his once more. "Of course I stayed."

Harry smiled and his eyes closed.

"I love you," Remus whispered. "So very much. Now, sleep, Harry boy, and heal."

Tonks, knowing he needed to just be with Harry, had taken the seat beside the door and curled up in it, feeling some fatigue seeping in from the day's events. She tried to stay awake, not knowing if she'd be needed, but found her eyes growing heavier as she listened to the beat of the machine beeps and the breathing of the two across the room. Harry had fallen asleep again, Remus was keeping watch over him, it was as right as it could be.

* * *

Tonks didn't realize she had dozed off until she was jerked awake by a sudden loud bang of the opening door. She started, her head snapping around, and saw Sirius all but throw himself into the room. He looked harried and dishevelled, almost as if he had run from the airport.

"Remus?" Sirius gasped, pushing the hair out of his eyes. Once cleared, his gaze landed on the teen lying on the bed before striding towards his friend.

It was as if pure relief fell out of Remus in the deep breath he let out. He stood, allowing Sirius to approach and pull him into a tight embrace.

Despite herself, Tonks found a twinge of jealousy develop somewhere inside her. While she had very good friends, she obviously did not have as close a friendship as the two men before her. And she wished she did. They had been through so much together but were able to survive it because of their unity.

"Everything's fine. He's fine," Remus assured in a cracking voice before seeing the look on Sirius' face and adding, "I'm fine."

Sirius took a deep breath and leaned over Harry on the bed, taking in the tiny scrapes and the bandages. He brushed the hair away from Harry's forehead, finding a jagged cut beneath the fringe. Once he finished his assessment and slid his hand over Harry's, he turned back to look at Remus. His eyes scanning his friend's haggard face closely.

"I'm sorry I wasn't here, mate. Truly. I shouldn't have gone, I could've sent Mike. I won't leave again, I promise," he stammered.

"No, Sirius. It's your job and you don't go that often. This was... an accident. It won't happen again," Remus said with a shake of his head, hoping he was correct.

Sirius opened his mouth to argue but suddenly turned to Tonks, noticing her presence for the first time.

"Dora," he said, sounding surprised. "You're still here?"

"Of course." Tonks stood, stretching a bit as she unfolded herself. "Where else would I be?"

Instead of her question being answered, Tonks found herself engulfed in a warm hug.

"Thank you," Sirius whispered into her ear as he held her to him. "I'm so glad you were here for him."

"Anytime," Tonks whispered into his chest before her cousin pulled back, holding her by the shoulders.

"You look spiffy in your big girl outfit, cuz," Sirius said suddenly, causing her to roll her eyes.

"Don't make me arrest you," she muttered as he went to grab the chair from the other corner and pulled it beside Remus'. Tonks sat back in her seat, recognizing again the need for the tiny Black/Lupin/Potter family to be relatively alone for a moment or two. But, she knew, she wasn't going anywhere. At least until she heard from the Harry's mouth that he was alright... and, hopefully, some information on who hit him. Because she was ready to find them. And when she did find them, there would be hell to pay.


	12. Nightshade

"You gave us quite a fright there, Potter," Sirius said, his voice laced with relief as he watched his nephew gain awareness.

Harry blinked over at his visitors once Remus placed his glasses back on his head, looking pleased at the fact that both his uncles were in attendance.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled, attempting to shift up a little before being thwarted by two pairs of hands.

"You want to sit up?" Remus asked as he reached for the bed's remote and pressed a button that raised the patient into a sitting position.

"Thanks," Harry croaked, licking his dry lips. "Could I uh... have some water... or ice chips, whatever they give you?"

Sirius chuckled. "You're not in labour, you can have water," he said, grinning at Harry's slightly groggy smile.

"Was I out for a long time?" Harry asked after greedily downing the cup of water Remus handed him.

"It's well into the morning but this whole process has been relatively quick. You have woken on and off all night," Remus admitted, leaving out how long it really felt. He was physically and emotionally drained, but needed to see Harry awake before he even thought about getting sleep. Although, he knew trying to get rest in a hospital was going to be near impossible for him. Especially considering what he might start thinking of if he allowed himself a moment's rest.

"Feel any pain, kid?" Sirius asked, leaning over Harry and mothering over his blankets, only stopping once Harry gave him an incredulous look.

"Nah, I'm fine," Harry muttered, shifting a bit to stretch what limbs he could. He glanced at his hands and assessed the few scrapes before tugging at the blanket to look at his leg. "What's the verdict?"

"The surgery went well, supposedly," Remus relayed. "You'll just need to rest. So you won't be leaving the house too often for the next month or so."

"Your hands'll heal quickly enough. That cut on your forehead looks like it might scar, but we can deal with that," Sirius said, gesturing towards his head.

Harry lifted his hand to feel at his forehead, frowning slightly. "I... I wouldn't mind," he mumbled.

"Think Ginny will like it, eh?" A voice piped up from near the door. Harry turned and saw Tonks in a heap in a chair.

"Dora! You're here?"

"Of course I am, silly. King and I were the first to arrive after getting the call. And I haven't left since," Tonks said, standing and walking closer to the bed, giving Harry a kind smile.

"Oh." Harry relaxed further into his pillows, looking rather pleased at how much Tonks cared. Obviously his uncles weren't going anywhere, but Harry quite liked Tonks making their duo a trio. "Thanks."

"Although... Harry, do you remember what happened? The details?" Tonks asked tentatively, trying not to get her hopes up.

All three visitors turned to Harry as he frowned, glancing up at the ceiling in order to think. He scrunched up his face, causing Sirius to smile slightly.

"It was a black car, I remember seeing that when I heard the tires screech," Harry finally said after a few moments. "Nothing unique, just one of those posh town cars, I guess. I remember being hit and falling off my bike... and the pain of that, you know. Then..." Harry trailed off, frowning again.

"If that's all, it's fine, cub," Remus started before Harry shook his head.

"B-E-L-L-A. Pink. That was the plate, I think. It was bright and it stood out in the dark. A bit silly though, yeah?"

There was a sudden, sharp inhalation of breath and Harry looked over to see Tonks' face going dark, her jaw clenching. Her arms, previously crossed casually, now looked menacing.

"Dora? You think..." Sirius started, his gaze meeting Tonks', both hard.

"We'll sure as hell find out. Your bike was red, Harry?" Tonks asked suddenly.

"Er... yeah, mostly," Harry shrugged, looking a bit flabbergasted as Tonks' usual demeanour transformed.

"Right. I'll be back," Tonks said firmly, giving Harry and Sirius a nod each. She glanced at Remus a moment longer than the others, her eyes shifting slightly until they regained their coldness. "I'll bring news and food." She started to the door, pulling out the emergency phone Kingsley had handed her, and stalked out of the room.

Remus frowned.

"Bellatrix," Sirius practically spat out. "I will _kill_ her!"

"Please don't," Harry mumbled. "Having to visit you in jail would be awfully inconvenient."

Sirius stared for a moment before he chuckled. "For someone who just got hit by a car, you are awful cheerful."

"I think I'm drugged up," Harry confessed. "Nothing hurts!"

"It will, but hopefully not for a while," Sirius yawned loudly.

"You should go home and sleep," Remus frowned.

"_I_ should?" Sirius laughed suddenly. "Rem, you haven't left the hospital for nearly fourteen hours!"

"You flew from France."

"Maybe you should both go and sleep?" Harry suggested only for his two uncles to glare at him.

"Not happening, there is no way we are leaving you on your own!"

"Why? It's not like I can do any more damage here."

"You really are your father's son." The cheery voice boomed from the doctor and Sirius' eyebrows shot up.

"_Anderson_ operated on Harry?"

"Sirius," Remus' voice was soft. "Please."

Dr Anderson swallowed visibly and glanced warily at the nurse who stood to the side of the room. "How are you feeling, Harry? They said you slept most of last night."

Harry frowned as he looked between the doctor and Sirius. "Yes, sir," he agreed.

"Good. Any pain?" Dr Anderson gently felt along the boy's ribs and hesitated when Harry winced and Remus shot to his feet.

"Is that necessary?" Remus' voice was strained.

Sirius rose and rested his hand on his best friend's shoulder. "Are they broken?"

"No, the x-ray showed no breaks so it is only bruising, you will be fairly black and blue, Harry. I am sorry about your forehead, it will scar. I can have a plastic surgeon come down if you want?"

Harry shook his head. "I don't care about a little scar."

Sirius smiled approvingly at him.

"The scrapes will heal fairly quickly but that leg might cause you some grief. We will give you painkillers to take home with you and I suggest staying in for a week or two just until you are able to move a bit more freely, you will need help getting in and out of the shower."

Harry looked horrified. "I don't want help!"

"We will talk about it later, kiddo," Sirius spoke firmly. "If he does decide to go home, how long…?"

"Tomorrow or the day after, other than needing help there is no reason to stay, you will need to see a doctor in a week or so."

Sirius nodded curtly.

"Thank you, Doctor," Remus' voice was polite.

Dr Anderson nodded before he turned and strode out the room.

"Couldn't you have been a little more civil?" Remus sounded tired.

"No. If he hadn't been such a damned fool then…." Sirius frowned heavily before taking a breath. "Anyhow. Harry, we could manage at home if you don't want to stay."

"But I don't want help!" There was panic in the boy's face.

Remus stepped forward and gently cupped the boy's face. "When I was released from hospital I was as weak as a kitten," his voice was soft. "Sirius had to practically carry me into the bathroom until my leg was strong enough, crutches and wet tiles are lethal. It doesn't matter to us if you need help, cub. What matters is where you will heal better, and if that is here then we will support you and be here every day."

Harry nodded slowly. "I will think about it. Has... has anyone called the Burrow? Mrs Weasley usually likes for me to call her so she knows I got home safe. And well... since I didn't..."

"Dora said she called last night," Remus told him, glancing at Sirius. "They can visit you once you get home, whenever that shall be. I'm sure they are very worried about you."

"Good thing girls love blokes in bandages," Sirius winked, causing Harry to chuckle sheepishly.

"Good thing you aren't in school or Hermione might take this as an opportunity to actually get work done," Remus corrected, biting back a smile at Harry's wrinkled nose.

The rest of the morning passed in a similar manner. Sirius and Remus attempted to keep the mood light, despite their location, and Harry followed their lead after he was forced to stop suggesting both men get some sleep when Sirius offered to give him a sponge bath before they left.

The exhaustion was clear in both Sirius and Remus but the sight of colour returning to Harry's face and the lack of any discomfort (even if only because of the medications) kept their energy high, and all three were reluctant to ruin the camaraderie that existed in the room. There was talk of calling for take-away when the door opened too loudly for it to be another nurse.

"That bitch is going down," Tonks announced as she strode into the room and dumped two large bags onto the table attached to Harry's bed, the handles falling open to reveal a wonderful spiced smell.

"Language, Dora," Harry snickered as he leaned forward with a wince to pull the table closer to him so he could begin to delve into his gifts.

"Eat your food, Potter," Tonks ordered, sticking her tongue out at the teen as she pulled a chair over to the bed. "Take as much as you need but try and share some."

"Was it Bellatrix?" Sirius demanded to know, pulling her attention away from Harry. His usual mischievous expression fading into a frown.

"Oh yes. Most definitely. We went by her... _estate_ and had a warrant to get on her property. She wasn't home but we found the town car in the garage. There was a large dent in the bumper and it had flecks of red paint on it," Tonks told them, pressing her lips together in a hard line.

"She didn't get the car fixed right away?"

Tonks glanced at Sirius and shrugged in response. "Too cocky, too sure of herself. She doubted Harry would be able to catch her plate name, or even remember it. But there's a group of cops waiting for her return. I'm not sure how she'll be charged since she probably wasn't driving, but she obviously was the one to order the driver to keep going."

"This... this is someone you know?" Harry finally voiced, looking a bit confused.

"Bellatrix Lestrange. Formerly Bellatrix Black," Tonks sighed, snatching some naan from Harry's pile and leaning back into her chair, looking less out of place now that she was in jeans. "My mum's older sister and Sirius' eldest cousin."

"Do you believe she did this on purpose?" Remus spoke up, his voice showing the concern he was feeling.

"Nope, probably not. She'd hate to get bad publicity, which is why she fled. That slimy husband of hers is running for some office position. That side of the family wants nothing to do with ours," Tonks snorted. "Mum still sends her sisters Christmas cards and whatnot but she never gets a reply. Nothing, since she married Dad. He was working in the shops when they got married and had me. Caused quite a scandal that did." There was a rather smug smile on the young woman's face as she spoke.

"They cause their own scandals, that's for sure. But they don't want to associate themselves with... commoners, if you want to call us that. Shop workers or blokes in the service. Especially ones convicted of treason," Sirius muttered, crossing his arms.

"Well, that's dumb," Harry said around a large piece of curried goat, wrapping up years of familial dysfunction in one word and causing Tonks and Sirius to huff in agreement.

"We may not be the most normal clan, but we do alright compared to most, especially the Blacks," Remus murmured, looking a bit surprised as Tonks laughed at his remark, a slight smile sliding onto his face before a shadow entered his eyes and he focused on the food shoved at him.

* * *

Harry scowled at the crutches the physiotherapist had given him, close to burning a hole in them from his position in the front seat of Sirius' car. The instructions from all the staff had been the same: make sure you keep moving, but don't over-do it. Well, not over-doing it wouldn't be hard! It hurt to breathe let alone move!

Sirius glanced at the boy's scowling face and laughed. "Lighten up, Harry. It will be all right, you should enjoy the attention. Remus is cooking all your favourite foods and I have no doubt that within a week you will have an onslaught of visitors."

Harry brightened. "Can Ginny and Ron and Hermione visit tomorrow?"

"Don't see why not. Run it past Remus and see what he thinks since he's going to be the one at home with you."

Harry nodded and glanced out the window at familiar London streets. "He waited with me while you were getting back from France," Harry spoke slowly. "He didn't leave once."

"That surprises you?"

"No. It's just… He can't stand hospitals. When you finally made him go home…"

"He looked like death?" Sirius was quiet a moment. "It wasn't just fear of hospitals that did that, Harry; he was terrified of losing you. I saw you when you were cleaned up and looking semi-decent but Dora said you were a bit of a mess when they got there."

"He didn't let me go."

Sirius frowned; he was unsure where this was going.

"And he is still blaming himself."

Sirius relaxed. This he could handle. "Do you blame him?"

Harry stared at his godfather like he had grown two heads. "No! Do you?"

"Absolutely not! But... do you know, Remus still holds himself responsible for your father's death?"

Harry took a moment to consider this. "Why?"

"He says that he should have known that Pettigrew was up to something. So, unfortunately, blaming himself is quite high on the normal Remus Lupin to do list."

Harry snickered before sobering again. "But he can't look at me!"

"Oh, Harry, that's not true at all. His heart is breaking because you were hurt. It kills him to see you in pain. It kills me too, but… Remus knows the pain you are going through."

"But his was worse!" Harry objected. "I don't remember much but…" His voice trailed away.

Sirius nodded. "Perhaps it was. But in his opinion it's the same, you are in pain and we both swore we would never let you be hurt."

"That's stupid."

Sirius chuckled. "Quite possibly, but you were very small when we got you, and the idea of anything hurting your adorable little self was quite horrifying."

Harry rolled his eyes as they pulled into the car-park of their apartment building. "You are both huge teddy bears."

"Course we are. Come on, Remus will probably have made a five course dinner and be hovering around like a mother hen."

"Says you?"

Sirius grinned shamelessly. "Harry?" He waited till the boy had awkwardly struggled from the car. "Remus would do it all again if he knew that him being there helped you. He would do anything for you."

* * *

Harry sighed with relief as he entered the front door and slowly manoeuvred himself towards the lounge room. Remus appeared, his dark eyes taking in the boy slowly. "You are doing well with them."

Harry scowled and collapsed onto the couch, where he assumed he'd be spending a lot of time. "I don't feel like I am! They are impossible."

Remus smiled and gently smoothed back the hair from Harry's face. He frowned at the cut that was now uncovered but ignored it, there had been too many arguments over that scar.

"Are you hungry?"

Sirius laughed suddenly. "Told you! I told Harry that you would have been cooking all day."

"Least someone loves me!" Harry shot back with a cheeky grin. "Does food mean I have to move again?"

Remus looked amused. "No, it does not."

"How long are we going to let him get away with his 'woe is me' act?" Sirius followed Remus into the kitchen and Harry grinned as he heard Remus' light-hearted reply.

"Oh, give him a week before we burst his bubble."

Harry leaned back and looked around, it had only been four days since he had last seen his lounge room and he had never been happier to be home.

"Harry's worried about you," Sirius spoke in a low tone so only Remus could hear and the man frowned.

"Me? He told me yesterday he was worried about you!"

They looked at each other and smiled slowly unfurled across their faces.

"Silly kid," Sirius muttered. "He should be worrying about himself, not us."

Remus shrugged. "He is like his parents. They were the same."

"Yeah. Dora said that you said that seeing Harry that day reminded you of—"

"Don't!" Remus pleaded. "Please, Harry is home, let us just be happy."

Sirius nodded. "Ok, ok. Let's feed the starving teenager."

The faces that were presented to Harry showed none of Remus' inner turmoil or Sirius' concern, only warmth, affection, and preparation to tease the boy unmercifully about the large cake Ginny had sent.

* * *

"Remember, be quiet and try to control yourselves, please," a stern voice said from the doorway in a carrying whisper. "No need for anything loud or overly exciting, boys."

"Mrs Weasley, I just broke my leg, I'm not dying," Harry called from the couch as he pulled himself into a sitting position, grinning widely at the small crowd that appeared in the living room. "Well, I am dying of boredom, so please bring something loud and exciting."

There were cries of greeting from the group that caused Harry to brighten up even more. As much as he loved being doted on but his uncles, he had definitely missed his friends.

They all stumbled into the room, chattering over each other before being interrupted by a loud sob. Harry suddenly, but not very surprisingly, found himself engulfed in a large hug from Molly Weasley. He blushed slightly but patted her on the back, knowing she meant well.

"I'm fine, Mrs Weasley, I promise. I'll be playing football in your backyard in no time," Harry said, chuckling at the long-suffering looks on her son's faces. But Harry received no reprieve when Molly went to go attend to the food she had brought and set in the kitchen as, once she pulled away, Harry was attacked by a large amount of bushy hair.

"Let the man breath, Hermione," Ron sighed, attempting to pull her away as Harry laughed.

"Miss me?" He asked, his smirk changing to a smile when she stepped back and he saw the tears on her cheeks. "Aw, c'mon, Hermione. I'm fine. No need to cry in relief. I won't die and leave you to deal with this chump by yourself."

Harry and the rest of the group snorted in laughter as Ron reached over to punch him in the arm. He pretended to be in pain while Ron rolled his eyes. They had been friends long enough to not need to show relief in the other being alright. Their relationship with Hermione was similar but they knew she needed to show it all the same.

Harry looked around and saw more Weasley's, a bloke or two from his team, and Dean and Seamus. Harry had not forgotten about their comments to his uncle but decided he'd wait to say something until there was less of an audience. He allowed himself to relax into the couch as he listened to the exaggerated stories of what he had missed in the last few days, happy to be around his friends once more. He wouldn't have minded if it was just him, Ron, Hermione, and Ginny, but appreciated the rest visiting still. At the thought of her, Harry glanced around and found her standing on the edge of the room oddly. As if feeling his eyes on her, she looked up and, seeing him looking, she smiled a bit shyly. He jerked his head, inviting her to come closer, not wanting her to be so far away. He tried to ignore the feeling in his stomach as he shifted on the couch in an attempt to make room for her to sit with him.

Harry watched Ginny glance at her brothers before walking purposefully over to the couch. She sat on the edge beside his hips, being wary of the large stack of pillows that supported his leg.

"How are you feeling?" Ginny asked softly, glancing at the scar on his forehead before looking back to his eyes.

"Good. Better now," Harry answered before making a rude gesture to the twins when they paused their story to make loud vomiting sounds.

"Lunch!" Mrs Weasley marched into the room with a large tray of sandwiches and various sides. She began divvying up the food onto plates, handing the largest to Ginny, obviously meant for Harry. "Eat up, you lot! And if I see even a crumb left on your plate, Harry, you will not be getting dessert. I made your favourite, treacle tart."

"Yes, ma'am," Harry grinned, snickering at Ron as the redhead rolled his eyes. Harry turned to Ginny and opened his mouth as if to be fed. The room erupted in laughter, led by Harry, as Ginny shoved a handful of crisps into his face, signifying that she would do no such thing.

"In your dreams, Potter," Ginny huffed, trying to bite back a smile as Harry continued to laugh. He reached for the plate in her lap, grabbing his own sandwich. He smiled around his bite as Ginny discreetly reached for his free hand, squeezing it without meeting his eye.

"... and then we labelled them one, two, and four, yeah? So they'd think there was one more!"

"But they wouldn't be able to find it!"

This caused uproar in voices, most commenting on the twin's latest prank. Harry happily ate and listened, trying not to choke on his sandwich as he laughed. He was just about to turn around to see where his uncle went when a voice came from over his shoulder.

"I need to run by the pharmacy, will you be alright?" Remus asked from behind the couch, speaking to Harry only and trying not to draw attention to himself.

"Yeah, I'll be fine. Mrs Weasley is here, and everyone else," Harry shrugged, looking behind him to see his uncle. His face was pale and strained so Harry knew getting out of the house would probably be good for him. "Oh, we might be out of tea, too, so you'll need to get some to avert a household crisis."

"Will do," Remus said, the corner of his mouth twitching. "I'll be back soon. Be good."

Harry nodded, giving his uncle a wave as Ginny beamed up at him as he walked to the door, making his quiet escape.

* * *

Remus closed the door behind him and breathed a sigh of relief. There had been too many bodies in his home and Molly had seen the colour bleeding rapidly from his face. He was grateful to her, her gentle hand cautiously resting on his arm. _Go for a walk, Remus, dear. I will watch the children and make sure the others are all gone in three hours; then it will only be my lot. I can call Sirius if I need anything, and I will watch over Harry, _don't you worry_._

Bless the woman, she was a saint. He glanced around the street before squaring his shoulders and plunging into the myriad of people that hurried onto the sidewalks. He needed to go to the pharmacy, and then he could escape. The last week had been exhausting and he was grateful Harry had decided to come home, the idea of spending every day in a hospital room was worse than spending it in a crowded living room. That first night after Harry had woken Sirius had forced him to go home but he had barely slept, tortured nightmares keeping him awake until he had finally gone back to the hospital more exhausted than when he had left.

He walked the familiar streets, eyes flitting about warily. It was the first time he had been on his own for more than an hour or two, and he knew he needed to think over the revelation that had shocked him to his core.

Remus ignored the looks he was given as he collected the painkillers for Harry from the pharmacy. People would look at him, look away, and then turn their eyes back to the scarred, silent man in curiosity. He could feel the familiar panic clawing its way up his throat and he breathed in deeply. He had never been more desperate to get to the gardens in the open air, surrounded by nature and no people. To be alone.

He limped across the expanse of grass, straight to where he knew most people avoided, his little slice of heaven. He relaxed visibly, there was no one in sight, and his steps slowed as he moved over the uneven ground, his leg still ached unrelentingly from the hours spent on his feet while Harry had been in hospital. Sinking gratefully to the ground, Remus leaned back against the tree and closed his eyes. He inhaled shakily as finally the events of the past week caught up with him. They had come so close to losing Harry. The very idea of Harry being killed sickened him. He was meant to be protected from all harm, and now, the teenager lay with a cast on his leg because some fool had been stupid. He buried his head in his hands. Harry meant the world to him, he had no doubt that if Sirius had not brought the child into the hospital room and blatantly used him as leverage, then he would be dead. There had been a time when his only thoughts had been of death.

Remus let his head drop back and allowed relief to slowly seep into him. Harry was safe, he reminded himself, his boy was safe and he would stay that way. He could see the cheeky smile in his mind of the boy who had somehow ensured that Sirius was jumping up whenever Harry called, much to the boy's amusement.

Remus breathed in deeply, there was only so much he could blame his fear and edginess on Harry's accident; the real reason was different, now Harry was alive and well. The real reason was a woman, a girl whose hair was the colour of fire and whose grey eyes sparkled with life, a girl who was not afraid of his scars or of the fact that a single touch could reduce him to a shaking mess. She had been so gentle, never leaving his side, her hand soft but firm in his. She fit into his arms perfectly. She was so precious and patient, he could talk to her about anything. She made him smile. She didn't care about his maimed hand, or his scars, or his limp. She was beautiful and radiant. Her smile lit up his soul. He loved her and the knowledge made him shudder. How could _he_ love _her_? She was young, beautiful, filled with life, energy, and overflowing with joy. How could he love such a perfect creature when he was anything but?

A dry sobbed escaped Remus.

He couldn't. He _couldn't_. But, how could he not? He had not felt this way for years, if ever. Not even Jessica made him feel this way. Dora brought radiance and light into the room, she brought love and laughter. She sought him out and told him that he was not worthless, that he had people who loved him. She teased him, not afraid to joke with him when most wouldn't dare. He wanted to make her happy, he loved bringing her smile to her face, and he loved making her laugh. But could be? Could he actually make her life better in any way?

Remus closed his eyes. How could he have been so stupid as to let this happen? He breathed in deeply, slowly. There was only one thing to do: bury the feelings for this incredible woman and avoid her. He had seen her eyes and knew, with a gut-wrenching agony, that she felt the same. It was all wrong. She was young, someone would come and she would forget about him. She had to, and until then, he would become silent around her, the way he always was around anyone but Sirius and Harry. It was the only way. The only way for her to get what she deserved, to find someone who would be enough for her. Because that's what he wanted, her happiness. She had to move on, to leave him alone. Alone.

Suddenly, that idea seemed much more painful and endless than it ever had before…

* * *

"If it isn't my favourite cousin!" Sirius straightened and wiped his grimy hands on a rag. "Moody finally set you free, did he?"

Tonks picked her way over pieces of engine until she was beside her cousin. "Something like that. We've been working ridiculous hours to make sure we got dear cousin Bella," her nose wrinkled. "Apparently Mad-Eye has quite the soft spot for James Potter's son."

Sirius snorted. "Good old Moody. Has he been letting you sleep?"

"Course. How about you? You look a little more alive than when I last saw you."

"Harry is home so we are reminded how brilliant sleep is."

Tonks laughed. "How is Harry?"

"Good, he is getting used to the crutches, absolutely hates them, and the idea of being helped terrifies him so he takes forever in the bathroom," Sirius smiled fondly. "But he is healing well, his ribs still hurt him sometimes but he tries not to let that show." Sirius' voice reflected pride, Harry knew it tore Remus apart to see him in pain and so he hid it. The actions did not fool Remus but the pride he felt for the boy who was growing into a man grew deeper.

"How is his leg?"

"Goes back to the doctors in two weeks for a check-up but otherwise he is good. Thanks to you."

"Oh rubbish, I just did my job. Young Harry is a fighter."

"He has set his heart on becoming a police officer," Sirius had begun to pack away his tools as he spoke. "I blame you."

"Sorry," she grinned, completely unrepentant. "He will be good at it. He is passionate."

Sirius snorted. "Come for tea tonight?"

A brief hesitation before Tonks nodded. "Sure."

"I got the bus in today, wanted to leave the car in case it was needed but Molly called me and said Remus had escaped to the gardens. Mind if we swing past and see if he is still there?"

"Of course not."

Sirius locked the now empty shop and they headed along the footpath towards the botanical gardens.

"How is he?" Tonks' voice was soft, worried.

Sirius half smiled. "Remus?"

She nodded.

"He is ok now Harry is home. Still pretty shaken up. Remember how you said that it reminded him of James?"

She nodded and looked up at her cousin curiously.

Sirius swallowed. "He... he must have seen him when they dragged him into the truck. I didn't notice it happening until too late, I was half deaf and Jamie was dying right in front of me. It wasn't until I heard Remus screaming his name that I realised, and by then it was too late."

"Why didn't he run? Or fight?"

"Explosion shattered his leg, and blew the gun out of his hands," Sirius' voice was bleak. "James died knowing that one of his closest friends had been kidnapped and we knew the information Remus had, we knew what they would do to him."

Tonks shivered, suddenly cold. "He is so brave."

"Don't let him hear you say that, he doesn't think it's true."

"So he is ok... now?"

"He is better, since Harry is home he can sleep again and not be so worried. Though, from what Molly said there was enough people to make a football team at the house so it's no wonder he escaped."

"Can I ask a question?"

"Sure."

She hesitated for a long moment before speaking softly. "His leg… You said it was shattered?"

Sirius frowned. "Yes."

"So it was only the explosion that did that? Not…?"

"Ah. No, it was them too. It was easy to use his leg to hurt him, and they made sure it never healed, always injured because he wouldn't be able to escape," Sirius' voice was bitter.

Tonks swallowed. "Does it still hurt him?"

Sirius studied her upturned face for a long moment before replying. "Would it make a difference?" He sounded reluctant, only relaxing when his cousin shook her head firmly.

"No! It doesn't… I…"

"Yes, it hurts him. Some days more than others, more often than not it's bearable, just an ache really."

She nodded, relief filling her.  
"You were worried about him?"

"He has gone through so much, it seems unfair that his leg should be unbearable."

Sirius grinned. "You'll keep, kid." He wrapped his arm around her and jerked his chin up. "There is your prince charming now."

Tonks glared at him but he ignored her as he raised his voice. "Oy! Remus!"

The man in question paused and half turned on the sidewalk. His eyes flitted from Sirius to Tonks and his shoulders stiffened.

"How was the escape?" Sirius' smile was mischievous.

"Fine," Remus mumbled as he fell into step beside his friend. He studiously refused to look at the red-headed girl on the other side of Sirius.

Sirius glanced at him quickly and frowned.

"You must be glad to have Harry home," Tonks smiled around her cousin but, to her surprise, Remus glanced once at her, a bleak look in his brown eyes before he nodded and looked away.

"Are you ok?" Sirius was frowning.

"Fine."

"I was just telling Dora about how Harry is quite keen to follow in her footsteps and become a police officer. I am sure he will have Ron and Hermione doing a rather large amount of research on how to be accepted into the academy."

"I might be able to help with that, with your permission of course?" Tonks offered.

"That would be excellent. Even if I don't much like the idea of Harry being hurt. Bring... what's his name, Kingston?"

"Kingsley," Tonks corrected.

"Him; bring him around one day, I want to meet the man that Harry has apparently decided to hero worship."

Tonks laughed. "Has he? I don't blame him. Kingsley is a force to be reckoned with!"

"Molly said that Harry's friends were over?" Sirius glanced back to Remus' silent figure. "Who was there?

"Ask Harry," Remus' voice was brusque.

"Rem, what is it? Are you sure you are all right?"

"I am fine," Remus spoke sharply. "Forgive me for not being the life of the party but I think you should be used to that by now!"

Sirius blinked. The look on his face would have been funny if the situation had not suddenly turned tense.

"Have I done something to offend you?" Tonks spoke suddenly, unable to stop the hurt from creeping into her voice.

Remus swallowed as he continued to stare straight, and regret filled him. How could he do this to _her_? "No, Tonks. You haven't. I need to go to get tea."

And with those words he turned sharply and vanished into a store leaving the cousins staring after him.

"Dora…"

Her face was pale as she stared after him. "What did I do? He... didn't call me Dora..."

"Nothing, this is all about him," Sirius looked furious. "I'll talk to him tonight."

"No. Don't. It doesn't matter. He's probably just having a bad day. I… I just remembered I have to meet Kingsley to… go over a report. I'll come by later in the week."

Tonks smiled thinly and, before Sirius could argue, vanished into the crowd of people returning home from work. He scowled. Remus better have a damned good reason for his behaviour.

* * *

Harry retreated to bed early that night, the frosty atmosphere obvious to him, and as his gaze flickered between Remus, who had barely said three words since returning home, and Sirius, who glared coldly at his longtime friend, Harry found himself wondering exactly what had happened outside of the apartment.

Sirius waited until the door had closed behind Harry before rising and stalking into the kitchen where Remus was. "What the hell was that?" His voice was harsh, but attempting to be quiet, as he cornered his friend.

Remus flinched visibly at the unexpected sound and the glass that was in his hand fell, shattering on the tiled floor. Sirius winced and softened immediately as a shudder passed through his friend.

"Sorry, old chap." He retrieved the broom as Remus very slowly turned to face him.

"What are you talking about?" Remus' tone was even, emotionless.

Sirius sighed as he swept the glass into a pan. Remus' whole body was tense and Sirius wondered exactly what was going on with him.

Disposing of the glass, Sirius reached out cautiously and placed his hand on Remus' shoulder. "You called her Tonks."

Remus couldn't meet his friend's eyes. "It's what she asked us to call her."

Sirius' frowned deepened. "Yeah, until you started calling her Dora and Harry and I followed suit."

Remus' head bent a little more.

Sirius sighed heavily. "Remus?" He marched to the cabinet that was rarely opened and pulled out a bottle of dark liquid, half filling two tumblers he thrust one at his friend. "Come on."

Remus mutely followed Sirius to the lounge room where he collapsed into a chair.

"Right. What is going on? Is this about Harry? Because he is fine, Remus. His ribs will heal quickly and his leg was a clean break."

"I know."

"Well then? Why are you biting Dora's head off? I thought you liked her."

Remus stared at the tumbler before setting it aside. "I will apologise to her but, like I said then, you should be used to my silence."

Sirius hesitated. "Remus, you are… You are yourself around her, what happened? Did she do something? Say something?"

"No. She has been so wonderful," his voice cracked.

Sirius frowned. "Then why were you such a prat to her? She looked miserable, and she cried off coming for dinner because of it."

Remus winced. "She… I am sorry, I will be more civil to her."

"Civil? Remus! You like her! She is your friend, what changed?"

Remus didn't reply and comprehension dawned on Sirius.

"You fancy her?"

Remus flinched as if Sirius had struck him. "Don't," he whispered, putting his head in his hands.

"Why is this bad?" Sirius sounded gleeful. "This is brilliant!"

"No!" Remus lurched to his feet. Agony was etched into his face. "No, it's not! Leave it alone, please, Sirius. She is young and beautiful, she just needs to find someone else. Please, just leave it alone."

"Remus, what if she cares?"

"She won't," Remus whispered. "I don't want her to. Let me get over this, Sirius. I won't endanger yours or Harry's relationships with her, but let me… get over it."

"You don't have to get over it. You... you don't have to be alone, mate..."

A bleak look was sent towards Sirius. "Maybe I want to be. Goodnight."

Sirius stared at Remus' closed door for a long time. He hadn't seen his friend like this for a long time, a very long time, and his heart sang. Now all he needed to do was ensure Dora knew how Remus felt. He was sure that if his friend knew how the bright girl felt then he would change his mind. Sirius smiled smugly; it was about time, Remus deserved a chance at happiness.


	13. Red Tulips

_My co-write Unique. normality and I would like to thank you for your lovely reviews! We are so glad you are continuing to enjoy this fic! _

_And to reassure a Guest reviewer, we have NO intention of killing Sirius! _

"I thought today was your day off?" Sirius was leaning against the desk of the police station and his cousin jumped at the unexpected voice. She smiled ruefully.

"It is. I just had to finalise some paperwork. Give me a sec and I will be out of here."

Sirius nodded and turned to study the wall that was covered in pictures for 'Missing Persons'. His back was turned when he heard a door open and, expecting his cousin, he didn't turn.

"Black," the throaty growl was one he had not heard for a long time and he spun around sharply, snapping to attention.

"Sir!"

Tonks, peering around Alastor Moody, giggled. "Gee, you must have had them smartened up, Mad-Eye!" She teased.

The older man ignored her and peered closely at the tall man before him. "Glad to hear you were innocent."

Sirius' half grin crossed his face. "Thank you, sir."

"And young Potter is interested in police work, I hear?"

Sirius nodded. "Yes, sir."

"He _is_ capable of using manners! I must tell Mum."

Sirius glanced sideways at her. "Be polite to your senior officers, young Dora."

"Bring Potter around and he can have a tour," Moody's voice was gruff. He turned, and then hesitated.

"Lupin?"

Sirius glanced quickly at his cousin's suddenly downcast face. "It was pretty bad. But he's better."

Moody nodded and stormed off, slamming a door behind him.

"Well. That was unexpected."

Tonks smiled. "He keeps mentioning you."

"Really? Where are you headed?"

"Back home for a few minutes and then out with a friend for the day. Retail therapy," Tonks said, her smile not meeting her eyes.

"Good, I claim you till you meet your friend. I need to talk to you."

They silently made their way from the station and began to walk through the streets towards her apartment. "Everything ok?"

"It's utterly brilliant! I have brilliant news to tell you on this brilliant day!"

Despite her mood Tonks looked amused. "You are nothing but a big kid."

"I'm your favourite cousin, don't lie."

"There isn't a huge choice!" Her voice was lighter now. "What is this marvellous news?" She unlocked the door to her apartment and motioned for him to follow. "I mean brilliant, not marvellous, sorry."

"I spoke to Remus last night."

Tonks' face fell as she dropped her bag by the door. "Sirius! I didn't want you to!"

"Shut up, you will be glad I did. After much avoidance and him trying to convince me he was being his usual self, I discovered that he fancies you."

"What?" Tonks sat down abruptly. "He…?"

"Yes," Sirius sat beside her, his face suddenly grave. "He thinks he is an idiot and he has no idea you care about him, he doesn't see why you would. He told me that he wants to 'get over you', but he adores you, Dora."

"Then why does he want to get over me?" Her voice was disbelieving.

"Because he doesn't think he is worthy of you."

She blinked. "Why?"

Sirius snorted. "Because it's Remus," he glanced at his watch. "I have to get to work. You have fun with your friend. And Dora, don't tell him I said anything, ok? I just thought you should know."

Tonks stared after him and finally a slow smile spread across her face. She flung herself back into her couch and laughed. He cared. He liked her, and now she just needed to show him that she loved him. That he was able to be loved.

* * *

Harry stood staring at Remus who was staring out the window of the flat.

"Are you alright, Harry?" Remus' voice was hoarse.

The boy jumped, startled by Remus' voice, before swinging forward on his crutches to stand beside his uncle. He looked up at Remus' strained face. There were black bruises clearly visible under Remus' eyes.

"Uncle Remus?"

Remus glanced down at the boy who was balancing awkwardly on the crutches. "Come sit down, I will make you breakfast."

Harry frowned. "Will you eat with me?"

Remus closed his eyes, he wondered if Harry realised how much like his mother he was. He nodded wearily and vanished into the kitchen.

Harry waited patiently, he knew Remus' wouldn't leave him alone for too long and he wondered exactly how he was going to broach the concern he was feeling. Sirius would have told him to leave him alone, but then Sirius was the one who had made Remus utterly miserable.

"If the wind changes then your face will freeze."

Harry grinned. "I think I'm too old to believe that."

"Perhaps so. You should have your leg up." Remus handed Harry a bowl of oatmeal.

"After I eat," Harry said flippantly before he began to ravenously attack his food.

Remus watched in silence, relaxing a fraction at the sheer normalcy of boy he had helped raise.

"Why are you and Uncle Sirius arguing?"

"Your lead up is heart-warming," Remus muttered. "We aren't arguing."

Harry snorted disbelievingly. "Did he make you upset?"

Remus' face softened. "No, he didn't. We had a disagreement but it is fine now."

Harry frowned.

"Have I ever lied to you, Harry?"

"Heaps," the boy grinned. He knew when Remus was desperately avoiding a topic and he relented. "Can I ask a question?"

Remus moaned and dropped his head back onto the back of his chair. "Have mercy on me."

Harry shouted with laughter. "You won't care about this one," he reassured. "Bellatrix… Tonks said she's Uncle Sirius' cousin?"

"Ah, I did wonder if you would ask about this," Remus leaned forward and met Harry's eyes. "Yes, she is his cousin. Their mothers were sisters and she married Rudolphus—"

Harry choked on laughter.

Remus ignored him. "—Lestrange who is… involved with the Black politics."

"And why are they so bad? They aren't real politics are they?"

"Sirius' father was in the House of Lords, as is Lucius Malfoy who is married to Narcissa who is Bellatrix's sister. They are involved in the… funding of politicians."

"Corrupt funding?" Harry guessed and Remus nodded.

"No wonder Dora was so mad, that's the kind of stuff a cop is usually against."

Remus' eyes faltered at the mention of her name but he recovered himself before Harry noticed. "Yes."

"What do they do that's so bad?" Harry demanded.

Remus glanced down at his hands. "You must not talk to Sirius about this, Harry, it is something that hurts him greatly."

Harry nodded slowly.

"Sirius' family funds terrorists. Of course, it is completely unable to be proven hence nothing has even been done, their money lines the pockets of influential people. But they send a great deal of money overseas."

Harry was frowned thoughtfully before a look of horror crossed his face. "The people that… that killed Mum and Dad… and… hurt you? Were they…?"

Remus rose and settled beside the boy, wrapping his arm around his shoulders he pulled Harry against him. "Yes. But Sirius wasn't part of it, Harry, he had no part in his family."

"Is that why he blames himself for Mum dying?"

Remus nodded. "Yes, partially."

"But that's stupid! He can't blame himself! It's not his fault, he hated them!"

Relief filled Remus. "Sirius would have done anything for your parents, Harry, _anything_. And it killed him that the people who were his family funded those that…." Remus couldn't finish the sentence.

"No wonder he hates them."

Remus nodded.

"So, when Dora said that Bellatrix wouldn't have run me over on purpose…?"

"They don't want any 'blood' on their hands. If you had been…"

"Killed," Harry prompted and his uncle scowled at him.

"Yes. The press would have had a field day. The son of heroes killed by people who allegedly fund terrorists? They wouldn't risk that press."

Harry nodded slowly.

"She swerved to hit you, didn't she?" Remus' hand reached out to grip Harry's arm.

Harry looked up, startled. "How did you know that?"

"You can't lie to me, Laddie."

Harry squirmed. "I don't think she meant to in the end, the car tried to swerve away."

Remus breathed in deeply. "If I ever see her…"

"You can't kill her, we would face the inconvenient horror of having to visit _you _in prison and that would be worse than Uncle Sirius!"

Remus rolled his eyes and ruffled Harry's already messy hair. "Don't you have homework you should be doing?"

* * *

Tonks stepped into the café and looked around. Her face lit up with delight as she caught sight of the blond haired woman who was watching the door with a wide smile.

"Mill!"

"Nym!" The girls embraced, holding one another tightly before pulling back, laughing at one another.

"Look at you!" Camilla Brennan tugged at Tonks' bright red hair that fell around her shoulders. "This is awesome! You never told me you got the right colour!"

Tonks grinned. "You look great! I can't believe you're a fancy doctor now!"

Camilla laughed and picked up her menu. "And you are a fully-fledged police officer. Do you love it?"

"Wouldn't do anything else. Know what you want?"

"Waffles!"

"With ice cream!"

The girl's dissolved into laughter.

Camilla leaned forward after the waiter had taken their orders. "Do you know it's been four years since I last saw you! When we were irresponsible!"

"Speak for yourself," Tonks laughed. "I was in the force already, and you were in medical school. I can't believe it's been four years! Tell me everything!"

Camilla laughed. "You first! You like work?"

"Oh, yes. Love it, especially now the guys know I'm not some puny push over! Are you specialising this year?"

Camilla nodded eagerly. "So I did my internship in Dublin and for my residency I am going to be in Paediatrics for twelve months and then possibly neonatal intensive care. I can't wait! I have never loved something more, it's everything I have always wanted."

"So, no cute doctors have caught your eye and made an honest woman of you?"

Camilla grinned and her dimples showed. "Nope, none at all. Though they have tried," she tossed her long blond hair over her shoulder mockingly. "And you? Have any men in uniform caught the attention of my lovely Nym?" Her blue eyes were dancing with mischief that abruptly sobered as her friend's smile faltered and her eyes dropped to the table.

"Nym? What is it?" Camilla leaned forward, her pretty face turning in a frown as she stared at the girl who was her closest friend.

Tonks breathed in deeply and remained silent as the waiter placed their waffles and coffee on the table.

"Come on, honey, tell me. You look miserable."

"It's complicated."

"I have all day," Camilla pointed out as she raised a perfect eyebrow.

"I mean it, though. Remember that bloke you were with? Uh... Evan Jackson? It's even more complicated than that, Cam," Tonks sighed.

"Spill," her friend ordered.

Breathing in deeply she looked gravely at her friend. "You are _not_ allowed to judge me. Ok?"

"Promise," Camilla nodded and sipped her coffee.

"Remember me talking about my cousin, Sirius?"

"The one we like?"

Tonks smiled. "Yes, the one we like. Well, remember how all of a sudden he just vanished about, oh, eight or nine years ago."

"Yes, your mum never told you why."

Tonks swallowed a mouthful of her waffles. "I ran into him a few months ago. He was with a friend of his, they are raising their other friend's son."

Camilla frowned but nodded slowly.

"His friend's name is Remus."

"Are they… together?"

Tonks snorted as she quickly swallowed a mouthful of coffee and tried not to choke, glaring at Camilla who started laughing. Snatching a napkin she muttered something about horrid friends under her breath. "No, they are _not_."

Camilla's eyes suddenly widened. "Oh. Oh! Keep going then."

"You are very unsympathetic."

"I'm taking you shopping, I don't need to be sympathetic."

Tonks smiled ruefully. "Fair point."

"So. Remus is the guy?"

"Yes. He… it's complicated."

"So you've said. But why? You are a girl, he is a guy. He's not _married_, is he?" Her shriek drew attention from the other dinners.

"No! He isn't married!" Tonks glared at her. "I am not telling you anymore!"

"Course you are. Let's walk and talk, then I won't shock people." Camilla stood, dropping some notes on the table and tugging Tonks out of her seat and towards the door.

"And I can spend all my money and drown my sorrows in clothes I'll never wear."

"Why are you sorrowful?" Camilla linked her arm through her friend's as they headed towards London's shopping district.

"You promised not to judge."

"Ok. Wait! How old is he?"

Tonks moaned. "He's... thirty-six. No judging."

"I'm not. Older men are attractive."

Tonks laughed. "I've missed you."

"Yes, yes, everyone misses me. Tell me your story!"

Tonks giggled. "Ok! So, he was in the army with Sirius, Special Forces. He is adorable and sweet and such a gentleman! And he makes me laugh; he's one of those people that makes a comment under his breath that makes you laugh out loud and get stares from other people."

"And you like him?" Camilla asked, smiling at her friend.

"I think it's a bit more than 'like'."

"So what's so awful about this?"

Tonks sighed and peered at a pair of high heeled boots in a store window. "He… Oh, Lord, I'll just tell you everything. The explosion that Sirius was framed for… Remus was captured by the people who caused it."

"Captured?"

"And… tortured..." Her voice was a whisper. "For information."

"Oh, God."

"Yeah, he is… it's awful, Mill. He was hurt, pretty badly, and... it affected him. He thinks so little of himself, and he... he has problems with other people. But he's so caring and... He… He… I…"

"Come on," Camilla tugged her along, trying to keep her moving. "Does he know you fancy him?"

"No. But Sirius saw me today and he told me that Remus fancies me. Me!"

"Why is this so astonishing?"

"Remus is probably the most conservative man I have ever met, even before he went through hell Sirius said he was the 'professor' of their group. He is smart and quiet and shy. He dresses in woollen jerseys for goodness sakes!"

"Opposites attract, Nym. Do you make him smile?"

Tonks smiled dreamily as she walked over to a bench and settled into it, her friend following suit. "Yes, I think so. He isn't good with people but he doesn't mind me. He told me that himself, that he is comfortable around me."

"He has PTSD?"

"Yes, pretty bad."

"Are you sure you want to go there? It would be a lot effort and hard work, and could... will be tough for you," Camilla said truthfully, turning to face Tonks on the bench so she could look her at her properly.

Tonks swallowed and met the grave blue eyes of Camilla. "I don't care. He's worth it."

"Tell me more, then. You said he and Sirius raise their friends' kid?" Camilla asked, ignoring the city around them and focusing on her friend. She could see how important this was, how this was much more complicated, yet more genuine, than her silly, dramatic relationship with Evan Jackson.

"Harry. He turned sixteen last week," Tonks said, smiling slightly at the thought of his party at the Burrow. "He's very close with the Weasley's, actually. He's been mates with Charlie's youngest brother for years. He even started dating Ginny, Charlie's sister, at his party."

"Keeping it in the family, eh? It's been awhile since I've talked to Charlie, he's good, yeah?" Camilla asked, winking at Tonks and causing her to laugh.

"He's fine. His family is a fan of Remus so he supports my crush," Tonks sighed, shaking her head with another laugh.

"Nymphadora, this is way more than a crush," Camilla chastised, ignoring the glare she received.

"I never really believed you when you said how attractive men with babies are," Tonks continued, returning the favour and ignoring Camilla's comment. "This is a bit different but... the way he cares for that boy... it's rather astounding."

Camilla's eyes narrowed for a moment before she raised an eyebrow. "So he'd make a good father, eh?"

Tonks snorted, rolling her eyes at her friend, but failed to hide her blush. "Don't be daft, I'm not thinking like that. I... I was just... saying..." She gave up, it was no use denying it, she had thought about it and Remus _would_ make an excellent father.

"I'm assuming your cousin is rather important to him too, right? So are the three of them kind of a package deal?"

"Basically," Tonks sighed, pulling her feet up onto the bench and wrapping her arms around her knees. "But I don't mind that, really. Sirius is fun and Harry's a great kid. He wants to be a cop, which is ace. And... it's kind of nice being in their little group, and I like to think they think the same. I don't mind the package deal."

"I think it's safe to assume, again, that Remus isn't much into the dating scene? Which would make him fancying you kind of a big deal," Camilla observed.

"Oh yeah. He probably doesn't think he deserves love... but it's really quite the opposite. I've never met anyone who deserves it more," Tonks said, emotion lacing her voice. She bit her lip, glancing up at the oddly shaped clouds before looking back to her friend. She felt a great deal better, and less insane, now that she'd been able to voice all her thoughts on an uninvolved party.

"He's older, he has a lot of baggage, he has a family, per se, and you probably couldn't take him to a concert with you. Now, tell me one thing that makes that all worth it. Just one," Camilla ordered, expecting a good answer since she knew her friend wouldn't go through all this trouble for any berk.

"If... if he ever somehow falls in love with me and wants to be with me, then that would be it. Sirius said that he doesn't love often, but when he does, he loves strongly. So there would be no backing out. If he chooses to give me a little, he'll give it all. And just knowing he wants to be my friend makes me feel special, I can't imagine how I'd feel if he chose to truly be with me." Tonks took a deep breath before letting it all out, feeling lighter than she did this morning. Everything she said was true, but it made it more _real_ for someone else to hear it and believe it.

Camilla remained silent for a few moments as she sat on the bench, just staring at the woman she'd been friends with since they were ten and thought they'd each marry a member of The Clash, the noisiest band they had been able to find.

Just as Tonks was beginning to grow nervous at her friend's silence, Camilla stood up with a determined look on her face and her arms crossed.

"Nymphadora Tonks," Camilla began loudly, choosing to ignore Tonks' demands to not yell her name so loudly in public. "I have heard what you've had to say and have thusly decided to help you. It does Londontown no good for their formidable police officers to be distracted by the woes of the heart. So! We shall now begin Operation: Get Tonks Her Man!"

* * *

Tonks smiled to herself as she thought of exactly what lengths Camilla had gone to the previous day. They had gone shopping, she had insisted on manicures (despite the impracticality of this for both their chosen professions and Tonks' ability to chip her nails within seconds), and then she had made Tonks call Sirius at work to find out Remus' plans for the next day. It was almost as if fate had ordained it, or at least that's what Camilla had declared, upon hearing that Remus would be home, alone, because Harry was spending the night at the Weasley's.

Sooner than she expected, and way sooner than she wanted, Tonks found herself marching down a familiar London street. She had left Camilla back at her apartment after the friend forced her into at least a dozen different outfits. Finally settling on one, Camilla had all but thrown Tonks out of her own place with marching orders.

So now, she hurried along the footpath with her usual band t-shirt being replaced with a plain black one with a lace collar, and her jeans with a bright, flowing skirt that swirled around her knees with each steps, both donned in the hopes of not looking like she tried too hard. Tonks personally thought spending an hour on clothes was most definitely considered trying.

As she turned the corner, she found herself face to face with the gates of the botanical gardens, surprised that her feet took her to where she needed to be the most. Tonks knew she needed a few moments to think, to at least come up with some sort of plan.

"I feel like a love-struck teenager!" She remarked to a swallow that was flitting across the ground. "Even my subconscious brings me closer to anything that represents him!" She crossed the ground cautiously, it had rained the night before and she had no desire to fall and muddy herself before she went to see the man she had fallen for.

Tonks was torn between being sick in the bushes and wearing a gigantic grin on her face, and wondered what kind of look she did have if her face muscles decided to find a happy medium between the two. Tonks was usually good at controlling herself in situations, one had to in order to be a cop, but she was now both excited _and _scared. She had allowed Camilla to convince her to do this and she wasn't one to go back on a promise. So she had to. But that didn't mean she was confident about it. Breathing she reminded herself that she didn't need to panic, it was still a twenty minute walk to the apartment, she still had twenty minutes in which to convince herself that she wasn't about to make a fool of herself.

Her feet automatically took her to her desired location despite her being here so few times. She hoped that being in a place he was so fond of would give her courage. She needed it. It was remarkable really, she thought later, that she didn't fall that morning, into the wet grass, a miracle.

Her heart suddenly skipped a beat and began to pound. He was there! Under his tree, attention absorbed by the sketchpad he was holding. He was there! She swallowed. He was meant to be at home, she was meant to have more time. Her mouth curved suddenly and all doubt and fear vanished, he was there and so was she.

She meant to announce her presence once a bit closer, but she watched his head snap up when her heavy boot snapped a twig. Tonks stopped, biting her lip nervously as she looked at him, seeing a myriad of emotions play across his face as he realized who she was.

"Wotcher," she said softly, giving him a slightly shy smile as her feet took her closer to him.

Remus' mouth was dry. She looked gorgeous, she always did, but today... today there was something in her eyes, in her face: a soft of hopeful light that he couldn't place his finger on.

"May I join you?" Tonks asked, biting the inside of her cheek and hoping he didn't deny her. Despite what Sirius said, she was worried that his actions the last time she had seen him were caused by something other than a case of the fancies.

Remus looked wary as he watched her standing there, shifting her weight from foot to foot. Half of him was screaming to invite her over, but the other half was trying to remind him of the promise he made himself.

"Please." Remus heard the word tumble out of his mouth without consent, but did not attempt to take it back.

Tonks smiled, relaxing a little as she walked closer and folded herself up onto the edge of the blanket he had brought in preparation for the damp grass. Reaching out, she pulled the pad away from him slowly and her breath caught. She looked up and her wide grey eyes met his tormented brown ones.

"This is me."

"Sirius wanted it," Remus lied. He looked at his hands that had twisted together.

"Are you angry with me?" Tonks' voice was very soft, worried almost, despite the abruptness of the question.

Remus' head snapped up and, as horror filled his features, she felt relief enter her. "Angry with you? No, never!"

She nodded and continued to stare at the rough sketch she had pulled from his hands. She had never really thought herself ugly by any means, but this drawing, with its soft lines and smudges, made her look almost angelic. She looked up slowly, her heart beating faster, to see he was looking everywhere but at her.

"Remus?"

He swallowed and she knew he was listening.

"I have something I need to tell you."

Setting the sketchbook aside she looked at him gravely, she could see the wariness in his eyes, the uncertainty, and she wondered what he thought she was about to say to him.

Tonks opened her mouth and then closed it, sighing deeply. She scooted closer to him on her knees, the roots and rocks beneath them digging into her skin despite the blanket. She let her eyes travel over his face, taking in the most miniscule of features. When her gaze landed on his four long scars, she saw him wince.

"You hate them, don't you?" Tonks blurted without thinking as she sat back on her legs, realisation washing over her. "Your scars... you think so poorly of them... of yourself, really. You just don't understand how wonderful you are. You don't understand what your scars show, what they prove."

"That I lost, that _we_ lost, that I'm weak..."

Tonks shook her head forcefully at both his words and his defeated tone. "No. You're wrong, Remus. They mean quite the opposite, I wish you'd see that. They do represent who you lost, the friends and the past self that you'll never see again, but they also represent you winning. You survived, you didn't let them defeat you. You're alive despite how hard they tried to do away with you." Her voice was earnest. "I... I wish you'd let me in, Remus. I truly want you to allow me to be one of the few people in your life that help you live. Because the world is a horrible place, but we can find the good things. I know we can. You may not be who you once were, but... well, I love the man you are _now_."

She watched Remus' eyes widen with shock and fear, but he didn't flinch when she slowly reached her hand out to cup his scarred cheek. Tonks was nervous, her heart was trying to beat out of her chest, but she had a soft smile on her face.

"Live, Remus," Tonks whispered, her face mere centimetres from his. She shifted closer, her knees coming to rest against the edge of his leg, and leaned the rest of the way. She allowed her eyes to close, concerned by the look on his face, but let her lips touch his all the same. She _needed _to show him how much she cared.

She kept the kiss gentle, not wanting to scare him away, but her lips were still firm against his. After a few moments, her stomach dropped a little when he remained frozen. But once she began to pull back, Tonks suddenly felt a hand on her waist just as another slid into her bright hair.

Tonks let out a gasp, her mouth opening slightly just as Remus reacted. He pulled her back to him and truly kissed her this time. His kiss held much more purpose than she had expected, and she found herself smiling against his mouth. Just as she allowed herself to attempt to deepen the kiss, he tried to pull back as if realizing what he was doing.

"No," he gasped, keeping his hands on her; betraying his words.

"Remus," Tonks whispered, their noses grazing, she leaned into him again and it was Remus who pulled her closer, and she twisted until she sat, pressed up against him. His arm was a vice around her, pulling her against his firm chest.

She smiled, keeping her eyes closed as he gave in to what he wanted, ignoring his mind at least for the time being. He deepened the kiss, his hand on her cheek, his thumb stroking the silken skin. It was passionate yet gentle, she felt emotions rushing through her that she had never felt before as he tugged her closer, his tongue teasing her lips before it flicked into her mouth, her tongue meeting his in a complicated dance. It could have been minutes, hours before he pulled away, gasping.

His eyes were dark as he stared at her lips, swollen from his, and her dreamy, peaceful smile.

"Dora…" Damn! He had called her that name, he had promised himself…

"No." She put her hand over his mouth before moving it slowly. "It's my turn first." She reached for his hand, his left hand, and gently lifted it, her fingers curling over the remnants of his. She brought it to her lips and gently kissed the curving scar on the back of his hand, a blush high on her cheeks.. "I meant it. I love you. Because of your scars, not in spite of. You're a brave, wonderful man, Remus Lupin. I want to help you prove it to yourself."

Remus' face was pale.

"When I first met you I thought you were rather handsome, and that was that. But then I got to know you... and that day you asked if you call me Dora I knew... I knew I had fallen head over heels in love with you. I know I fall easily, but this is something unique," Tonks told him, a small smile on her face.

"Stop, please."

She squeezed his hand that was still imprisoned between hers. "Still my turn. You make me smile like no one else does, but when you smile it's like…" She paused to search for the words, wishing she had written this down. "It's like the sun has come out on a rainy day, it lights up your face so wonderfully. You are probably the most selfless man I have ever met and when you laugh…" She smiled at him. "You make me laugh. You are brave and you love so strongly. I want to spend every minute of every day with you and when I'm not with you, I miss you terribly. I want you to hold me like you held me that night at the hospital, but because you want to, not because you're hurting. But... I want to be there when you're hurting, because I want to help. And you're sweet and gentle and make my heart do ridiculous things. I want to be with you, I want to love you and make a life with you. I want you to see how much I love you... so you can love yourself."

Remus gently pulled his hand away from her. His face was twisted. "Oh, God, Dora, why? Why?"

"Why do I love you?" Tonks looked amused, she expected him to argue, she was ready for it. "I can keep going. You have a brill-"

"No! Why me?" Remus forced himself to his feet, his bones aching, and began to pace. She watched him warily. "Oh, God," he spun to face her. "You can't. I… I can't."

"Why not?" She challenged as she scrambled to her feet, even with the extra inches from her boots she was still dwarfed by him.

"Because I am too old!"

"Rubbish. You are thirteen years older than me! That's nothing, plenty of people have a bigger age difference and they're just fine! It's not like I'm sixteen or something, it's not like you fancy a child."

"Think, Dora! When you are fifty, I will be sixty-three! You would be nursemaid to an old man! And old, crippled man!"

She huffed loudly, crossing her arms. "Don't be daft, sixty-three isn't ancient," Tonks scoffed, only to be interrupted by him again.

"Look at me! I am already crippled! Do you think it will get better with age? No! It will grow worse, you will be forced to look after a cripple, and I can't ask that of you! I wouldn't ask that of you."

"You won't be asking that of me. You think it will be a burden but I'll be more than happy to help you if you asked, which we both know you won't, you prideful prat. And I don't care if you have a limp, or a cane, or even a wheelchair! You'll still be you, Remus."

"I do care, dammit! You are young and beautiful, you don't need a cripple slowing you down... You know it's true. I don't even have a proper job, I virtually rely on Sirius. He keeps me housed, fed... I work to make myself feel like I contribute something."

Dora rolled her eyes. "I work," she pointed out. "And I don't believe that for an instant, you work hard for the newspaper. And... and despite what you think, it's not the end of the world if you have to rely on your friends!"

"I… I have nightmares, I can't stand people, I am _frightened_ of people!" His words broke her heart, he could see it. "Y- you can't be with someone who would hurt you! What if we were asleep, Dora, what if… what if I _hit_ you?" His voice was shaking. "What if you sneak up on me to hug me and I throw you across the room because you startled me! I struggle to go to meet my editor because there are too many people around me!"

"I would go with you," Tonks interjected only to be cut off as Remus continued, finding the one thing that would be harder to dispute.

"You don't understand, I could... _would_ hurt you! It... it would only be a matter of time. And... you won't be able to double date with your friends because I hate being in public, you have seen how badly I react, Dora. Do you want to be out with friends and I react because someone has touched me, because I hear something that takes me back…" His voice broke, his back was too her now as he faced the garden and interrupted its tranquillity. "I break down and I can't breathe and I… I don't know who anyone is. I'm too unstable! We would draw attention as we walk down the street, Dora, not because you are exquisite, radiant, and wonderful, not because your hair is the most beautiful, brightest red I have ever seen, but because of me! Because of my scars, because of my limp, because such a gorgeous, incredible young woman is tied down to an old, grey-haired cripple!"

"Remus…" Tonks whispered, her hope was fading quickly as she heard the tears in his voice. She took a step towards him but stopped when he tensed.

"Don't. Find someone else, sweetheart," the endearment slipped from him before he could stop himself, "Find someone who is young and is worthy of your love. Find someone who can keep up with you, who… who deserves you."

Tonks moved so she stood in front of him, tears welled in her eyes. "I want _you_. You deserve me. I love _you_."

"No. No, Dora... find someone else, find someone who can keep up with you as you walk through the street, who you don't have to be scared to fall asleep with. Find someone who is worthy of you and your love. You don't want me, not really. You have no idea… I am… I am not good enough for you. Not nearly good enough."

She grabbed his arm as he turned away. "No! This is all rubbish, Remus! All rubbish! You do deserve my love, you are a wonderful man, and I love you! Don't be ridiculous, please, listen to me..."

Remus shook his head, his eyes were bleak, the fire that had lit in them when Tonks had kissed him faded. "No. I… Just no, please, don't ever talk about this again," his voice broke on each word as he bent and gathered the blanket he had been sitting on; his sketchbook tumbled onto the grass and he bent to retrieve it, stashing it all in his briefcase. He turned back to her. "I… I am so very sorry, my… Dora. So very sorry."

She stood there, her arms wrapped around her middle, clutching her sides. "Remus, please, please don't do this."

He hesitated before shaking his head again. "So… so sorry." He left then, stumbling slightly, his head bent, grief, anguish, hurt driving him faster and faster away… away from Dora... Away from the woman he loved.

* * *

Camilla was curled up in an armchair of the flat she had rented, only a block away from Tonks and two blocks from the hospital she was to work at. She was reading a book, a rare occurrence for her, when the pounding at the door made her jump. She hurried to open it, eyes widening as Tonks stumbled in.

"Nym?"

Tonks' lips trembled and she flung herself into her friend's arms.

"Oh, honey, what happened?"

"He… he said no… He…"

"What! I am going to kill him! Why?"

Tonks curled into the lounge that her friend had tugged her to, and hugged a pillow to her. "I couldn't convince him… I couldn't convince him," she choked out as tears slid down her face. "I… I thought if I told him why I loved him it would be different. B- but... I didn't think he'd just... say no..."

Camilla pulled Tonks into her arms. "Shh, honey, it's ok, it's all going to be ok."

"I love him!" Tonks pressed her face against Camilla's shoulder and the tears came in a torrent. "Why can't he see that!"

"Shh, darling, shh. It will be ok. Just breath."

* * *

Sirius was whistling loudly in the bathroom when Remus stumbled into the flat.

"Rem?" Sirius' appeared in the bathroom door. "I didn't know you were going out today."

Remus lifted his eyes slowly to his friend, looking almost surprised to see him there, his eyes haunted.

"Remus?" Sirius was out the door in an instant. He strode to his friend's side and stopped short when Remus stepped back against the wall.

"What is it? What has happened?"

"A bad day…" Remus whispered. "Please…"

Sirius reached out and gripped Remus' shoulder. "I can stay home tonight."

"No," Remus was shaking his head vehemently. "No. I want to be alone."

Sirius nodded slowly. "Very well, I'll go. If you—"

"Please, just…"

Sirius nodded and went to grab his coat. He cast one, long look at his friend before walking out the door. He wished Harry was home, Harry who could bring a smile to Remus' lips when nothing else could.

Remus moved slowly to his room, his case fell to the floor and he closed the bedroom door behind him. The pain that had been building inside him exploded and with the cry of a wounded animal escaped him he and he crumpled into the chair. Violent, anguished sobs escaped him as the realisation of what he had lost hit him. His heart was torn to shreds, the look in her beautiful grey eyes made him ill. He had made her cry, he had broken her heart. He had shredded his own and there wasn't a damned thing he could do, any sort of action would make everything worse. Remus wept until there were no more tears, weeping for the first time in many, many years. Weeping for the girl he had loved deeply, for the girl he longed to be with, for the girl he could never have.


	14. Galirum

Harry was laughing when he swung himself into the flat, Ron and Hermione following closely behind.

"I promise not to fall over!" He teased. "So stop looking so worried, Hermione."

She huffed. "Well, you and Ron didn't sleep last night, so it wouldn't surprise me if you did! Are your uncles' home?"

Harry collapsed into the armchair. "I don't know," he glanced at the clock. "Mrs Weasley is waiting, you guys should go."

"Will you be all right on your own?" Hermione fussed.

Ron rolled his eyes. "Come on, we can convince mum that we need to buy Harry something outrageous and I'm sure Ginny will help."

Harry rolled his eyes. "Honestly, anyone would think I'm dying of some fatal illness."

Hermione scowled. "Don't you say that! You call me if you need anything, Harry. Hurry up, Ron, we will be late to pick Ginny up."

Ron, rolling his eyes behind their friend's back, grinned at Harry. "Right-o, mate, coming to football on Saturday?"

"Course! Wouldn't miss it for the world!"

Harry waved as his friends hurried out of the flat, he heard the click of the door behind them before he gathered his crutches and pulled himself to his feet. He was about to head into the kitchen when a noise made him turn awkwardly.

"Have a nice time?" Remus limped slowly from his bedroom, his eyes flickered over Harry as if to reassure himself that he was in once piece.

"Yeah, ate all sorts of bad stuff!" Harry grinned, but his smile faded as he noticed the black circles under Remus' eyes.

"Good," Remus limped into the kitchen. "Are you hungry?"

Harry followed. "Nah, we ate, I was looking at what we were having for dinner."

"Apricot chicken."

"Good! Are you going to come to the check-up tomorrow?"

Remus turned slowly to face his nephew. "I… Would you like me to?"

Harry chewed his lip thoughtfully. "Yeah, but if you—"

"I'll be there," Remus spoke decisively. "Did you want a nap? You look as if you didn't have much sleep last night."

Harry shifted guiltily. "Ron and I were talking all night."

"I can see." A tiny, strained smile touched Remus' haggard face.

"So, were you up all night talking to… Uncle Sirius was on a date, so maybe, Dora?"

Remus paled visibly. "No," his voice was abrupt. "Just a bad night. You should sleep, Sirius won't be home 'til late." Remus brushed past Harry and busied himself tidying the sideboard.

Harry bit his lip. "Uncle Remus?"

"Harry, forgive me, I just didn't sleep. Product of getting old."

Harry relaxed visibly. "You aren't old."

Remus turned and moved to stand beside his nephew. "Sometimes, Harry, I feel ancient," he tipped the boy's chin up. "Go have a nap. I can wake you in an hour or two and we can eat and watch a movie."

Harry yawned and nodded. "And ice cream sundaes?"

Remus felt like he had been stabbed in the heart. _She_ had boasted about her sundae making skills. "Yes," he mustered a smile to his suddenly numb lips. "Yes, of course, whatever you want."

Harry grinned. "Best uncle ever!" He swung away, glancing briefly at Remus whose shoulders had slumped in weary defeat as Harry left the room and the boy frowned.

* * *

"Don't see why we had to go back to Anderson," Sirius grumbled as he pulled the car up in front of the clinic that the clearly prestigious doctor worked in.

"Because he is the best orthopaedic surgeon and we were lucky he was at the hospital the day Harry was hurt," Remus sounded exasperated.

Harry twisted in his seat to look back at Remus. "Have you already had this argument?"

Remus stepped out of the car and held the door open for the boy before he replied. "Once or twice."

Sirius shrugged. "I'm stubborn, you should be used to that."

"Hoped it would improve with age."

Harry chortled. "When did you decide he hadn't grown up?"

"About twelve years ago."

"Hey, you two are mean to me."

"Yeah, but you love us," Harry pointed out.

"Only occasionally!" Sirius winked and held the door open for Harry and Remus. He whistled softly, his eyes on the receptionist. "She's ace, reckon she will go on a date with me?"

Remus didn't even respond to the comment, he had drawn into himself, eyes to the ground, silent and Sirius glanced at Harry briefly. They had both noticed Remus' distracted exhaustion for the past twenty-four hours and they had both been watching him closely.

"Appointment for Harry Potter," Sirius leaned against the desk. He flashed the pretty receptionist a charming smile and she blushed and giggled.

"Dr Anderson said to just go through to that consulting room and he will be with you as soon as he can."

Sirius grinned. "Perhaps you could come by in a few minutes and get the paperwork that I will fill out?"

The girl laughed. "Oh, I think I could manage that Mr…?"

"Black, Sirius Black," he winked at her and sauntered after Remus and Harry who had already vanished into the room that the woman had indicated. Remus stood against the wall, eyes fixed on the door, arms folded tightly. Harry was sitting in a chair and grinned when Sirius entered the room.

"What would you do if I dated as many girls as you do?" Harry asked.

Settling into a chair Sirius frowned thoughtfully. "Probably tie you up until you come to your senses."

"Hypocrite!"

"Do as I say, not as I do. We should get take out and go have a picnic at the gardens after we finish here, yeah?"

Harry brightened. "Can we?"

Remus shrank back a little, but as his eyes flickered between the people who made his world, he gave in. A brief nod and Harry cheered.

They fell into a sort of lull, Sirius attempting to amuse them with idle conversation and verbalised horror about the body parts made in plastic moulding. "I really don't see why they need to show us what kidneys look like."

Harry was looking closely at a model of a knee joint. "This is kinda cool," he observed suddenly.

"Maybe you should become a doctor, Mr Potter," Dr Anderson voiced as he entered the room and smiled jovially at Harry.

"No, Sir, I am going to become a police officer like Dora!"

"The girl that was with you that night at the hospital, Major?"

Remus nodded tersely. "It's not major," he reminded flatly.

Dr Anderson shrugged. "Old habits die hard. Sergeant Black," he nodded towards Sirius.

"How come you were only a sergeant and Uncle Remus was a major?" Harry asked as he pulled himself onto the narrow bed.

Remus half turned away as Harry grimaced.

"Remus was given an honorary promotion after he was… found," Sirius' eyes flickered to his friend, he would never forget the day that Remus learned of the promotion, he had been furious.

Harry nodded. "Right."

"All right, young Harry, let's take a look. It's been, what, a week?"

"Week and a half. When can it come off, I am sick of it!"

"Not for another five weeks, I am afraid. How is the pain?" The doctor carefully rotated Harry's ankle as he spoke.

"Ok," Harry shrugged.

"Harry," Remus warned in a very low tone.

The boy sighed loudly. "It hurts sometimes, and it's mainly itchy, but it hasn't been too bad. I can do most things myself."

Dr Anderson grinned. "Right, well this looks good to me, make sure you keep seeing the physiotherapist. You have youth and good health on your side."

Harry's gaze flickered almost instinctively towards Remus.

"I will see you back here in a month to remove the cast, if there are any concerns or your toes start swelling and dropping off then come back to me."

Harry laughed. "If my toes start falling off I will certainly come for a check-up. How soon can I play football again?"

"Not this season, you can start light training again in about four months."

"Four months?! It will be winter by then! That sucks!"

"No training for at least four months," the doctor sounded stern. "You don't want to re-break that leg."

"No, sir," Harry grumbled.

"Excellent, take things easy, enjoy being spoiled."

Harry smiled again. "Yeah, I will! Thank you."

"Any time," he glanced at Sirius who was glaring stonily at him.

"Thank you, Dr Anderson," Remus pushed himself forward and gripped Sirius' shoulder tightly. "We are grateful to you for your help, aren't we, Sirius?"

"Oh yes, _grateful_," Sirius' lip curled.

Dr Anderson swallowed. "I am sorry, Black, for what happened."

Sirius looked as if he was about to reply when Remus' hand tightened over his shoulder.

"Thank you," Remus repeated. "Come, Harry."

The three of them left the office, Sirius' shoulders stiff, his face mutinous.

Once in the car, legs and crutches situated, Harry coughed.

"You might as well just tell me, you know I'm going to ask," he said bluntly as he began fiddling with the air settings.

"What we're having for dinner?" Sirius guessed, feigning ignorance as he slapped Harry's hand away from his car's controls.

"No," Harry snorted, rolling his eyes as he relaxed in his seat. "Dr Anderson. You're not his biggest fan and you have to tell me why."

"We don't _have _to do anything but feed and clothe you, and even that is optional some days," Sirius muttered as he stopped at a red light, causing Harry to snort again.

"Just tell me," Harry whined before twisting around and giving Remus his best puppy dog look.

"You've outgrown that look, cub," Remus teased, his voice still strained but he preferred this topic of conversation to others they could have chosen. He hated reference to his time in the military, hated the fact that their paths had crossed with someone who had known them from _before._

"Please!"

"Later, Harry," Sirius sighed.

"Then... the other question!" Harry said quickly, trying to defuse the tension building in the car.

"I thought we left the question phase when you turned four," Sirius said with a mock stern look. "It was a lot cuter back then than it is now."

"Asking what's for lunch will never stop being my top priority," Harry informed his uncle with a grin.

"Fish and chips?"

"Yes! And potato cakes!"

"You are going to get fat," Sirius teased as he turned down a street.

"Hey, don't give me a complex! He's picking on me, Uncle Remus!"

Remus didn't reply, he was staring out the back window, a look of weariness hanging heavy on his face.

"Rem?"

"Mmm?" He turned instantly. "Sorry, you were saying?"

"Harry is being a sulk. What do you want for lunch? Fish and chips ok?"

"It's fine, just a piece of fish," Remus murmured.

"No potato cakes?" Sirius sounded almost horrified.

"No, I'm not particularly hungry."

Sirius snorted. "Right, staying in here, Harry?"

"Yes, it's too annoying to get out again."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "I'll be back shortly."

Harry watched Sirius stride away from the car once they had pulled into a parking lot, before he twisted in his seat to look at Remus.

"Yes?" The older man turned to smile at Harry.

"You can sit in the front if you want," Harry offered meekly.

Remus raised an eyebrow as if he doubted that was what Harry wanted to say. "It's rather awkward managing with crutches, Harry, the front is easiest for you."

Harry smiled ruefully. "I can't wait to get rid of them. They are driving me mad!"

Remus nodded. "Only another month and you will be finished with them."

"How long were you…?"

Remus sighed softly. "I wondered when you would ask that."

Harry remained silent.

"After I got out of hospital? Nearly four months before I could use just one and then another three months after that."

Harry frowned. "I remember…"

_Remus moved slowly into the lounge room. "Harry?" His voice was hoarse. "Harry, where are you?"_

"_Here!" Harry's head appeared and he grinned cheekily as he half ran, half stumbled towards Remus._

"_Careful!" Remus breathed in sharply as Harry barrelled towards him. He braced himself against the wall and gripped the crutch tightly, trying desperately to fight off panic. If he fell…_

_Harry paused. "Un'le Ree-mus?"_

"_Come sit with me," Remus offered. He reached out his free hand to the little boy. "Nice and slow, remember."_

_Harry nodded. "Still sore?" _

"_Yes," Remus' teeth were gritted. Perhaps Sirius was right, perhaps it was too soon to walk with only one crutch. _

_Remus crumpled into the lounge and lifted Harry onto his lap. To his surprise Harry reached out and gently touched the smooth metal._

"_Help?"_

"_Yes, it helps me." _

_Harry frowned, processing this, he snuggled against Remus. "But you walk funny?"_

_Remus stroked the dark head of the child he loved. "Yes."_

"_Why?"_

"_Because my leg was hurt. That's why you have to be gentle."_

"_And tummy," Harry pointed to Remus' still tender ribs. _

"_Yes, and my ribs."_

_Harry frowned as he attempted to understand what the words meant. "Story?"_

_Remus relaxed against the back of the chair and cuddled Harry closer. "Of course." He kissed the top of the dark head and watched the boy reach fat fingers to the crutch once more; he hated the child's fascination, he loved the child's acceptance. _

"You were so intrigued that I needed the crutch," Remus mused. "You thought they were remarkable."

"I was an idiot," Harry moaned and to his silent delight Remus laughed.

"You were a little boy."

Harry shrugged. "Maybe."

The car door opened and Sirius entered again. "What are we talking about?" He handed the hot chips to Harry.

"Crutches," Remus replied softly, lips twitching into a smile that Harry saw before he twisted back to face the front.

"Onwards to the gardens! We won't go to your spot, Rem, I doubt Harry could manage it, but if we go through the back entrance we can find somewhere we can sit and there are no other people?"

Harry nodded. "I can't carry the food. And you should piggy back me, my leg hurts."

Sirius snorted. "Listen to him, Remus!"

"He sounds exactly like his father," Remus' retorted lightly. "_And_ his godfather!"

"You are really mean to me today," Sirius sulked.

"You need us to be mean so that you know we love you," Harry explained kindly.

Remus failed to hide his smile as Sirius moaned. "I hate you both."

* * *

It was nearly twenty minutes later, the food had been devoured and Sirius was complaining about how full he was when Harry broached the subject that had been bothering him for a long time.

"So, the doctor?"

Sirius sighed heavily but straightened. "Right, you aren't going to give this up are you?"

Harry shook his head.

"He was the one to... declare your father," Sirius spoke haltingly. "And to assess the cause of death then and there. So he was there when they arrested me. He was one of the many to blame it on me without hearing what I had to say, without looking at the location for more evidence."

"But Anderson was just doing his job, even if he wasn't quite doing it to the best of his ability," Remus said to Harry. "All those involved have long since apologized for their mistake, Sirius knows that. And our past with Dr Anderson does not deter from him being an excellent doctor that took good care of you."

"As long as everyone knows how bloody wrong they were. Sorry," Harry quickly added upon seeing the look on his uncle's face at his cursing.

"They do, and Harry, the evidence was stacked against Sirius, it was… well planned."

Harry was still frowning. "Did you think that…?"

Sirius glanced quickly at Remus.

"No, I knew the truth the whole time."

"How?"

Remus' hands froze halfway through wrapping the greasy paper.

"Harry, that's enough," Sirius spoke quickly. "Remus is right, they were doing their job. It's not their fault they were idiots. I do blame them for other things but… Remus is right, it was very well planned."

Harry glanced between his uncles. There was too many half sentences, too many unsaid words that he did not understand, but he remained silent. His curiosity would have to be satisfied one day, one day when he found the answers that he was so diligently seeking.

* * *

"You eaten yet, Tonks?"

Tonks raised her head from her desk to look at the tall man whose arms were lying on the cubicle dividers. She then glanced at the clock and realized it was over thirty minutes past lunch time.

"Bugger, I didn't even realize," Tonks grumbled, slapping a file closed as she scrambled up. She didn't feel particularly hungry but knew she needed something in her stomach before her patrol. Since Remus' rejection a few days ago, she had barely eaten or slept. She felt rather silly for being so put out over a guy, but then again, Remus wasn't just some tosser who stood her up.

"Me neither. Fancy hitting the deli with me?"

Surprised, Tonks looked at her guest again. His name was Brian, Brian... something, and he was new on their squad, just transferring from somewhere north (or was it south?). He had been rather friendly to her, a nice contrast to the usual indifference she got from some of the others. Truthfully, he was rather good looking. She had noticed more than one woman walking in off the street eying him and there had been an increase in crimes reported at the station rather than over the phone since he had arrived. She almost wished she could have fancied him instead, but she was known for picking the path with the most amount of obstacles.

"Yeah. Sure, thanks," Tonks said to Brian Something as she grabbed her bag.

It was rather rare for her to have a lunch partner that wasn't Moody or King, but she didn't mind. That may have been, of course, because she wasn't paying the least bit of notice. As they walked down the sidewalk, Brian chattered away while Tonks tried to pay attention. Despite feeling bad for not listening, she couldn't concentrate to save her life. Her thoughts were on one person and one person only.

"This alright?" Brian asked suddenly as he stopped walking, causing Tonks' shoulder to bump into his. She couldn't help but notice that as she flailed to keep herself balanced, he did not reach out to help her, something Remus had yet never failed to do.

"What?" Tonks asked, the near collision bringing her back to earth.

"This deli, I think it's new. Shall we give it a go?" Brian asked, giving her a grin. She, only human, noticed how nice the smile looked on his face. But it wasn't butterfly-inducing, not like...

She shook her head, trying to dislodge the thoughts. "Yeah, this is fine," Tonks said, barely glancing at the name of the place before they walked in, Brian first. Remus had always- She gritted her teeth, this was _ridiculous!_

The place was fairly crowded so they had to squeeze through the masses to make it to the counter. Once they ordered, Tonks finding a nice grilled sandwich with two different kinds of cheeses on it, they took their food to a table far in the corner.

"So," Brian started, grinning at her once more, "tell me about yourself, Tonks!"

Tonks blinked at him as she chewed the large bite she had just taken, trying to think of what to tell him. She wasn't quite sure what to say, as he already knew about her job. The next biggest thing in her life wasn't something she really wanted to share with a stranger.

Just as she opened her mouth to tell him something, he began without her.

"Siblings? I have four myself, all brothers. All of us are in the army except me; I decided to keep at home." To Tonks, it was quickly becoming apparent that this Brian was a talker.

"Oh, er... I'm an only child, actually. I have a cousin I'm now close with," Tonks shrugged, thinking that Sirius kind of counted as a brother. "He was in the army, but that was a long time ago."

"Well if we're talking about cousins, I've got loads," Brian said before he proceeded to list of the names of his various relations. This made it easy for Tonks to zone out again as she ate, attempting to be more engrossed in her sandwich than she actually was.

"... but that cousin... no, his brother is in the army as well, it's a bit of a family thing. He's in the special forces, I think," Brian finished, sitting up a bit straighter at having such a prestigious person in his family.

"Really?" Tonks perked up, his words gaining actually gaining her attention, but for different reasons. "My cousin was special forces, him and his mates!"

"Some of the older officers told them about some of their past members, my cousin said. He was telling me some of the better stories, I don't remember hearing about a Tonks," Brian said, looking a bit put out that he couldn't contribute more.

"Oh no, he's not a Tonks. He's my mother's cousin, really, so he's... he's a Black," Tonks said, trailing off a bit. Talking about Sirius in a positive conversation about his service made her forget that others might make assumptions when told his name.

So it wasn't surprising when Brian's eyebrows shot up and disappeared into his fringe. But what she hadn't expected was the impressed look that overtook his face.

"_Sirius_ Black? My cousin spent an hour talking about him and his group! I had no idea you were related to him, that's brilliant! I will have to tell Travis!"

Tonks smiled, realizing it had been a few days since she had. She was proud of Sirius and Remus and their past, for what they accomplished and overcame. So it pleased her for someone else to be impressed by it too.

"I didn't know they were considered famous in the army, I'm glad. From what I know, they did a lot... and their stories can teach a lot as well," Tonks said, her eyes suddenly falling to her plate as she began picking at her sandwich again. She was proud, but it also hurt a little to know the outcome of whatever stories Brian's cousin was told.

"Trav can't say much of course, but he said that they were a group of friends who had known each other since school?"

Tonks nodded confirmation.

"And one of them betrayed the group? One was killed, your cousin was blamed and another.. Luper? Laird… Can't remember, anyhow he was captured."

"Lupin," Tonks said softly.

"You know him?" Brian raised an eyebrow. "Trav said they use him as an object lesson, anyone who is tortured for twelve months and survives without giving away any national security is a brilliant role model. Not that he will talk to them about it; he could make a fortune from selling his story and giving lessons on withholding information."

Tonks shook her head. "He's not like that, he doesn't see it like that."

Tonks vaguely heard Brian carry on as he finished his lunch, seemingly fine with her simple nods and noises of agreement instead of actual answers. Her mind kept traveling back to Remus and what happened between them. She continued the train of thought she'd been having since he left her in the garden. _Maybe_, she thought,_ he'd change his mind once he calmed down and thought things over_. Tonks was expected, she knew, in the next day or so for dinner. So, despite it being much easier to just avoid him, she _would_ go to their house and see if anything had changed in that stubborn head of his.

* * *

"The thing I miss most, besides football of course, is just being able to do things without it being such a hassle," Harry sighed.

He was lounging on the couch, his leg propped up on the coffee table like normal. What wasn't a typical sight, for this household at least, was the girl sitting in Harry's lap.

"You don't know what you have until it's gone," Ginny said with a teasing grin as she toyed with the collar of Harry's t-shirt. She looked very comfortable in his lap, one of his hands on her waist and the other on her knee.

"I've heard that, yes," Harry said, a slightly cocky smile beginning on his face. "But that's not entirely true."

"Oh?" Ginny raised an eyebrow before grinning as he leaned forward a bit.

"Yes. I happen to know exactly what I have right now," Harry smirked before he kissed her firmly on the mouth.

Instead of keeping it short, Ginny deepened the kiss fairly quickly, her arms going around his neck. They continued for much longer than they would if they hadn't been alone, the kisses gradually slowing down but growing in intensity. It wasn't until Ginny shifted to where she was straddling him that Harry pulled away.

"Alright? I'm not hurting your leg, am I?" Ginny asked quickly, shifting on his lap and causing Harry's light flush to turn into a heavy blush that coloured his face and neck.

"Yeah! I mean, I'm fine, you're not hurting me," Harry said, clearing his throat as she smiled.

Ginny held back a reply as she leaned back in to continue. They did not stop until, just as Harry's hand made its way under Ginny's flowy top, the front door opened.

"Harry, I stopped to get those-" Sirius froze in the entrance to the living room, his eyebrow slowly rising as he took on the scene before him. Ginny gasped and scrambled off Harry's lap, accidentally knocking into his leg.

"Ow!"

"I'm sorry, are you alright?" Ginny cried as Harry winced, allowing her to put his foot back on the cushion.

"We uh... were just..." Harry scrambled, his cheeks burning as he looked up at his uncle, who was still silent.

"I'll er... see you tomorrow, Harry," Ginny muttered, quickly standing. She gave him a peck on the forehead before practically running to the door, ducking her head so her hair covered her face as she passed Sirius.

The apartment was silent for much longer than Harry thought necessary, but he didn't dare say anything. He looked everywhere but at his uncle as he shifted nervously on the couch, not able to really go anywhere else.

"Think we could find someone to make us a chastity belt here in London?" Sirius asked suddenly, his voice making Harry's jump.

Sirius then snorted at the look of horror on Harry's face, his green eyes wide behind his glasses.

"Relax, kid, I'm kidding," Sirius sighed, shaking his head as he moved to flop into his usual chair. "But let's talk, eh? First thing, where is Remus?"

"Shops," Harry mumbled.

"Right, of course, because we trust you and Ginny to be home alone, mistake number one. Never could trust James around Lily, you and Ginny are like deja vu."

Harry squirmed, Sirius' segues were not helping. "Why are you home?"

"Early mark, looks like it was just as well, really. Right, so, Harry James Potter, _what _ were you doing?"

Harry looked everywhere else but at Sirius.

"Harry, do you remember when you were nine and Uncle Remus and I told you where babies came from?"

A sudden, horrified look crossed Harry's face. That talk, mainly from Sirius, had scarred him for life.

"No, I don't plan to repeat it, but for goodness sakes, Harry! I thought you were a little bit more responsible! We trusted you not to be stupid with Ginny! What if you had gotten her pregnant!"

Harry's head snapped up, mortification written on his face.

"You need to be careful! Hormones are… are tricky things! They can make up do things you don't realise and then before you know it, bam! She's pregnant."

"Who is pregnant?" Remus' startled voice intruded on the conversation and he slowly lowered the bags he carried to the floor.

"Ginny! Well, not yet! But I came home and found her sitting on _his_ knee in a very compromising situation!" Sirius ran his hand through his dark hair. "They were… kissing! And his hand was up her shirt!"

Harry moaned and buried his face in his hands.

Remus sank into a chair. "I see."

"And I am trying to impart exactly what could have happened! I do _not_ feel like being a grandfather! Harry, this is serious! You have betrayed our trust! You should know better!"

"Sirius," Remus' voice was mild.

The boy swallowed as he shifted on the couch. "Go to your room, please," Sirius voice was flat.

Remus frowned but remained silent as he watched Harry slowly cross the room and shut his bedroom door.

Sirius suddenly lunged for a pillow and buried his face in it, his shoulders convulsed.

"Oh for goodness sakes, Sirius, you horrified that poor boy and now you are _laughing _about it?"

Sirius, attempting to straighten his face, spoke firmly. "It's hilarious, yes, but they were rather cosy when I got home, she was sitting on his lap and his hand was up her blouse."

Remus sighed heavily. "Perhaps the talk could have gone down a little more kindly?"

"He's sixteen, far too young to be thinking like that."

Remus raised an eyebrow. "Says you?"

Sirius pulled a face. "Can you fix my rather botched attempt? I meant well, but I think I was in shock."

Remus nodded. "Mmm, in a moment." He rested his head against the back of his chair and closed his eyes.

Sirius frowned. "Rem, what is going on? You look like death."

"I am fine."

"Rot. You haven't been sleeping for a week now! Is it the stress of Harry being hurt? Since that night he stayed at the Weasley's… You look exhausted."

"Not sleeping properly," Remus admitted. "It's just been a few long weeks, is all, Sirius. I am fine."

"Sure? Because…"

"Sirius, I had a bad day that day, and yes, I have been worried about Harry, things are calming down now. I will be fine, stop fretting," Remus rose stiffly.

Sirius nodded slowly. "I…"

Remus paused and gripped his friend's shoulder. "Why don't you go for a run? Calm down after seeing Harry and Ginny? I am fine."

Sirius nodded, entirely unconvinced and rose, vanishing into his room before Remus had made it to Harry's door.

Remus knocked gently.

"Go away!" The muffled voice sounded irritated.

"Harry, its Remus. Might I come in?"

There was a moment silence then a heavy sigh. "Yes."

Remus entered the teenager's bedroom and closed the door behind him. "Sirius mentioned Ginny knocked your leg, is it alright?"

Harry nodded and watched Remus cross the room, move the chair that was shoved against the desk and bring it to the bedside. Easing into the hard wooden seat Remus held out a hand. "Show me your leg, I want to make sure you can move your ankle."

Harry obediently scooted to the edge of the bed. He watched Remus fingers gently probe the joint, eyes flickering continuously to his face as if worried he would cause his nephew pain. Finally, satisfied, Remus leaned back and steadily regarded the boy.

Harry squirmed, Remus' perceived silent disappointment was more crushing than Sirius' blustering anger.

"He means well, you know," Remus said finally. "Though perhaps he could have gone about it in a slightly different way."

Harry swallowed.

"He isn't truly angry with you, Harry. He knows you're a teenage boy, and that worries him. It worries me. I spent many years watching your Uncle Sirius as a teenager, I know what they can get up to," Remus said, raising an eyebrow at his nephew.

"I promise, we really weren't doing much. Just snogging," Harry said desperately. "We haven't been together that long, I know what we aren't gonna do."

"You're a smart lad, but you're still a teenager. You just need to be careful and know your limits, especially Ginny's," Remus lectured. He knew Harry wasn't like most boys his age but he wanted to be sure his values were intact. He'd hate for James and Lily's morals to not be instilled in their son like they had tried to do.

"I... I'm not going to... force her or something!" Harry cried, appalled. His eyes widened behind his glasses as he stared at Remus, looking a little confused.

"I know you won't, Harry. My advice is to talk to her about things. Girls are a bit different and difficult to understand," Remus said with a soft smile, remembering James and his complaints about the other gender. "If you want to be in an adult relationship, but... not _that _adult, of course, you need to discuss your limits."

"You know Ginny," Harry muttered, a blush coming back to his cheeks. "She has her opinions and isn't afraid to voice 'em."

"Right you are," Remus said with a light chuckle. He felt a little better despite the turmoil going on inside his head. Time with Harry usually had that effect on him. "Just remember, cub, you're only sixteen. You have all the time in the world. No need to rush."

"How will we know when we are ready? I mean, after we wait a while and stuff," Harry asked in a mumble.

"Preferably when you are thirty."

Harry rolled his eyes.

"You will know because it will be right, for you, not for your friends, but for you."

Harry nodded slowly. "Are you disappointed in me?"

Remus considered the words for a long moment. "I suppose I'm more disappointed in myself for failing to realize how much you've grown," he sighed. "You're not a little boy anymore. Just be careful. And... don't be surprised if we fail to leave you alone for a while."

"Yes, sir," Harry muttered, blushing still, but pleased that he really wasn't in that much trouble.

Remus nodded and stood, knowing dinner needed to be started. He was almost to the door when Harry spoke up again.

"Do _you _think you have all the time in the world?" Harry asked suddenly, not entirely sure of the depth of his question.

Remus paused, his back to Harry, as he considered this question.

"I'm not quite sure what to do with time anymore. I once thought I'd lost it all, yet, in gaining it back, I still do not really know how to deal with it," Harry's uncle admitted before abandoning that room in favour of his kitchen.

* * *

Tonks shifted nervously at the front door, only two weeks ago she would have flung the door open and breezed in but now… Now Remus had rejected her and she wasn't sure if she was even welcome. Swallowing, she lifted her hand and knocked. She could hear muffled voices inside and a moment later the door swung open.

"Dora!" Sirius grinned and pulled her into the flat. "What's with the knocking?"

"Oh, I try to be polite at least once a month," she replied, relief filling her as she took in Sirius' perfect normality. "Hey, Harry, how's the leg?"

"It's good," Harry grinned his greeting. "Though the doctor says I can't train for four months after the cast comes off!"

Tonks failed to hide her laughter. "And suddenly the world has ended!" Her eyes had flickered around the room, searching for the third member who was not there.

"Remus had to go and get a few things for dinner, I swear his head isn't attached at the moment," Sirius was frowning.

"He said he is getting old," Harry pointed out suddenly, his forehead wrinkled.

Tonks swallowed. "Is he ill?"

"No, says it's just stress catching up to him," Sirius smiled reassuringly. "He's fine, Dora. Honestly, just been a rough few weeks with this young fool being hit by a car. Remus just went into overprotective mode."

"Says you!" Harry mumbled as he rolled his eyes.

Sirius ignored him. "How's work? We haven't seen you for over a week now!"

Tonks settled into a chair. "I've been flat out, we are short and then we had some new transfers come through so it's been double shifts for most of us."

"How fun, anyone new and exciting?"

"Some guy, thinks he's god's gift to all women, has a cousin who is Special Forces, apparently you are famous."

"Are we?" Sirius looked amused.

"So he tells me, he was very quick to brag about this cousin, and wasn't terribly impressed when I told him I knew the famous Sirius Black and Remus Lupin."

Sirius laughed at the smug note in Tonks' voice. "Who knew, I must see if we can get a copy of the 'don't trust anyone' lesson plans."

Tonks winced. "Sorry."

"Oh shush, I didn't really mean that," Sirius winked. "I just get morose and prickly sometimes."

"Sometimes?" Harry mumbled. "All the time."

Tonks looked between her cousin and Harry. "Do I even want to know?"

"Harry is grounded and still grumpy with me. Perhaps you would like to tell her why, Harry?"

The boy flushed and squirmed.

"Hmm, that's what I thought. I returned home to find him and Ginny in a compromising situation."

Tonks shouted with laughter. "Oh, Sirius! Look at you, all responsible," she shook her head, giggling helplessly. "I am sorry! Harry, that's terrible, you should know better."

Harry laughed at her. "It might be more effective scolding if you weren't laughing!"

"Well, it's funny! But Harry, you are only young, don't get her pregnant."

Harry's flush deepened. "Honestly, you two are exactly the same! We weren't really doing that much, anyway," he grumbled.

The cousins looked at one another and grinned. "Us, similar, never!"

Tonks leaned forward suddenly. "I developed those photos from your party, Harry. There are a heap of you and your friends but I blew up the ones of you three." She handed Harry the framed picture she pulled from a bag and watched anxiously for their response.

Sirius smiled slowly as he stared at the image. "This is wonderful, Dora. Thank you."

"I can do one in black and white if you prefer but I liked this one best."

Harry smiled. "This is awesome."

The picture, taken at Harry's birthday party was of the boy and his uncles, Tonks had angled Sirius and Remus so they flanked Harry, she had positioned them so Remus' scars were almost hidden on his half turned face.

"Thank you, Dora," Sirius' voice was warm; he had noticed what she had done.

Shrugging she smiled at them. "It's always a pleasure to take photos of my favourite family."

"Ah, listen to her! The flattery!"

Tonks smiled as she pulled out a few more prints that were smaller and unframed, but she thought were nice. There were a few of Harry with Ron and Hermione along with a copy of Harry and Ginny's first kiss that caused Harry's face to heat up.

They heard the front door open then and Tonks' heart began to beat rapidly, she felt her breath catch in her throat as she looked up.

Remus limped from the hallway and nodded briefly in her direction after he jerked slightly at the sight of her. "Tonks," his voice was strained. He vanished into the kitchen.

Rising, she flashed a bright smile to Sirius and Harry. "I might go see if I can give him a hand!"

* * *

Remus methodically unpacked the groceries from the bag, he planned to make the most complex meal he could think of, anything to keep him away from the bright haired girl who—

"Wotcher."

Who had just invaded his kitchen.

"Were you looking for something?" He cursed his trembling voice.

"Yes, I was actually," she pushed herself between him and the bench.

Remus stepped back. "Don't," he pleaded wearily.

"Don't what? Are you all right? Sirius was right, you look exhausted." She reached up to touch his face and he pulled away, causing her to let her arm fall back down dejectedly.

"I need to cook dinner. You should go and talk to Sirius."

"I want to talk to you," Tonks whispered pleadingly.

Remus stared at her face, her hopeful, beautiful face. "You need to go," he whispered.

"Why? Because you want to change your mind?"

"Dora," Remus breathed in deeply. "I won't change my mind. You need to be reasonable, you need to think, and you need to respect my decision. Go and move on with your life, you will get over me and your silly infatuation."

"Silly infatuation?" Tonks' eyes flashed dangerously. "You do not have the right to belittle my feelings for you, Remus Lupin, and I will not give up! I don't care what you say! I will _not_ give up on you just because you're given up on yourself." She turned on her heel and stormed out of the room, the façade presented to Sirius and Harry one of cheerful offence.

"He says he doesn't need my help! Fancy that, not needing the clumsy girl's help."

Sirius laughed at her. "I love how you are actually insulted by the fact he respects that we don't want blood in our food!"

Tonks managed a weak grin and hurried to question Harry about his upcoming school year. Her heart ached. He had not changed his mind, he was still being the self-same prat that had been in the garden a hideous, painful week ago. She wanted to punch him. She wanted to kiss him so badly.

* * *

"You are awful quiet tonight, Dora," Harry said suddenly. He swallowed a mouthful of the roast lamb. Remus had outdone himself; there were roasted vegetables, lamb, cheeses, pasta, numerous dishes, dishes that had kept Remus in the kitchen, alone, away from the woman he had fallen for.

"Am I?" Tonks smiled at Harry.

"Yup, maybe you have fallen in love," the boy teased her. "Make sure Uncle Sirius doesn't catch you kissing him, he might ground you."

Sirius snorted loudly.

Blushing Tonks attempted to laugh. "And why do you think I am in love, Harry?"

"Feverish eyes."

Tonks laughed. "Sounds like something a Weasley would say!"

"It is," Harry agreed with a grin. "Are you in love?"

"Harry!" Sirius scolded. "It's rude to ask personal questions."

"Its fine, Sirius. Maybe I am, Harry James, and maybe I am not!" She winked at him. "I don't kiss and tell."

Harry snorted. "Sure, sure, maybe I'll ask Kingsley!"

"Ha! He wouldn't know!" She laughed at him but her eyes flickered to Remus' pale face. Her heart ached as she watched him push the food around his plate.

Sirius watched Tonks teasing Harry, she was so at home in their family. She was perfect for… His eyes narrowed suddenly. Remus' face was ashen, drawn, lines of exhaustion too clearly marked on it. He avoided her, didn't speak to any of them and refused to be drawn into conversation. He had told his cousin over a week ago that Remus loved her, Remus had gone to the garden and then… then he had been withdrawn, troubled. Sirius' frowned deepened. Was it possible that he knew? That she had told him? But then why… Why had nothing changed?


	15. Amaranthus

It was Sirius' lunch break and he was on a mission. He had already warned the people he worked with that he might be a little late, that he had a 'family matter' to deal with. They had merely nodded, knowing that Harry had broken his leg and assuming it was probably something to do with that.

Instead of going back to their home though, Sirius stalked through London's streets to the police station where he knew his cousin was working and, hopefully, inside.

"Sirius?" Tonks looked up from behind the desk when he entered and she smiled. "What are you doing here?"

"Stuck with desk duty, kid?"

"Unfortunately," she sighed as she leaned against the desk. "You look awful serious, Sirius."

He grinned at her. "I knew there was a reason I liked you. Can I steal you for a minute?"

"You do realise I'm at work?" Tonks raised an eyebrow mockingly before glancing behind her. "King, cover me for a sec?"

Kingsley ambled over and glanced at Sirius.

"King, my cousin Sirius Black. Sirius, this is Kingsley Shacklebolt."

"Pleasure. Tonks has told us all about you, and Harry sings your praises."

Sirius gripped Kingsley's hand firmly as he laughed at Tonks' response of: "All lies."

"Harry's a good kid, credit to you. Take him out back, Tonks, Moody won't care as long as it's brief," Kinsley instructed.

"Ah, the joys of being one of Moody's golden boys. He never gave us an inch, probably hated the lot of us," Sirius snorted.

"Frustrated by, more like." The gruff voice of the man in question froze their progress and Tonks winced.

"I was just taking him to…"

"I need to talk to her," Sirius said bluntly. "It's important and has to be today."

Mad-eye looked keenly at Sirius for a moment. "Use my office," he said flatly before watching Sirius and Tonks scramble to obey his order.

"Black!"

Sirius turned quickly.

"Tell Lupin I want to see him one of these days."

Sirius hesitated. "I'll tell him but he's not a fan of memory lane, Moody."

"I said _one day_. You never did listen." The old man stomped off grumbling.

"So, what's wrong? You are acting strangely," Tonks said as they made it to Moody's office. She leaned against the wall, arms folded.

Sirius began to pace. There was more than one heart at stake here.

"Remember I told you Remus fancied you?"

Tonks' eyes dropped her postured stiffening.

"You found him in the garden the next day, didn't you?"

"Did he tell you?" Her voice broke a little.

"No, kid, he didn't. It was at dinner last night, I guessed. You kept looking at him like he had kicked your puppy."

Tonks sank into a chair in the corner and buried her face in her hands. "Not my puppy, just my heart," she muttered, knowing it sounded pathetic but was true.

Sirius knelt in front of her. His eyes were pained. "I never wanted you to be hurt, Dora. I… What happened?"

Tonks breathed in deeply and looked at her cousin. "You have to promise to take his side," she whispered. "He needs you more than me."

"I'm not taking anyone's side," Sirius rebuked. "Come on, kid, what happened?"

"I told him I loved him, I listed all the reasons why, and I… I kissed him… and he rejected me."

"Did he kiss you back?" Sirius demanded to know.

"Yes," she muttered, blushing slightly. "Twice… he…"

Sirius hugged her tightly. "What did he say, after you had your way with him?"

Tonks snorted, leaning back into the chair. "He told me that we could never be together. That... I shouldn't be with someone like him. That I need to find someone better..."

"Poor kid, and you've been bottling all this up. Yesterday must have been hell."

"I haven't given up." She looked up, determined. "I am not giving up on him, Sirius. I know he cares… I could hear it in his voice. So I am not giving up on him."

"Good girl," Sirius nodded. "I'll talk to him about the whys; I have a good idea of what's going through his head." His face was dark. "He's a silly prat, but he means well. He thinks he is doing what's best, Dora…"

"You don't have to defend him. I'm not angry with him, I just want reason to sink into his stubborn brain and him to realise that I love him enough to see past his scars."

Sirius swallowed, thinking of a girl long ago who was not strong enough, a girl who had never deserved Remus. And now, here was this woman breaking her heart over Remus' refusal to accept the love she held for him.

"He will come around; it might take a while, but I promise he will. But Dora... if you don't wait, I'll understand. You don't deserve to have to pine after some thick-headed wanker."

"But he doesn't deserve to be given up on," Tonks said simply, looking Sirius in the eye.

Sirius looked at her from his place on the ground before giving her a determined grin. "If anyone can knock some sense into that prat, it'll be you, Dora. Just let me take a few practice swings, yeah?" Sirius ruffled her hair and stood, leaving the room with a mock salute.

* * *

"We need to talk," Sirius spoke grimly. He was frowning deeply and he had not even stopped to shower after work like usual before cornering Remus in the kitchen.

An eyebrow shot up. "What's wrong? Are you all right?"

Sirius glanced around the otherwise empty flat. "Where is Harry?"

"Napping. What's going on, Sirius?" Remus looked like he might start panicking, his mind beginning to think of the worst.

Sirius sighed softly and pulled the cup that Remus was washing from his hands. "Come sit down. I am mad with you, just so you know."

Remus looked wary but followed his friend without argument and settled onto the lounge.

Sirius sank into the chair and leaned forward. "I went to see Dora today."

Remus stiffened.

"She told me that she told you that she loves you."

"You told her didn't you?" Remus accused suddenly, hurt flying into his face.

"Yes, I told her! For pity's sake, Remus! You love her, she loves you. What more could a man want? And you turn it around and fling it in her face? You broke her heart!"

Remus' face twisted. "Stop it," he whispered, almost begging, his hands gripping a cushion. "Stop it."

Sirius relented. "Why, Remus? Why did you push her away?"

"It's for her own good," Remus almost shouted, sounding agitated. He rose and began to pace, his limp more pronounced with his distress. "She shouldn't be with me! I am too old for her, Sirius, it's obvious. She is young, beautiful, vibrant... She deserves someone her age, someone who can keep up with her! And... And... I… I would hurt her! I've hit you before, Sirius, when you have woken me. Think of how easily I could do that to her!"

Sirius stood and intercepted the pacing to grip his friend's shoulders. "Not that often," he argued. "And you've gotten better, Remus."

"It would still kill me if I hit her, even once! She doesn't need someone who will wake her in the middle of the night screaming and thrashing."

"You haven't had a nightmare that bad for years, not the screaming ones," Sirius tried to reason.

"I still wake myself up from them," Remus choked out. "I _still_ dream about it and wake up with the sheets twisted around me. Think, Sirius! I would wake anyone I shared the bed with, night after night! Would you condemn your cousin to life like that? Having to comfort me because…" He shook his head. "I've nearly back-handed Harry when he has snuck up me before!"

Sirius' voice was pained. "Nearly, but you didn't! And that was once, before he learned that—"

"That I am unstable!" Remus wrenched himself free. "I would never forgive myself if I hurt her! Never. She… she deserves someone whole, someone who she doesn't have to learn how to be around. Not someone who is scarred. She... she thinks it's _just _my face, Sirius. She… I… I don't..."

Sirius' irritation vanished, leaving him to stare helplessly at his friend. How could he make Remus see that Tonks wouldn't care?

"And… I will not tie her to a cripple."

"You limp, Remus, there are plenty of people out there much worse off than you who have husbands and wives!"

"Then they are braver than me," Remus looked bleak. "Please… She is so beautiful and young, don't waste her on me, I don't deserve her. I… I… Jessica was right, I am broken and a monster…" Remus took a shaky breath, almost collapsing back into the couch, looking so tired.

Sirius closed his eyes for a moment. "She was _not_ right. She was wrong. And Dora, she sees the real Remus, the gentle, wonderful man that you truly are. She said that you are the only person who can make her smile when she is miserable, and who makes her feel beautiful."

Remus frowned. "She _is _beautiful."

Sirius half smiled. "The reasons you have given me are rubbish, Remus. You love her, she loves you, the rest will come; you can work through these. Trust her, she will grieve for your scars, for the hurt that you went through. Just… give her a chance to show how much she loves you."

Remus shook his head vehemently. "No. Love is not for me, I don't want it. I told her and I will tell you, she needs to get over me, to move on, to find someone else who is handsome, who can keep up with her, who will not wake up from nightmares that are thirteen years old."

Sirius raked a hand through his hair. "You are a stubborn fool! Why won't you get over your idiotic pride and let her love you? You are being damned selfish! You are a good man, Remus, you deserve her."

Remus laughed bitterly. "You say that now, what about when she comes to you saying she hasn't slept properly for five nights out of ten, what happens when I _hurt_ her?"

"She won't be there forever, you know, so think about it, think about what she is offering. She… she would do anything for you, and, no matter what you think, you do deserve her."

Remus was shaking his head as he stood and turned before freezing. Harry stood in his bedroom doorway, watching them with wide, shocked eyes. A soft, almost foreign, curse escaped Remus and he fled past them both, locking his door behind him, locking himself alone.

Sirius stood silently in the middle of the living room, his eyes on the door Remus had just obviously locked. He let out a deep sigh before looking at Harry.

"Best leave it alone for now, kid," Sirius muttered, knowing not to push Remus too far... yet.

* * *

"Are you going to the Weasley's today?" Remus' voice was hoarse with exhaustion. He shuffled into the kitchen with a pale face and bloodshot eyes.

Harry, scarfing down a piece of toast, winced at the sight of his uncle. "Nope, staying home. Is that ok?"

Remus looked started. "Why wouldn't it be?"

"I… I wasn't sure if you would want my company."

Remus looked at the boy bleakly for a moment. "I love your company, Harry, and arguing with Sirius won't change that. Ever."

Harry grinned. "Good, cause you are stuck with me for the rest of the holidays. Can we do something today? Like when I was little?"

Remus studied the boy for a long time. He wasn't stupid, he knew Harry was trying to cheer him up, and he felt grateful to the boy. "You don't have to do this, Harry."

"Do what?" The feigned innocence was a little too much and Remus had to smile.

"Cheer me up. I am fine, really."

Harry shrugged. "Contrary to whatever you think, I like spending time with you. It was always you and me when Uncle Sirius was at work. I kind of miss that. You used to do all sorts of things for me."

"I think you are past making puppets and being told stories."

Harry shook his head. "Nope. Well, maybe the making puppets bits, but I would love to hear more about my mum and dad if…"

"I can tell you," Remus agreed softly.

Harry grinned. "Uncle Remus?" The grin had faded.

Remus busied himself making tea. "Mmm?"

"Why… I… Uncle Sirius isn't really annoyed with you? Is he?"

Remus closed his eyes. "I think he is this time, Laddie. I think he is."

Remus was in the shower when Harry picked up the phone and dialled the Weasley's number.

"Hello?" Ginny's soft voice answered and he felt his heart skip a beat.

"Hey, Beautiful."

"Harry! How are you?"

"I'm good, I miss you."

She giggled. "Were you in terrible trouble?"

"Nah, Uncle Sirius grounded me for an entire three days and Uncle Remus was cool. Listen, I need you to tell Ron something for me, and Hermione too."

"She's here, want me to put it on loudspeaker?"

"Sure, make it easier."

It took only a moment for his two best friends to crowd behind Ginny. "Listen, I'm going to be scarce for the rest these holidays," he glanced warily at the bathroom door, he could still hear the shower.

"How come?" Ron sounded annoyed. "We don't care about your broken leg!"

Harry smiled. "I know, but it's Uncle Remus, he's having a rough time of it and I don't want to leave him alone. Having me around…"

"You are good for him," Ginny finished his sentence. "What's wrong, though? Is he ok?" She sounded worried.

"Not really, something happened between him and Dora..." He wasn't about to go into the particulars.

"What if we come to you instead of you coming to us?" Hermione offered. "He doesn't mind us, does he?"

"And we like your place, Mr Lupin is always nice to us."

Harry considered this. "Yeah, I'll talk to him about it and ask if you guys can come over. Thanks for this."

"It's ok, Mate, but you know… He… you can't look after him."

Harry bristled at Ron's tone. "No, but I can make sure he knows I love him. And, even if you don't realise it, I _like_ spending time with him I have to go. Bye." He slammed the phone down and then sighed. Ron didn't mean any harm, and he did have a point, but… Theirs was not a conventional family and Remus had sacrificed so much for him in the past few weeks that he didn't mind keeping an eye on his quieter uncle. After all, if the people who love you can't worry over you, who can?

* * *

"Can I help with dinner?" Harry hopped into the kitchen.

Remus rolled his eyes. "Are you planning to stalk me for the remainder of your holidays?"

"Yup," Harry grinned.

Remus shook his head. Harry had pestered him for stories all day, stories about the pranks that Sirius and James had pulled and how they had managed to get away with them. The boy's yells of laughter had been a balm to Remus' shattered heart and he found that he was able to remind himself that it was perfectly acceptable to go on this way.

Sirius loomed in the kitchen doorway. He was still covered in grease from the workshop. His eyes were grave.

"Harry, give us a moment won't you?"

Harry looked between his uncles for a moment. "I always miss out on the good bit," he grumbled. "Try not to beat each other up! You are meant to be responsible adults."

A grin flickered across Sirius' face. "Are you going to avoid looking at me all night?" He propped a hip against the bench beside where Remus was preparing vegetables. As Remus slowly looked up Sirius winced. "Shit, Remus. I… Dammit, I shouldn't have gotten so bloody opinionated last night. Did you sleep at all?"

Remus ignored the question. "What do you want? I don't want another lecture about my pride."

"No more lecture," Sirius said softly. "I… I want you to be happy, Remus, and she makes you happy. It hurts me to think _you_ think you don't deserve her. I won't give up hoping, just so you know. I will always keep hoping, but think about it for me, won't you? Like I said, she won't wait forever."

"I don't want her to wait…" Remus whispered. His eyes dropped back to the chopping board.

Sirius nodded. "Friends?"

Glancing up, a tired smile graced Remus' haggard face. "Friends," he agreed.

"Good man," Sirius smiled, clapped his shoulder and wandered off talking of showers. He pressed his lips into a line, he would make sure his little cousin was there at least once a week. Remus needed to keep seeing her, to see how much she cared, because he _had _to realise that Dora was strong enough to see the scars, to handle the nightmares. He had to.

* * *

It was o-three-hundred hours when a scream shattered the silence. Sirius sat bolt upright in bed and listened closely. Maybe he had been— the scream rang out again, pitched with terror and pain.

Flinging the blankets back he was out of his room, the noise had woken Harry who stood, white faced, in his doorway, holding himself up with the doorframe.

"Go back to bed!" Sirius ordered, his hand on Remus' door-knob.

"But—"

"I don't have time to argue!" He turned the handle and swore loudly. Locked. He could hear the cries building again and another scream rent the air. Glancing around wildly, Sirius lunged for the paperclips on the coffee table. It had been years since he had picked a lock, he was hoping desperately that he could still do it. He could hear Remus' thrashing.

"No! No! Stop! I won't! I won't tell! No!" Another scream and Sirius finally go the door unlocked, flinging it open he raced to the bedside.

Remus was thrashing wildly, the sheet was twisted around him and he was drenched in sweat.

"Stop! Peter, please! Stop!"

"Remus! Remus. Wake up! Wake up!" He grabbed Remus' wrists before the man could hurt himself. "Remus! Remus, it's Sirius, you are safe, wake up. Please," his voice cracked.

Remus sat bolt upright suddenly with a gasp, chest heaving, shudders running through him desperately. "Sirius?" His voice was pitched high with terror.

"Yes, it's me, you are in England, Rem. You are safe. Pettigrew won't hurt you again. I swear it."

Sirius pulled his friend into a tight embrace. He wished Tonks was there, her comfort would be more welcome he knew, her touch more gentle.

Remus pulled away slowly. "What happened?"

"I…" Sirius winced. "It was pretty bad."

"I woke you up?"

"Yes."

Remus turned away. "Now will you listen to me? I… I am not good enough for her. Not like this."

Sirius winced. He wished he hadn't pushed his friend about the girl now, he wished he had let well enough alone, the stress caused one of the more cruel nightmares that had been absent for so long now. But he had to because Remus had to see, that despite everything, he was right for her. Unfortunately, convincing him of the truth had just become a great deal harder.

"Go back to bed," Remus' voice was still shaking.

Sirius snorted. "Not bloody likely. Not until you tell me what that was about."

Remus hunched in on himself.

"Tea? Come on, a cup of tea always makes you feel better."

Remus allowed himself to be guided from the bedroom. Harry's door was firmly shut and Sirius felt relief fill him. It would break Remus' heart if he knew he had woken the boy with his cries.

"Sit down, Rem, I will bring tea in. Are you ok for a moment?"

Remus nodded and slowly sank into a seat; he huddled into himself, wrapping his shaking hands around his arms. He was alone for only a moment before Sirius returned, hand gentle on the hunched shoulder, before he handed over the tea into the trembling hands.

"Right, now, tell me?"

"I… it was nothing, Sirius. I am fine."

Sirius studied the tired face closely. "Come on, Rem, tell me. Who is your favourite person in the whole wide world?"

"Harry," Remus said promptly as he took a sip of tea.

Sirius snorted. "Talk, it always helps, you know that."

Remus eyes dipped to his tea. "You don't need to hear."

"Ah, but, you idiot, I want to."

Remus began to speak haltingly. His words painfully forced out…

_Remus didn't know how long he had been there for. A long time probably; years for all he knew. The oppressive heat, the unbearable pain that he experienced made time go by slowly yet seem indeterminable. There were voices outside the tent and he closed his eyes against the grit of sand in them. His breathing was ragged and blood dripped from his latest wounds, staining the sand beneath him. The flap of the tent opened and he stiffened a little, expecting a blow, when a voice made him slowly open his eyes._

"_If you tell them, they will let you go," Peter Pettigrew stood there, standing above him, staring at the man he had once called a friend._

_Remus, weak from lack of nutrients and constant physical agony, managed a contemptuous smile. "You are a fine one to talk," his voice was a hoarse whisper, screaming had taken a toll on his vocal cords, and now, much to his captors amusement, he was too weak to scream._

"_I am trying to help you."_

"_I would rather die than accept your help."_

"_You are going to!" Peter hissed. "Just like James did! And I will watch them!" He kicked Remus in the ribs and a whimper broke from the man as pain flared through him._

_Struggling to catch his breath with the pain stabbing his side, Remus spoke coldly. "I will die with my secrets."_

_Peter shrugged. "I tried, Remus. It will only get worse. Just tell them and they'll leave us both alone."_

"_Let them do their worst."_

_Peter sneered. "Nine months you have been here and no one had rescued you, Remus, do you really think that you will live through this? No one cares about you! They all think you were a traitor along with Sirius."_

_Remus stared up at the man. "What happened to you?" He wondered wearily. _

_Peter kicked him in the stomach and Remus moaned. It was not hard to make him black out from the pain now, sores covered his back, legs and arms, ulcers erupting on the flesh, wounds that had been inflicted on him turning into ulcers that engulfed entire areas. _

_Peter leaned down. "I hope you rot to death," he whispered. "Just like Sirius."_

_Remus moved and shoved Peter's leg with as much force as his bound hands could muster. Peter stumbled._

"_You bastard!" He screamed. He began to kick Remus. "Tell me! Tell me what the plan is! When will the offensive take place that was being planned for two years?"_

_Remus' teeth clenched as pain filled him. "Never," he whispered again and again. He would never tell. Never. _

"I never succeeded in making him that angry again, god knows I tried."

"Why?" Sirius looked pained.

"Because it meant that I was in control and he knew it," Remus rubbed the scar on the back of his hand. "He would come in and they would try to use him to get information from me," Remus' eyes were glazed. "He would start off being concerned about my wounds and then he would start yelling and then…"

"Bastard," Sirius breathed out. "If I could get my hands around his neck! I would—"

"Stop. It's over and you gave me a life that I never would have imagined. I wanted to die when I got out of there, Sirius, I knew my testimony would save your life and then I wanted to die. He failed, I never gave them the information they wanted and I survived."

Sirius inclined his head slowly. "Perhaps. But he hurt you, Remus, he injured you while you were so badly hurt and I will not forgive him for that."

"It was he who told me about Lily you know." Remus couldn't meet his friend's eyes.

Sirius closed his eyes. "Bastard," he repeated softly. "I… I should have tried harder to make them believe that you were alive! If… if I had…"

"They would not listen to you, Sirius; I know that, do not blame yourself."

Sirius frowned heavily. "Still, I would rather like to wring Pettigrew's neck, and even you must admit there would be some satisfaction gained."

Remus shrugged and swallowed the rest of his tea. "Personally, I think the fact that I lived and we have Harry is more of a slap in the face to him than any wringing of the neck."

Sirius snorted. "Always were a do-gooder."

Remus hesitated. "He did me no real harm, Sirius."

"No, only made you ill, only beat you when… Dammit, I hate them!" Sirius buried his face in his hands.

"It only makes things worse when I tell you," Remus whispered.

"No, no. You can't bottle it up. Ignore me, I just don't like to think of you being so badly hurt."

"I am still alive, and you and Harry saw to that. Isn't it time you stopped blaming yourself for my injuries?"

Sirius remained silent, wondering when Remus would stop punishing himself as well.

* * *

"It's your first night off in a few days, Tonks, have you anything planned?"

Tonks looked up at Kingsley who was leaning against her cubicle wall, painting a rather imposing picture (unless you knew him and could catch the twinkle in his eye).

"Nah, not really," Tonks shrugged, pushing her slightly frizzy and unkempt hair out of her face. "Camilla went to visit her grandmother for the week so I might just have a night in."

"No trips to your cousins?" Kingsley asked, bringing up the one thing she didn't really want to think of at the moment.

She had hoped that no one, at least those in the know, would question her recent shift in mood. It wasn't unusual to be a bit overworked at the station, so Tonks was trying to blame it on that without anyone noticing her signing herself up for more patrols.

Tonks paused, a frown forming on her face. It had been a few days since her talk with Sirius and she had hoped to leave him to do whatever he had planned, expecting him to get in touch with her before now. But she wondered if she should just keep her previous promise to herself and not let things alone. She knew nothing would change if she let Remus win, although it wasn't that kind of battle (she hoped that they'd both be winners if things turned out alright), but didn't want to push him. She had thought on this last night but wasn't positive as to how she should go about it. But, upon Kingsley's mention, she realized what she could do.

"Actually, yeah. I will. Thanks. I'll see you tomorrow, King," Tonks said, standing up abruptly and, snatching up her purse and jacket, stomped out of the precinct.

She hadn't made it ten feet when she heard someone calling her name.

"Oy, Tonks! Wait up!"

Tonks turned, straightening her coat, and saw Brian stumbling to her.

"Let me walk you home... or wherever you're going," he said, the look on his face making it clear that he wasn't going to let her decline.

Tonks just looked at him, all blond-haired and white-teethed, and shrugged.

"I'm going north, then," she said as she began to walk, letting Brian fall into step beside her. She supposed having company wouldn't be the end of the world. She knew she shouldn't let herself get in too much of a funk, but felt herself slipping in all the same.

"I feel like we never got to finish our conversation from lunch the other day," Brian started, stuffing his hands into his pockets as he bobbed along beside her. "You don't have siblings, but you have a cousin. Any pets?"

Tonks glanced over at him, looking a little confused, but forced her mouth open anyway.

"I have a cat, but he's at my parent's house. I'm not home enough to take care of him properly."

"Parents! Tell me about yours," Brian urged, grinning over at his slightly incredulous audience.

Tonks took a deep breath before she began to answer his questions, wondering if it was perhaps a good thing for him to keep her from getting lost in her thoughts. She supposed it was better for her to not second guess her plan to frequent Sirius' house like normal. She wanted to maintain her usual presence but wouldn't keep bringing up the elephant-sized topic, not wanting to force Remus away. But, she knew being there would be enough... or at least hoped.

"So your parents met when they were rather young, yeah? So uh... are you like them?" Brian asked, stumbling over his words for the first time.

"Like them what?" Tonks asked, her brow furrowed as they walked along the sidewalk.

"Well er... do you... are you seeing anyone, Tonks?" Brian finally blurted, not looking at her and keeping his eyes straight ahead.

Tonks blinked over at him, only just keeping herself upright when her shoe hit a large crack in the pavement. His sudden change in demeanour made her wonder if all his talking had actually been a lead-up to this question. The thought made her sigh.

"Well," Tonks started before she stopped, failing to catch the hopeful look on Brian's face.

Truthfully, she wasn't quite sure how to answer his question. She had zero interest in seeing anyone else, but her 'relationship' with Remus wasn't really... _real _(yet).

"Kind of," she blurted, frowning. "It's complicated."

"Does... does that mean... maybe something is ending?" Brian asked, his eyebrows raised.

Tonks stopped again and looked up at Brian. She felt bad, knowing how it felt to be in his place, but didn't want to give him any false hope.

"It's more like something is starting, or will be," she said, giving him a half smile. "I'm sorry, Brian."

Tonks patted him on the arm, looking and feeling painfully awkward. He looked downtrodden and she was about to speak again, to offer a small grain of comfort when a voice yelled her name.

"Oy! Dora!"

She turned, her face blossoming into a smile as she watched Harry and Remus approach. Harry wore a broad grin that changed to suspicion when they drew abreast of the couple, and the boy surveyed Tonks' companion.

"Who's he?"

"Harry!" Remus' reprimand was sharp. He looked uncomfortable and stared silently at the ground. He had been watching them walk up the street for nearly five minutes, and watching her with another man had nearly killed him.

Tonks rolled her eyes. "Harry, this is Brian, I work with him and he was walking me to your place. Brian, this is Harry and his uncle—" She broke off and hesitated. The moment she said Remus' name she had a feeling Brian would put two and two together. "His uncle Remus," she finished rather lamely.

Brian looked the man up and down, his lip curling slightly. "Nice to meet you," he said, faultlessly polite.

Harry's scowl deepened. "Well, we are here, we can walk her the rest of the way."

"Harry! I am sure Tonks would rather walk with her friend, come. Sirius isn't home yet."

Brian's eyes widened suddenly. "Wait! You're Remus Lupin!"

Remus looked like a deer caught in the headlights. "Yes?" His voice was strained.

"My cousin mentioned you! He said you and your friends must be heroes! The things you did, blimey! And you survived for a year at the hands of terrorists; can I have your autograph?"

Remus drew himself up sharply and his head snapped up. His lips were pressed into a thin line. "Your cousin is special forces?"

"Yes, sir!"

"Then he should learn to hold his tongue. Harry, why don't you walk the rest of the way with Tonks," Remus suggested before he stalked away, leaving three people staring after him in silence.

"Well, that was rude!"

Tonks drew in a deep breath but Harry beat her to it. "No it wasn't! No one asks about his time in the military, not even me! And he's right, Special Forces is all about not talking. Are you ready, Dora?"

Tonks sighed. "I'll see you at work later in the week, Brian," her voice was soft. "Come on, Harry, stop being cross and let's go see if the apartment is likely to still be in one piece. When does Sirius get home?" She led the boy away with her arm around his shoulders, leaving Brian staring after her feeling strangely bereft.

* * *

Remus resisted the urge to disappear to the gardens. It would be rude, and while he might have been desperate to avoid her, but he was not disrespectful. His stomach churned as he struggled to concentrate on methodically packing away the few groceries that he had bought. He had needed to stock their pantry up and Harry had been getting angsty at being cooped up for so long. They had enjoyed their walk and Remus found himself able to breathe a little easier with the boy who chattered innocently walking beside him. He would be glad when the cast was off Harry's leg, for his sake, he knew his nephew was getting sick of the confinement. He closed his eyes briefly and all he could see was Dora, Dora touching the stranger's arm, her face turned up to him, talking to him as they strode down the street, long legs taking the concrete paths in easy unison. He was good looking, horribly so. Handsome, strong jaw line, hair that was untouched by grey, and he had no scars. He wouldn't wake up, screaming, in the middle of the night, he wouldn't have nightmares, he wasn't a cripple. Remus felt sick. He was perfect for her, everything he wanted for his beautiful Dora was right there. He heard the front door open and winced. He couldn't… but he had to.

"So, you actually have a cat?" Harry's voice, filled with laughter, entered the flat and Tonk's softer, sweeter laugh followed.

"I do! He is a lovely cat named Maximus!"

Harry snickered. "We have never had a pet," he glanced around the apartment that seemed suddenly small. "I would love a pet dog."

"You mean you never had a mouse! Or a hamster?" Tonks looked horrified. "Or a fish?"

Harry grinned. "Nope, Uncle Remus doesn't like vermin and Uncle Sirius is scared of fish."

Tonks collapsed onto the lounge laughing. "My big, strong, brave cousin is scared of fish? What about a pet snake?"

Harry's eyes kindled. "Uncle Remus!" He yelled. "Can I have a pet snake?"

"No," Remus entered the lounge room and folded his arms. "You cannot."

"You are such a spoil sport, Remus!" Tonks teased. Her eyes took in his appearance quickly and she frowned. He looked even more tired than he did a week ago. "I am awful sorry about Brian; the prat doesn't seem to have an off button on that mouth of his."

Harry snorted.

Remus shrugged. "It's fine. Tea?"

"Yes, please."

Harry shook his head and watched his uncle walk away. He turned to Tonks, suddenly serious. "Do you like Brian?"

Tonks blinked. "No! Whatever gave you the idea that I did?"

"He likes you; I could see the way he looked at you."

Tonks stared at the boy for a long moment before realisation washed over her. He knew! "No, I most certainly do not like him," her voice was firm.

"But you like someone?"

"Harry, stop being so nosy," Remus' voice was strained as he placed the cup of tea of the coffee table and searched helplessly for something to occupy himself with.

"Yes, Harry, I do like someone. Now, if you want to discuss my love life, you best start talking about yours, eh? Have you and Ginny been caught snogging recently or have you learned to go elsewhere like normal teenagers?"

Harry opened his mouth but shut it just as fast, his face turning red rather quickly. "So tell me more about this cat of yours. Does he do any tricks?"

Tonks smiled, leaning back into the sofa as she chatted with Harry. She liked the kid and was happy that he seemed to have accepted her. And he seemed to be okay with whatever was going on between her and Remus, if her interpretation of his actions was accurate. It would definitely help to have the two most important people in Remus' life supporting her. Though she had to wonder… How did he find out?

"He actually plays fetch sometimes, so he's like having a dog," Tonks grinned, feeling better despite her less than perfect day. She glanced over at Remus, he had clearly decided to stay in the room, for Harry most likely, but was staying as far out of the way as possible, trying to hide in a corner of the room. She was glad he had stayed, knowing her plan only worked if he continued to be in her presence. She didn't want to force Remus to alter his life, knowing it was still fragile, but needed him to know she was standing her ground as well. That she wasn't about to give up.

"Maybe I can come visit your cat sometime. And we could maybe go buy you a goldfish but pretend it's for me and bring it home to mess with Uncle Sirius," Harry suggested, causing Tonks to laugh, Remus flinched at the sound.

At least half an hour later, Sirius walked through the door carrying a large pizza. He stopped in the doorway to the living room, surprised to see his cousin there.

"Wotcher!" Tonks greeted, waving at Sirius as he deposited the pizza onto the coffee table.

Sirius smiled at her, ruffling her hair as a hello before glancing at his friend. Remus was in a chair in the corner, a book in his lap, and a pained look on his face. He looked as if he was trying to make himself invisible, holding himself perfectly still and looked utterly miserable doing so. Sirius glanced quickly at Tonks and saw her shooting Remus a concerned look before going back to her conversation with Harry.

"You two start on the pizza, Remus and I will get some napkins and drinks," Sirius instructed, giving Remus a firm look before turning to the kitchen.

Sirius made it to the quiet kitchen and spun around, finding Remus dutifully behind him.

"Water or juice?" Remus asked rather flatly, going towards the fridge before Sirius stopped him.

"When did she show up?" Sirius blurted, watching Remus tense at the question.

"We ran into her on the way back from the grocery store," Remus muttered, shoving his hands in his pockets. "She was... with a bloke, but Harry scared him off..."

"A bloke?" Sirius almost gasped, his brow furrowing at the sudden information.

"A work friend, she said," Remus said with a feigned-casual shrug.

Sirius studied his friend for a few moments, watching Remus lean against the counter despairingly. He then took a breath and let it out slowly.

"I don't really know how to go about this. We could always just hit James over the head and make him stop his Lily-whinging, but you're so different than him. At least in this situation," Sirius sighed. "Listen, mate. If her being around here is hurting you, just tell me. I'll talk to her and ask her to make herself scarce for a bit, yeah?"

"No!" Remus almost cried, his head snapping up, before he swallowed roughly with a shake of the head once the conversation in the living room paused for a moment.

Once it started back up, Sirius raised an eyebrow.

"I've already been the cause of strife between you and your family, Sirius," Remus said dejectedly. "I won't do it again. If things are too awkward or strained, I'll go, not her. I can stay in my room, go to the gardens, or... something when she's here. I can… can be out of the way. Maybe Harry would be too distracted to notice. I don't want him to lose her because of me, he is fond of her."

"No one is losing anyone," Sirius said firmly, shaking his head, his eyes narrowing. "You're my family too, Remus, and I don't want to see you hurting because she's around. But that doesn't mean you're allowed to scarper off. If you're fine with her being around, then no one is leaving." Sirius was silently glad for this, knowing that everyone being together would change Remus' mind faster than him gaining permission to hide.

Remus inhaled deeply, eyes on the ground as he focused on his breathing. He felt so lost, unsure of what move to make next. He didn't want to cause any trouble between Tonks and Sirius, and definitely didn't want to make Harry dislike the little family Sirius had, but having Dora around was like a knife twisting in his chest. It hurt to be without her but he still couldn't let himself give in, he had to keep putting her first. He had to make sure that she knew that he would not give in, that she could be free. He closed his eyes and saw the blond-headed god that had been staring at Tonks, Brian. Brian would be so much better for her than he ever could be.


	16. Fern

_Thank you for the reviews! They reallly make unique .normality and I happy! So enjoy the chapter and forgive the slow reply to reviews... I have had more night shift. _

"Are you coming to the party, Harry?" Ginny was curled in the corner of the couch beside her boyfriend, smiling up at him.

"You should! It's been ages since we had a fun day with everyone, not since your party!" Ron coaxed. "It's cause you were an idiot and went and broke your leg."

Harry made a rude gesture towards Ron. "It wasn't my fault!"

Hermione frowned as she peered through reams of homework. "When did you do all this, Harry? I don't think I have ever seen you so organised before school goes back."

Harry glanced over his shoulder to where Remus was working, silently, at the dining room table. "Uncle Remus made me do it all while I've been at home. See, Ron, there is some advantage to broken bones."

"Don't say that!" Ginny scolded sharply. "I did my homework just as well as you did and I managed not to break anything."

"That's case you virtually lived here," Ron teased.

"So did we!" Hermione rapped him sharply on the head with her knuckles. "And you still haven't finished it all!"

"Mr Lupin will help me with it," Ron replied confidently.

"He will do no such thing!" Hermione frowned deeply. "Sit down and do it this instant, Ronald! Or I shall tell your mother and you will be shut inside during the party!"

Harry snickered. "As bossy as she is, I'm surprised she hasn't ordered Ron to ask her out," he muttered to Ginny.

Hermione, having heard, flung a pillow at Harry while she blushed, and the boy caught it, laughing.

"How is your leg?" Ginny tugged at Harry's hand, changing the subject for Hermione's sake as Ron looked at them questioningly, happy to have any distraction from the algebra under his nose. "It is strange seeing you without the cast."

"It's strange being without it," Harry admitted. "Though I was awfully glad when it came off yesterday. Dr Anderson still says I have to rest." Harry frowned at that.

"Does it hurt?" Ginny looked worried.

"Nope." Harry's answer was very firm and Ginny had to wonder if it was for her benefit or the man who sat behind them, the scratch of his pen falling silent abruptly. "I mean, it's still a little bit weak and I can't run around like normal till I strength it back up again, but I am awful glad it's off! Feels a lot lighter."

"Do you still have to use the crutch?" Hermione looked like a worried mother.

"Nah, as long as I don't over-do it, I will be fine. Stop worrying about me, Mione! I'm fine; I am not allowed to do anything still! Besides, I couldn't if I wanted to, it's ridiculously skinny."

"Well, so long as you are sensible about it at school the muscle will build up. You must promise me not to overexert yourself."

"I wouldn't dare. With my my luck, I'll come home limping one day and be grounded for doing too much."

Ginny tugged herself free of Harry's arm. "Exactly how it should be," she teased. She stood and followed Remus into the kitchen. "Can I help with lunch?"

Remus smiled wearily at the girl and straightened with a visible effort. "Thank you, Ginny, that would be lovely."

* * *

"Is Mr Black not staying?" Ginny ran to greet Harry as he clambered out of the car and waved goodbye to his god-father.

"Nope, he has some things he needs to do at the garage today so he can't stay. How many people are here?"

"Oh, a dozen or so," Ginny murmured vaguely. "How is Mr Lupin?"

Harry's shoulders slumped. "I don't see why he won't just cave in and be with her, Gin! It's so much worse than watching Ron and Hermione dance around each other. They're both miserable, I can tell. She's been visiting like normal, but..."

"But?" Ginny prompted.

"It hurts him, he is so quiet and withdrawn but Tonks keeps talking to him."

"Good!" Ginny spoke firmly. "He has to see that she really does love him."

"Yeah but… It's making him so tired all the time! You saw him yesterday! He looks ten years older!"

"He will come around," Ginny spoke confidently. "Your uncle deserves to be happy and Tonks is perfect for him."

Harry made a noise in the back of his throat as they came around the house to find the friends that he hadn't seen since the day after Harry had returned from hospital.

"Oy! Potter!" He was surrounded by a dozen of his schoolmates instantly, slapping him on the back, joking and laughing. Ginny rolled her eyes and blew him as kiss as he was swept away by the boys. She shook her head, smiling a little, before she went to find her own group of friends. She had been given strict instructions by Remus to ensure that the boy didn't go too hard on his leg and she planned to follow them to the letter.

* * *

"You two, I want to talk to you," Harry approached Dean and Seamus, his face strangely grim; his walk hindered from long weeks of being unable to exercise the muscle.

"Uh oh, what have we done now, Potter?" Dean grinned cheerfully.

"Away from everyone else," Harry's voice was stern and the smiles seemed to slide from their faces as they dutifully followed Harry across the lawn.

"Right, at my birthday party you—" he pointed accusingly at Dean. "And you." Seamus was glared at. "Asked my uncle what happened to his fingers, yeah? Why would you do that!? I want to punch you both so hard... and that's with me calming down during the last month!"

Dean flushed. "We meant no harm!"

Seamus nodded hastily. "We were just curious! And I don't see what the big deal is!"

"The big deal is that he doesn't talk about it! Ever! And you prats had to go and ask him about it. God! You have no idea, no idea what you did to him! He hates any mention of it and you just had to go asking him about it like you were asking after his jumper." Harry was visibly angry.

"Come on, Harry," Dean looked miserable. "Don't go on like that, we meant no harm. It was all in fun, we just wanted to know… Well, you know."

"No, I don't know! Feel free to tell me."

Seamus and Dean exchanged uneasy looks. "I only asked if… If…"

"If it was a knife or pliers that took his fingers off?" Harry exploded. "He was tortured and you asked him if it was a knife or pliers! How could you be so dense?"

"Come on, Harry, what's done is done! It's not our fault if he had a meltdown about it!" Seamus scowled.

Green eyes widened dramatically behind glasses. "What did you say?" his voice was too calm.

Seamus' eyes were defiant. "He had a meltdown, a freak out, it was pathetic. He clearly isn't the hero—"

Harry's fist connected with Seamus' nose. "How dare you!" He snarled. His eyes flashed fire.

"Harry! Stop it!" Charlie ran towards them grabbed the younger boy's arm hastily as he dove towards Seamus. "What's going on?"

"They asked Mr Lupin how his… how…" Ginny had followed her older brother and she glared at the two boys angrily. Harry had told her that he planned to speak to his friend's today and when she had seen the three of them walking away from the group instinct had made her find her older brother.

"How what?" Charlie looked impatient, pushing Harry away from Dean and Seamus, who were both on the ground, one helping the other.

"They asked Uncle Remus how his fingers were cut off!"

Charlie frowned instantly. "I see, and you did this why?"

"Because we wanted to know! I don't see why it's such a huge issue!" Seamus looked angry, his hand over his face as a few drops of blood dropped onto the ground.

Dean cut in softly, "I'm awful sorry, Harry, I didn't know it would upset him so much. Stop being defensive, Seamus."

Harry was still shaking with rage. "You must not go near him again! Ever! And if you ever ask him a question like that again then I swear—"

"Harry, enough. I think your point is made. It was poor form to ask a question like that, boys. Mr Lupin and Mr Black are heroes in this house and you have slighted them. You won't ask either of them questions of this nature ever again."

Seamus shrugged. "You might think he's a hero, but he ran away from that pretty fast!"

Harry lunged and Charlie grabbed him. "Right, Gin, tell Mum to telephone Seamus' parents. Dean?"

Dean shifted uncomfortably, glancing from Harry to Ginny then back. "I… I'll go home too. I am awful sorry, Harry, for upsetting your uncle, I didn't mean it."

Harry nodded stiffly and he was forcibly led away by Ginny and Charlie, the older man's arm around his shoulders comfortingly, the girl's hand tight in his.

* * *

"Your talents never cease to amaze me, Molly," Sirius said. He sat down beside her in one of the few chairs that were sitting against the house. They were facing the garden where only a few guests remained from the back-to-school get-together Mrs Weasley had thrown; a tradition that had spanned all her children's school years. Sirius had just arrived to pick up Harry and had proceeded to grab a plate full of food for his troubles.

"No need to flatter me, I have some leftovers packed and ready with your name on them," Mrs Weasley assured, brushing away his compliments but allowing a smile to adorn her face. She kept her eyes on her children: her redheads, Harry, and Hermione, all sitting around on the grass and laughing. It warmed her to see them all happy and healthy again.

"Bless," Sirius sighed before stuffing a large piece of cake into his mouth, looking rather pleased at his current situation.

"Since you obviously aren't going anywhere," Molly started, shifting her gaze from the teenagers to Sirius. "I thought I'd tell you about what happened earlier. If you're interested."

Sirius looked at Molly, his eyes a bit wide, and roughly swallowed his half-chewed food. "Do I want to know?"

Molly huffed a laugh, straightening her skirts out as she gave Sirius a shrewd look. "You do. It seems that our Harry had a little talk with a few friends of his. From what Charlie said, Dean and Seamus asked some inappropriate questions of Remus, and Harry was none too pleased."

Sirius frowned heavily, his plate going to rest in his lap. "I remember. Unfortunately. But that was at Harry's birthday, right?"

"It seems Harry hadn't a chance to tell them off until now," Molly said, raising an eyebrow pointedly.

"And? Did he just yell at them?" Sirius asked, not quite understanding. "They deserved it, I would have but Remus didn't want Harry to even know about it."

"He punched Seamus in the face, Sirius Black," Mrs Weasley said sternly, watching Sirius begin to choke on the chip he had just thrown into his mouth.

"What?" Sirius gasped once his throat was clear. "What do you mean he _punched_ him?!"

"Now, you know I don't condone violence," Mrs Weasley stated. "But Harry's heart was in the right place. He was standing up for his Uncle Remus. I'm sure you've done the same many times, Sirius. Charlie will be able to tell you what was said. He shouldn't have hit the boy, but I am rather proud of him. Remus deserves to be stood up for."

Sirius sighed, leaning back into his chair. "Don't I know it," he mumbled before smiling lightly. "A loyal little bugger, isn't he? Just like his dad. And he seems to have gained more reasons lately. I'm sure you know about what's going on with Remus even though you're not supposed to."

"I may. And I'd offer to dole out a few lectures, but I'm sure the poor man, the stubborn man, has heard plenty," Molly scoffed, wanting nothing more than to see her own happy.

"Just wait until you see them together. It'll happen and it'll seem like you've been waiting for it for years," Sirius said confidently, looking over at Harry and grinning as the boy snuck a kiss from Ginny and then proceeded to be tackled to the ground by more than one brother.

* * *

Harry dragged himself to the shower as soon as he got home, grass stained his clothes and Remus' eyes narrowed as he watched the boy's slight limp. Sirius presented him with the basket of food from Molly.

"That woman is a saint! It's a pity Arthur already snatched her up! I would marry her in an instant!"

Remus glanced up from unpacking the basket and he smiled slightly. "She doesn't strike me as your type."

"Ha! A woman who can cook like this is any man's type!" He snagged a scone and began to eat it ravenously.

"Dinner won't be long."

"See, my point, if you were female I would have married you! You cook brilliantly too."

Remus' smile was more genuine now and he slid the last of the cake into a container. "Then it is just as well I am not because I would _not_ marry you."

Sirius moaned and clutched at his chest staggering. "Remus! You wound me! You hurt me! You break my heart."

Remus rolled his eyes. "You will live," he rubbed the back of his neck. "Juice?"

"Alcohol?"

Remus raised an eyebrow. "Everything all right?"

"I have to tell you something. Let's sit."

Remus followed Sirius and settled into an armchair. He was frowning, and Sirius studied him closely. The black circles were all too obvious under Remus' eyes. He looked exhausted.

"Well? What is it?" Remus looked worried.

"Nothing bad. So stop fretting yourself, you worry too much!"

"In my experience, the words 'I have to tell you something' generally are followed by something awful."

Sirius smiled apologetically. "It's not this time, I swear. You will probably not like it at first but that's just idiocy talking."

"Sirius!" Remus was gripping the arms of the chair, from both anxiety and frustration.

Sirius laughed. "You were never one for suspense. Not even at school. I was talking with Molly and Charlie earlier. About Harry." Sirius frowned as he considered the best way to tell his friend the events that had unfolded.

"Sirius…" Remus' eyes had darkened.

"Remember you told me that Harry knew about what Dean and Seamus had asked you at his party?"

Remus' eyes dropped instantly and he curled his left hand as if to hide the damage.

Sirius frowned but didn't comment. "Well, it appears that our Harry decided to speak to them about it today, seeing he hasn't been able to yet. Molly is extraordinarily proud of him."

"He shouldn't have," Remus mumbled as he looked unhappy.

"He loves you, of course he would defend you," Sirius looked at him closely. "So, he confronted the boys today about it, which is exactly what he should have done! So don't look at me like that! Apparently Seamus got rather…harsh about it. Harry… Harry punched him."

Remus' head snapped up with an audible crack.

"No, no! He shouldn't have!" Remus was on his feet.

Sirius spoke calmly. "He only went to speak to them, Remus, I swear. It was when Seamus arced up about it, that's when things turned ugly. Harry worships you, and from what I heard he was perfectly right in what he did. Charlie told me that he was tempted to do the same."

"But… they are his friends…" Remus whispered as he sank back into the chair.

"And you are his uncle. Harry was in the right. And I'm sure the friendship isn't ruined. You know boys. I did worse to you."

Remus was quiet for a long moment before he looked up. "He punched Seamus…because Seamus insulted me?"

"Yes."

Remus shook his head. "Silly lad." But the strong affection in his words made Sirius relax.

"They are lucky I didn't hear whatever was said. Harry didn't even want me to tell you. He was worried you would get upset with him."

"I don't want him to ruin friendships for me."

"Says the man who disowned his father for insulting me?" Sirius laughed.

Remus smiled ruefully.

"Yeah, that's what I thought."

Remus ran a hand through his hair. "It's different."

"No, it's you just don't realise your worth," Sirius said briskly. "And to Harry and I, you are worth a great deal."

Harry stumbled from the bathroom. He looked at his uncles. "What have I done wrong?"

Sirius' shout of laughter rang out. "Remus and I do talk about other things you know!"

Harry grinned. "Really? I thought your entire lives revolved around me. What's for dinner?"

"Steak pie," Remus answered. "Come here."

Harry looked wary as he approached the chair.

Remus reached for the boy's hands and inspected the knuckles closely. "Did you put ice on this?"

Harry moaned. "I told you not to tell him!"

"It was his eyes, I can't say no to them. Puppy eyes."

"Sirius, stop being disturbing and get some ice and a tea towel. Turn the oven down when you are in the kitchen."

Harry laughed and folded himself on the floor. Remus looked closely at the hand. "How hard did you punch him? Your knuckles are very, very bruised."

"They're ok," Harry mumbled.

Sirius handed over the ice and Remus placed it carefully on Harry's hand.

"So, Sirius tells me you punched Seamus because he didn't take you scolding him too well?"

"Are you mad?"

"No, I…I am very proud of you."

"Really?"

"Yes, it takes a great deal of courage to stand up for things against your friends. You didn't have to do that but you stood up for me and…That makes me very, very proud."

Harry smiled sheepishly.

"But, perhaps next time you should let certain things go, yes?"

Harry frowned. "You think I should have let them get away with it?"

"Course he does," Sirius muttered. "It's Remus; he thinks the world should step on him."

Harry snickered.

Remus opened his mouth and then closed it again.

"See, he can't even argue with that!"

"Oh, shut up, Sirius," Remus growled.

Harry laughed. "So, you aren't mad?"

"No."

"And you are actually proud of me?"

"I am proud of the fact that you stood up for something you believed in."

"I stood up for you," Harry corrected.

Remus studied the boy's upturned face for a long moment before he finally spoke, his voice a whisper. "I know."

* * *

"I wish all blokes were as easygoing as you, Max," Tonks mumbled as she hugged her favourite animal to her chest. The cat purred in agreement as he butted his head against her chin, aiming to be petted.

"Is that it, Nymphadora? Boy troubles?"

Tonks' head snapped up and looked to see her mother returning from the kitchen with two mugs of fresh tea, both steaming pleasantly. She sighed from her spot on her mother's couch, cursing herself for assuming her mother had somehow lost her hawk-like sense of hearing.

"It's nothing, Mum, I don't want to talk about it," she brushed off.

"Nonsense, it's obviously something. It's just us, your father won't be back for another hour," Andromeda assured as she handed her daughter her mug before sitting beside her. She was concerned about her child and the obvious signs of exhaustion and sadness that emitted from her in waves.

Tonks frowned. She really didn't want to explain things to her mother; she knew her mother would end up trivializing it or telling her that Remus wasn't worth it. Worse, she didn't want to alter her mother's sudden change of heart where Remus was concerned, at least in relation to his role in Sirius' life. She didn't think she could bear hearing her mother rant about the 'unstable man who would be the family's undoing'.

"It's just... complicated. And it's something I'd rather try and work out myself. Hopefully you'll find out once it does get worked out and things are better," Tonks said, knowing this was also the truth. She'd rather just wait and tell her mother when, not if, her and Remus were on the same page.

Andromeda stayed silent, her face perfectly passive in the typical Black manner. She studied her daughter, watching her shift her attention back to her tea and cat. While not a child anymore, Andromeda couldn't help but see in her the little girl that would crawl in the bed between her mother and father whenever a storm would descend upon their home. Her Nymphadora simply looked drained, making Andromeda wish harm to whoever was hurting her little girl.

"Alright. For now. But please don't let this go on for too long," Andromeda said firmly, giving her daughter _the_ look.

"I'm persistent, Mum, you know that," Tonks said with a smirk before standing. "Sorry to pop and run, but Moody's expecting me within the hour. I'm in for a long night but it'd be even longer if I have to hear a lecture... or ten."

"I wish you'd get more of a break, dear, you're dead on your feet!"

"Crime doesn't stop for naps," Tonks said as she gave her mother a hug and a not-so-reassuring smile. "I'll try and stop by this weekend when Dad's off, yeah? Make sure Max gets his treats."

Tonks hurried out the door before her mother could get in another few instructions or demands. She knew she probably should have kept tonight free but preferred to keep busy at work instead of allowing too much wallowing time.

She made it to work with time to spare, one of the buses she had taken having decided to actually be on time for once, and aimed to fill those few minutes with coffee.

Tonks only got halfway through her cup before being interrupted.

"Does Moody know this is your sixth night in a row?" Kingsley asked as he sidled up to the coffee machine, Brian in tow.

"He needed someone so I offered," Tonks shrugged, taking another sip of coffee. "It's what a good employee does, King."

"Just don't drain yourself, Tonks," the large man ordered, giving her a look that reminded Tonks of her mother's.

"Yes, Mum," Tonks said with an eye roll, deftly ducking away from Kingsley's playful jab. She raised her hand in a friendly wave, intending to greet the silent Brian, but was slightly shocked to see him obviously ignore her and walk away.

"I know I don't have make-up on, but I can't look that bad," Tonks said, raising an eyebrow at the rude behaviour.

"Well... there's been a few rumours," Kingsley started, raising an eyebrow right back.

Tonks sighed, tossing her coffee away in disgust. "It seems I am only graced with manners when he wants something from me. But when I tell him I'm not interested and not entirely available either, he acts like this? Bloody unbelievable," she scoffed, crossing her arms.

"No wonder he started some rumours, if that's the truth," Kingsley grunted. "Now, I see Moody walking over. Go on and I'll see you tomorrow. We can discuss your unavailability."

Tonks laughed a bit dryly at his retreating back before going to meet Moody at her desk. She had no intention of discussing Remus with Kingsley, he would probably agree with her mother and claim the quiet man was too damaged for her.

Moody glanced at the girl as she approached and frowned a little. She was distracted, but she was good, he could trust her, and that's all that mattered.

* * *

Remus knocked on Harry's door and smiled as the bleary moan bid him enter.

"It's past ten," he scolded as he pushed back the curtains.

"It's my last week of holidays," Harry grumbled and he buried his face under his pillow. He peaked out and grinned. "Besides, Uncle Sirius sleeps longer than me."

"Sirius is a law unto himself," Remus said dismissively. "I am going to the garden today," he hesitated. "Did you want to come? Or did you have plans?"

Harry shook his head vehemently and flung back his blankets. He sat up and ran a hand through his already dishevelled hair. "When were we leaving?"

"In an hour, I will make up a picnic while you shower," Remus frowned. "How is your leg?"

"Fine," Harry said firmly.

"You were limping after you came home from the Weasley's."

"It's fine, honest, you just have to go slow for me," he grinned.

Remus didn't smile as he turned away. "An hour," he reminded softly.

Harry sighed. At least Remus looked as if he had slept last night; the last few weeks had been painful to watch the utter exhaustion that hung in a cloud around his uncle. He was his usual self, unless Tonks was visiting, there was no difference in his interactions with Sirius and Harry, but the exhaustion was all too clear.

Harry stumbled into the bathroom yawning. He had expressed his worry to Sirius and his godfather had smiled reassuringly. '_Remus will be fine,_' he had said. _'This happens occasionally, him not sleeping, you know that, Harry.'_

As Harry let the hot water flood over him he allowed himself to acknowledge that yes, Remus sleeplessness had happened before, but he had never liked it and he never would. And besides, it was different this time, this time Remus was breaking his own heart over a girl who saw him just like Sirius and Harry did, as a man who was worthy of love and family. Harry sighed; he just needed to work a little harder on subtly convincing his uncle that he was perfect for Tonks.

"I miss coming to the gardens with you," Harry said suddenly as they paused at a set of traffic lights.

Remus, head bent, shoulders stiff, flickered a glance at his teenage companion. He could feel the stares of curiosity from people around him. "Aren't you getting too old to admit that?"

Harry grinned at the teasing. "Course I am! And I will deny ever saying it if asked. I think I miss being outside too! It's brilliant not having that bloody— Sorry! Stupid cast on my leg."

Remus shook his head. "I despair of you and Sirius, both of you are unteachable in the manners area."

"I am an improvement on him!" Harry defended with a laugh.

Remus tipped his head. "That isn't hard, Harry. Your mother said that a badger would be an improvement on Sirius' manners."

Harry laughed loudly. "She said that? I would have loved to see his face!"

"He was none too pleased," Remus admitted. He stiffened as someone swept past him, grazing his shoulder roughly, and Harry edged closer until their shoulders brushed. Remus struggled to steady his breathing as the unfamiliar touch faded. His eyes flickered to Harry, angry with himself for his weakness, but the boy looked impassive as he chattered on about how Ron had finally asked Hermione out (or what was more of a blurted demand, if anything).

Remus finally relaxed as they entered the gates of the botanic gardens and began to move in the opposite way to the crowds of people who flocked through the gates. "How is your leg?"

Harry rolled his eyes. "You are an old woman," he informed his uncle.

"And you are a disrespectful pup!" Remus retorted. His eyes flitted around as he took in his surroundings.

"Hey, do I need to do that when I become a cop?"

"Do what?" Remus looked puzzled.

Harry frowned as he tried to verbalise what he had seen countless times before. "You and Uncle Sirius, whenever you are walking or go somewhere you are both always looking around."

"Assessing," Remus acknowledged grimly, shocked to realise the boy had noticed.

"Assessing what?" Harry probed.

Remus was quiet for a moment before he spoke slowly. "Who is around us, in buildings we assess exits so we can get out quickly."

"Did you get taught that?"

"Yes and no, it is a skill you are taught, but it's something you learn quickly. You will need it if you decide to become a police officer."

Harry nodded. "Dora said I can go see the office any time! Uncle Sirius said he will take me by in a few weeks! How cool is that?" The enthusiasm in the young voice made Remus smile.

"Very cool," he agreed. "You will be able to talk to your careers advisor about it."

Harry shrugged. "Who needs a career advisor when I have you and Uncle Sirius?"

"We aren't quite used to finding out the requirements to get into the police force," Remus replied.

"Dora will help," Harry said confidently.

Remus eyes dropped to the grass. She would help Harry and he was grateful to her for that, he just wished Sirius would let him flee her presence instead of taking the noble stand that it was Remus' house and he wasn't allowed to go anywhere.

Harry made himself comfortable against Remus' favourite tree once they arrived to his spot. They sat in silence for a good while, simply enjoying the quiet atmosphere of the gardens. Harry's thoughts strayed from Tonks to Ginny, finding it hard to comprehend how someone could push someone away like that when they cared for you so much.

"I'm thinking of taking Ginny out on a date this weekend before school starts," Harry began, blushing slightly but keeping his cool. "We haven't really done anything official since I got hurt so soon after we started going out. Any ideas?"

Remus blinked over at the pond before turning his head to look at Harry.

"Again, you come to me for advice?" Remus asked incredulously with a raised eyebrow.

"I need someone who understands people, not just girls," Harry said with a shrug. "I don't want the cliché answer, I want a Ginny answer."

Remus continued to look at the boy before his scarred face lifted in a smile. "You chew with your mouth open yet come up with profoundly mature answers like that," he sighed as Harry rolled his eyes. "That is half the battle. To give Ginny what she wants, not what you're told all girls want."

"That's kind of obvious, isn't it? Ginny isn't like other girls. And... most individuals aren't like the group, yeah? So you can't just assume you know what a person needs based on everyone else," Harry said, his words slowing down in uncertainty. Last time Remus had been pushed he had woken screaming, Harry didn't want that hanging over his head.

Inner warnings bells were beginning to sound off in Remus' head. But he had grown accustom to blocking out the noise, having quickly learned how to push things out of his head when he did not want to deal with them.

"You and Ginny were good friends first, still are, because of your common interests," Remus said rather quickly, looking back to the trees. "Find one of those horror films or a football game. Things don't have to change that much now that you're together. You just maybe put more effort into it."

"Effort," Harry repeated, nodding slowly as he obviously began to think rather hard.

* * *

"Are you trying hard enough?"

"It's not like he's some Uni degree, Cam," Tonks sighed as she fell into a heap on her friend's couch. "It won't do any good to keep pecking at him. It needs to be more subtle."

"Subtle? I wasn't aware of any girl named Nymphadora that had an ounce of subtly. Please tell me where that girl lives and I'll go get her," Camilla mocked, crossing her legs primly as she sipped at her tea, deftly ducking the throw pillow.

"Wanker," Tonks mumbled under her breath as she stared at the spotted ceiling. "He looks worse every time I go over there. I don't want to hurt him, Camilla. I don't want to make it look like love has to hurt. But his resistance is making it hurt."

"Love is a lot of things," Camilla sighed, smoothing out her skirt as she eyed her lump of a friend. "You know him well, it seems, so maybe just keep going? Maybe just more time is what'll do it, yeah?"

"Subtly and patience, my two favourite words," Tonks snorted, moving her head to look at her friend through her fringe."

"The kid, Harry? He'll be going back to school next week, right? I think my cousin goes to whatever place he does and was complaining non-stop when I was at my mother's. Maybe he'll be able to think on it if he doesn't have a teenager in the house."

Tonks frowned slightly before shrugging. "Probably. I think he does tend to hide behind Harry. Not that that's a bad thing, but you have a point. Maybe it'll give him time to think things over if he's alone in the house more..."

Camilla suddenly snorted into her tea, causing Tonks to look over in questioning.

"Sorry," she snickered, "I was just imagining you trying to deal with a teenaged kid. Imagine if the kid was like you! My, how your mother would rejoice in such revenge!"

* * *

Sirius met her at the door and grinned. "What's this? Presents!" He ushered his cousin into the apartment and she tossed her head airily.

"Not for you! For Harry! As a consolation for going back to school. Goodness me! There is less of you!"

Harry laughed at her mock shock.

"When did the cast come off? Takes years off you, you look almost middle aged now!"

Harry grinned. "Gee, why can't you move in? You are way more fun than Uncle Sirius!"

"Hey!" Sirius looked insulted. "Remus!" He appealed to his friend who was hiding in the kitchen. "Harry says that Dora is more fun than me."

Remus paused in the door and swept Sirius up and down with a swift gaze. "You are enough amusement for me."

Tonks choked. "I think you were just insulted, Sirius!"

"Yes," the man grumbled. "Go back to cooking. I don't want to talk to you anymore."

Remus vanished swiftly. The only indication that he had seen Tonks was brief nod in her direction. She pushed aside the heartache. She was determined to corner him tonight and speak her mind. A rehearsed speech this time, impromptu hadn't gone terribly and she wasn't about to allow him to railroad her into fleeing from him again. She missed just talking to him.

"Here, Harry, your present. I think I should have given you a better one seeing I am much nicer than Sirius!"

"Oh, that's really not hard," Harry confided. "Yesterday, Uncle Remus went to open the fridge to make breakfast and the night before Uncle Sirius had somehow—" he began to laugh. "Somehow position the eggs so they catapulted out! Uncle Remus ended up covered in a dozen eggs!"

Tonks giggled as Harry collapsed laughing. "And Remus' reaction?"

"Hasn't happened yet," Sirius said rather dolefully. "No doubt it will be painful and much worse."

Harry's eyes twinkled and Tonks had the niggling suspicion that the boy knew exactly how Remus was planning revenge.

"Somehow, I think living here will be rather uncomfortable for a little while."

Harry snickered. "It's fun when they start pranking each other! Oh, this is awesome!" Harry pulled out a package that she had put together that included a police hat, the manual that all new recruits needed to memorise, and a nerf gun along with a target.

"That's so you can practise!" She shook her head. "Kingsley's idea, not mine!"

"Nerf guns are awesome!" Harry crowed. "Fred and George have some! We slaughtered each other at the party!"

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Violent creatures, boys are," he grumbled, but he was smiling.

"I hope it's all right?"

Sirius snorted. "It's fine, Remus and I aren't stupid, we know he will be firing a gun if he becomes a cop."

"When," Harry corrected. "This is the coolest thing ever, Dora! Thank Mr Shacklebolt for me won't you?"

"Sure thing. Oh! And speaking of police, you will be pleased to know that Brian, that blond guy you saw the other day?" She kept her voice purposefully loud.

"Yeah," Harry grimaced. "He was…"

"Yes, he was. Well, it appears he is no longer talking to me and has started some rumours around the place!"

"Why!" Sirius looked indignant

"Apparently he doesn't take 'no' to well. I rather think that no girl has ever said no to the Brian the Blond," she wrinkled her nose. "Not that I really found him that good looking, he was too… pretty?"

Harry snorted. "Up himself," he corrected.

"Yes! That too! Anyhow, I thought that piece of information might amuse you."

"It does. He was a prat."

Sirius frowned. "Want me to have a word with him?" He sounded threatening.

"Best not. Did Remus tell you that he asked for his autograph?"

"He did _what!_" Sirius exploded. "That…that…. That…."

"That's why Uncle Remus never told," Harry said rather dryly.

"What a prat," Sirius managed to formulate a sentence and disgust laced his voice.

"Yes, well, he's ignoring me so the world is put to rights," she slumped back into the lounge. "What's new?"

"Harry tried to knock someone out!" Sirius sounded rather proud of this fact.

"Did you? And why did you do that?"

Harry blushed and mumbled something under his breath.

"It was the young fools fault. Remember at Harry's birthday party, Dean and Seamus asking Remus stupid questions?"

She frowned. The weary defeat in Remus' stance that day was not something she would forget. "Yes," she said tersely.

"Well, young Harry had a word with them, and that didn't go down well... so he punched him."

"Oh my. Was it that bad?" She propped her chin on her hand.

Harry nodded, he was frowning darkly.

"Then they probably deserved it!" She glanced towards the kitchen and saw Remus pause, mid-step in the doorway. Their eyes locked. "Remus is a good man and he deserves your defence!"

* * *

Remus washed the dishes methodically. He could hear Tonks' voice mingling with Harry and Sirius'. He could hear her laughter, her utter joy and his heart ached in his chest. She looked tired. There were dark circles under her eyes, her hair lacked its usual lustre and the brightness was gone from her, from her eyes that danced less than once before, from her step that lacked less _bounce_. He winced as a knife graced the pad of his thumb and inspected the cut closely, it wouldn't bleed. It hurt him, knowing that it was his fault that she looked… so… un-Tonks-like. He hated it. He missed the vibrant girl who danced into the house, who spoke rapidly and laughed loudly. His missed her touch… jerking himself away from that train of thought he began to viscously scrub a pan.

"What did it do to you?"

The pan clattered into the sink and water splashed up onto Remus' black shirt. His back stiffened as she came to lean her back against the bench, her hip brushing his leg, her head tipped up to look at him.

"You ok?" Her voice was gentle.

"Fine. Your hair?"

She flushed. "Re-growth. I don't feel very bright at the moment so I haven't been back to have it coloured."

"I'm sorry," he whispered.

"Do you change your mind?" The hope in her eyes tore him apart. "Please, Remus, change your mind."

Remus closed his eyes. "No," his voice was ragged. In the background he could hear Sirius and Harry talking. "No, I can't. I won't. You deserve better than me, Dora, so, so much better."

"You are better for me!" Tonks said firmly.

He opened his eyes and regarded her for a long, bleak moment. "You just think that, you think I am much better than I am. You don't see the scars or nightmares. You deserve someone young and whole, who isn't scarred in mind and body. You… you deserve someone who can match your zest for life, not a dry, withered husk."

Tonks reached out slowly and placed her hand over his. "I don't care if you are scarred in mind and body, let me in, and let me love you! I can stand beside you as you fight your demons. I want to be there for you, and your scars, they show me how brave you are. Please."

Remus gently moved his hand away. He slowly shook his head.

Tonks paused before she nodded. "I am going to wait for you. One day you will come to your senses and I will be there," she pushed away from the bench and placed a hand on Remus' shoulder. Leaning up she kissed his cheek, a soft kiss that brushed against the scars on his face, before she turned and walked away, her farewells to Sirius and Harry audible to the man who stood, frozen, alone.

Tonks took a shaky breath, trying to slow down her heartbeat as she decided to take the stairs down to the main level. She hoped her words seeped through that hard head of Remus' because she was tired of being so tired and worn._ But_, she thought,_ maybe this is what he needs. Maybe he needs to know that I'll be there for him no matter what, even if he is pushing me away. Maybe he needs to figure out by himself that he can rely on me, that I won't leave..._


	17. Raspberry

_My co-writer, unique _normality and I would like to thank you for your support! Especially to all our reviewers! We love reviews! So thank you very, very much! _

Tonks glanced at her watch and tried to smother her yawn. The squad car was delightfully warm and music played subtle background noises, neither of which was very helpful in her quest to stay awake. What was also not helpful was the fact that her companion was Brian, who was only speaking to her in mono-syllables, if at all.

She yawned again. This was her fifteenth night in a row, before that she had two days off and thirteen nights. There were too many people off sick; her constant work schedule had been easy to fly under the radar. And living off caffeine wasn't bad. Not really.

Tonks stared out the dark windscreen. It had been twenty-nine days since she had seen Remus. Twenty-nine days since she had told him she would wait, since he had looked at her with bleak, heartbroken eyes. She sighed softly and wondered if it would take another twenty-nine days till she could muster up the courage to face him again.

Sirius had been by a few times, delivering groceries to her, commiserating about night shift before sending her back to bed. He had barely mentioned Remus, only telling her Harry was already sick of school. She missed them, missed their voices, missed their laughter, she missed Remus' sweet, shy smile. His hand catching her, steadying her before she could fall…. The way he could stand her touch yet not others they associated with… The way his lips felt— the car hit a bump and her eyes flew open. She had to stay awake!

She glanced at her stony companion.

"How long are you going to ignore me for?" She asked.

"You took that kid's side against me!" Brian exploded. "You flung my feelings in your face and then took that brat's side!"

Tonks snorted. "That 'brat' is one of the sweetest boys I have ever met and he was defending his uncle. He is very close to Remus."

"I still don't think his reaction was appropriate. He is a spiteful brat."

Tonks rolled her eyes. "Yes, spiteful," she muttered under her breathe. "For defending his uncle, so spiteful."

They fell back into the uneasy silence as they continued to patrol and Tonks could feel her eyes growing heavier and heavier. She needed to stay awake. Needed to…. Her eyes drooped and slid closed as the face of the man she had fallen for danced before her closed lids.

"God dammit! Wake up!" A hand was roughly shaking her.

Tonks' eyes flew open and she cursed loudly. "Dammit! I am sorry! How long was I out for?"

Brian looked furious. "Long enough," he snarled. "Our shift is over, we are going back now."

"I am so sorry, Brian," she pleaded.

"I don't even want to talk to you right now," he spat the words out as he pulled into the parking lot of the precinct. "I will be reporting this to Moody!" He slammed the door and, not waiting for her to exit the car, stormed off.

Tonks moaned and resisted the urge to burst into tears. She struggled from the patrol car and shivered in the cool, early morning weather. Stumbling, sheer exhaustion nearly driving her to her knees, she walked towards the station and slipped in the back door. She could hear Brian yelling and then Moody's sharp order for him to go home and sleep it off. She could feel the eyes of every police officer in the building on her as she dragged herself wearily to where she knew that Moody would be waiting for her. The old man eye's swept her up and down.

"My office," his voice was very gruff as he turned and stomped into his office. He held the door open for her and closed it behind her. "Sit down."

She obeyed, crumpling into a chair.

"You look like shit, Nymphadora."

"Don't call me that," she muttered.

"How many nights have you done lately?"

She remained silent and the old man sighed. "I've seen the rostering; you've been doing extra for a month now. What's going on, Lass?"

She squirmed. "I don't want to talk about it."

Moody's eyes narrowed and he stared at her very closely for a long moment. "You have forced leave. For two weeks."

"What? No! You can't do that!"

"I can do whatever I bloody well like! Don't tempt me to make it a month, Nymphadora!"

She gritted her teeth and rapidly blinked to hide her tears. This wasn't fair!

"Is it a man?"

She remained stubbornly silent.

Sighing heavily the old man rose and hobbled to her side. "He isn't worth your tears, Nymphadora. No one who hurts you is worth it."

She laughed bleakly. "This one is," she whispered. "Even you would think so."

Moody waited for a long time before his eyes narrowed. "Not Shacklebolt?"

Her misery was replaced by helpless laughter. "God no!" She looked up at him, at the old man who was so stern yet so kind to her… The man who had trained… "It's Remus."

Moody sank into a chair and stared at her. "Lupin?"

"One and the same," she smiled rather grimly and rose. "See you in two weeks, Mad Eye."

* * *

A hammering on her door woke her and Tonks cursed whoever disturbed her drug-induced sleep as she stumbled clumsily to the front door. Yanking it open, her glare softened.

"Sirius."

"You look like shit," Sirius spoke bluntly as he brushed past her and headed straight to the kitchen, bags in his arms filled with groceries.

"What are you doing here?"

"Moody called me, something about you working insane hours and being forced to have two weeks off."

"Screw him."

"I really wouldn't want to," Sirius winked at her. He finished packing the last of the food away and guided her to the lounge. "Sit. You ok, Kiddo?"

"'M fine," Tonks mumbled as she collapsed into the soft seat. "Just tired."

Sirius frowned. "Is it worth it?" His voice was filled with unhappiness.

"What?"

"Waiting for him…Is it worth all this?"

Tonks stared at her cousin. "He is your best friend!" She looked horrified. "Isn't he?"

Sirius snorted. "Yes, of course he is, Dora, and I am very fond of him and all of that, but I don't want to see you like this, so miserable and exhausted."

Nestling into the lounge she smiled reassuringly. "I am fine; I just shouldn't have taken so many nights. I won't do it again. I promise."

"Good. Because when I tell Remus he is going to flip."

"Here's an idea: how 'bout you don't tell him!" She looked horrified at the idea.

Sirius shrugged. "I am ignoring you. And you are coming over tomorrow night for dinner. I will pick you up at four, I have an early mark tomorrow," he rose and towered over her. "Get some more sleep. And you should go visit your folks."

"Later," she mumbled. "After tomorrow. Do I have to?"

Sirius laughed and ruffled her hair. "Kiddo, you can't sleep for two weeks. Be ready, tomorrow at four. Ok?"

She moaned an answer.

"Love you too," Sirius teased. He closed the door softly behind himself after casting a long, worried look at his cousin. He was not looking forward to going home, he couldn't not tell Remus… But…. She was not the only one who was suffering.

* * *

"Go on inside, I just have to park the car underneath and talk to one of the guys in the lobby," Sirius instructed as he pulled up in front of his building.

"Is-"

"He's up there... but I won't be long, don't worry," Sirius said, reaching out to ruffle Tonks' hair.

"You'll be worried if you keep touching my hair," Tonks snapped, shoving her laughing cousin away from her.

Tonks got out of the car and made a rude gesture at Sirius as he sped off. She sighed deeply, turning to face the building before her. She had no idea what would be awaiting her in Sirius' flat. She only hoped he couldn't tell how poorly she had been faring as she had tried to make herself look presentable. She cursed her cousin for making her spend even a few minutes alone with the man she loved, she wouldn't be able to lie to him if he questioned her appearance and that thought frightened her.

With her bag and a store-bought cake in her hands, she walked inside and started to the elevator. Once on the right floor, Tonks tried to put her focus on her breathing and steadying her heart upon reaching her destination.

Avoiding the dreaded knocking, she walked on in as Sirius had told her. After setting her things down, Tonks found herself in the living room and looked around to see where Remus was. But instead of finding him with a book or pen in hand, her eyes widened as they fell on Remus' sleeping form spread out on the couch. He looked as if he had dropped off to sleep while he was reading; a book lay on the floor at his fingertips, pages spread awkwardly. Her heart sped up as she realized she had never seen him like this before. She had never seen him so vulnerable. And, upon closer inspection as she dared to inch forward, she had never seen him look so peaceful... at least until his brow furrowed and his whole body tensed. She watched him closely, thinking he was, perhaps waking, but he turned his head restlessly and moaned, a broken, pained moan that tore at her heart. She stared at him, taking in his appearance quickly: his cheeks were hollow, he looked thinner than ever, and his face, normally pale, seemed deathly white. Tonks swallowed, having assumed _she_ looked bad. _He_ looked frail, and she wondered if his appearance would improve when he woke. She stepped forward uncertainly as the frown deepened and his hands moved restlessly. "No," his voice was a hoarse moan and her heart shattered within her. His head began to thrash back and forth and Tonks looked around wildly, desperately wanting Sirius to come back. Wanting to know _what _to do. It had been one of his excuses, the nightmares, and in the face of one she felt anger with him. How dare he think she couldn't be there for him through this!

She heard the door open. "Sirius!" Tonks gasped, her voice was pleading. "Remus-"

Sirius was beside her instantly and his face twisted as he caught sight of his friend. "He never falls asleep reading," she heard him mutter, and her worry for him grew.

Beads of sweat broke out on Remus' forehead and his hands clenched.

Sirius stepped forward before hesitating. "Why don't you wake him up?" He suggested gently.

"He will be angry." Her eyes were locked on Remus' anguished features.

"No, when he first wakes up he is the most open I ever see him."

Tonks stared at her cousin. "If he is angry I will never forgive you," she whispered finally. "What do I do?"

"Watch his wrists and hands, he will lash out at you when he is half between waking and sleep. And then talk to him, just reassure him. He needs that; he needs to be reminded that he is in England and safe."

Tonks nodded and moved so she was standing above him, throwing caution to the wind she knelt beside Remus' tense form, her heart was bleeding as she reached for his shoulder.

"Remus? Remus, love, wake up!" She shook his shoulders firmly. "Remus! Wake up!"

A startled cry escaped the man and he sat bolt upright, his eyes wild and searching.

"Shhh, shh, now, love," Tonks whispered as she shifted so she could look into his eyes. She reached up and cupped his cheek with her hand, instead of pulling away Remus leaned into her touch.

"Dora?"

"Yes, love, you are safe, it was just a bad dream. I promise, you are safe."

He shuddered a little and turned into her touch a little more. Their eyes were locked and it seemed as if time was suspended. Only a few seconds passed before Remus wrenched himself away.

"Dora!" He looked distressed. "What… what are you doing here?"

She sighed softly; it seemed as if still-half asleep Remus was more sensible than his fully awake self.

"I came to visit."

"I am sorry," Remus struggled to his feet and her breath caught sharply. He was a skeleton! His clothes hung off his lanky frame and she felt fear bloom in her stomach. "So sorry. I… I…"

Tonks rose and caught his hand, holding it between hers tightly. "It's _fine_," she reassured. "You would have woken me. Are you all right?"

"Fine," Remus looked trapped. "Excuse me…" He fled to the bathroom and locked the door behind him.

Tonks collapsed onto the lounge Remus had been sleeping on, it was warm and smelt like him, wool and ink. She turned as Sirius settled beside her, his eyes dark with worry.

"He's ill?" Her voice broke. "He looks terrible! Why didn't you tell me? He… He's lost weight and looks so tired and…"

"He's fine," Sirius reassured. He pulled his cousin in close. "He's just missing Harry being around all the time. And he is missing you, he just won't admit it."

"It's tearing him apart!" She sounded hysterical.

"Hey, look at me! Do you really think I would let him get really bad? This has happened before, ok, kid? So don't go blaming yourself. Remus went through hell and he won't get over it with a wave of a magic wand." Sirius' face was grave. "But, you have seen him, you saw his nightmare, happens more often than not, as you sure you can be with him?"

She slapped his shoulder, hard. Her eyes narrowed. "I will pretend you did not insult me by asking that! I love him, more after watching him suffer, he is so brave and how dare-"

"Hey, calm down!" His eyes were amused. "I am making sure."

The bathroom door opened and Remus emerged. He looked between them and his lips thinned. "I am sorry for my unforgivable display, Dora. Though I do hope that you will finally realise why you should stop…" He quietly trailed off. His eyes were locked on the floor.

"I am going to ignore you, and that silly speech of yours," she spoke firmly. "Because it is all utter rubbish. You have nothing to apologise for, you had a bad dream, happens to everyone. And if I'm not planning to stop loving you even though you are stubborn and thick-headed and breaking my heart then I won't stop loving you because of a bad dream."

Remus looked up slowly; sadness was etched deeply into his pale face. "I truly wish you would," he whispered wearily. "For your sake, Dora. I… I don't want you to be hurt."

She frowned and turned to glare at her cousin. "I said not to tell him!"

"And I said I was going to. He was here when Moody called me, what was I meant to do?" Sirius shrugged.

The door open and Harry appeared, tension vanishing almost instantly.

"Hey, Uncle Remus," the boy smiled quickly at Remus who smiled instantly back.

"Hungry?" Remus asked softly.

"Famished! Dora! You look awful!"

She made a face at him while Remus shot him a stern look before vanishing into the kitchen.

"Thank you, Mr Potter; your flattery astonishes me!"

Harry blushed. "Sorry," he apologised. "Uncle Sirius, Fred and George want to buy a motorbike."

"Do they now? I think the moment they do, London should be greatly concerned," Sirius laughed. "Tell them next time we are out there they can hunt me up."

"Thanks!"

Harry collapsed onto the floor and looked closely up at Tonks. "Are you ok?" His voice was surprisingly soft.

"I am fine, Harry, it was my own fault. Too many night shifts in a row. Not recommended."

He nodded slowly. "Well, while you are off work, Uncle Remus' cooking will fix you!"

She smiled as Remus entered with cups of tea. "Indeed it will, Remus is probably one of the best cooks I know!"

"Other than Molly," Sirius mumbled. "Speaking of food, what's for dinner?"

Remus, returning from the kitchen with a bowl of chips for Harry, spoke flatly. "Chicken schnitzels. I need to go and start…"

"Sit for a while," Sirius spoke quickly. "We can all pitch in and help with dinner and it will be ready quickly."

Tonks hid a frown. So Sirius _was_ worried about his friend. She watched Remus sink slowly into his chair and she realised why Harry had settled on the floor, it was to be as close to Remus as possible without seeming obvious. He failed miserably and she watched Remus raise an eyebrow as the boy leaned back against his chair. Harry grinned cheekily at his uncle and Remus' face softened.

"So, have you called your mum?"

"No, _Dad_, I haven't. I spent the entire day asleep, which means I will be awake all night, yet somehow I can't bring myself to care."

Sirius laughed and stretched his legs out. "A hundred years ago, when we were in training, there was one stage where we were awake for five days, we would take turns sleeping for two hours each day and that was it. I remember going home after those five days and Lily took one look at us and told us there were sleeping bags on the lounge room floor and to get in them immediately. Jamie told her he wasn't at all tired and began to waltz her around the room, he was singing at the top of his lungs," Sirius was laughing at the memory. "And James Potter could _not_ sing…. Anyhow, Lily was getting all annoyed while trying not to laugh at his utter delirious declarations when Remus went all leader on him and _ordered_ him to bed. James argued… until his head hit the pillow and he was out of it, snored so loudly!"

Tonks laughed. "How long did you sleep for?"

"Twenty-four hours, all of us, then we began to wake up, Lily fed us, we used all their hot water, and went home."

Tonks grinned. "So no waltzing for you, Sirius?"

"Never! I was perfectly sane!"

Remus snorted suddenly and Tonks' head snapped to him. "What happened?" She demanded.

"Sirius spent half an hour trying to drown out James' singing by telling Lily that he was going to steal her away and marry her because James was clearly a nutter."

Harry laughed. He twisted so he could see Remus' face. "What did she say to that?"

"She said she was going to marry Remus," Sirius said glumly. "Cause he was the only one who had sense. But she changed her mind when James pointed out that would practically be incest. He was highly insulted."

Harry snickered.

"I won't ever forget the wedding though, Remus walked your mother down the aisle before going to stand beside your dad and I. He leaned in and whispered to James, '_She always liked me better_.' Lily lost it and started laughing and James looked torn between amusement and wanting to punch Remus."

Harry was laughing, clearly very pleased with where the conversation had led to. He figured he would never get tired of hearing stories about his parents.

Remus rolled his eyes. "James deserved it, he had swapped my sedate blue tie for a bright pink one with purple polka dots."

Harry's laughter was louder now, completely drowning out Sirius' guffaws and Tonks' giggles.

Tonks grinned. "I like the sound of James Potter."

"He was a good man," Sirius agreed with a smile. "Harry is his spitting image, with Lily's eyes."

"And her temperament," Remus muttered. "Thank goodness. One James is enough in a lifetime."

Sirius grinned. "Sook," he teased. "The moral behind that story was sleeping is normal. You have two weeks, by the time you go back you will be back to the top of your game. I promise."

"Yes, sir," Tonks replied rather meekly. She leaned back into her seat as she drew her feet up to tuck beneath her. She stayed silent as she listened to Harry demand more stories. She found it rather peaceful to listen to Remus and Sirius talk about such good times, both seeming to lose themselves in the stories which prompted her to stay quiet in order to watch. _This is what it should be like_, Tonks thought to herself with a soft smile on her face,_ this is what I want it to be like once Remus sees the truth. To sit here and be part of their family._

"Did Lily and James get together fairly young?" Tonks asked once there was a lull in the conversation, suddenly curious.

"Not at all," Sirius said, turning to face Tonks, his legs crossed nonchalantly. "Well, I suppose seventeen is young to some, but they had known each other since they were eleven."

"Oh," Tonks muttered, looking rather surprised. "I had assumed they had been together for longer."

"Uncle Sirius says that my mum wouldn't date my dad until he got his head out of his arse," Harry said simply, causing Sirius to let out a bark of laughter.

"It took some time for Lils to accept his many date proposals," Sirius chuckled, sharing an amused look with the quiet Remus. "But once she did, they were very happy."

"But James remained persistent, didn't he?" Tonks asked, already knowing the answer. She glanced over at Remus, seeing the pained look on his face as he avoided eye contact with the other occupants of the room.

Sirius studiously stared at the wall opposite for a moment before replying. "Persistent was his middle name."

* * *

It wasn't until much later, once dinner had been made and eaten and Tonks had seen herself out, that Harry had a moment alone with his Uncle Sirius.

"He's not doing well, is he?" Harry asked softly, a look of worry on his face that far surpassed his sixteen years. He glanced towards Remus' bedroom door where he had retired rather quickly, leaving the cleaning to Sirius unusually.

Sirius slowly finished chewing on the bite of cake he had just put in his mouth and set down what was his third slice. "No, mate, he's not," Sirius sighed, knowing he had to be honest with the boy. "But he will be OK."

"How do you know that for certain?" Harry sounded frightened.

Sirius settled onto the couch beside Harry. "When you first started school it nearly killed Remus. He missed you so much. He was alone for the first time in years and it broke his heart. Since he had come out of hospital you were always there making him live and suddenly he was alone all day. He got sick, lost weight and I thought we might lose him..." Sirius' voice was soft.

"What happened?" Harry asked, looking very shocked at this new information.

_"Remus?" Sirius knocked on the closed door and waited for his friend to bid him enter. He winced as he saw Remus sat beside the window, staring out the glass, his face drawn and haggard. "Are you OK?"_

_Remus looked at his friend slowly. "Harry in bed?"_

_"He's worried about you."_

_Remus face tightened. "He's too little to worry about me."_

_"I'm worried about you," Sirius leaned against the wall. "What's going on?"_

_Remus made a helpless movement with his hands. "I... I..."_

_"Want a cup of tea?"_

_Remus nodded and followed his friend silently. He sank into a chair and waited for Sirius to join him. The man pressed the hot mug of tea into Remus' hands and set a plate of biscuits onto the table._

_"So, what is it?"_

_"I miss Harry," Remus confessed. "I... I am so used to him being here during the day and now... I am alone again and..."_

_"And?" Sirius prompted softly._

_"Why did you insist I come and live here?" The bleakness in Remus' voice made Sirius frown._

_"You are the closest thing I have to a brother. You are my best friend. Harry adores you."_

_"It's... I am not good for him!"_

_"Where did you get that idea?" _

_"Parents at his school."_

_"Is that why you are making yourself ill? Fretting over what they say?"_

_Remus shook his head slowly. "When Harry was here all day I had something to distract me. I... I don't..."_

_Comprehension dawned in an instant. "And now you have time to think," Sirius murmured. "Why didn't you say anything?"_

_A dull flush crept into the ashen features. "Because-" _

_"If you tell me you are a burden I will... I will... Knock you out!"_

_Remus smiled reluctantly. _

_"We couldn't do without you, Rem. I don't know how to help you, but I want to..."_

_"It's nothing."_

_"Liar. You are going over and over what happened while you were prisoner. Before, you have had Harry to distract you but now... How can I help? Please."_

_Remus shivered. "I don't want to talk about it."_

_Sirius leaned forward. "I don't want it to kill you. You have people who love you all around you. Don't give up on us."_

_"I won't," Remus whispered. "I just..."_

_"You have us," Sirius repeated. "And when you are ready to talk, I will be here to listen."_

_"I don't know how." Remus looked broken. _

_"You know you're safe?"_

_Remus nodded quickly. "Of course, you made sure I know that."_

_"Good."_

_"I... I suppose now Harry is away from me it gives me time to remember."_

_Sirius waited._

_"I... I..."_

_Sirius shifted and wrapped an arm around Remus' shoulders. "I am glad you made it through," his voice was sober. "And so damned grateful that they didn't break you. And they didn't, no matter what you say. You are here and you have us and you are an important part of this family, so don't think we will let you stop existing. And it will be OK, you will find things to fill your time with. I swear, it will be OK."_

_Remus sank against his friend. "Thank you."_

_"For?"_

_"Believing in me."_

"He got better after a while, Harry, he just needed to remember we were there and that we loved him. It's the same now. It's just harder because he's breaking his own heart."

Harry frowned deeply. "But..."

"Trust me," Sirius reassured. "Now, get to bed!"

He took Remus a cup of tea and waited for the invitation to sit in the second chair by Remus' window. The two men were quiet for a long time.

"Harry is worried about you," Sirius finally said.

Remus looked surprised. "Why?"

"Something about you looking like a walking skeleton and resembling a starched sheet."

"Oh," Remus flushed. "I hope you told him not to worry."

"Rather hard to reassure him when I feel the same way."

Remus winced.

"You know, you are the only real friend I have and you already look like a stiff wind would knock you over, so I won't lecture... Just... Try and keep eating, all right? In all the years I've known you have only fallen asleep reading twice. One was today and the other was when you were in hospital and I don't like the comparison very much."

"I'm sorry."

"Shut up," Sirius scoffed. "It's been a rough few months, I get that. Just make sure you don't fade away. We still need you."

"No you don't." There was a dullness in the soft voice.

"Rubbish!" Sirius barked as panic filled him. Remus hadn't sounded like this for a long, long time. "Who is going to put my drunk carcass into bed? Or console me about another failure of a date? Or remind me that I am not to blame for Harry being an orphan? Who is going to be there for Harry when he needs to be told how much we love him cause I am rubbish at that? Who is going to help him when he's struggling with homework? Stop being a selfish prat!"

Remus blinked. "I… I am sorry."

Sirius ran his hand through his hair. "I shouldn't have yelled."

"No, you… you are right," Remus spoke firmly. "I am being a prat. I… Forgive me?"

"Just don't fade away to a shadow and I will."

There was silence for a long time before Remus spoke softly. "I won't change my mind about her."

Sirius nodded slowly. "I wish you would, but I won't push the issue."

"Thank you."

"Though, if you ever change your mind, I will be yelling 'I told you so' from the rooftops."

Remus allowed a reluctant smile to creep across his face. "You won't have the opportunity."

Sirius opened his mouth to speak and then closed it again. "You deserve to be happy," he said finally.

"I am happy, Sirius Black, you and Harry make sure of that. Besides, if I had a girlfriend who would be there to haul your drunk carcass into bed?"

Sirius snorted and choked on his tea. "Git!"

* * *

"Where's Uncle Sirius?" Harry was sitting on the bench stealing slivers of carrot from where Remus was attempting to make dinner.

"Out," Remus said as he batted the boy's hand away.

"On a date?"

"Yes." Remus glanced sharply at the boy. "Why?"

"Just wondering," Harry muttered, chewing his lip.

"Sirius said you were fretting yourself after me again." Remus scraped the carrots into a pan.

Harry made an odd noise in the back of his throat.

"You know, you don't _have_ to worry about me all the time."

"It's not all the time," Harry grinned cheekily. "Just ninety percent of it."

"Well, maybe you should take up another hobby."

"This is so unfair, Uncle Sirius says I can't have snogging Ginny as a hobby, you say I can't worry about you! It's really hard to be a teenager these days!"

Remus laughed and Harry relaxed instantly.

"What did Uncle Sirius say?"

"Oh, he lectured me about being a selfish prat."

"You aren't!"

"Yes, I actually am." Remus' eyes were steady on the boy. "Come sit, I want to talk to you."

Harry obediently followed his uncle and settled, cross-legged, onto the lounge.

"It's strange the house being empty now you are at school." Remus eyes met Harry's squarely. "I miss having you around all the time, you are a good distraction when I don't want to deal with something."

Harry's frown deepened.

"Sirius mentioned telling you that I was… ill when you first went to school. I had had you with me every day, every day you made me smile with something you did and I needed that so badly then," Remus frowned as he considered his words. "Then you went to school and I felt like that my world had… stopped. This year was the same. Your accident and then…" Remus closed his eyes and his hands convulsed.

"Dora," Harry whispered.

"Yes, and having you around was my lifeline to sanity again. You are incredibly precious, Harry. Sirius and I would be lost without you. But I have been selfish these last weeks, I forgot that I have peopled who cared about me and who wanted me and I retreated into my own hole. I am so sorry for that, Harry."

Harry looked bewildered. "How could you forget when that's all Dora has been telling you for weeks?" He asked, a genuinely confused look on his young face.

Remus did not move a muscle. His only reaction to Harry's statement was a few shocked blinks. After a moment, he opened his mouth to respond, despite having no words in mind, but was interrupted by the phone ringing.

Harry, looking a tad triumphant for making his uncle speechless, got up and found the house phone on the kitchen counter.

"Black residence," Harry answered before pausing to listen to whoever was on the line. "No, he's not in, may I take a message?"

Shaken out of his mental block, Remus stood when he saw Harry's face completely change. It went from smug to pale, dumbfounded, and a little bit scared. But Harry hung up the phone before Remus could take it from him.

"Harry? Who was it?" Remus urged, his brow furrowed in worry.

Harry's eyes darted around before they settled on his uncle. He swallowed before clearing his throat. "Uh… it was the hospital… they uh… were asking after Uncle Sirius. They said they had a patient there with some sort of note on his file from a lawyer? I didn't quite understand that bit…"

"A patient? Who is it, Harry? Is someone hurt?" Remus blurted, his mind making many assumptions.

"They said the patient is dying," Harry muttered, pausing for a moment to chew on the inside of his cheek. "They were told to notify Sirius so he could come down if he wanted. It… it's uh… an inmate… from Azkaban Prison."

Similarly to Harry, Remus' whole expression changed. All the blood drained from his face, his whole body went rigid, his heart began beating faster and faster, and he felt rather dizzy. He quickly rank into a chair before his leg could give out and he oddly felt some tingling sensations from the many scars that littered his body.

"Peter," Remus gasped, his eyes closing as he tried to take in slow, deep breaths. "Call Sirius, Harry. Now."


	18. Forget-me-not

_I am so glad to see that reviewers are still enjoying this! Unique .normality and I LOVE reviews so please keep them up! Updates will be a little less frequent in the next month or so as I have just gotten a new job and am now in the process of moving states and will be occupied by house hunting and the joys of a new workplace again! So bear with us for long waits and I hope everyone enjoys this chapter! _

"That bastard!" The door was flung open and Sirius stormed in. "That bastard! How dare he! How dare he!" He strode into the lounge room, fury written in every feature. "I am going to kill him!" He stopped short and his shoulders heaved.

Harry was huddled against Remus on the couch; the boy looked lost and confused. Remus' arm was tight around Harry's shoulders, the other hand supporting his own head, which lifted slowly.

Remus' face was grey and Sirius swallowed convulsively. He crouched down on the floor.

"Hey," his voice was soft. "Harry, look at me."

Green eyes lifted slowly.

"Are you ok?"

Harry nodded slowly. "Why wouldn't I be?"

Sirius and Remus exchanged long looks.

"I will call them back and tell them he can go screw himself," Sirius snarled as he slumped back onto the floor. "Or I could go and ki—" he broke off as Remus kicked him. "Bastard. I…"

"I want to see him," Harry looked up suddenly. He pushed away from Remus and turned to face both his guardians. "I want to meet him."

A soft guttural murmur broke from Remus and he buried his face in his hands again.

Sirius swallowed. "Why?"

"Because… because I want to meet the man who killed my parents." Harry's face was pale, but determined. "And… and the man who put you in prison and made Uncle Remus get captured."

Sirius closed his eyes. His jaw was clenched and in his mind he was swearing very hard and loud at the man who had ruined lives.

"Yes," Remus spoke finally, his voice a scratchy whisper.

"No!" Sirius glared furiously at his friend. "I can't believe you would want to see him again!"

Remus' hands were shaking and Harry frowned before scooting back to his position beside his uncle.

"I don't," Remus admitted. His hands were clenched on his lap now and he glanced at the boy who leaned against him. "But Harry deserves the choice."

"He doesn't…" Sirius buried his face in his hands. "Bastard! I hate him!"

Harry bit his lip but Remus' hand over his silenced him before he could speak.

Sirius was on his feet now, pacing, before he froze and turned to face them. "Ok," he agreed. "Tomorrow. I will speak to him before you do, Harry."

The boy nodded. He let out a breath and his shoulders slumped.

Remus pulled the boy against him. "It will be all right," he whispered reassuringly. But his eyes were locked with Sirius' and the look they shared was filled with fear, uncertainty and dread for the boy they loved.

* * *

"Sirius?" Remus' soft voice cut through the darkness and he joined his friend on the lounge. "Couldn't sleep?"

Sirius shook his head. "Every time I closed my eyes I saw Jamie. How about you?"

"Blood," was the terse response.

Sirius swallowed. "I can take him on my own, yeah? You don't have to come if it's too much."

"It's bad for both of us, I will be fine," Remus muttered.

Sirius spoke in a very low tone, "I wish I could kill him- and don't kick me this time."

Remus leaned back and stretched his leg out. "I won't."

They were quiet for a moment.

"The last time I saw him he was in handcuffs," Remus whispered.

"I would have shot him!" Sirius snarled. "I am still tempted to."

Remus huffed a tired laugh. "I think it's pointless now. He's dying."

"Slowly and painfully I hope to god."

"We are better off than him, Sirius. Even having lost James and Lily, we have Harry and he is happy and that means everything to us. We are _happy_, Sirius."

"I spent a year in prison; you spent a year being tortured… I will never forgive him."

"But we are family now."

"He hurt you."

"Don't hide behind that, Sirius; you hate him for plenty more than that."

Sirius snorted. "The list is a mile long. But that is pretty high up, so stop being a prat."

"Says you? Biggest prat of any of us, at school too."

"I was your favourite person!"

"_Lily_ was my favourite."

"Git. Last time I saw him was just after the first time I saw you in the hospital. They let me in to see him. I… He was lucky there was a glass wall between us."

"You, in a murderous rage, I don't believe it!"

Sirius snorted. "Want tea?"

"Yes, I can make it."

"No, I'll do it. Put your leg up and relax."

Remus sighed as Sirius entered the kitchen. He could feel the restless energy pouring of his friend and it was the only reason he hadn't fought being 'coddled'. He rubbed his knee slowly, trying to work the constant ache away. His entire body throbbed, as if the name of the person he most want to forget had brought pain to ever scar that littered his skin. He didn't know he was shaking until Sirius shook his shoulder.

"Rem!"

"Sorry! Sorry!" Remus gasped.

"Are you ok?"

"F-Fine," Remus stuttered. "Just cold."

Sirius vanished, returning a moment later with a blanket which was wrapped around Remus.

"Here, drink your tea."

"Sorry," Remus whispered when he finally trusted his voice.

"No, you don't need to be sorry."  
"Are you ok?"

"He didn't hurt me."

Remus rested a tentative hand on Sirius' arm. "Sirius?"

A violent shudder ripped through Sirius and a loud sob burst from him.

"Oh, Sirius," Remus murmured. "It's ok." He pulled his friend into his arms and Sirius clung to him like a drowning man. "Shh, it's ok; it's going to be ok. We beat him, Sirius, we beat him. We are alive and we are a family. We won, he failed and we won."

"Jamie!"

"I know, I know."

"He died in my arms because of that rat! I held him and then you were dragged away! We watched as they dragged you away and then he died! He died knowing what Peter did!"

Remus made soothing noises. This was not the first time they had had this conversation, it was not the first time that Sirius had wept in Remus' arms and that Remus, his own heart breaking from the loss of his friend, had comforted him. But this was different, they were going to see the monster that had changed them, that had destroyed the idyllic lives that they had once had, that had left them with scars both visible and invisible and it was Sirius, not Remus, who cracked, who finally cracked under the knowledge that even the death of the bastard that had betrayed them would not bring them peace. That his death would not bring Lily and James back.

"We… we don't know what changed," Remus started, his voice barely above a whisper. "We don't know why, really, he decided to betray us. We all trusted each other with our lives, and we thought Peter deserved that same amount of trust. He was our friend. So my only hope is… is that… that friend is still somewhere inside him. And that that friend has spent the last fifteen years thinking about his actions as much as we have. That he's been sitting in that cell without Harry's smile to draw him out of the darkness. I… but I… I hope Harry's face is the last thing he sees… and that it reminds him of what he took from his world."

Sirius did not utter a word in response but simply looked at his remaining friend, tears falling from his Black eyes. He simply nodded before allowing his head to fall into his hands, their ragged breaths filling the room as they sat shoulder to shoulder, struggling to draw strength from their shared grief.

* * *

Nurses, technically, were not allowed to avoid certain, or any, parts of a hospital. But, it was an unspoken rule to frequent this certain hallway of St. Mungo's as little as possible. The nurses answered any emergency calls and checked up on the few patients regularly, following a strictly enforced schedule, but did not linger for any amount of time. Because this hall was limited to prisoners.

Armed guards were stationed at every entrance. The windows in the few selected rooms were barred. And each bed contained handcuffs attached to them. The mood dropped considerably upon entering this ward; the air filled with the false illusion of freedom once healed.

But today, on a cold day in October, the only occupant of the ward was in room 7: Peter Pettigrew. He was serving life in prison but, because of the severity of his live failure, would be spending the end of his life in the hospital. He had had no visitors except for the few quiet nurses… until today, when he looked his worst and was quickly fading.

He was connected to an IV line, a monitor to measure his heart rhythm, oxygen and a tube snaked out from under the sheets. The doctor had told him that he had a week at the most and Peter Pettigrew found himself terrified at the notion of dying. He didn't want to die. Alone. He would be alone, he had no doubt of that, he had begged his lawyer to contact Sirius and Remus but they wouldn't come. They were selfish and would leave him alone.

The man sniffled self-pityingly. _They're selfish_, he thought desperately.

* * *

Remus froze as they entered the hospital and Harry looked between his uncle's in confusion.

"Breathe!" Sirius ordered. He gripped his friend's shoulders tightly. "It's ok, Harry and I are here."

Remus nodded mutely.

"What's wrong?" Harry looked worried.

"This was the hospital Remus was at," Sirius said softly.

"I… I haven't been back since I was released. I am fine!" He drew into himself and straightened the mask he wore in public firmly in place. "Come, the sooner we see him the sooner we can leave."

Harry bit his lip as he kept pace with his uncles. "We don't have to see him..."

Sirius laughed. "Oh, kid, it's fine. I can't say that it's ok but…" he shrugged. "Don't stress about us."

Harry nodded slowly. He was lost in under a minute as they turned down passages at a dizzying rate. Both Sirius and Remus appeared to know exactly where they were going. All lifts were avoided, Remus could not bear closed in spaces, so they took the stairs slowly, Sirius keeping pace beside Remus at all times. Neither of them spoke and Harry glanced between them time and time again. Their faces were expressionless masks, shoulders straight, heads held high, and Harry was left wondering if this is was the faces that had worn on missions.

Nurses cast sly glances at Sirius as the three approached the desk.

"Ladies," despite himself, Sirius grinned cockily.

"Can we help you?" A young nurse with light brown hair who blushed under Sirius' gaze, attempted professionalism.

"We are looking for Pettigrew."

"Peter Pettigrew?" Another nurse confirmed, looking a tad wary.

Sirius nodded, all merriment had faded from his face.

"He's in room seven; there is a guard right outside his door he will let you in."

"Thanks," Sirius nodded and the trio moved away.

"I wonder what he did," the voice of one of the nurses filled the space behind them.

"He looks too pathetic to be a murderer."

"Yes, but did you see the looks on their faces? They look awfully grim!"

The voices faded as they moved along the hallway.

"Wait here," Sirius paused at the door. "I want a word with him first."

Remus leaned against the wall. "I will wait with Harry."

Sirius nodded, hesitated, and glanced at the guard. "For Pettigrew."

The man nodded and opened the door. Sirius strode in and the door half closed behind him.

Harry found himself shuffling closer to Remus, nervous despite his sixteen years and he felt relief when Remus wrapped an arm around his shoulders and pulled the boy closer.

"All right, Harry?" Remus' voice was hoarse.

The boy nodded mutely he was suddenly terrified and desperately wished he hadn't begged to come. To face the man that had taken his parents from him.

"You are safe," Remus whispered, as if he knew what the boy was thinking. "We won't let him hurt you ever again."

* * *

Sirius waited until the door was almost shut behind him before he advanced to the bed. His face was a cold mask; the only emotions showing through were contempt and disgust.

"S-Sirius!"

"Pettigrew. Good to see you looking how you deserve, personally, a little more dead would suit me much better. Or in more pain, that would work for me too."

"You came!" The relief on the face made Sirius sneer.

"I came, but from no choice of my own. Believe me, Pettigrew; I would have been happy to know that you were rotting in a ditch, that was enough for me."

"Sirius… please… I had no choice!"

"You had no choice?!" Sirius roared, he forgot where he was, forgot that Harry and Remus could hear him. "You liar! You had _every_ choice!"

"They threatened me," Peter whimpered.

"Threatened you? We would have withstood those threats! We would have protected _you_!"

"You don't understand," Peter was shaking.

"No, you are right. I don't understand. You _killed_ James Potter! The most loyal and brave man that lived! You _murdered _Lily who would have done anything for you! I don't understand that! You killed people who loved you and who would have sacrificed everything for you!" Sirius' voice broke. "You orphaned a child! You did that, Pettigrew! You and your cowardice!"

"No, no! I never meant for them to be hurt! I swear, I never meant for them to be hurt!"

"You think you can beg for my forgiveness? Remus may be the one to take the high road but not me, I never will! You deserve every moment of pain you suffer. You killed your friends, Pettigrew! You killed my brother! And I will _never _forgive you!"

"They threatened—"

"Shut up!" Sirius snarled. "Your lies are pointless!" He leaned close over Peter, his voice turning into a deadly whisper. "You think I don't know what you did to Remus? He still wakes, screaming because of you! Because _you_ hurt him. You are pathetic! You always were pathetic and you never deserved to have us as friends. Never! We should have left you alone, friendless at school."

"No, don't…"

"Be quiet! I do not want to hear your pathetic voice!" Sirius stepped back. His face was flushed, his nostrils flaring with emotion. "You killed them! You killed them. You don't deserve this, you don't deserve to be in his presence, but it's his choice. I only hope that the sight of him is too much to bear."

Peter whimpered again. "Who?" he began to ask but Sirius cut him off with his continuous threat.

"And I swear, Pettigrew, if you say one thing that is out of line then I will kill you and consequences be damned!"

Whirling, Sirius yanked the door open. He motioned for Remus and Harry to enter, his body stiff as a board.

"All right?" Remus whispered as he paused beside Sirius.

"He's lucky I didn't smother him," was the terse reply.

"Please don't," Remus muttered. He kept his gaze riveted on the floor yet kept Harry behind him.

"I've missed you, Remus," Peter whispered, not having noticed the boy yet.

"Do _not_ speak to him! Not like that!" Sirius looked furious.

Harry swallowed as Remus stepped back into the shadows, a shudder sliding through him at the familiar tone that the man he had once called 'friend' used.

Harry suddenly felt anger surge through him as he watched Peter's eyes flit toward Remus. This man had caused Remus to be captured! He stepped forward and stared at the man in the bed. It was the first time he had ever seen someone who was dying and he found his stomach strangely unsettled by the detail.

Peter Pettigrew looked gaunt, nothing like the one or two photos he still featured in at the flat, his eyes were sunken, his skin an unhealthy yellow of jaundice. The whites of his eyes had long since turned yellow, and his cheeks had hollowed through rapid weight loss. His hands, twisting feverishly on the counterpane, were like twigs. The blankets covered the wasting frame. Harry swallowed and slowly his eyes met Peter's.

Sirius had planted himself near Harry, looking as if he were ready to strike. He simply glared at Peter, almost daring him to say another word. Peter, however, was looking at Harry as if he was staring at a ghost. He looked utterly terrified and visibly flinched when Lily's green eyes met his.

"James! Oh God! James!"

Sirius laughed coldly.

"I am Harry," the boy's voice was steady. "I look like my dad, don't I? But I have my mum's eyes. Uncle Sirius says that I could be dad's twin. I wouldn't know though, because I never met him. Well, not when I was old enough to remember." Harry swallowed. He could feel Sirius standing directly behind him and he took comfort in the strength. He had never seen Sirius quite so angry before and Remus…. Remus' face was pale and strained but determination shone in his eyes. Harry glanced back towards Remus and was surprised to see the warm brown eyes resting steadily on him, pride clear in the unwavering gaze.

"Why did you do it?" Harry asked suddenly.

"I was scared…" Peter moaned. "They threatened me!"

Harry looked puzzled. "But Dad would have protected you! And so would Uncle Sirius and Uncle Remus! Why did you betray them? And why did you kill my mum?"

Sirius' hand rested on Harry's shoulder.

"She wasn't meant to die," Peter whimpered.

"Liar!" Remus spoke harshly, for the first time directly to Peter since he had entered the room.

Harry glanced towards him quickly. "Why did you do it?"

"I was frightened! And you… you look…"

"So much like my dad who you killed. You know, I can never do the father son picnics at school because my dad was dead. Before they found Uncle Remus and Uncle Sirius was released, I lived in a cupboard, did you know that? I lived with my aunt and uncle. I thought I couldn't hate anyone more than them. But now I'm here, with you."

Sirius stiffened at the reminder and a soft murmur escaped Remus.

"And then I moved in with my real family and they looked after me. But I am still an orphan. You took away my parents. I should have had brothers and sisters and you took that away!" Harry's voice shook a little. "But you know what, that's ok, I mean, it's not ok, but I have Uncle Remus and Uncle Sirius and they love me more than anything in the world. So you know what, even though you killed my parents, you put Uncle Sirius in jail and your actions hurt Uncle Remus, I am still better off than you. I have been loved my whole life while you have rotted in jail and no one cares about you anymore. I've been lucky."

Once Harry finished speaking, the room was cloaked in silence once more. The ever-present machines were beeping away, their constant sounds cutting through the tension in the room. Peter's heart rate stayed escalated as it had been since they entered the room. Remus also stayed where he was and stayed as silent as he had been throughout their stay barring that one, furious word. He remained in the corner near the door, trying to block out the buzzing his brain had turned the beeping into. He had let Sirius get his feelings out, let Sirius threaten and yell, and let Sirius be the barrier between the dying prisoner and Harry as Harry had his say. But now, as he watched some of the numbers on the machines around Peter drop, he figured it was his time to step out of the shadows.

"I hope none of their words were a surprise to you, Peter," Remus began softly, finding some pleasure in the way Pettigrew flinched harshly at the sound of his voice as he stepped up to join his family. "Despite your actions, you knew us and you knew us well. You knew Sirius would be angry. You know he has no tolerance for people who break other's trust. And I hope you remember Lily. I hope you remembered her every hour of every day. I hope you remember how kind, how forgiving, how generous she was. So I hope you do not find it so hard to believe that some of those characteristics would pass on to her son. Despite what we say and how he looks, he has so much of his mother in him. Whether it is true or not, I like to believe that you've thought about this moment and expected Sirius' reaction. I know Harry was a shock, but I like to believe you've thought of meeting him. I like to believe that as much as I like to believe you had no idea how you would feel upon looking at him."

"Remus," Peter croaked, pathetic tears streaming down his skeleton-like face. The tone of his voice, pleading, caused Sirius to start forward. Anger flushed his face.

"No," Remus said, stopping Sirius in his tracks. His voice, however, was the complete opposite of Peter's. It took on harshness unimaginable for anyone who knew Remus. "I am usually one for words, for conversations. I will listen to anyone, at any time. But you, Peter Pettigrew, lost the right to speak long ago." Remus did not raise his voice, but his tone was worse than if he had. He took a few steps in front of Harry and Sirius, keeping his eyes locked on Peter. "You lost the right when I said your name just like you said mine just now. When I said your name and you turned away. You silenced me then and I am silencing you now. I am giving myself back the right to speak. The right to live, just now, as you're losing yours. Because you took mine fifteen years ago. Because, while I did not die, I have not truly lived. I've lived through others; I've made sure they were happy. But I let you take my happiness from me, Peter Pettigrew. You took two of my friends, Harry's parents, and my life. I have let your actions control the way I go about my days for too long! I have stopped myself from living because I let you make me think that I didn't deserve it, that I left Remus Lupin back in that tent, in the dirt. But not anymore, Peter. I will live my life the way I want to. And-" Remus stopped, his maimed hand pointing at Peter, but his eyes were seeing something completely different. His cheeks were flushed with emotion and he was breathing hard. But the buzzing had stopped.

"Remus?" Sirius asked, reaching forward to put his hand on his friend's shoulder. "Rem?"

"No," Remus blurted, shrugging his friend off. He turned his back on Peter for the last time and gave him no other thought. "No. I... I'm going to do it. I'm going to live, Sirius. I... I'm going to put in the effort." Remus looked at Sirius as he breathed heavily, the look in his eyes one that hadn't been there in many, many years.

He, suddenly, let out a slightly hysterical laugh and held out his hand. "Give me the keys," he demanded.

"What?" Sirius gasped, looking so very confused and a little worried at the sudden change in mood.

"Keys, Sirius!" Remus all but yelled, forcing Sirius to practically throw them at his friend. "Will you be all right?"

A slow smile crept across Sirius' face as understanding swept through him. "Yes! Go! Go! Be safe!"

"Effort, Harry." Remus nodded at the bewildered teen before hurrying out of the room and down the hallway, knocking down at least one cart in the process.

Harry turned to Sirius. "What?"

"He's gone to Dora."

Harry grinned in triumph.

"Who is Dora?" Peter whispered.

"That, Pettigrew, is none of your business! You have ruined enough lives and now your hold over that man, that man who is a thousand times greater than you ever were, is over. You have no hold over him."

"I never wanted to hurt him," Peter mumbled.

Sirius snorted but glanced at Harry and remained silent.

"It's true! I never meant to! They made me! They made me hurt him! To get information out of him! They made me! They made me cut his finger off!"

The silence was almost deafening.

Sirius' eyes widened and he felt as if air had been forced from his body.

"You were there?" Harry's voice was suddenly very small.

"He never told you? He forgives me for hurting him! He knew I wouldn't want to!"

"Shut up!" Sirius recovered his ability to speak. "Shut up! He never wanted Harry to know the truth about what you did! About what happened to him! How dare you! How… how could you do that to _Remus!_" Sirius breathed in deeply. "Come, Harry, let's go _home_. Have you finished with him?"

Harry stepped closer to the bed. "I might have said that I forgive you for killing my parents because I still have a life, a wonderful life, but… you… hurting Uncle Remus…" Harry's voice choked into angry silence. "I will never forgive you for that. A- and… and I'm sure my parents wouldn't either!"

"Die painfully, rat, and rot in hell!" Sirius words were as cold as ice as he guided Harry from the room and the man who lay dying had never felt more alone.

* * *

Remus found himself in front of Tonks' door, realising in a flash that he did not remember the journey over to her apartment, did not remember parking the car, did not remember climbing yet more steps to her home. But that did not matter, as he was there. In front of Tonks' door. Feet away from Tonks herself (if she was home, which he prayed she was).

Despite the amount of adrenaline coursing through his veins, Remus felt his heart begin to beat even faster with nerves, the blood rushed through his ears. He was suddenly worried that he had taken too long. That he had made poor Tonks wait so many months; too many months, and she wouldn't want to be with him. That she had given up on him. She did make many promises, but he wouldn't blame her for deciding to change her mind. He had _begged_ her to change her mind!

This train of thought made his stomach plummet and twist into knots simultaneously. Once he felt the nausea coming on, he knew he had to just do something, like Sirius usually instructed, because he could stand there all day coming up with scenarios. Slowly, he raised his hand and knocked. He was beginning to wish she wasn't home so he could have more time, time to regroup, time to think, time too— the door burst open to reveal Tonks in all her glory. She looked rather rumpled as she stood in what appeared to be pyjamas of some sort. Based on her first reaction, a blush, she must have been embarrassed by her attire. But Remus found it adorable.

"Remus!" Tonks gasped, staring at him as if he had risen from the dead. He was surprised to see her looking a bit scared. "Is everything alright? I've been trying to call you lot, but no one is answering and I've been worried! Harry isn't hurt again, is he? Oh God, did Sirius get into an accident?! Did Harry break both le-"

"Peter is dying," Remus blurted, interrupting her as she began to get slightly hysterical.

Tonks stopped, her mouth closing audibly, as she stood in her doorway holding her door open.

"Peter?" Tonks asked, her voice much softer, before comprehension dawned and her eyebrows shot up. But Remus interrupted her again before she could say anymore.

"He's dying and we went to see him because Harry wanted to see the man who... And he tried to say that he didn't mean to, that he was threatened, and a lot of other rot," Remus said rapidly, speaking in a less than methodical way Tonks had never heard before. "And… he was never in control of his life. He was a follower. And I want to be in control even though his actions took that control from me. Seeing him made me realize that I need to take that control back, that I need to take my life back. He took a lot away from me, but I am going to take it back, Dora."

Tonks looked rather dumbfounded as she simply stared at Remus, both still standing in her doorway. She afraid to guess the meaning behind his jumbled, hurried words, terrified of the pain that would engulf her if she was wrong.

"He is dying with nothing," Remus said after a pause, his voice slowing down and turning into a whisper. He took a step forward, putting him right against Tonks. His mouth turned up slightly as, when his maimed hand reached up to cup her cheek, Tonks sucked in a breath. "I don't want to die alone. Or anytime soon, if we're getting technical. It's bound to happen, though, unfortunately. But I'd like to choose to do it with you at my side. If you'll still have me, that is."

Tonks stared up at Remus, saw the sincerity in his gorgeous eyes, and forgot to breath. She took a gasping breath as she fully realized what was going on. And she cursed. And Remus laughed breathily. And Tonks felt like swooning. But, instead, she wrapped her arms around his neck and roughly pulled him down into a kiss. She pulled him into the apartment, pushing the door shut behind him.

She pulled back a little, arms still around his neck, and stared into his eyes.

"You mean it?" She whispered, biting her lip against a smile.

Pain flashed into his eyes. "Yes," he murmured. "I mean it."

"Good!" She kissed him deeply again and felt his fingers thread through her hair while his free hand rested at her waist.

Tonks pulled back and cupped his face. "Are you all right?"

Remus closed his eyes. "I…"

"Come sit and tell me," she coaxed. Leading him to the cough she shoved away the dirty dishes, used tissues and blankets away and pulled him down beside her. She nestled against him and Remus pulled her into his arms.

"I am so sorry, Dora, for being so horrible to you," Remus whispered. "I was trying to protect you. I… I didn't want you to have to be burdened with me."

"I love you, so don't tell me that you are a burden, you are a wonderful man."

"I am still sorry." Remus looked ashamed.

Tonks twisted so she could face him but remained in his arms. She reached up and carefully traced his scars. When she saw him flinch she let her hand drop to rest on his chest.

"I love you," Remus whispered finally. He traced her jawline. "I love you and I have for so long, you…. you gave me hope for a better life. Hope that I could be whole…" He hesitated and stared into her eyes.

She smiled at him. "You are whole," she murmured. "I fell in love with the all of you. Just because you have scars and were hurt does not make you less of a man."

Remus looked away.

"So, what now?" Tonks giggled and hid her face against his shoulder.

"What?"

"You come in, tell me you love me, we make out, and are now on the couch talking. I feel like we are doing this all backwards." She pulled back a little, fighting a smile. "Hi, I am Tonks, but you can call me Dora, I think you are cute and have a nice smile, want to go on a date with me tonight?"

Remus' smile blossomed across his face. "Not tonight," he whispered. "Tonight I need to be with Sirius and Harry. Tomorrow?"

"Yes! I like tomorrow! Tomorrow is perfect! Tomorrow is wonderful!"

Remus' smile grew as he chuckled slightly.

"Now, we have established that we are going for a date tomorrow, let's go back to being us and talking. Are you ok? You look pale. You… mentioned a Peter?"

Remus swallowed and Tonks nestled closer into his arms, she felt his grip tighten around her almost desperately.

"Harry… We got a call yesterday," Remus mumbled against her head as she rested it on his shoulder, he was pitifully grateful for the hand that rested in his. "Peter Pettigrew, the man who betrayed us and killed James and Lily, is dying."

"Oh," she whispered as she tightened her grip on his hand.

"Harry wanted to see him so… that's where we were today and I realised that I had let him rule my life, that…. That I let his actions…" He shivered.

"It's ok," Tonks whispered, she cradled his face in her hands and waited until his tormented eyes met hers. "I admire you for going, I don't think I would have been that brave."

"Harry wanted to go."

"So, I would have hidden myself away. You are brave. How was Sirius? And Harry?"

"Harry was wonderful," Remus vice softened. "And Sirius… he is hurting."

"It's unfair! How could he hurt you so much! I hate him and I have never met the… creature!"

"You really do sound like Sirius," Remus attempted a feeble smile.

"I am his cousin," she teased.

"Dora… They… they come as a package deal with me. Harry and Sirius. They are my family, you know that, right?"

She laughed, her voice merry and soft. "Don't be daft, of course I know that! And, I am quite happy with that. As long as I have you, I am happy," she leaned forward and captured his lips against her own; she could feel him relax into her and their kiss deepened.

Tonks couldn't even begin to describe all the emotions flying through her as she fully realized that she was sitting on her couch, snogging Remus Lupin as if her life depended on it. She was so relieved that he had finally come to his senses. And she was just so simply happy that she found herself smiling against his mouth as they kissed.

"I hope you're not laughing at my technique," Remus said, only pulling back far enough for him to see her face properly.

"Oh, no, definitely not," Tonks giggled, trying but failing to smother her smile. She then simply allowed it to envelop her face as soon as he smiled back at her when she grazed her nose against his. "Even if I didn't like your technique, which I do, they do say practice makes perfect, yeah?"

"That it does," Remus chuckled, reaching up to brush her hair out of her face. His heart thudded as he felt overwhelming joy flood through him as he watched Tonks' eyes close in contentment.

Tonks debated on continuing their conversation, but decided against it so she could just kiss him again. This time, as she felt Remus' fingers sink back into her hair, she shifted and slid into his lap so she could reach him better.

"Tell me if I'm squashing you," Tonks said, feeling a bit silly for blushing slightly. "Or hurting you," she shifted so her weight was on his good leg.

"I barely feel a thing," Remus assured her, his arms sliding around her.

"Good answer. You're perfect," Tonks said bluntly, kissing him firmly through his soft laughter. She found she couldn't get enough of him. He was so gentle with her, yet she could feel such passion in his actions. She felt a blooming feeling in her chest as she realized how adored she felt in his arms, in his presence, even for such a short amount of time. _This _was what made all the waiting worth it. Cradled against his chest she had never felt more loved or cherished. So _safe_.

"Dora," Remus whispered after a while. He pulled back, trying to find the breath he kept losing in reaction to the gorgeous girl in his lap.

"Mm?" Tonks moaned in answer, leaning into the hand that was holding her cheek as his thumb grazed her lip.

"I… I just… wanted to tell you that it's been… awhile since I've done this," Remus started, looking faintly embarrassed.

"Done what? Snogged a girl in her pigsty of an apartment?" Tonks asked with a snigger.

"Well, yes," Remus said. "But it's been awhile since I've been in a…relationship."

Tonks opened her mouth to say it had been more than a few months for her too, but she realized that he probably meant something more. "How long?" She asked slowly.

Remus sighed, knowing it was important to tell her the truth. "I was engaged, to be honest," Remus said, clearing his throat as her eyebrows rose. "I proposed to her a few months before… before _the_ mission. And… well… I was gone for a long time, as you know. When I was… found and brought back, she left me."

Tonks pulled further back abruptly, almost falling off his lap in outrage. She could read in between Remus' vague lines and figure out what really happened, and she was not amused. "What a bitch!"

Remus blinked at her before his lips twisted into a wry smile, revealing how good of a mood he was in. "I would think you would be happy with her decision," he said slyly.

Tonks immediately closed her mouth before rolling her eyes at his cheek. She then leaned forward. "Well, you can obviously do better than her," she whispered into his ear before kissing it lightly.

She got a moan of agreement as she kissed over his jaw, her lips brushing over the ends of his scars. Tonks then pulled away again, looking suddenly uncertain and wary.

"This is kind of a silly question," Tonks started, glancing down at the button of Remus' shirt she was fiddling with.

"Go on, you can ask me anything, Dora," Remus said sincerely, taking one of her hands and kissing it. Her smooth, perfect hand.

"You don't still care for her, do you?" Tonks asked in a rush as she blushed. She knew it was a bit selfish of her, but she needed to know and didn't want it to sit around in her brain.

"No!" Remus cried at once, shaking his head. "Definitely not. Believe me, I lost any sort of affection for her long ago. I can even now say that I'm glad she left me. She obviously wasn't the person I thought she was." There was a flicker of pain in his eyes.

Tonks studied him for a moment before smiling, obviously pleased with what she saw. "Good," she said simply. "Because she didn't deserve you and now I have you."

She chose to end that conversation and start up the kissing again, finding a better use for their mouths than to talk of exes.  
"We should talk," Remus mumbled finally, their foreheads resting against one another's.

"Tomorrow, I want to keep kissing you right now. I am enjoying it," Tonks grinned at him and he laughed at her.

"Only a little longer," he agreed softly. "I need to make sure Sirius and Harry are all right."

Tonks nodded and nestled her head against his shoulder. "Do you know how happy I am right now?"

Remus' fingers gently tugged at her hair. "How happy?"

"I feel like I am about to burst."

"How messy," Remus mumbled.

Tonks choked and punched him. "Be nice to your _girlfriend_."

Remus tipped his head so his rested against hers. "Girlfriend…" he murmured. "Sirius will gloat."

* * *

Remus let himself into the flat and hung the keys on the hook by the door. His hands shook slightly, he had forgotten how much he hated driving, and there were too many things to concentrate on, too many people around him, too much risk. He limped into the lounge room and two heads snapped up.

"Have either of you eaten?" His voice was soft, worried.

"Yeah, we left some for you, we didn't think you would be home for a while yet though."

Remus shrugged and lowered himself onto the lounge with a slight grimace; the innumerable stairs had been brutal on his knee. "I wanted to be here to make sure the two of you were all right. _Are _you all right?"

Sirius shrugged and forced a too cheerful smile to his face. "So, Dora?"

Colour flooded through Remus' face and he looked away.

Sirius chuckled. "Well? Where is she?"

"She wanted to give us some time to process today," Remus frowned.

"You should have brought her back; she would have been a distraction."

Remus leaned forward. "I shouldn't have left," he looked unhappy. "It was selfish."

"Nope, it enables us to say 'told you so', isn't that right, Harry?"

Harry nodded mutely.

Remus glanced between his friend and nephew. "Harry? Are you all right?"

"'m fine," the boy mumbled.

Sirius closed his eyes for a brief moment. "So when do you see Dora? And are you two, you know…"

"_Dating_?" Remus retorted. "I feel like I am too old to use that word. But yes, we are," a smile curled up the corner of his lips.

"Well, I vote she should come over. I am going to call her!" Sirius sprang for the phone and Remus frowned suspiciously.

"Harry?"

Unhappy green eyes lifted slowly and stared at Remus.

"I am sorry you had to listen to him make excuses, Harry," Remus spoke very gently. "What he did was unforgivable, you handled yourself so well. I am proud of you."

Harry swallowed and shrugged.

"Harry? Come sit here," Remus patted the seat beside him and Harry slowly obeyed. "I am sorry I left you and Sirius, it was unfair of me."

"No!" Harry hastily shook his head. He smiled for the first time since Remus' return. "I'm glad you went to Dora's. Are you… you know… ok?"

Remus ruffled the dark hair. "We will be, it's like with you and Ginny, we have a lot of talking we need to do. She is an incredible young lady."

"I'm glad you worked it out…"

"Harry? Talk to me, cub?" Behind them they could hear Sirius demanded that Tonks come over for the rest of the afternoon and dinner.

"After you left he… he said something."

"What did he say?" Remus' frown was deep. "What did he say to make you so upset."

"He… he… he said he was there!" The words burst from Harry and Remus paled almost instantly.

"God… no…" Remus pleaded.

Sirius approached and dropped into the closest chair. "Yes, he said it before I could stop him. Dora will be here in a few hours, she has some errands to run before she arrives and she will bring pudding for us. He said something else too."

Remus' eyes were riveted on Harry's face. "I never wanted you to know," Remus whispered. All joy from the last few hours had drained from him. "You didn't need to know."

"There is more," Sirius' voice was pained. "If I had known he was going to say something I would have gotten Harry out sooner."

Remus breathed in deeply. "More?"

Sirius rose and begun to pace. "I am still tempted to go back and kill him!" Anger seemed to radiate from every fibre. "He… Dammit, Remus! Why didn't you _tell_ me?! He cut one of your fingers off!"

Remus went very still and his eyes widened in silent horror. "He… told… you…"

A shuddered passed through Harry and Remus turned blindly to the boy and pulled him into his arms. "Shh, shh, it's ok."

Harry clung to his uncle. "I'm sorry!" He choked out. "If I had known I would never have gone to see him! I am sorry!"

"Hush, I needed to see him," Remus reassured. "I needed him to see that I survived and that I have a life, you and Sirius have given me a life. Besides," he managed a pitiful attempt at a smile. "He made me realise that I can't keep hiding, that I have every right to happiness with Dora."

Harry nodded against Remus' shoulder but the boy refused to release his uncle.

"Sirius?"

The man, still pacing, turned to stare at Remus. There was bleakness in his eyes, pain written across of his face. "Why didn't you tell me?"

Remus bit his lip. "Harry? Will you give us a minute? I need to talk to Sirius."

Harry tightened his grip for a minute before nodding. Standing he stared at Remus for a moment. "Come and get me when you are done?"

"Of course, Laddie. And Harry, I am sorry you had to find out about…. That."

Harry nodded and shuffled into his room.

Sirius watched as Remus rose and moved to stop his agitated steps.

"Your limp is worse."

"I've gone up too many stairs, it will be fine tomorrow. Sirius…"  
"Didn't you trust me?" The hurt in Sirius' voice made Remus flinch.

"Of course I trust you! You know that! You are the only person that I have managed to trust properly for the past fourteen years! In the hospital you were the only one you could touch me without me screaming. You know I trust you!"

Sirius' head dropped. "I'm sorry, that was low."

"Please, please do not be angry with me," Remus sounded troubled. "You are my closest friend, my brother…"

"Then why didn't you tell me?" Sirius slumped into a seat and Remus settled beside him.

"Because I didn't want you to hurt anymore then you already are. I… I didn't want to give you something else to blame yourself for. I… I suppose the details didn't matter when he put me there in the first place."

"God, Remus, you held that alone for nearly fifteen years! You should have told me!"

Remus shuddered. "I…. I can't believe he told you."

"He… You would have been proud of Harry, Harry walked right up to him and said that he forgave him for his parents, because had had us, he had a happy family, but that he would never forgive him for hurting you."

Remus managed a pain-filled smile. "He is a good lad."

"Yes. I…"

"I'm sorry, I didn't want…"

"It's ok. I can see why you didn't tell me. I just wish you didn't bottle everything up."

"Don't say anything to Dora… Not yet."

Sirius allowed a smile to crease his face. "You are happy, aren't you?"

Remus' eyes met his and the softness in them made Sirius smile grow. "Very, very happy."

"Good. Harry! Come back out, I have finished sulking!"

Remus laughed wearily. "Sulking doesn't describe it." They both looked up as Harry approached them and Sirius shifted over so the boy could sit between them.  
"Today sucked," Harry muttered.

"I am so sorry, Harry," Sirius sounded utterly broken.

"It's not your fault. He was a traitor, you guys couldn't have known that. So don't be stupid and blame yourselves!"

Sirius looked over Harry at Remus. "Us? Blame ourselves, we would never do something like that."

Harry snickered as he sunk down in the couch. The room slipped into a comfortable silence before Harry broke it.

"At least he got what he deserved," he said quietly, using that simply fact to help move on from the day's ordeal.

"Justice," Sirius mumbled before leaning his head back and letting his eyes slide closed. "Finally."

* * *

Three hours later, Tonks burst into the room like she owned the place. "Wotcher!" she said with a smile, entering the lounge room like any other day.

In a flurry of movement, she pulled open the grocery bag she had and pulled out the goodies. As if she were Father Christmas, Tonks handed Sirius a bottle of beer, Harry a slice of store-bought treacle tart, and, finally, handed Remus his favourite brand of chocolate. She then proceeded to squeeze herself in between the arm of the couch and Remus, curling up against him and looking rather content with herself.

Almost in unison, Sirius and Harry turned to look at Tonks, pressed up against Remus, with eerily similar smug smirks on their faces.

"Oh, don't give me those looks," Tonks scoffed, rolling her eyes but smiling.

"But I just love being right," Sirius pressed, causing Remus to sigh in exasperation.

"But you so rarely are," Remus said dryly, causing Harry to laugh.

"_But_ him being right is because _I_ was right," Tonks said, raising her eyebrow at Remus.

Remus raised his right back at her before simply smiling, apparently oblivious to the way it made Tonks melt inside. "Yes, dear, you were right," he said, keeping a straight face as Sirius laughed.

"Rule one of having a girlfriend, Harry, m'boy," Sirius chuckled. "She's always right."

"Damn straight," Tonks mumbled under her breath. She shifted so she was leaning fully into his side. Remus, normally not one for much public affection, very easily, and without hesitation, wrapped his arm around her shoulders.

"I want something to drink, anyone else?" Harry asked as he stood before leaving the room without waiting for an answer.

Ignoring this, Sirius shifted to look at the couple beside him. "Really, though. Good on you both, I'm happy that you're happy," he said sincerely. He grinned. "And I see your hair is back to bright red."

"I managed to squeeze into the hairdresser," her eyes sparkled. "But thank you." Tonks nodded to her cousin before glancing up at Remus' face and seeing a genuine, albeit somewhat shy, smile. She then jested, "Here's hoping he doesn't change his mind once he realizes what he's done."

Tonks laughed slightly at her joke and tipped her head up to look into Remus' eyes. He was staring down at her, a look akin to wonder on his face and she leaned up and pressed her lips to his. It was not meant to last long, but it was cut short at the sound of a camera shutter. Pulling back, the trio on the couch turned to see Harry holding the one camera the household owned.

"Just thought we needed a way to remember the good part of today," he shrugged.

"And something for the 'I told you so banner'!" Sirius agreed with a wide grin.


End file.
